CH 26: Feels

(A/N: Just found this wholesome picture of Miquella and Godwyn, and my hate for Ranni the bitch has been rejuvenated all over again.)

Maliketh :"Why is Miquella on the counter?"

Alistair :"He likes to be tall."

Miquella :"Go away, giraffes."

--------------------------

"You are growing steadily." Miquella said lightly, placing his head on Alistair's shoulder under the moonlight and rain :"That's good. A throne requires power. And the throne of the Elden Lord is the highest throne ever. I am happy you are taking your growth seriously."

"Hm, you're welcome." Alistair smiled, tilting his head and placing it on his consort's head, causing him to chuckle :"This is a "might makes right" world, after all. I need to grow strong, even if it isn't because I love power."

"I've been wondering about that, actually. You seem... genuinely obsessed with power. You're always so excited about raising your attributes, about earning more and more runes as fast as possible. Why is that?"

"Hmm, why do I want more power, huh? I... honestly don't know the exact answer. I get confused too, when I think about it."

"Hmm, so you don't know exactly why, but are just drawn to it?"

"Yeah, I guess that sums it up pretty nicely."

"But still, I want to know the reason why."

"Why is that?" Alistair smiled as Miquella raised his head to instead lay it down on Alistair lap, looking up at the noiret with a smile of his own :"I want to know the man who's to become my consort better. Not as a warrior, but as a person. Will you allow me that honor?"

"Hahaha you dork." He smiled, a genuine one that lit up Miquella's night as his fingers ran through his long, golden hair soothingly, making him hum in pleasure :"How can I ever refuse when you're asking like that? But even if I wanted to, I told you, I'm confused about it too. It's just... something I've always wanted."

As he enjoyed Alistair's gentle pets, his own hand went to cup his soft cheek (A/N: Which one👀?), gently caressing it, his finger trailing against the corner of his soft lips :"Hmm... is it for control? To be able to do whatever you want, with barely or any fear for its responsibility?"

"Hahaha no, I'm not that kind of a guy. As violent as I am towards my enemies, that's only for my enemies. I wouldn't terrorize innocent people."

"Then... maybe to rule? To become a powerful monarch without anybody to threaten your rule?"

"Hmm, that sounds nice, but I actually was never one with a boner for being a king. Too many responsibilities and duties. Why do you think I joke about leaving all the politics to you once we become God and Elden Lord while leaving all battles and wars to me?"

"Hahaha right, you don't seem so excited about the goal as much as you are for the process. Then, maybe it is..." The hand Miquella was caressing him with halted, his gentle eyes growing sad :"Freedom?"

Alistair looked down with gentle eyes, loving, but the lightheartedness being replaced with a comforting glint :"That's the reason you seek power, isn't it? To go as far as to seek godhood and get rid of everything that made you who you are."

"Mm, that's right. I seek freedom. From my curse, from my fate, from my mother, and from the Outer Gods that always meddle with our fates. I've been longing for freedom my whole life, but although it's such an easy thing for mere mortals, it is like the most challenging hurdle for an Empyrean such as I."

Alistair cringed :"Oh, now I feel bad. You know, since you're literally locked up in my mind."

But to his surprise, Miquella chuckled instead :"True, but unlike the ones I mentioned, I've actually come to like this form of lacking freedom. Sure, it means I can't go anywhere by myself, but I don't have anywhere to go anyway. Aside from the Haligtree, of course, but that's a different story.

And unlike the other options, where I lacked both freedom and safety, with you and in your mind, my safety is guaranteed. For I am sure you will protect me if I'm in danger, just as I will if you are in danger.

This isn't a lifestyle where I'm a puppet being manipulated, but a relationship of equal exchange, just like everything should be. And besides, I'm not locked inside of your mind all the time. I'm outside and enjoying your pampering right now, aren't I?

So don't feel bad, because not only do I not dislike my current situation, I'm actually enjoying it quite a bit. Not only do I get to see you for who you genuinely are every day, watching and supporting you in your growth and progress makes me feel happy and proud.

It reminds me of my childhood with Malenia, where she was just a child, and I watched, cheered and supported her through her journey to become a mighty warrior."

"I see. I'm happy to hear you don't hate your time with me."

"What about you?" Miquella turned a bit concerned :"Don't you hate having no privacy?"

"Do I hate having a gorgeous, THICK femboy who spoils, pampers and supports me in this gruesome journey with me all the time?" Alistair deadpanned, making the golden femboy smile awkwardly :"What do you think, Miquella?"

"O-okay, maybe that was the wrong question to ask of you of all people and your... peculiar taste."

"You're goddamn right. I'm loving every second of my life, alright?"

"Hahaha, I'm happy to hear that. But you didn't answer my question. We sort of got distracted after all."

"Which one?"

"The one about your thirst for power. Is it for freedom, like mine?"

"Hmm, not really. I mean, it's in every being's nature to seek freedom, but I don't have anything to be free from. There's nobody restricting me or anything. Honestly, considering WHAT I actually am, there's nobody more free than me."

"Hmm, that's true, I suppose. Then... is it for protecting yourself and your loved ones?"

"Hahaha you're not dropping this, are you?"

"*Smiling* Nope. You have made me curious now, so you better find an answer if you don't want me to continue asking questions until morning."

"Hahahaha you're childish in the weirdest moments, you know that?" Alistair chuckled. He was thoughtful for a moment before smiling sadly :"I think... it's because of its sense of belonging."

"Sense of belonging?" Miquella turned more careful at his change of mood :'He... he's letting me in. He's opening his heart for me.' As happy as it made him, he needed to be careful. As powerful as Alistair was, he knew it very clearly, his consort's heart was fragile. Since he was beginning to reach it, he couldn't risk hurting it.

Alistair nodded :"Hm, that's right. When it comes to power, I can genuinely feel that it's mine. It belongs to me, nobody else's. It's something that's solely mine and can't truly be shared. Something of mine that can't be lost.

It's unlike anything else. Feelings, wealth, items, all of them can be shared. All of them can be hurt. All of them can be lost. But with power, that can't happen. At least not with mine. I've made sure of that. It's something that can't be hurt, and something that I can't lose, unlike everything else. I know that... because I have lost everything except it..."

"Alistair..." Miquella's heart sank at his sadness, at his lifeless eyes. He didn't even know how he got up and hugged him tightly, surprising him as he jolted in his slender arms :"I... I know you've suffered. I know you suffer still. The pain of losing your loved ones, as few as the genuine ones can be, I know and understand your pain. You already know that. So I want you to know..."

He pulled away from Alistair's stiff body, one hand cupping a cheek, his heart clenching on itself at the unshed tears in the eyes that were always so bright :"I am here for you, and will always be, my dear consort. So please, allow me the honor of truly supporting you when it really matters. When the pain is too much to handle. When you want to have a sense of belonging, something you've lost."

"M-mhm..." He hummed shakily, breath hitching in his throat as he leaned against Miquella's soft hand, letting the tears slowly fall :"S-sure, hahaha if you're okay with my pathetic side..."

"It's not pathetic, Alistair. Everybody has weak moments." He didn't wipe the tears, letting them fall freely, wetting his hand :"You are mine. My consort who's always so lovely, lively, dear, brutal, gentle, loving, lewd hahaha..."

That pulled a chuckle from Alistair, making Miquella's heart beat a lot faster than he expected it to :"But in the end, you are mine. In your highest moments of strength or lowest moments of weakness, you are mine, and it's my duty to support you through it all. You are mine, as I am yours.

So please, instead of hiding your heart from me, thinking I will think less of you, please share it with me. Your sadness, your loneliness, your yearning, share them with me. Because I will not think less of you for showing your weak side, but feel proud for the trust you have for me to reveal your true self to me. If you come to truly trust me, do you promise me to do that?"

A shaky hand came to cup the one on his cheek, a quivering smile blooming as he nodded, no longer holding back his tears :"Y-yeah, sure. I-I promise, Miq, I p-promise..."

"I am happy, my love. So, so happy." He smiled, pulling him down to his chest as he hugged his head, letting him weep quietly :"And so, so honored for having your trust."

-

"Haaah, that was embarrassing..." He mumbled into Miquella's chest, dried tear marks on his cheek. But he couldn't get up, because Miquella refused to stop hugging him. Said golden femboy stared warningly :"What did I just tell you about it being alright to show weakness?"

"No, no, not that." He mumbled, face turning red :"But... you know... crying like that. That's the embarrassing part..."

Miquella gently stroked his hair :"No, it is not. Sometimes, it is better to let it out rather than lock it all in. And I'm happy you let it happen."

He chuckled at the groan he felt against his chest :"Did you plan that? To make me open up little by little like that until I cried?"

Seeing the accusing glare Alistair flashed him, Miquella smiled innocently :"It's for your own mental health. After all, no medicine other than words can cure the mind."

He chuckled again, more cheerfully, at the annoyed groan that vibrated his chest again :"You really are the most fearsome Empyrean, huh?"

"I wonder. But still, it was done with no malice in mind. I just wanted you to relieve yourself of your aching heart and to know what kind of a person you truly are. After all, the goals of a person say a lot about their character. Now I know why you hunger for power."

"Fine, I guess." He heard a mumble, before Alistair looked up with a gentle grin :"And besides, I need to be powerful to become your consort. That's enough of a reason for me all by itself."

Miquella chuckled, feeling his face heat up :"That's true. To truly become the consort of a god, overwhelming strength is required. Power far more than any throne needs. So I hope you continue to work hard for our goal, my dear consort."

-

"That makes me wonder, why do you want to become Elden Lord when you don't seem to like ruling so much? In fact, you seem to hate politics whenever the subject comes up."

"Hmm... well, I feel like this might annoy you, but... it's because I see it as a trophy. A goal that seems challenging, which nobody has completed, so I want to see if I can do it myself. Now, before you get mad, I'm telling you, just because I think of it as a trophy doesn't mean I'll treat the responsibilities that will come with it lightly."

Miquella sighed, rubbing his temples :"You're the only person who would talk so lightly about such an important role but actually try to take it instead of talking nonsense."

Alistair snickered :"Yup, that's me, Alistair."