Deeply Dark

Life wasn't all that bitter in the past. I still remember the far too good memories to be thrown away. I can't remember anymore what it felt like to be that much happy and worry less than I worry now.

I remember when I was a pretty little girl. Always playing around without a care in the world because I wasn't hungry or lacking anything I wanted. My parents were always there and I counted my self lucky because not many children had that luck down here in Africa and my country, Nigeria to be precise.

I remember when I told myself "Blessing you will always be the second to non". And that was my sense of pride. I have been very beautiful and smart growing up, which was manipulative most of the time but there was still the very much loved 'Blessing'. I had friends who wanted to be me and have what I had and what I have is still beautiful even if nothing is always perfect. I had beautiful siblings and loving parents and to me that was the best God had given to me.

I had come across few of my friend's parents that were harsh and always ready to embarrass thier children in public with physical beating and abuse. Now don't get me wrong, like I said, nothing is always perfect. My parents would do that sometimes behind closed doors but we children saw that as correction. Like the popular African saying... Spare the rod and spoil a child.

But not like any of my siblings I was different. Some would say the black sheep of the family but I wasn't called that till I was 14. And that's where my badwill began.

Growing up I had so many dreams. I wanted to become a singer, then I wanted to become a ballet dancer and then a lawyer and then an actress and then from that gave me my real purpose. A script writer. I would silently wonder away into a land of imaginations where I felt things were true when I was alone or with few people. I would place my characters right and be a major lead. I would act dramatically in my room adoring myself and thinking at the same time how amazing and clever I was and how productive I had become at my little age, believing all my dreams could come true but sadly, every story written can be edited by one's choices. And I made wrong ones.

Now where's that little star who thought she could shine bright even in winter?...