68 Internal Battle

Author's note: So I probably should have named Doevm's Lich-self, so in this chapter I will leave it at Lich-self. I do have a name in mind thanks to Alphaaffe. Tell me if, no scratch that, when you are confused in the comments, and I will try my best to help you through your confusion and revise this. It's at times like this when I wish I had an editor. I really hate that I have to ask readers, the ones who should just be enjoying this, to help. I'll try to figure something out in the future. I apologize.

Doevm felt his mind get pulled into his memories as the Lich manipulated him. While he could resist, he had to time it perfectly, as he had little strength in this area. He knew today would be a long battle, one he was still too weak to survive. Today, his only goal was to resist whatever was in store for him.

He opened his eyes and he was back in his old home. Cursing filled the dark library as ancient texts were thrown every which way. The old Doevm rolled on the ground, screaming his nonexistent lungs out. In his skeletal palms was a holy magic circle. 'Do you remember?' Lich-self asked.

'Of course I remember,' Doevm thought. 'This was when I lost my sanity. This was when I broke.' He stood inside his own memory as an intangible observer. He had no idea where Lich-self was, but he didn't care. He looked at his old body, which was writhing on the floor, and sighed.

"I am the best magician in this accursed world!" His old self screeched. "Why can't I do it? What workaround can I have?" He straightened himself. His entire body was covered in cracks. Each time he looked at the book on the grass floor, the cracks deepened. "One more, I just need to learn holy magic and I will have learned them all!" He tore the book in half and slumped to the wall. "I need to learn it," he told himself over and over again. "I have to do this even if it kills me." He took another book out of his spatial ring and opened it. Light burst from the book and it exploded. Doevm cursed and pulled another book out only to have the same thing happen.

"There has to be some way I can do it!" He sat down. A magic circle formed under him, streams of black magic fused to him, and his bones were restored. "Maybe if I do this for long enough, I'll build a resistance. It has to be possible, right? What else can I do? Holy magic and dark magic are thought to be the same thing but what if they aren't really opposites? What if I can change my own nature?" He paced in the room spouting lies to comfort himself. "What do I need to do?" He got on his knees and clasped his hands together in prayer. "Please, goddess of good, let me borrow your magic without pain. I beg of you." For three whole days, the Lich kneeled down in prayer. His two blue flames shrunk until they almost extinguished. "Please." He kept repeating under his breath. "Please." Since he had no lungs and unlimited stamina, he could not tire.

The Lich stood up and stared at the real Doevm: "You say you remember this, but do you really? Don't you remember how much of your mind whittled away over those three days? Don't you remember how embarrassing it was to stay kneeling to the darkness and tell yourself: this was productive? I think you have forgotten. Why else would you reject magic now? You had several mental breakdowns over this one thing and now that you have it in your grasp, you let it go. If that's not insanity, I don't know what is."

"You're right," Doevm said, "I had forgotten about this. I forgot how funny it was." He laughed and held his sides. "Seriously, have you ever seen a Lich act like that?" He kept laughing as his Lich-self closed in.

"What's so funny?" He growled. "What happened to you? You're pathetic. You deny who you are in order to be one of those filthy humans. While your mentality is still similar to a Lich's, you're changing. I know if we fight each other we will likely both die. That leaves us with forced cooperation. I'm trying to show you what you once were, a proud being. I want you to understand that learning holy magic is a good thing. I just want you to live and be protected. What if you get hurt on the battlefield? What will you do then if you can't heal yourself in time?"

"Then I'll die," Doevm shrugged. He pictured a chair and two appeared. He sat in one and gestured for the Lich to sit in the other one. "I know you are not such a bland person that will spout evil without reason just as you know I am not a blind moron. Will you let me show you my reasoning?"

The Lich's flames thinned into slits, "If you try anything, I'll put us both in the medical wing."

Doevm shrugged and closed his eyes. The Library disappeared. Everything was gone, replaced by a blank space. They passed by memory after memory, day after day, month after month.

Doevm had gone completely insane for a full year. He searched out priest and tortured them for hints on how he could cast magic, he nearly killed himself several times, and then at the end of the year, the memories stopped passing by. The dark space brightened as they arrived at the memory Doevm had been seeking.

Under their feet was a circular pit of lava. The land around them was covered in ash and dark clouds. From this height, the entire continent of Fama was visible. They were on top of a volcano. On one side was the demon king. In his four red arms he held a broadsword. Around him was a golden coat of life essence. On the other was a dwarf with similar qualities to Arthur, blue eyes and blue hair. He also had a coat of golden life essence which went around his thick hair arms. His battle ax raised to the sky.

During this fight, Doevm had turned himself invisible and hid in a cloud. He, in his madness, had decided to capture the hero after the fight and interrogate him. Surely if the hundreds of priests he had killed, dozens of ancient tombs, and numerous prayers couldn't help him to learn holy magic, the hero could. It was just another lie he told himself.

"It was around this point," the real Doevm said. "That I realized I could never learn holy magic. The hero was not the expert on the matter as he never even learned it. Instead of healing himself through magic spells, he used healing potions. I grew bored and nearly turned away when I realized something else."

"As I saw their fight, I wanted to do the same thing, I wanted to grab a sword and beat them. I could have done it too. I had learned how to enhance my body with the war monks' magic. It didn't matter if I didn't know how to fight. They wouldn't be able to touch me. I could win."

"So why didn't you interfere?" The Lich asked. "I don't see where your argument is going."

"You don't know?" Doevm asked. "You can see my memories, but you can't understand my thoughts during them. Is that it?" Since the Lich remained silent, Doevm smiled and continued: "It was awesome. One move was connected to the next. Both of them had a certain intensity that I would never be able to replicate. As their blades crossed, lava was knocked into the surrounding area just by the shockwave. Both parties, in my view, were so weak, yet the fight drew me in. My insanity melted away along with my desire to learn holy magic. I wanted to move as they do. When I saw their fight, I saw an entire world I had been missing.

"I asked myself: why am I learning magic? I had never stopped to even question it. I was to learn magic and die. I thought that had been my purpose, my lifelong goal. Then I thought of every other Lich, who never questioned their roles as well. They were born with magic and were slaves to it such as myself."

"Holy magic, in truth, I had never wanted to learn. It was more of an instinct. When could holy magic, something I couldn't even cast or benefit from, become a priority to me? I didn't need to learn the magic; I needed another purpose. After this fight, I didn't want to learn magic. I wanted to learn how to move like they did. My motivation moved elsewhere. I want to do cool flips and stuff!"

The Lich laughed had enough to shake the memory away. Doevm couldn't resist as he had spent most of his energy in that one push. While he could fight the Lich's control, his strength was far lower. "That's it?" The Lich asked. "You threw away nearly a thousand years of effort just like that. I had thought maybe we could come to an understanding and work together. After this, I realize this will never happen."

"Enjoy the next few weeks. I won't bother you during them. Use the time to prepare yourself. I've decided. I'm going to take control of this body and show you your own mistakes. Prepare yourself. I want to battle you and earn this body by my own efforts. I want you to fight me as a Lich, not as a weak human."

Doevm opened his eyes in the cave, alone. A smile crept across his lips: "Bring it."

...

AUTHOUR'S LONG NOTES:

Now for the change list so far. These are changes to the base story that I have been working on. Chapter 5-6 increase in scary through description. Made it so Doevm can't stand up in crib due to muscle fatigue which he never experieneced as he had never been human before.

Turned Doevm, in beginning, from 2 y.o. to four.

Turned Thomas, in beggining, from 1 y.o. to three. Made life essence increase maturity so arm wrestling is justified.

Pedal Town -> Petal Town.

Better overall phrasing.

Thomas's eyes = Blue -> Green (Don't worry, that's not important. I just wanted him to be less similar to hero to avoid confusion)

Nerfed Arthur's teaching. Doevm knows little about life essence now. Lessons over ten years were once a week. Arthur now teaches terribly and also gave reason why Doevm picked him as a teacher.

Made Doevm decrease understanding of spell that reincarnated him as I want to make it unrelated to soul magic but share similarities.

Gave Doevm physically enhancing magic and reason why he didn't use it (In first chapter)

Enhanced details about War Monks and justification about their organization's existance

Gave reason why Doevm is bad at lying (Becuse while he is intellgent, he never had to lie before)

Made Thomas resist Reginald's training and created more issue between him and father

Reginald pushing THomas away made more apparent to avoid jarring conclusion of that flat character arc.

Gave reason why Doevm exploded Lava Boar's children, which was because he wanted to inflict psychological damage on mother to waste its energy.

Like I said, all of these changes do not affect the greater plot but I figured I should tell everyone about them. Most of the changes I have not listed here as they are grammatical or logical. In case anyone has questions on clarification of my changes, where they are so they can read the changes themselves, or anything else, please let me know in the comments. I will continue to revise the chapters before this one until the first arc makes sense and then revise grammar of future chapters. I am most concerned with the household arc and a little of Doevm's actions at the base. This type of late re-editing will not be done, nor will it be necessary (hopefully) in the future.