Chapter 57 (4/5)

"Summoning Jutsu." I lethargically swing my arm at the ground. "Dammit."

It's too far away. I'm not getting out of my hammock though. I'm too damn comfy.

"Summoning Jutsu." I lightly tap my own chest. There. Laziness for the win.

Poof

"Sup Al." Shirokumo looks down on me. "So, let me guess. Didn't want to get up?"

"You got it." I confirm without a hint of shame. "You're not going to believe the kind of day I had."

"Which member of the Akatsuki did you run into this time?" Shirokumo let's out a large sigh and hops off me to settle on the hammock. Even another spider appreciates Murasakino's work. "You've already told me about Kakuzu at the bounty station, I thought for sure that it would be awhile until you ran into the next one."

"You're half right." How sad is that? Shirokumo knows my shitty luck so well he can guess what happened to me. "I ran into a team from Konoha."

"Shit." He eloquently sums up the situation. "You're still here though? You didn't run away?"

"I tried to." I shrug in my reclined position. "I got sort of blackmailed to help them on their mission. Turns out one of them remembered that I owed him a favor. The dick cashed in on it. So now I'm stuck working next to Shikamaru, Ino, Naruto, Anko and Kakashi."

"I thought you were on vacation?"

"I am on vacation!" I whine to the dark sky. "But no one else cares about that and now I'm stuck keeping an actress alive! Gah! I just wanted a nice simple mission! I didn't call you here just to chat though. I've got some questions that I want answered."

"What are they?" Shirokumo recognizes that it's time for business and turns serious. "I'll help however I can."

"Tell me everything you know about the actress Yukie Fujikaze. She's who I am supposed to keep alive."

"For starters that's not her real name."

"No shit?" I turn my gaze from the beautiful night sky to look at my proud summon. "Tell me everything."

The Next Morning

"Oi. Naruto. You go get him." Shikamaru orders Naruto to come get me down from the crow's nest.

"What? No!" Naruto sputters out. "He won't listen to me. You go get him Ino!"

"That's a bad idea." Anko cuts in and I can feel the playful smirk on her face from way up here. "If Ino goes up there they won't come down for hours. I'll go get him."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Ino growls out in warning. "You know damn well that nothing happened."

"Not yet. You're wearing his coat still. If that's not an invitation then I don't know what is." Anko gloats as Ino blushes.

"Yeah." Shikamaru says as the three males turn to Ino. "What's up with that?"

"This is the only piece of clothing I have that closes. News flash: it's cold. Still this is a summer coat, it's only doing so much." Ino calmly explains. If she gives Anko an inch she takes a mile.

"But it's not yours. It's Alvarcus's." Naruto bluntly points out. "How'd you get it?"

"She'll tell you all about it later." Anko happily promises for Ino. "I've got a missing nin to fetch so we can go meet with the client."

"Oh no." Kakashi cuts in. He's probably restraining Anko from ascending the mast somehow. "You'll stab him awake. Then keep stabbing until he tells you about Orochimaru. I'll get him. He'll listen to me, I was his sensei at one point. I'm sure he still sees me as an authority figure."

"Or you assholes could just have a long and loud conversation beneath me." I look over the edge of the crow's nest and glare at each individual. "No one can sleep through that."

"You slept up there? All night? While outside?" Naruto asks me in confusion. "Why would you stay out here? It's gotta be cold at night and it's only going to get colder."

"Because the view is amazing and this is the last spot I thought you all would look for me." I monotonously answer him. "So much for avoiding you all during this… excursion."

"Morning Alvarcus." Kakashi sends me a wave like I didn't just yell at him. "We're meeting with the client, come down here."

"No." I immediately dismiss that idea. "I don't feel like it."

"For some reason I'm not surprised by that." Naruto sighs.

"So…" Shikamaru turns to Kakashi. "What was that bit about him viewing you as an authority figure?"

"He does take after you a lot, you've never been the best with authority figures yourself." Anko points out. "Who knows, maybe he'll show up three hours late."

"Haha. Very funny everyone." Kakashi let's the joke at his expense slide. "Alvarcus. Get down here. Now. You're making me look bad."

"Don't care." I brush him off again. "Besides, you make yourself look way worse all the time."

"He's not wrong." Shikamaru points out.

"You don't usually care about your image." Anko agrees. "Even when you've had to be around the Daimyo for missions."

"Don't remind me about the Daimyo." Kakashi shivers. "For some strange reason he liked me. He kept requesting me back so much that I contemplating faking my own death so he'd stop."

"He's really that bad?" Naruto asks.

"He's worse." Kakashi morbidly confirms. "Enough about that. We've got to get MY STUDENT WHO DOESN'T LISTEN TO HIS SENSEI down here."

Hm, I think he's slightly angry with me right now. Oh well, not like I've had worse happen.

"So we're playing the passive aggressive game now?" I cheekily sass my former sensei. "Well I suppose if my sensei did order me to go down I would go down, but Orochimaru isn't here."

Ouch. I should not have said that, that was a low blow even by my standards.

"HAHAHA!" Anko doubles over in laughter. "Ino are you sure he's not gay?"

"Alvarcus. Seriously. Phrasing." Naruto hangs his head in shame. "Whenever we're together you say something like that. You've got to stop."

Alrighty then, guess no one else took that seriously? That's for the best.

"Alvarcus get down here or I will tell them about when I used a Forbidden Taijutsu Technique on you." Kakashi threatens me with a tinge of victory on his features. He's talking about the Thousand Year of Death.

If it is war you want, war you shall have.

"Go for it puppet man." I wiggle my fingers at him like a puppet master. "I've got my own stories about you I can share."

"You're never going to let me forget about that, are you?" Kakashi backs off that tactic.

"Are you going to let me forget about it?" I quip back to him. "Pretty sure mine's worse."

"I'm a jounin. Jounin should never have that happen to them." Kakashi twitches in disgust. "Not to mention half of it was my own fault."

"I know what I'm bugging you about from now on." Anko grins deviously. "Puppet man? What could that mean? I've got to know!"

"Great. Now this has happened." Kakashi groans out. "This is going to be a long mission."

"How the hell do you think I feel?" I share a brief moment of mutual pain with my former sensei.

"Okay, this is stopping now." Ino speaks up. "I've wasted enough damn time out here! I want to go back inside! Alvarcus Mar you have until the count of three or I will punish you."

"We're doing this now?" I look down at Ino. She looks pissed. "It didn't work on me before, what's changed?"

"I know how to punish you this time. The first time I didn't have anything prepared." Ino wrathfully grins at me. "One."

"Really?" I sigh in boredom as I plant an elbow on the railing and hold my head in my hand. My posture screams uninterested. "Been through this before."

"Two." Her grin widens.

"Do you really think that you can intimidate me like this? Ino I do shit like this all the time and my version is way better than yours. Hell I convinced a group of eight highly trained shinobi to surrender because they didn't want to fight a Mad King!"

"The hell is he talking about?" Naruto asks himself but I don't feel like elaborating.

"Three." Ino confidently says. "Now it's punishment time."

"I can take it." I sigh out in boredom again. "But maybe don't try to invade my mind? That didn't end well for either of us."

"So everyone," Ino sends me a smirk one last time. "Does the name Midori mean anything to you?"

"I'M DOWN!" I leap over the railing and start to fall the relatively short distance to the deck. "I'M DOWN I'M DOWN I'M DOWN!"

"Woah." Shikamaru's eyes widen. "That was fast."

"That goes doubly for him, he doesn't like heights." Naruto is just as caught off guard as Shikamaru. "Who is Midori?"

"Don't tell them!" I scamper over to Ino and take one of her hands in both of mine. "I'll never live it down! Please!"

"I counted to three. You need to be punished." Ino smiles sweetly at me. "This is your fault. You should have listened to me when I gave you a chance."

"Not that! Anything but that! What do you want?" I'm begging her without a hint of shame and she's loving every moment of it. She likes that she has a form of power over me, that the one who always manages to get away or avoid her is finally at her mercy.

"I don't know, you better offer me something very good." She tenderly pats my cheek. "If your offer isn't up to my standards then they'll learn all about Midori."

"Seriously who is Midori?" Naruto asks again.

"OH! OH!" Anko giddily calls out. "Offer to be her personal heater!"

"Yes! That!" I quickly agree. "Personal heater! Heat on demand! Whenever you want!"

"Hmm…" Ino ponders it for a moment. She's balancing it on a scale in her mind, then she comes to a decision. "Nope! Not good enough! So Midori is-"

"AND CLOTHES!" I blurt out. I will not let any more people know about Midori! Too many know the way it is! "Clothes of the highest quality you've ever seen! Elegant ballroom dresses, the most comfortable silk pajamas you've ever dreamed of, and more! I'll even get them custom made just for you! Whatever you want I assure you I can provide!"

"Really?" Ino's pupils dilate and it's her turn to take both of my hands in her own. "You'd do that for me? As much as I want?"

We would look adorable right now except for the fact that I'm full of desperation and she's giggling like a perverted schoolgirl at the prospect of clothes.

"Yes! Just drop Midori forever! Never bring her up again!" I beg her. I want that piece of my past buried forever. Never to see the light of day again.

"Oi." Anko buts in. "None of these clothes can have fasteners of any sort! I will not have my student regressing and slacking off! She won't be forgetting one of the most important things I've taught her!"

"Only those that are designed to close like that." Ino adds with stars in her eyes. "I don't want a t shirt or a dress cut down the middle but any jacket or coat I get that's just fine!"

"Done!" I'm so glad that's over with.

"Who the fuck is Midori?" Naruto shouts out.

"Doesn't matter." Ino loops her arm around mine. "You and I will be spending a lot of time together, there are so many clothes I've always wanted and you said you'd get me whatever I want!"

"Yes of course!" I submit to Ino. Who knew, the girl can be scary when she wants to.

Ino merrily leads me over to the interior of the ship so we can talk business.

"Uh…" Shikamaru points in the opposite direction Ino and I are walking. "We've still got to meet with the client. She's that way."

"Oh. Right." Ino sheepishly smiles at the rest of the dumbstruck group. "Alvarcus we'll talk business later. Mission first."

She spins us around and starts walking the both of us in the other direction.

"You're not going to let go of him?" Kakashi says with just a touch of… approval? It doesn't seem like he's approving of Ino manipulating me but rather that she hasn't let go of me.

That's weird. Why would he approve of that? Oh well, it's not important.

"I finally have him trapped." Ino tightens the link between our arms. "He's not getting away that easily again. Come on Alvarcus, we're going to make this meeting snappy. We have more important things to do."

"Yes Ma'am." I continue to submit to her and let her steer me to where the client is supposed to be waiting.

"Right. So. That happened." Naruto says in shock. "That did happen right?"

"I think so?" Shikamaru says in disbelief. "Ino cuffed Alvarcus. Alvarcus. You know, the A-rank missing nin that literally attacked us yesterday?"

"He's A-rank?" Naruto looks towards where I disappeared to. "That's so cool! I wanna be A-rank!"

"And like that we've lost Naruto." Shikamaru sighs. "Can we just go meet with the client now? This was too eventful. Way too eventful. I hope the entire mission isn't this way."

"Thank you all for coming." A well dressed older gentleman with round glasses greets the six of us. "My name is Sandayu Asama, I welcome you all to call me Sandayu."

"That's nice." I tug my arm. It's still firmly looped together with Ino's. "Can you let me go now? I promise to give you the clothes, you don't have to hold me hostage."

"Nope! You'll just have to suffer." Ino rebukes my request without batting an eyelash. She's enjoying this too much.

"Ah how cute." Sandayu says to himself. "Anyways, this is Yukie Fujikaze. The actress you all will be escorting."

Sandayu graciously gestures to her. She's dressed for her role as a princess, an elegant robe with lavish details. She herself has long black hair that's swept on each side of her face and light blue eyes. And she's scowling at us.

That's weird, didn't she hire the Konoha shinobi to escort her?

"Or I could pay you all now and send you on your way." She condescendingly scoffs out. "I do not even want to be here, I am sure you all feel the same way."

Okay this is very weird. What kind of a person hires shinobi then tries to send them away early?

"Sorry Princess." Kakashi apologizes to the actress. "But we've been over this already. Sandayu hired us to protect you, only he can terminate the mission early. You can offer us all the money in the world but our honor as Konoha shinobi won't let us accept it."

"Tch." Yukie turns her head away from us and crosses her arms in disgust.

Ah. That clears that up. I've got to keep this chick alive. It's going to suck. "I hate you Shikamaru. I hate you so much."

"Now you know how I felt." He's been waiting for this for so long. The smug look on his face is annoying, he's lucky Ino has me trapped or I'd wipe it off his stupid face! "Sorry about him, he doesn't want to be here either. My name is Shikamaru Nara, I am the leader for this mission."

"We've already met, Kakashi Hatake at your service." Kakashi does his little half wave of introduction. "Sorry about the genjutsu. Had to get you on the ship somehow."

"Hi!" Naruto beams at Yukie. "Naruto Uzumaki! I'm a huge fan! Can I have an autograph? I didn't get a chance to ask you when we first met."

"No." Yukie barely takes the time to glance at him. "I do not do autographs."

"Aw. Darn." Naruto wilts.

"Anko Mitarashi." That's all Anko takes the time to say. For some strange reason she keeps glancing at Ino and I with a weird look about her.

"Ino Yamanaka." Ino daintily dips her head in acknowledgement of Yukie. "Pleasure to meet you."

A long silence falls among us. It lasts for a good minute.

Everyone turns to look at me.

"What?" I question the odd looks.

"You're not going to introduce yourself?" Shikamaru asks.

"Hell no." I snort out in mild amusement. "I'm not here as one of your underlings Shikamaru, I'm just some dude that owed you a favor. We agreed that all I have to do is keep miss doesn't-want-to-be-here alive. That's all I'm going to do."

"I'll pay you triple what he is if you get me out of here." Yukie boldly offer me in front of everyone else. "Triple."

"Sorry, for some ungodly reason I have a sense of honor." I point at Shikamaru with my free arm. "He called in a favor, I'm doing this for him. Not you. You don't mean jack shit to me."

"Alvarcus!" Kakashi attempts to reprimand me. "That's not how you talk to who you're protecting!"

"Oh shut up. I'm not your underling either." I turn my gaze onto my former sensei. "I agreed to keep her alive. I did not agree to care about her, become her friend, have deep and meaningful life changing conversations with her, or enjoy being in her presence. I'm forced to be here because I'm just a big softie that won't go back on my word! At the best I'm going to act as an over glorified meat shield. I am solely on defense. Defense just for her. That's it."

Another silence falls over us for a long minute. But this one isn't awkward, it's a stunned silence.

"Well… technically he's not wrong." Shikamaru regretfully admits. "That is all we agreed on."

"Why do you make everything so difficult?" Ino demands without expecting an answer. "His name is Alvarcus Mar. If he won't tell you then I will."

"Dammit Ino." I groan out in defeat. "Why did you do that? Now they know whose name to scream when a kunai is flying at her. Do you have any idea how annoying that is?"

"Not as annoying as you being stubborn." Ino sends me a glare. "I can guarantee you that."

"Wow." Naruto says out of the corner of his mouth to Shikamaru. "We're lucky we brought her along if she can keep Alvarcus in line."

"No shit." Shikamaru agrees. "I thought this would be like old times, he's fighting this tooth and nail. We really are lucky."

"Believe me." Anko happily inserts herself into their side conversation. "I'll be doing everything in my power to make sure Ino gets lucky too."

Ino flushes crimson and immediately let's go of my arm.

"Right." I shoot her a questioning look and she turns away from me. "I'm going to ignore whatever the hell that was supposed to mean and use this brilliant opportunity to flee like someone who would rather be anywhere but here. Oh wait, that's exactly what I am right now. Bye!"

I sprint out the door and slam it closed behind me.

"Dammit!" Ino stomps her foot. "Anko you made me lose him! How am I supposed to corner him again like that! And he still owes me those clothes!"

"Not my fault you let him go!" Anko let's out a hearty laugh. "Don't worry Honey, I'll think of something for you."

"No! No! Absolutely not!" Ino's tone change from one of anger to fear in an instant.

"Okay… so… yeah." Shikamaru awkwardly turns back to Yukie and Sandayu. "We're actually very skilled. Anko and Kakashi are both jounin. Hell Kakashi is one of the best Konoha has to offer. I'm a chunin and it has been said that I'm the smartest of my generation. Though I have been feeling pretty dumb today. Naruto here is being trained by one of the Legendary Sannin so you won't have to worry about him at all. And Ino is like a delicate flower, at first all you see is the pretty rose petals but then you realize too late that the flower has thorns. So there's no need to worry! You're in good hands I promise!"

"And what of… Alvarcus?" Sandayu asks. He's had a hard time taking in all of this. Half of them aren't even acting professional. But isn't that a good thing? They're all that confident in their skills that an escort mission isn't something to worry about? That's what he's hoping at least.

"He's strong." Shikamaru assures the client and Yukie. "Probably only Anko and Kakashi are better than him."

"Actually it's probably just me." Kakashi cuts in. "Anko may have landed a blow on him but Alvarcus didn't fight anywhere near his maximum capacity. He's good at taijutsu, to stand on even ground with a jounin - special jounin or not - is not something that's easy to do, but it's ninjutsu that he truly excels at. I think that I might be hard pressed to win a battle with him if he truly went all out. Even then it's only because I know him so well, I hate to admit it but he could simply outlast me. That kid is a stamina freak."

"Hear that Ino?" Anko suggestively wags her eyebrows. "Stamina freak."

"Shut up!" Ino shouts at the older kunoichi.

"Consider my worries abated!" Sandayu claps his hands together with a pleasant smile on his face. "We leave ourselves in your care."

"Speak for yourself." Yukie mutters under her breath. Every shinobi heard it, Yukie underestimated just how finely tuned shinobi senses are.

But none of the shinobi call her out on it.

"Well then!" Sandayu continues speaking pleasantly. "We should be setting sail soon. This is all so exciting!"

"Yeah." Shikamaru doesn't return anywhere near the same energy level Sandayu has. "We will leave you alone for now. When we get closer to Snow we'll step up our presence around you."

The rest of the shinobi leave the room, it's just Yukie and Sandayu left.

"Why are you so insistent that I go back there?" Yukie rounds on her manager. "You and I both know there's nothing left for me there! Nothing!"

"I am hoping that you will find something there." Sandayu softly speaks her. "Something that you've lost a very long time ago."

"And what is it? What is this mysterious thing I'm supposed to find?" Yukie angrily asks, showing more emotion in this one moment than she has all week.

"Hope." Sandayu looks at her with teary eyes. "I want you to hope again."

"Ahem." I clear my throat from the doorway. "I'm not interrupting anything, am I?"

"No. Of course not." Sandayu excellently conceals his emotions as Yukie stiffly looks at me then snubs me by turning off to the side. "Did you need something?"

"Sorta." I casually walk over to Yukie and hold out a small sealing tag. "Keep this on your person at all times."

"Why?" She doesn't take it from me. "I don't need your trinkets."

"This trinket may save your life." I let a little bit of killing intent manifest around me and suddenly I have her full attention. "Let's set something straight right now, right here. I do not care about you. I do not care what you think about me. I do not give one single fuck who you are, what you've done, where you're going or what you're going to do. For the foreseeable future I have to keep your ass alive. This is not something I'm doing for Sandayu. This is not something I'm doing for you. I'm doing this because I owe a friend. So until we part ways my word is law. If I say run you run. If I say hide you hide. If I say take the fucking seal then you take the fucking seal." I wiggle the seal at her. "Are we clear?"

"Crystal." She snatches the seal out of my hands.

"And to make sure you don't do something stupid like rip it to shreds, it's not a way to track you." I let just a little bit more killing intent waft off of me. "They way I fight can get very… explosive. That trinket will make sure none of them explode next to you. If I discover that you've destroyed or thrown away that seal then I'll permanently draw it on your skin. So don't lose it."

I spin on my heel and let my killing intent fade. Then I plaster a goofy grin on my face just to fuck with them. "Toodles!"

I might as well try and have fun somehow. Not my fault if it happens to drive them to insanity.