Naruto : Fate : Chapter 24

 I'm sitting next to Orochimaru and a chunin plant. Talk about some crazy odds. Now that I think about it though, I don't doubt that Orochimaru is sitting exactly where she wants to. She has the skill to pull something like that off without relying on chance. So I got a lucky seat next to a chunin plant. Yay.

At 20 minutes in, the plant finishes with her test. She places her pencil down, leaves her test facing upwards, and leans back in her chair. Confirmed, chunin plant. No one else would purposefully stay that wide open.

...

I need a plan. I want to switch my test for hers, but I need to not get caught. Over the last 20 minutes I have been filling in the blanks with jargon, random sentences and obviously wrong math. 

To switch the test I need a distraction. Once I have everyone distracted, I'll make the switch. I'll probably use my chakra strings for that. Just spawn some out the back and have them move both of our papers. Easy, I've done harder tricks with strings since before the Land of Waves.

But what do I do for a distraction? It needs to be something eye catching, yet something I can get away with. I glance at all of the proctors. No Hyuugas. That means my chakra strings should be undetectable. 

I can work with that. Now, what to do? Knock someone off their chair? Funny, but not what I am looking for. I want to cause everyone to go 'oh shit' and not be able to look away. Oh, now there is an idea. There is a maliciously devious idea. And it might get Orochimaru kicked out of the exams.

I start my plan. First, I connect strings from my back to both my paper and the plant's paper. Orochimaru turns towards me, interested in my chakra usage. I didn't expect to fool her, but I can plan on the proctors not being up to a Sannin's sensing level. 

Then, I create another string. I arc it over all of the gennins heads, and attach it to Ibiki's forehead protector. The second it makes contact, I see him stiffen. I yank. Hard. His headband rips off his head and flies straight onto the desk of a Grass shinobi.

That's right, I just framed a Grass shinobi for trying to steal the proctors headband.

There is a collective gasp from the entire room, chunin proctors included. I ignore it and quickly switch my paper with the plant next to me. Success.

Orochimaru chuckles and whispers, "Well done, child. Even I would never have thought to do that."

"WHEN I FIND OUT WHO DID THAT YOU ARE DEAD! I DON'T CARE WHAT VILLAGE YOU ARE FROM I'M SKINNING YOU ALIVE! YOU'RE GOING THROUGH THE VILLAGES MOST EXTREME TORTURE METHODS! YOU HEAR ME YOU BASTARDS! YOU'RE DEAD!"

Holy fuck I forgot about his scars. Fuck fuck fuck I am the worlds biggest asshole. I deserve everything he wants to dish out and more. Even if he was going to show us at the end of the test, having someone else reveal them to the world is never approved. It was even taught in the Academy, never make fun of a shinobi's scars.

That rule exists for a good reason. One, the shinobi is going to freak out exactly like Ibiki is doing. Two, the shinobi got wounded so badly that they became horribly scarred and then killed the person who did it to them. That means they lived through getting that wound. And Ibiki's scars... are horrendous.

Ibiki stomps over to the Grass shinobi, who is currently shaking in pure terror. "You're lucky. No one would be stupid enough to steal my headband for themselves. You get to stay."

You can see the relief flow through the Grass shinobi. Poor guy. If I ever see him again I'll help him out. It is the least I can do.

"What the hell are you looking at?! You've got a test going on!" As a collective all the gennin think 'oh he's right' and the sound of pencils scratching on paper fill the room.

Orochimaru chuckles in amusement. I look over at her and see that her paper is blank. What? Surely a Sannin would ace this test, no problem. So why is the paper blank?

I slide my stolen test over to the left side of my desk, face up. "Assistance, for a price."

Orochimaru quivers in... some weird emotion. I have no idea how she reacted. I can only hope it is for the better.

"Interesting... I accept." Orochimaru picks up her pencil and copies the answers down. Either I just signed my death warrant by implying that she needs help, or I became enough of a mystery for Orochimaru to spare me when she attacks in the second exam.

"Five minutes left." Ibiki calls out. You can feel the tension fill the room.

"Time! Pencils down, turn your test over." Everyone does as told. "The tenth question. Before I tell you the tenth and final question, there are some rules you need to know about." Ibiki grins, "These rules are for the tenth question only. Listen carefully." Another dramatic pause. "Each of you is given the right to chose to not be given the final question."

Murmurs of 'what?' 'really?' spread around the room.

"It's your decision. If you choose to not take the tenth question, you'll fail. And that means both your teammates fail as well."

"Well then we'll take the question!" Some random person shouts out.

"Let me finish." Ibiki grins sadistically, "If you choose to take the tenth question and answer it incorrectly, you will fail and be barred from the Chunin Exams forever!"

Courses of "You can't do that!" pop up around the room.

"Yes I can! I'm the proctor for this exam, and it is done my way. All Kage's agree to it when they sent you to this village! So deal with it."

That shut everyone up.

A minute passes in silence. Finally, the kunoichi to my right raises her hand. "I'm sorry! I just can't stay a gennin forever!"

"Fail!" Ibiki yells. "Get your teammates and leave the room."

Like a broken dam, teams drop out left and right. I look around the suddenly sparse room. Sasuke looks confident. No worries there. But Sakura? Sakura is shaking. 

Trembling with fear. Slowly, with disbelief on my face, I watch her raise her hand. She opens her mouth. Where's Naruto's speech? Where is it? Is he going to speak up? Can I trust him to? Did training with Jiraya change him that much? I can't wait.

"Sakura!" I shoot out of my chair. The whole room looks at me. "Put. Your. Hand. Down."

She looks torn. "But if we fail-"

"I don't care." She looks surprised, she must be wondering what drugs I'm on.

"We'll be gennin forever!"

"So what?" She blanches. "Gennin is just a title. It doesn't truly represent your skill. Say we fail, and we get stuck as gennin. Do you really think that I will stop improving myself? Do you not remember my dream? Sakura. Remind me. What is my dream?"

Sakura whispers out, "You want to be a S-rank shinobi." I feel Orochimaru's happiness. Oh Kami that is gross.

"That's right. If we get stuck as gennin, well fine! I'll be the only S-ranked gennin to ever exist!" Orochimaru is brimming with joy. I have no idea why, all I know is that it is a bad thing. A very bad thing, but I can't stop now. "Besides, do you really think that the other Kages would let Ibiki limit their shinobi? How would he enforce that? He is scary as all hell but there is no way all the Kages will bow to his will."

"Sit down punk. This ain't speech time." Yes it is, you waited until I was finished to tell me to stop.

"Whatever. I said what I wanted to." I plop down into my chair.

Orochimaru turns to me with the most disturbing smile on her face. "That was a rousing speech, child. I expect great things from one with such a dream."

Flags pop up in my mind. Something is wrong. This is not how she should be reacting.

"Do you really think Konoha will give you the power - the strength - necessary to achieve your dream?"

She's giving me a recruitment speech. Orochimaru is recruiting me. What is going on? Isn't she supposed to be interested in Sasuke? She wants the Sharingan for herself! Oh, that makes sense. She doesn't want Sasuke, she wants the Sharingan. 

The only reason she wants Sasuke is to get his eyes. Yet she is recruiting me, not because she wants to play body hopscotch with me, but because she genuinely wants me to be a Sound shinobi. How... concerning. That's bad. That is very bad. I don't want Orochimaru to take an interest in me!

"Have you heard of the shinobi Konoha churns out? All of the Hokages for starters. Then there is the Sannin. Jiraya. Tsunade."

A faint sense of utter doom starts wafting off Orochimaru.

"Orochimaru."

The feeling of doom vanishes. She looks shocked.

"Surprised I brought up Orochimaru?" I say to... Orochimaru. Wow this conversation just got weird. "Yeah, I've gotta give the guy credit even if he went rouge. Orochimaru is freakishly strong. There are very few nin today that can stand on even ground with him, but even that is not enough. He's smart. 

He makes sure that everything possible is to his advantage. His best weapon is his mind, and his mind is among the best. When I say I want to be an S-rank shinobi, he is one of the shinobi I compare myself to. 

I ask, can I fight that? Right now the answer is: hell no! Run away screaming and maybe you can breath tomorrow. I can't deny that he is strong." Here is where it gets tricky. "But I can't say I approve of how he got strong."

"Care to elaborate? This conversation has been very enlightening." I hope so, I don't want you to kill me later.

"He was driven away from Konoha for doing illegal experiments on humans. He has forsaken all ties to his village, his home." Orochimaru tilts her head in question, I elaborate "He can never come back. I couldn't imagine that. 

Surely even Orochimaru had friends here, family maybe. Even his sensei." I thought for sure she would react to that, but Orochimaru is too good once she has her guard raised. "Just think, if he stayed here, he could be the Hokage right now." Take the bait, ask me how. Take it!

"How would that have happened?"

"The Fourth died."

"And? Orochimaru was passed over, and the Fourth was elected instead. He wasn't up for consideration. By the time the Fourth died he was long gone from the village."

"Correct, but imagine if he stayed. He was the second choice for the Hokage. If he stayed, the Third might not have come out of retirement and trusted the village to his student."

Orochimaru doesn't react. "It's an interesting viewpoint, and one I have never considered before."

"See? That is what makes him so dangerous. He thinks of things no one else would have. That is why I say he is a great shinobi."

"You think Orochimaru is a great shinobi? Many in this village would think otherwise."

"You can't deny his achievements. It's even rumored that he formed his own village. The guy has balls, at the very least."

"You seem rather well informed." Shit. I said too much. A lowly gennin like me shouldn't know who runs Otogakure.

"Well, I assume he has balls. Maybe he lost them on a mission?" Killing intent spikes like crazy.

"Kidding! I'm kidding, jeez, for a chick you take ball jokes really poorly." Holy fuck I just made a ball joke about Orochimaru to Orochimaru's face!

"YOU ALL PASS THE FIRST TEST!" Oh thank you Ibiki! I'm getting that man a gift basket of torture tools. "Now for the second test you-"

CRASH

Something flies through the window, hits the floor, rolls a bit and throws four kunai into the ceiling and floor to display a banner.

"The world's sexiest kunoichi, Anko Mitarashi." I read out. "That is incredibly -" Anko stands up "-accurate. Completely 100% true. I support this." I hear a couple snickers and muffled laughs at my expense.

Anko turns towards me, "Aw, thanks cu-" She stops mid sentence. Her eyes bore into mine. Silence continues for a long time.

I clear my throat. "Ahem. I know I said you're hot and all, but lady I am twelve. This is just getting weird."

Anko snaps out of her daze. "Sorry squirt. You look exactly like..." She trails off. "Never mind."

Strange, I wonder who she thought of.

"I'm Anko Mitarashi, special jonin of Konoha and your proctor for the second exam!" She turns to Ibiki, "Dude, aren't you supposed to get teams to quit? There's a boatload here!"

Ibiki snorts. "Blame the kiddie you made doe eyes at. He talked most of them out of quitting." Great. I pulled a Naruto.

"I am not sorry." I blurt out. Orochimaru chuckles to herself. I shudder. That noise should never be made again.

"Moving on! Like I said, I'm Anko Mitarashi, second exam proctor. First thing is first, we need to go to training ground 44! Follow me!" She dives out the window.

"Huh. That happened. Sasuke, Sakura! Let's move!" I dive out the window too with Sasuke and Sakura right behind me.

...

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