1 Twenty-fourteen

This is a tale of a bear and his panda.

His panda, stole his heart like a thief in the night. His panda, a thief - stealing sweets from him. No, he willingly gave it to her. This bear has been imbued with natural sweets but have been single his entire life. Thus, no one for him to give it to, until panda came into his life. His panda, gifted with natural beauty, is able to teleport butterflies to whoever she is in love with. Bear is very happy that he is the chosen one to be with panda, receiving her wonderful butterflies. This book aims to detail their journey together but before that, this chapter looks into the beginning, how it all began. Let's begin.

The year was 2014.

Both panda and bear are of the same age. Both started at Ward 19, Changi General Hospital. When bear entered Ward 19, somewhere in 2014 / 2015 A.D., panda had already been working at Ward 19 as bear had to serve National Service. Bear was dragging his feet to work. Dreading even at the thought of working as a nurse. He was feeling very down and loathed at the idea of being a male nightingale as a career. He was not happy. As his Nursing Manager at the time led him around the ward in a boring orientation as part of the newbie initiation programme, lo and behold as he was greeted by a gorgeous young lady in the form of panda. She caught his eyes, his attention and his heart. Time seemed to slow down as he gawked at the sight of a woman so attractive. Love at first sight seems cliché in this day and age. However, as cliché as it may seem - this was truly love at first sight. As bear first gazed his eyes upon the beauty of panda, he was stunned. It was then and there, the first day at work, the first time they met.. bear had a crush on panda. Panda was undoubtedly one of, if not the most prettiest nurse in Ward 19 period. As if her striking good looks weren't enough, it came together with a cute voice. The first time bear heard her open her mouth, she uttered the words, "Wah Sister we got male staff!" Sister, referencing the Nursing Manager, acknowledged her statement. Bear thought that was a good sign and he might have a good chance at panda. The sweet voice that came with her dainty appearance stole bear's heart from day one. Bear tanam niat untuk memetik bunga dari taman panda. Oops, panda is not a fan of this Malay poems, especially about picking flowers from gardens. heh. Back to the story.

As much as bear yearned for panda, he knew he couldn't make a move just yet. First, he needed to get to know panda. How she is as a person and whether they could get along. Secondly, he needed to do his homework - is panda single and available. Bear wanted to find out these things but is mindful, he doesn't want to rush into it and give panda any clear signs of his deep interest in her. But bear was invested in panda. I mean, panda was so fine. Could you blame him? Bear was always looking forward to work with panda but bear never really worked closely with panda. Perhaps they were both considered junior staff, hence they weren't paired together. They had to work with seniors. There were times where panda was assigned as floater and rendered help to bear by serving his team's medications. That was as much experience bear had in working with panda. Bear was always looking forward to hear panda's sweet voice again but much to bear's surprise, it was rarely heard. But that made her sweet voice even more special as it was scarce. Bear knew his place, panda never really talked to him unless it was necessary. There were a few times where bear and panda talked about things other than work. But it wasn't common. One time, the younger batch of nurses in Ward 19 wanted to have an outing. A seperate group chat was created and the activity was decided - bubblebump. It was agreed upon that we could all bring our partners along, if we had partners. Bear, obviously at the time was single. Bear didn't think much as he was still young at the time. However, much to his (unpleasant) surprise, bear saw panda.. with her partner at the time. While bear felt sad that panda was already taken, bear accepted it as their fate. Bear felt he didn't have a fair chance in trying to get panda as he just started work and he haven't known panda well enough. Therefore, bear concluded that it wasn't his rizq to have panda and he had to redha with this fate as this has obviously been predestined by God Almighty. Bear accepted his fate and decided to move on from wishful thinking in hopes that he could be with panda. Bear wanted to find his own panda.

As months passed, bear reminds himself not to flirt with panda as she was attached. It is not right for bear to "potong jalan". That would be very inappropriate. Bear wouldn't want other males to get in between him and his girlfriend, if he had one. Sigh. So bear remained professional with panda and treated her like other female staff. Deep down, bear did still have feelings towards panda, tersirat jauh di lubuk hati bear. Panda remained to be bear's ideal partner. Admittedly, bear did try to go for other girls but somehow other girls never reciprocated his feelings. Bear continued on with his life. After some time, panda texted bear out of the blue asking about a guy whom bear used to study together in the same institution. Bear was confused but answered panda accordingly. After clarifying panda's queries, bear, perplexed asked panda if that guy was chasing after panda. Much to bear's dismay, panda said they were already together. Bear laughed along in text but thought to himself and even asked panda - why would you ask about him when you are already with him *facepalm*. On the other hand, it came to bear's realisation that panda was single for a period of time and bear never knew about it! Bear was so geram and bingit with himself. How could he not know that she was single? But after a while, bear calmed down and realised that all this is part of His plan. Bear told himself that this is probably Allah keeping him away from panda. Maybe this guy is panda's soulmate and God doesn't want bear to get in their way. Bear would have probably made a move to woo panda's heart. But it's too late now. Panda has already moved on from her previous guy and someone else has even win her heart. Bear felt he missed his only chance at panda. The first time panda was with someone, bear came to terms that he could not have possibly competed with the guy as bear just got to know panda and bear still needed to stabilise his finances as he just started working. But this second guy, bear felt so wasted as he could have had a fighting chance. Alas, bear accepted the qadak and qadr of Allah swt. Maybe this is for the best. Bear had to accept God's plan and move on from panda, again.

This time round, bear needed to be even more careful not to flirt with panda as he knew her boyfriend. Though an acquaintance, bear had casual conversations with this guy back in school and knew him personally. Bear needed to hold back his emotions towards panda. Bear started to look away from panda in hopes to get over her. But gosh, she's such a beauty. New staff joined our ward as some left for other departments. New additions to our ward staffing became good friends with panda. One of the years, panda and her friends decided to go visiting on Eid. Bear was hesitant to join initially as he would be the only guy in the group. Bear wanted them to bring their boyfriends but none of them were bringing them along. Bear was not keen on joining, but gave in when panda insisted for him to tag along. Bear just wanted to be around panda. Bear felt good that panda invited him and wanted him to come along. Bear was addicted to panda's smile and would do anything to be close to panda. It was a joyous outing, primarily because bear got to be in the same close group with panda. Bear even got to take photo with them and bear stood beside panda! Bear was so happy! But as bear looked at the picture, bear knew that is as close he will get to being side by side with panda in a photo.

3 years passed. Bear wanted a change in environment. Bear decided to venture into private hospital. Bear left Ward 19 and Changi General Hospital together with panda. As bear worked for about a year at Concord International Hospital, bear tried going for other girls but to no avail. Bear thought to himself, he have not met his jodoh and he still wasn't panicking as he was still in his early to mid 20s. So it was fine to him.

After about a year working in the private sector, bear made a conscious decision to leave the nursing profession for good, forever.

Bear dived into the financial industry. Bear reached out to panda from an investment angle but panda had already started investing. But that allowed for panda and bear to renew their friendship as they went down a path where they kept in contact via whatsapp every now and then. As much as bear like it, he knew he shouldn't encourage this kind of interaction as it could make him unconsciously flirt with panda. Bear actively tried to keep their conversations casual and made it a point not to get too comfortable chatting with panda. Occasionally bear and panda have conversations over Instagram direct message too. Some time had passed and a mutual friend of bear as well as panda planned an outing. Prudential Marina Bay Carnival. Bear was looking forward to seeing everyone, including panda. Bear saw for the first time, panda and her boyfriend. Bear's acquaintance. Bear had to keep his composure and act natural. Bear caught up with his friends including panda's man as they shared the same history in going to the same school back in the day. Bear liked seeing panda again even though he cannot have her. Atleast he get to lay his eyes on his love-at-first-sight. But then, it became sad for bear. The group decided to ride the pirate ship. Bear was sad because not only did panda sit with her man, they sat at the opposite side of the pirate ship. Adding salt to the wound as bear had to bear watching them happily enjoying the ride together in isolation. It doesn't help that the other nurses who joined the outing were attached too. Though not all of them. After a night of fun and catching up with friends, new and old, the outing had to end and everybody had to go home. Bear had to leave panda, with her man. Bear, heaving a sigh, rode off home on his motorbike, alone and single. Bear wasn't expecting people's sympathy in his state but he was indeed waiting rather impatiently for his turn to find his one true love.

Months go by and another mutual friend of both bear as well as panda was getting married. She invited bear and panda among other friends too. Bear and panda met at her wedding after so long not seeing each other. Panda had gotten chubby. Haha. She admitted it herself. Bear saw panda as happy. And bear is happy for panda. But bear wished to be part of her happiness. Bear remembered. Bear remembered looking at panda as she walked away with her man. Bear remembered wishing it was bear instead of him. They stood so closely with each other. Bear didn't know when else he would have the opportunity to meet panda again. Bear keep telling himself, panda isn't his. He has to move on and find other pandas for himself. But truth be told, there is only one panda. As days turned to weeks and weeks turned to months, bear and panda have spontaneous conversations over whatsapp as well as Instagram direct message. Bear like it but didn't want to go too far, thus, bear often ended the conversations they had. Any chance of chatting with panda he had, he took it. Once during Eid, bear took the opportunity to wish panda over text. He was so happy when panda read his message.. but.. she didn't reply him. He thought to himself, maybe panda is distancing herself from bear. Bear understood and didn't nudge panda. But bear was pleasantly surprised when panda eventually replied! Bear expressed his concern, thinking that panda had ignored him. Panda laughed saying that she was busy with texting family members and even transferring Eid money to them via Paynow. Bear joked with panda about transferring him money too. Panda was smart. Panda said she'll just give bear a smile and cited that a smile in Islam is a form of charity. Annoying, but witty. Bear like it. They both had a good laugh. Bear wished he could continue but has to maintain within his boundaries as a friend.