11 Chapter 2 Review: Beginner event

Chapter titles/headings don't really need to be all capitalized...

P1:

- The transition from the third person perspective to the first person perspective is a bit odd.

- Is Daniel's name Emily now? Or is this chapter going to be confusing with the mix of two perspectives narrating the story?

- Missing quotation marks for the woman named Emily? Missing a lot of basic punctuation. (As of February 15, 2019, 1:20 AM)

- Apparently, from what I can figure out from this paragraph, there is a woman who is an A.I. and is named Emily.

- This paragraph is enough for me to give the lowest rating for writing quality for this novel. If the author doesn't change it by tomorrow I'll probably write in the comments to let the author know.

- If the undead is a race, does this mean that all other races get to easily change their race to the undead in the case they die and are resurrected via necromancy?

- Daniel is pretty stupid to not ask Emily about the races' specialties.

-- Or does Daniel know the specialties of each race? Is it posted somewhere in this space?

--- If so, I think the readers would also like to know what each race specializes in.

P2:

- Daniel stops Emily to ask about class, but he never did with his race. I suppose Daniel is a racist and didn't want to be anything but Human.

- The game isn't very beginner-friendly. That's not new. This was very common in the early days of gaming. I personally don't like games with tutorials, but I would prefer to have access to all the FAQs and world information.

- His confusion and desperation are pretty normal.

P3:

- More bright light. As if the first bright light wasn't enough.

- Poor Daniel. He's now blinded temporarily by this light.

- Somewhere Caucasians, somewhere Asians, somewhere African Americans?

-- Hold up! African Americans? How about the non-African black people in America? As in black people born and raised in America? Only those who have dual citizenship with an African country, as well as an American citizenship, would be labelled as African American nowadays.

--- This just goes to show that the fictionally modern world in the novel isn't as advanced as the real world in terms of racial equality and proper racial/cultural appropriation.

- Unless the author meant to write, "Some were Caucasians, Asians, Africans, while the rest seemed to be from all around the world." this is proof that the author didn't proofread their work or isn't comfortable with the English language. Cases like this cannot be dealt well with the free version of Grammarly.com.

- At least we know that everyone around Daniel is Human. I would find it hard to imagine what a Caucasian/Asian/African Elf/Dwarf/Undead would look like.

- Everyone starts with a sword. Everyone will use the sword until they obtain a class that may use something else. Everyone also doesn't know where to get a class. There probably isn't a school to attend class either.

- When it says that others were studying for the mid-terms, why does it feel like it's referring to the other people in the game with him?

- This last sentence should be in a separate paragraph.

- The mid-terms must be of real importance to the whole story since they are mentioned twice so far.

- Well, the synopsis did say that Daniel will drop out of college to play this game, which he hasn't done yet...

- The author will get to it eventually, I'm sure.

P4-17:

- A whole chunk of the chapter wasted on a status screen.

- Things to note: Vitality = Health.

-- Only an idiot would invest attribute points into health.

--- Let's say we put one point into Vitality. Yay, my health is now 101!!!

-- See what I mean? Only an idiot would put points into health. Unless there are quests that give bonus stats or bonus attribute points, there is no point in investing in Vitality. It's the most useless stat.

- The game isn't very weapon-class friendly. Strength only affects swordsmen. But not spearmen or archers or anyone who doesn't use swords. Rest in peace everyone who doesn't choose magic or swords.

- Also, Defense isn't one of the Main stats nor is it even shown on the status window. If this is the case, Vitality would be very important to have since there is no other base defensive stat to go by.

- Note that only 5 stats are shown on the status window: Strength, Agility, Wisdom, Vitality, and Rage. Which ARE the four MAIN stats?

- The game devs were horrible at names. What kind of kingdom's name is Begginer village 2204? Who is the king of Begginer village 2204?

-- Also is the word Beginner spelled as Begginer on purpose? Since it's a "name"?

- Race skill seems to be pretty useful right now since everyone is a human.

P18:

- Daniel now has 20 strength. That means his attack power is higher than 20 as long as he stays with all the other new players in this kingdom.

- 5 agility. So he's going to be one of those slow powerhouses.

- Daniel also is finding excitement in a game with very simple stats.

- Daniel is stupid to think that his race skill isn't useful when he is surrounded by other Humans.

- I'm beginning to doubt Daniel's ability to make good decisions. He doesn't realize his race skill is extremely useful right now and thinks that obtaining a class would be more useful instead. I can see why he didn't find excitement in college. He's brainless. I already lost hope in a SMART protagonist by the end of the previous chapter, but this is beyond hopeless now.

- Another run-on sentence. This paragraph should be three sentences at least, but because the author doesn't know English... it's two sentences. The first paragraph of this chapter had a lot of short sentences so I thought something was wrong. The author needs to know what a sentence is before they attempt to write their story. The plot isn't bad, the bad writing and stupid protagonist is ruining the idea.

P19:

- The announcement is in brackets with no ending punctuation. The announcement also follows the run-on sentence format.

- Either the author can hold his breath for a long time or doesn't realize what a run-on sentence is. Try reading that entire sentence in one breath. If you can do it, then you have the right to say it's not a run-on sentence.

P20:

- This announcement is separate from the first announcement. Probably since it has to do with a quest?

P21:

- Why is this part not in the brackets?

- The reward is 25 FREE extra attributes. So apparently some quests don't give out free attributes. Also, we don't know which attributes players will get upon completion of this quest. Since it's not mentioned if the reward gives out attribute points or random attribute stats.

Overall, this chapter went on a fast downhill for the character. Daniel is shown to be stupid and foolish in this chapter, which is a big turn off after reading the synopsis. Unless Daniel isn't the same "smart man" mentioned in the synopsis, which I highly doubt.