5 Chapter 4 | Pain

Regret washed over me like the long slow waves on a shallow beach. Each wave was icy cold and sent shivers down my spine. How I longed to go back and take a different path, but now that was impossible. There was no way back. There was no way to make it right. The remorse would eat at me every day of my life. I envied the pebbles, hard and lifeless, unable to feel the torments of life.

Why couldn't I see it in him? When he had shorts of breath. When he had high fevers. When he was in such pain. Where was I? I could only regret and feel guilty. He hid it from me because he wanted my happiness. He didn't want me to join his sorrow. The days he wouldn't be seen at school, he would be lying on the hospital's bed.

He didn't want me to feel like I'm losing another loved one. Why did he have to care so much about me?

I was always a burden on him and nothing else. As much as I tried to hold it in, the pain came out like an uproar from my throat in the form of a silent scream. The beads of water started falling down one after another, without a sign of stopping. He was always there to wipe my tears but now I didn't want them to be wiped anymore. I wanted to cry. I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs. I wanted to see him. And then I realized why hadn't he opened his window. He wasn't even in his room. He was in the hospital. I couldn't stop crying. I missed him more than ever. I felt like I wouldn't ever see him again. I wanted to rush out of my house and be at his side. I wanted to hug him and tell him not to leave me alone.

I quickly rushed to find my phone that I'd thrown away earlier. I ran my hand through my blanket in the darkness. After a long struggle, I finally touched a thin, cold metal and gripped it tight. The email from 7734 was still on the screen. I straight off pressed back and tapped to call Zen. He didn't pick up. I tried a couple of times again but no reply. Instead, I decided to text him.

Zen..you okay?

Can I come over??

I need you.

Why don't you pick my call?

Please reply!!!

But no reply.

The longest it would take him to reply to my texts wasn't more than a couple of minutes but, now -for the second time- there was no reply. I rested my head in my hands. Why did my life have to get this miserable? Until a few hours ago, I was living an ordinary life like ordinary people.

How on the earth did I end up here?

All I could feel was sadness, every other emotion pushed from my being. Where there was the love, the light, the laughter was an aching hollowness. First my mother and now him. I tried to calm myself but couldn't because he was missing. I wiped my face and then I heard a sound. I didn't care anymore.

Nothing was left for me. Nothing. There was nothing left to lose anymore.

I turned on the phone and as I'd already expected; it was an email from 7734. I hated the number more than anything now.

You were supposed to do what you're told. Nothing more and nothing less, but you ruined it all on your own. You are responsible for all this mess. Your lovely dog,

Bruno is dead.

Love, 7734