1 I Could Not Speak

Stepping into the huge courtroom filled with people who bore wings, unlike what we had been shown and taught our whole lives before darkness consumed us whole. I see the holy throne. Lined nothing yet it held so much honor and its supremacy was bright for the eyes of the earthlings. The floor I walked on felt soft, yet there was nothing beneath my feet as though I was afloat but still walked on a surface unlike the floor on earth. The blinding lights soothed me almost as if they hugged me as I walked. It was like someone had wrapped a warm blanket wrapped around me. My face held no expression whatsoever, or so I thought it didn't since whatever I think instantaneously shows up on my face. The whole while I looked at the foot of the humungous, gargantuan throne before me a voice spoke, as though it was a in my head when no one spoke to me so I could hear, "I know what you went through.." the voice was deep, held authority, power, was stern and yet was laced with love, kindness, and compassion like no other before. So it spoke further, "I know..you, my human, did not give up.."

My voice deceived me to not be present as I stood still holding my head to hide the tears that brimmed in my eyes. I felt something sprinkle near my toes, something wet something cold like a raindrop. I felt another drop and I soon realized my tears falling without my consent to the space beneath my feet. I watch another drop escape its confinement through my blurry vision of a wave of emotions that were too much for me to overcome and still I chose to be silent, which surprised me.

"Why do I see tears?" The voice spoke with a tone that only my mother, father or beloved would use, but this tone held this tone to me as if though it was hurt seeing my tears falling, it sensed my tears, it sensed my emotions, like it was in my head but was right in front of me. Present on his throne just a few meters ahead of me. I soon felt soothing hands, so soft they were like velvet, like silk warm and cozy holding me in an embrace of comfort and concern. I felt their breath being slightly heavy which led me to realize the breathing pattern being similar to mine that had become heavy involuntarily like my body had a mind of its own. The voice spoke, "your reward.. of all your trials and success.. is with me alone.."

A hand rubbed my back trying to calm me down before I closed my eyes but they wouldn't, the darkness from me closing my eyes would never come to me, why? I wondered. All of this was becoming too much for me but the hands comforting me, one asked me, "it's okay..I'm here too" that voice was familiar. I heard it a million times yet I never tired of it. This voice told me stories, it explained things I never knew to me. It said things to me that aroused me, that soothed me. I look up and saw the familiar face that I missed and loved so dearly. Through the tears, I saw his face slightly blurry but enough for me to know he was here with me and he knows me still.

And with that I finally let myself look around me, the faces, glorious but still had all shades of skin color, the walls were gleaming and shimmering with little stars as puffs of little cloud floated in the air. Sparkling colors gave the whiteness its grace. Finally, I looked forward, and there, on His throne sat He.

The all-knowing and the most graceful was here and I was in his courtroom of his majestic, enchanting, phenomenal kingdom that existed exceeded every creation, high above in a plain of space where there was the only light that would be the only thing that held you in its embrace till the non-existent end. I was left speechless as more tears ran down my cheeks moistening them constantly. The holiness of this place stood at the top of every hierarchy we had ever made back in life on the planet He created and molded to perfect that we so rudely and brutally destroyed in wars and greed.

All my life everything meant nothing to me, while some things meant everything, I held what was nothing closer than some things. But His grace showed me the way, showed me the power of His way which gave me nothing before but then it did, and His praises were all true

The holiness of his majesty was exclusively for eyes that made it to his kingdom with a capability that matched the orders we were given. The orders I was unknown to when I was born and brought up in a culture that wanted to move on from the so-called old traditions while hypocritically following traditions and practices that they made up and continued for God knows how long.

Suddenly, almost startling me, His Holiness, His majesty, His grace, and The All-Knowing spoke once again, "you are in My Kingdom." I hadn't realized I held an expression that was contradictory to what I felt inside.

My hands were shaking, my fingertips had gone cold. My cheeks were still stained with tears, my beloved held my hands firmly like a gesture that told me I was okay, to have me take a breath or two and calm down. The anticipation of wanting to speak was being restricted by my absent voice since the lump in my throat took away my abilities to speak overall. I gripped my beloved's hand tightly to come together. Soon I accepted my absent voice to let my face do the talking for me so I bit my lips and passed a smile soon after.