My Love, My Resentment, They're All You

It wasn't me, it wasn't me, it wasn't me who killed them!

"Ms. Jian Yun, what's wrong?"

A familiar voice sounded, and her vision, which had been dark, gradually became blurred, and then slowly became clear. A gentle breeze lightly fluttered the classroom curtains. The setting sun of dusk shone through the window, painting the entire classroom with a soft golden hue. It was so peaceful and serene, adding a dreamlike filter to the entire world.

Dusk, the setting sun, a classroom, a lesson.

Jian Yun stood alone in the center of the classroom, blankly looking at her classmates, who were sitting at their seats, looking at her with curious eyes.

What am I?

Was it all just a dream?

The school hadn't been attacked, her classmates hadn't died, everyone was the same as before. Nothing had happened, and nothing had changed.

That's great. It was just a nightmare, just a dream…

For a moment, Jian Yun was so happy that she was almost crying.

"Ms. Jian Yun, don't just stand there. Come and sit down, and let's listen to the lesson." A classmate called out to Jian Yun. Hearing her friend's voice, Jian Yun breathed a long sigh of relief, and instinctively looked at the seat next to her. There was an empty seat there.

Huh? Whose seat was that supposed to be again?

Her mind felt confused, and no matter how hard she thought, she couldn't remember who should be sitting there. Helpless, she could only sit down and listen to the lesson.

"Very well. Now that Ms. Jian Yun has taken her seat, our class is finally complete. Now, let's begin our first lesson." The balding teacher had a kind expression on his face. He seemed to be very close with his students. There was no longer a trace of the acrimony he had before.

"Ms. Jian Yun, could you answer this question? If the whole class encounters a disaster, what should be done with those who abandon their companions and selfishly survive?"

As the question was asked, the air became still. The smile that had just formed on Jian Yun's face froze. In the next second, the classmates who had been listening attentively started yelling loudly.

"Of course, kill her! Let her die with everyone else!"

"No one can survive alone!"

"Everyone is the same! No one can be spared!"

No, it's not like that. I didn't abandon everyone, I…

The clamorous voices became more and more intense, eventually turning into a thunderous roar, constantly entering Jian Yun's ears.

The golden rays of dusk had somehow turned into a blood-red color. Her classmates, with whom she spent every day, had their bodies twisted and broken. Severed limbs and blood stained the entire classroom. The walls were densely covered with names, written in blood—Jian Yun.

"Ms. Jian Yun, the teacher asked you to answer the question. Why aren't you answering?"

"Speak up! Speak up!"

"Why didn't you die!"

The devils from hell kept repeating themselves, and kept cursing. This was no longer a classroom, but the ruins of a completely destroyed school.

Their severed limbs were scattered on the ground, constantly writhing towards Jian Yun.

Come on, come on. Come die with us.

They were getting closer, grabbing Jian Yun's legs tightly, pulling at her arms, tearing her apart piece by piece.

No!!!

…

"No..." Tears had already soaked the pillow. In the pitch-black room, Jian Yun hugged her pillow, curling herself tightly in the corner. She just kept crying like that. When she cried herself to sleep, she would be tormented by nightmares again.

The heavy curtains had been blown open by the wind, letting a crack of sunlight shine through. But Jian Yun was fearfully retreating, afraid of touching the light.

"Don't look at me, don't look at me…"

The sunlight was no longer warm. When Jian Yun walked outside, countless hateful and malicious gazes would fall on her. With them came the most malicious curses that were hidden in people's hearts.

She didn't dare to meet anyone's gaze. She didn't dare to expose herself to the sunlight, and gradually, she confined herself to her room, hiding herself in the darkness.

Only darkness and solitude could bring her a trace of security, allowing her not to worry about being watched by malicious gazes. But the fear that came with it never faded. Instead, it grew and festered in the darkness, gnawing at her fragile heart, tearing at her spirit.

The quieter the night was, the more she would hallucinate that her classmates were calling out her name. Every time she ate, the food she ate would turn into severed flesh. Every time she fell asleep, she would be dragged into an endless cycle of nightmares.

Gradually, her spirit and her body became extremely weak. The only thing that seemed to be supporting her was her family.

The weakness that came from not eating for a long time made it difficult for Jian Yun to endure. She clutched her pillow tightly, and slowly approached her door.

At least, Mom and Dad still cared about me…

"Ever since that incident, those animals have been ostracizing me, and those people in charge of compensation have also withheld our family's compensation money…"

"Little Yun survived, but everything has been ruined."

"If… only she had also died in that accident."

…

Tears dripped onto the floor. Jian Yun clutched her mouth tightly, not daring to make a sound. Even though she had bitten her hand until it was bleeding, she didn't feel anything.

Even if the gazes from outsiders were malicious, and the psychological shadow from that attack was terrifying, none of it made Jian Yun more desperate than a single word from her family.

At that moment, her spirit could no longer hold on, and a deep despair completely crushed her.

Why am I still alive?

Why do I have to live?

Why am I the only one who has to endure this pain?

Ren's face flashed through her mind, and she suddenly found the answer.

It was all his fault. He was the one who saved me and made me suffer through all of this.

You said that everyone is equal. If it wasn't for him, I wouldn't have become like this. While I'm enduring all of this despair, he alone can pretend that nothing happened.

The deepest love was also the most desperate hatred.

From the beginning, everyone was just in the same boat, huddling together for warmth. From the beginning, everyone was the same. If he hadn't appeared in her life, he wouldn't have broken all of the balance. If she had never seen the light, she would have been used to the darkness.

Only death was the most equal gift. When she had survived, the equality of the weak was broken.

Ren... I adore you, but I also hate you.

I hate that you brought me the light, hate that you changed everything, and hate that you made me endure this despair.

It's all your fault!

It's all your fault!

Why did you save me?

Why did you leave me after you saved me?

Destroying some of me, and changing my family, my friends, and everyone around me.

Pain and despair had completely consumed Jian Yun's reason. Like a walking corpse, she slowly walked towards the window.

Opening the curtains, outside the window was the high sky.

If she jumped from here, then her mom and dad wouldn't need to worry anymore.

At that moment, as she looked at the sunlight falling all over her body, she smiled.

I'm sorry.

To the one I love and hate the most.