Chapter 11: First Step
"Napansin niya ako…" I whisper to myself, smiling as I pull out my phone to check for notifications. Ethan had liked one of my posts on Facebook—just a simple picture of me in an outfit I wore to a friend's party last week. I don't usually post photos, but that one felt worth sharing. Apparently, Ethan thought so too.
Sitting at the bus stop, I stare at my phone, contemplating whether I should send him a message. I've been thinking about him a lot lately—way more than I should. I still have a few lingering feelings for Liam, but after everything, it's clear that I need to move on. And Ethan… he's different. Handsome, intelligent, and the only person brave enough to challenge me in our debates, even if I sometimes throw out pointless arguments just to rile him up. Yet despite everything, there's something about him that makes my heart race.
The bus pulls up, and I climb aboard, taking a seat near the back. My mind is still on Ethan. I've never been this nervous to send a simple message before. As the bus starts moving, I type out a message on Messenger.
Kael: Hey! Thanks for liking my post.
I hit send before I can overthink it, then put my phone down, staring out the window as the city slowly comes to life. The early morning commute is always the same—people shuffling to work, the faint smell of street food being prepared, the city buzzing as the day begins. But today, everything feels different because I know Ethan saw my post. He noticed me.
When I feel my phone vibrate, I nearly jump out of my seat. With shaky hands, I unlock my phone, seeing Ethan's reply.
Ethan: Hey! You looked really good in that outfit!
My heart skips a beat. Is he… complimenting me? I can feel the heat rise to my cheeks. I wasn't expecting that.
Kael: Thanks! I was trying to look nice for the party.
It's a simple reply, but I can't help feeling giddy. As the bus continues its journey, I glance at the screen every few seconds, waiting for Ethan's next message. I can't believe we're actually talking. It feels like I'm floating. The bus finally reaches my stop, and I get off, still clutching my phone tightly as I walk the few blocks home.
By the time I reach our small apartment, I've received another message from Ethan.
Ethan: Well, you succeeded! You've got great style. We should hang out sometime!
I stop in my tracks, staring at the message. Did he just suggest hanging out? My heart is pounding so loudly I can barely think. What should I say? I sit down on the small steps leading to our door, taking a deep breath before typing a reply.
Kael: Yeah, I'd like that!
As soon as I send it, I regret it. Did I sound too eager? Ugh. I put my phone down, trying to calm myself, but it vibrates again almost immediately. Ethan responded so fast.
Ethan: Cool, let's set it up soon!
I can't believe it. I can feel my entire body buzzing with excitement. This is really happening. Ethan, the guy I've been thinking about for weeks, actually wants to hang out. I'm so lost in the moment that I almost miss a message from Thalia popping up.
Thalia: Hoy! Update! Naka-chat mo na si Ethan?
I grin, quickly typing a reply. Thalia has been my rock ever since Liam and I broke up, and she's been teasing me non-stop about Ethan.
Kael: Yep! I messaged him this morning!
Thalia: OMG! What did he say? Spill!
I chuckle to myself, feeling the excitement bubble over.
Kael: He liked my post and said I looked good in my outfit! Then he asked if we could hang out sometime!
Thalia: AAAAAHHH! I knew it! I told you he likes you!
Kael: Chill! It's just hanging out. Nothing serious yet.
Thalia's enthusiasm is contagious, though, and I can't help but let my hopes get the better of me.
Thalia: Girl, you better make a move! This is your chance!
Kael: Ano ka ba! Chill lang tayo. Baka isipin niya weird ako pag nag-exaggerate ako agad.
Thalia: Who cares? He already likes you enough to ask you out!
I smile at my phone, walking into our apartment and setting my bag down. My mom is already up, cooking breakfast. I greet her with a kiss on the cheek before heading to my room. I collapse onto my bed, still feeling the rush of adrenaline from the conversation with Ethan.
My phone buzzes again, and it's Thalia. She never stops.
Thalia: So what's the plan? Are you going to ask him out for coffee or something?
Kael: Yeah, maybe. I don't want to rush things though. I still don't even know if he's into guys.
Thalia sends a voice message this time, her voice dripping with sarcasm. "Girl, you know he is. Bakit siya magpa-hang out sayo kung hindi? Plus, nakita mo naman sa planting activity, di ba?"
I laugh, remembering the subtle looks Ethan gave me during the planting session. It wasn't just my imagination; there was something there.
Kael: Okay fine, maybe he is. But I don't want to mess this up. I like him too much.
Thalia: And that's exactly why you should go for it! Hindi mo na alam kung kailan ulit mangyayari 'to. Besides, wala ka naman nang dapat patunayan after Liam.
My stomach twists a little at the mention of Liam. She's right, of course. Liam broke me, and for a long time, I thought I'd never feel this way about anyone again. But Ethan is different. There's a warmth and honesty to him that I never got from Liam.
Kael: I'll take it slow. But yeah, I think you're right.
Thalia: Of course I'm right!
I laugh and send her a heart emoji, knowing she's been waiting for this moment almost as much as I have. I glance back at my messages with Ethan, reading over the conversation again. My heart skips every time I see his name on my screen.
It's surreal, really. I never thought I'd get to this point, especially not so soon after everything that happened with Liam. But life has a funny way of surprising you when you least expect it. As I drift off to sleep, exhausted from the night shift but exhilarated from the morning, I can't help but feel hopeful for the first time in a long time.
The day is looking up. Ethan is noticing me, and I feel like, maybe, just maybe, things are starting to fall into place.
The exhaustion from my night shift finally pulls me into a deep sleep. It doesn't take long before the dream takes hold. At first, it's warm—like slipping into a memory I had long forgotten.
Liam and I are in the small café we used to frequent, the one near his place. The smell of freshly brewed coffee fills the air, and we're sitting at our usual table by the window. He's smiling at me, that smile that used to make my heart race every time. It feels so real, like I could reach out and touch him.
"Hon, tingnan mo 'to," Liam says, pulling out his phone to show me something. It's a silly meme, and I laugh without thinking. Everything feels light, easy—just like it used to be before things fell apart. We talk about our days, about random things, just enjoying each other's company. The café is warm, and the world outside seems far away, irrelevant even.
"Grabe, ka-arte mo," I say, laughing, as Liam pretends to be offended by some joke I made. He leans across the table, playfully shoving my shoulder, his eyes twinkling with mischief. It's that look—the one I used to live for.
"Kahit kelan, ang kulit mo," he teases, shaking his head, but there's affection in his voice. I can feel it. It's a moment of genuine happiness, and in the dream, I allow myself to believe it again, to bask in the warmth of what we once had.
Then, the scene shifts. Suddenly, we're not in the café anymore. We're in his room. The room I knew so well—the soft lighting, the slightly messy bed, the familiar scent of his cologne mixed with laundry detergent. I can hear our laughter echoing as we joke around on the bed, playfully wrestling, just like we used to after a long day. He grabs me by the waist, pulling me closer, and for a second, it feels like nothing ever changed.
I miss this.
But then, like a switch, the atmosphere darkens. The warmth fades, and I feel a cold shiver crawl up my spine. The room is still the same, but there's something wrong. I look around, and everything feels off—distorted, like a bad painting. I try to find Liam, but he's not there anymore.
Suddenly, I hear voices. Not just one voice—two.
"Liam?" I call out, my voice shaking, but there's no response.
I follow the sound, my feet dragging as if the air has thickened. The door to his bedroom is slightly ajar, and the closer I get, the louder the voices become. It's unmistakably him, but the other voice—who is it?
I push the door open, and what I see makes my blood run cold.
Liam is there, on the bed—but he's not alone. There's another guy with him, and they're… they're having sex. Right there, in front of me. My chest tightens, and I can't breathe. The room spins around me as I stand frozen, unable to move or scream or do anything but watch.
"Bakit…?" My voice is barely a whisper.
They don't notice me. Or maybe they do, but they don't care. Liam's eyes are closed, his body entwined with someone else's, and I feel like I'm being ripped apart from the inside. I try to shout, to say something, anything, but no words come out. The betrayal hits me like a freight train, and the pain is unbearable. It's like reliving the moment all over again—the moment I caught him cheating for real, in the flesh, not just in a dream.
I want to look away, but I can't. I'm trapped in this nightmare, forced to watch as the person I once loved, the person I still haven't fully let go of, betrays me in the worst possible way. My heart is pounding so hard I think it might burst, and every second feels like a lifetime.
Finally, I force myself to turn away, my stomach churning with disgust. I run out of the room, down a hallway that stretches on forever, the walls closing in on me. I can hear their voices echoing behind me, laughing, taunting me. It's suffocating.
I wake up with a start, gasping for air. My body is drenched in sweat, and my heart is still racing from the dream. It takes me a few moments to realize that I'm not in Liam's room. I'm in my own bed, safe from that nightmare, but the pain feels just as real.
"Sh*t…" I mutter, rubbing my hands over my face, trying to shake off the lingering images.
My chest tightens as I sit up, the remnants of the dream replaying in my mind. That scene... it was too real, too vivid.
"Hindi ko na kaya 'to," I whisper to myself, feeling the weight of everything settle in again. It's been weeks since the breakup, but I can't escape it. The pain, the betrayal, the anger—it's all still there, like a wound that refuses to heal.
I glance at the clock. It's 9:30 AM, and I've barely gotten any sleep after my night shift. I need to rest, but I can't. Not with these thoughts haunting me.
I grab my phone from the nightstand, scrolling aimlessly through messages and notifications, trying to distract myself. That's when I see Ethan's name again, sitting in our message thread. A small part of me feels lighter just seeing his name.
For a brief moment, I contemplate messaging him again, but I stop myself. I don't want to drag him into my mess, not while I'm still caught up in the wreckage of Liam.
Thalia.
The thought hits me suddenly. I need to talk to her. She always knows what to say when I'm feeling like this. I open our chat and start typing.
Kael: Hoy. You there?
It doesn't take long for her to reply.
Thalia: Duh. What's up? Hindi ka ba natutulog after work?
Kael: I tried. Bad dream. About… him again.
She knows exactly who I'm talking about, and I don't even need to say his name.
Thalia: Oh no. Same sht as before?
Kael: Worse. Caught him with another guy. Sa panaginip lang, pero parang totoo.
I can almost hear her sigh through the phone.
Thalia: Kahit sa panaginip, toxic pa rin si Liam. You need to stop letting him get into your head like this.
Kael: I know. It's just… ang hirap, alam mo yun?
Thalia: Alam ko, Kael. But you have to move on. He's not worth it. Hindi ka niya deserve. You deserve better.
Her words are comforting, but they don't take away the pain. I lie back down, staring at the ceiling.
Kael: I'm trying. It's just… mahirap.
Thalia: I get it, but don't let him win. You've got Ethan now, right? Focus on that!
Ethan. The thought of him brings a faint smile to my lips. He's definitely a distraction, a good one, but I'm not ready to dive into anything serious yet. My heart is still too raw.
Kael: Yeah. But it's too soon. I don't even know if he's into me like that.
Thalia: Girl, he's been messaging you, liking your posts, and even invited you to hang out. I'd say that's a pretty good sign!
I chuckle a little, despite the heaviness still sitting in my chest.
Kael: You're right. Maybe I should focus on that instead.
Thalia: Exactly. Kailangan mo na ng bagong chapter. Liam is the past. Move on, friend. Kaya mo yan.
Her words are what I need to hear, even if I'm not fully convinced yet. But I know she's right. Liam is my past, and I have to let him go, even if my dreams try to pull me back. Ethan might not be the solution to everything, but he's a start. He's a reminder that there's something else out there—something better.
I close my eyes, trying to relax, knowing that when I wake up again, I'll try to face the day with a little more hope, and a little less Liam.