A Taste of Freedom

I climbed up on the short white wall, trying to get onto the other side of the balcony but when I got seated above it, I stood up and balanced myself. I felt a gust of wind on my face and hair which was almost invigorating and I gazed out into the world. The sight of the wonders within wasn't unfamiliar yet caused me to feel an unbridled energy and enthusiasm. It was all so colourful.

The roads were filled with yellow light amidst a background of black. The lights from the houses shone gorgeously from out the windows and the red radiance emitting from the cars contrasted with the yellow luminescence. It was a scene that belonged on a canvas, a landscape of the modern city.

I don't know what it was that struck a chord with me, perhaps it was the wind that embraced my body and face in a refreshing manner or maybe it was the scene I saw, the vibrancy of city life. Nevertheless, I felt my worries, my sadness, my burden, my restraints vanish into thin air and replacing them was freedom or to be exact, a little more freedom, something I have always wanted.

"Beautiful! Beautiful!" I screamed suddenly, shocking my friend who was standing by my side as I stood on the narrow wall.

"What's gotten into you?" He asked.

In the dark, although his face was somewhat obscured, I could see that his eyes were narrowing in surprise. The person who I was just a few minutes ago, the stoic and lifeless one, the one who was being dragged down to the depths of the earth with the burdens and expectations he clung onto recklessly, knowing that it would eventually hurt him in the end had disappeared. I could see from the expression he made that he thought he was with a different person, one who had let go of their restraints, one that ignored the nagging voices in their head which would have reduced them to nothing but an indifferent facade, unaware of where to go and what to do.

I stared at him for a moment before returning my gaze to the bridge that laid below where I stood, looking at the mechanic stars lined up behind one another. There was traffic but to a bystander, it was serene in contrast to what the drivers were probably thinking. Probably yearning for their home or something else or someone else.

I raised my arms to my sides and felt the wind brush against me.

"I am finally free!" I shouted, smiling with unhinged enthusiasm. I had never felt an emotion so powerful yet so energising.

"What do you mean? You have always been free," my friend said, slow on the uptake

"Have I?" I asked, never relinquishing my grin, never getting off the narrow wall.

I paced back and forth before continuing, "We were never free. That is the truth. Our decisions make us who we are right? But do you know what dictates our decisions? It's our genetics and circumstances, aspects of our lives that have been chosen for us from the start. I've always understood that there was no way to be truly free but what we can have is an illusion of it. That was fine by me yet I never got the full extent of it, being beaten down by my own thoughts, being forced to worry about trifles. However, right now, I can feel it, the full extent of the illusion I've always wanted and I'm content."

"But you could just be on a high right? This feeling you have right now will eventually go away. Who knows? It might go away the moment we leave this rooftop."

"I'm fine with that. I know that this would never last so I'm savouring every joy I feel, every feeling of freedom. Right now, I'm the closest to being free and nothing will be able to prove me wrong."

I looked into my friend's eyes once more. He was grinning, probably thinking about how nostalgic it was to have the person who I once was when we were brats come back and talk to him. The air of innocence, a smile that doesn't have to be faked, a talkative nature, a playful demeanour. The kid I thought I had killed and buried.

When it was time for us to go back, my emotions returned to normal. The energy disappeared and I could feel the voices come back yet I was content. I wouldn't be able to smile but I was happy to free myself from the meaninglessness of life even if temporarily.