1 One

"Weakness is a form of mediocrity"

I walk in this calm place, devoid of all emotion. I move forward without any fear, still with my head held high. But suddenly, I arrive in front of his grave. all my strength abandons me and gives way to the suffering buried in me for four years, I let myself slip into sadness, welcoming a feeling that I hate, that of being weak.

For me, weakness is a form of mediocrity, since that moment, I promised myself that I would never be weak, never again.

I wipe away the tears that flowed from my eyes when my head and soul were elsewhere. I look at her grave, it is identical to the last time I saw it except the flowers which have faded for a few months. I observe his photo, I see his radiant smile, his graying brown hair, his thin nose, his bushy eyebrows, his emerald eyes, his small beard ...

I touch the inscriptions written on his grave:

"Andrew Daniel Hall,

From 1960 to 2014

Thank you for these wonderful moments spent with you, for having been a friend, a brother, a pillar, a love, vital in our lives, we love you, may your soul rest in peace. "

unluckily, in the face of my helplessness, my tears start to flow, I can't do anything but stay silent and take my place, on one side of the gravestone, removing all the faded flowers.

- Hi dad, I know you can hear me where you are and that you have always protected us from up there. It's been four years since you've been gone and we've all suffered at home, times have been tough. Aidan blamed himself and still blames himself today. he says you left without his being able to ask your forgiveness for all the filth he did to you, for all the times you quarreled. like you used to tell me every time you finished arguing, "Aidan thinks I don't like him because I scold him every day, and I love him, I love you all, but Aidan is a man , he must learn to take responsibility, and in addition I am not demonstrativeeven your mother complains from time to time, about this non-demonstrative behavior that I have, I begin with a heavy heart.

The people are starting to be more and more numerous, all with sad and unhappy faces, the atmosphere of nature heavy and devoid of feeling is amplified despite all these presences. I must leave this place as soon as possible because I am really not at ease and the memories of his funeral come back to me ... I must free myself and that once and for all.

- Aidan doesn't know, I didn't have the audacity to tell him. mom is better, she finally decided to take care of herself and she opened a pastry shop where she makes excellent pancakes as you liked them. As far as I'm concerned, I'm fine, I have a job that allowed me to be rotated here in California. I was in New York to finish college when I got a scholarship.

I graduated, despite the fact that I was not at home I checked in on the family and Maykel told me everything that was happening at home. I remember the last day you were in my arms your shirt was stained with blood we talked to each other before you took your last breath you made me promise to take care of the family as well as work well in class. and to try to move up the slope in the family, because, it was not going to be easy when they hear of your passing, I continued.

The day he had said that sentence was like a dagger, stuck in my heart.

when, I look around me, the few people present left as soon as they came. They probably hurt when they saw the people they loved being underground.

Either way, their feelings don't interest me much.

- I managed to keep my promise and now that I want you to forgive me for not coming to see you, because I did not want to accept the sad reality, the one that I had lost to you, I promise you that I will come see you every Saturday to chat a bit with you. It makes me weird to say that because I'm talking to your grave and not to you but anyway, daddy forgive me for what I'm going to tell you but I will take revenge, I will take revenge on the person who murdered you, who made my family suffer, me ...you always told me, as if you knew what was going to happen, that in any situation, if I am harmed, I must never take revenge because it is useless but, I promise you on my life that i will, that's why i'm back in california. good dad I'll leave you, for the moment nobody knows I'm back and even less for what reason, I know they will all be shocked to see me, I will also be very happy to see them again, but it would be necessary that I hide my emotions because what awaits me here in Boyle Heights isnot a game and to keep them safe I have to get away from them otherwise they will hurt them and I couldn't stand it. See you soon dad, I love you, but don't forget that I will take revenge for you, and that until the risk of my life, I finished, by sending a kiss in the air towards his photo before leaving the graveyard.

I get in my car, wipe away my tears and take the wheel, looking around. It's been four years since I came here, a lot has changed in this neighborhood. Uncle Joe's old bar is now a restaurant. dad loved to go there to have a few beers with his friends, I can't help suppressing a smile, when I remember he liked to dance after spending his days with his friends ...

The medical center appears to be redeveloped.

Everything has changed, it's really good.

***

after ten minutes of driving, I park in the parking lot of the family house. Seeing our villa in which I lived fabulous moments, several memories resurface in me.

I was so deep in my thoughts that I didn't realize that

the door to the house was right in front of me.

Everything has changed dramatically, it shows ...

I knock on the door, a few moments later, it opens to my mother:

- Oh my sweet Jesus! I think I'm dreaming, my mother said excited and happy.

- Uh no mom, you're not dreaming, it's me Faith.

- AIDAN, MAYKEL! COME AND SEE WHO'S THERE! she shouts, letting me pass, Faith honey, you still have your bad temper, I don't know what I'm going to do with you ...

she doesn't have time to finish her sentence as Aidan and Maykel make their appearances.

- Faith! exclaims Aidan in amazement, I can't believe it, it's you, it's been decades since we last saw each other.

- Yes it's me Aidan, I answer.

- Wow you've changed so much! cries Aidan.

- I know, I confirmed.

They took me in their arms which I accepted reluctantly so as not to upset them. it's not that I don't love my brother, but I no longer appreciate affection and physical contact, these are things that now don't make me hot or cold. If I want to achieve my goal, I must refrain from all this.

Maykel, my cousin, comes to give me a hug while remaining speechless as if I were a ghost, so that we often exchange news

- Faith, I'm happy to see you.

- Likewise Maykel.

My mother also comes to hug me and I roll my eyes.

- Hey young woman! Just because you're twenty-two doesn't mean you're going to disrespect me, am I clear?

- Yes mom, I answer nonchalantly.

She notices my tone but does nothing at all. Surely too happy to see me to be mad at me.

- Sit down.

- Finally, it's about time, I can have some water here, please.

- Yes Faith, said my mother. Maykel please bring water to your cousin. How was it in New York?

- It was good, I answer tit for tat.

- I'll let you chat with yourselves, Aidan said nonchalantly leaving the living room.

- See you more Aidan.

- See you more Fifi.

A small smile is born on my lips which I make disappear quickly.

I had time to watch him, he grew up ...he even has a budding beard, his curly brown hair, a tall stature and a towering shape for someone who is nineteen, such a young age, I don't accept that he is growing up but it is life, sooner or later it will take off.

maykel informed me that he played basketball, it paid off, he got taller, and well built.

I'm happy for him, but I have to hide my emotions. More difficult said than done.

I look at my mother, she is aging. we can notice this thanks to the wrinkles on her face, her slicked brown hair that falls on her back is groomed, she has a morphology adapted to her age, she has aged but still remains beautiful.

When I drank some water, Maykel went back to the kitchen. I spoke with my mother for about fifteen minutes: she kept asking me questions about my life in New York. Even though it bothered me, it's my family, I love them trying not to show them, period.

- Well I have to leave you, tomorrow I have news to tell you but we'll talk about it later, bye.

I open the door and slip away, without her being able to answer me, and I get in my car and make my way to the upscale Boyle Heights hotel.

I enter the hotel, take the elevator, go into my VIP suite and collapse on the sofa, falling into Morpheus' arms.

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