1 1st July

I had a dream.

I stood there, under the orange glow of the soft sunlight in the distance. The clouds above me were stained an orange, the wind blew against me gently, ruffling my hair. Did I stand there, facing the sunset, or was it the sunrise? I was unsure, but the view was beautiful. I looked around me, it was an unfamiliar place. Where was I?

Behind me was a green metal door that had the paint scratched away. The ground below me was cracked and unsafe. At several places, I noticed a few patches of red, thinking positively, it was most likely red paint, yep, red pain, nothing else. Around the area, were fences, green fences that were built to twice my own height. I looked past it, where the small view of landscape could be seen, the town. Lights were turning on, people roamed the streets oh so far away as I stood in place.

Where was I?

Last I remembered, I was at a hospital, there was no way I could be where I was unless it was an illusion or a miracle. Yes, a miracle, that was what I needed to live a normal life.

"Hey." I heard someone say.

I looked forward. How I had not seen her, I did not know. There stood a girl, her hands behind her back. She stood around 163cm tall, shorter than me, at least. She wore what I assumed to be a jacket. The jacket was unzipped, and she wore a plain white shirt underneath. The jacket was a green colour, and it really suited her. She wore ankle-length black jeans that seemed to stick to her skin. She wore a pair of sports shoes, I am unsure of the brand, but they looked pricy, not that I knew much about sport shoes. I tried to look at the girl's face.

She was stunningly breathtaking. She had blonde hair tied into a short ponytail, her hairband was black. She stood there, her skin seemingly reflecting the orange sunset. The smile on her face took my breath away, a cheeky smile. Her blue eyes twinkled slightly as if reflecting my own image. She was beautiful, so much so that I tried to take a step back.

Who was she? Had we met before?

I looked back, but the door seemed infinitely far away. The girl stood there, the sunset behind her. I faced her once again, afraid that I would be unable to take my eyes off her, I looked down at the ground. Who was she? She was so beautiful, did I have the right to be around her?

My heart was beating fast, I never had a girl try and talk to me before, there was no way someone like her would take notice of me. She reached out, and I noticed that her nails were painted light pink. I felt her hands on my face. The warmth was unnatural for me, her fingers holding my face ever so gently. She lifted my head up, I did not try to resist, why would I?

She brought my face to look at her own, her smile and expression almost smug, the twinkle in her eyes not leaving.

Behind her, the sunset.

Before her, me.

The sunset cast an orange glow on her, leaving me in her shadow. Another breeze blew by, her hair waving in the wind. She did not seem the least bit bothered as she let her right hand go of my face. She reached above me and picked up something. She showed me the dried leaf she had picked up and laughed, tossing it into the wind. I saw as the leaf flew by, turning and twisting in the wind before disappearing out of sight. She turned my head back once again. Her eyes still twinkled, but she crossed her arms and pouted as she looked at me. It lasted for a few seconds before she stopped it and laughed at my expression.

It was oddly silent, the wind, her laughs, even her voice. All of it was silent, was I deaf? But I was sure I heard her not too long ago. I wanted to ask her name, find out who she was, anything at all, I wanted to know more about her.

I looked at her, the sunset behind her, I started shirking. She looked divine. What rights did I, a less than average person, have to casually talk to her? Before her, I was but a mere rat before god. We lived in different worlds, there was no chance for the two of us to mix, not at all.

The girl reached out and grabbed my hand, pulling me along with a smile. My feet moved on their own as I followed after her as best as I could. She was erratic, she seemed to dance while holding my arm, spinning, twirling, jumping and landing with grace.

I did not take my eyes off her, she had such an expression of joy, I doubted I ever saw something like that in my life. Such joy, as if we were once again children, once again clueless, sheltered from the real world. I could not bring myself to dance, only following her as she led me along. She smiled so brightly, she outshone the very sun she danced under. The entire world seemed still. No wind blew, no one below them on the streets walked, no birds flew, no clouds moved. Just the two of us, the girl dancing, and me, just there.

Eventually, she stopped.

She was not even sweating as she stood there, her ponytail a mess. She turned around playfully, hands behind her back. She smiled playfully and lowered her upper body slightly, walking slowly towards me. She brought her face close to mine, smirking.

I instinctively stepped back, making her laugh lightly. She stood there, hands behind her back once again as she looked at the ground as if thinking. She glanced at me, but otherwise, just looked at the ground. I stood there, unsure of how to continue. That tension lasted a minute before she looked at me, an almost sad expression on her face.

I walked towards her and tried to ask her what was wrong. But before any voice could come out of my mouth, she leapt forward and hugged me. I stood there awkwardly, not sure how I was supposed to approach the situation. The situation was surreal, never in a million years would I think a girl would hug me, much less a girl as beautiful as the one hugging me in that instance. She seemed thin and small, she shivered against me, her hug tightening.

I wrapped my own arms over her shoulders, seeing as she had wrapped her arms under mine. I could feel her face pressed against my chest as she shivered. It was not cold, why would it be? It was never cold.

The girl calmed down after I had hugged her back, instead, we stayed that way for a few seconds, or was it minutes?

Time ticked.

She let go, and I followed after. She took a step back and looked me in the eyes. Her eyes had a mix of emotions. Joy, anticipation, excitement, a just a hint of remorse. Why the remorse? I was unsure myself.

I took a look at her, along with the scenery, the darkening sky, the beauty that stood before me. A sight I had never once seen in my life.

Her lips moved, and I looked at her. She had an almost sad look as if it was sad to say goodbye.

"Let's meet again." She said, reaching out her hand. "On the Thirty-first day of July."

I reached out my right arm and shook her hand. She smiled widely and jumped at me, everything went blank.

"Let's be together, forever, on the Thirty-First."

My eyes flew open.

There was an annoying noise, a shrill noise I doubted anyone even liked. I reached out to my right and clicked the trigger on the alarm, deactivating it. I stared at the ceiling. I was in my room, on my bed, a blanket over me. My room was dark, the only light was the soft moonlight that penetrated my curtains. I looked out the window that was to the right of my bed.

That was right, how many days had it been? I was just discharged from the hospital about a week ago, the doctors had said my sickness had been cured, and it was fine for me to return home. I stared at the dark ceiling once again. What was the dream I had?

My memory was hazy, I could remember bits and pieces of the dream, but not everything. Was there someone? What did I hear?

'Let's meet again. On the Thirty-First Day of July. '

That line repeated itself in my head. I shook my head, it was only a dream my adolescent brain had thought up, there was no meaning behind it in the slightest. I tried to sit up, but found difficulty in moving my limbs. Five minutes later, I was on my feet as I walked towards the door of my room. I flicked the switch next to the door, and the room was engulfed with a brilliant light. I looked over to the far side of the room, where a clock hung above my bed, the clock face showing the time.

I squinted at it, my eyes still getting used to the light.

It was 5:30 am.

I turned, opened the door, and left the room. I felt weak, my grip was weak, my legs were weak, my arms were weak. I was also quite thin and barely had an appetite. After the year I spent in the hospital, lying on a bed, passed out from pain half the time, it was no surprise.

The doctor said my immune system was quite weak, and even the change in weather could affect my health. In a tropical country, it wasn't as bad since the weather was constant throughout, I only needed to worry about the colder rainy days. From a young age, I was sick so often I had lost count. Most recently, I recovered from sickness so bad that it lasted an entire year.

What sickness was it? I had no idea, nor do I have any clue what caused it. I only know that I recovered, and that was all I needed to know.

I turned the lights of the living room on and looked around, it sure was quiet. A sofa lay roughly three meters away from the television. Behind the couch was our dining table, and further left of the dining table, if you were to face the sofa, was a kitchen. I walked between the sofa and the dining table, the space left wide to act as a path.

I went to settle my business in the bathroom.

I stared at the mirror in the bathroom. I looked so thin and pale I was basically a walking skeleton. My cheeks were sunken, and my eyes were dark. My hair was black and left slightly long. I tried smiling, but my muscles were unused to it, producing something akin to a creepy grin. I looked at my eyes, were they always so blank? I looked down at my wrist, where there were a few scars from when they had to attach a drip to me.

I walked out of the bathroom, not wanting to think about the depressing times of me being in the hospital as I suffered day after day.

I walked over to the living room and heard a soft noise. I looked to the left, and saw a familiar figure. Crawling on all fours, black with a white underbelly. A red collar with a bell hung around her neck as she approached me. I squatted down and patted her. She rubbed her head against my hand and purred. Our family cat, Meilyn, was a gift given to us to celebrate my recovery three years back. Not long after, I had gotten sick again.

"Good morning to you," I told her, rubbing the back of her neck.

"Don't get any allergic reactions now." I heard behind me.

It was a familiar voice. The voice of my mother. A kind, independent mother who worked to help our family keep up with the medical fees. I owe a great deal to my parents, for without them, I would not have been able to live as long as I had. My mother was a smart woman who could work many jobs and had landed a pretty high-paying job. My father had an average job but was pretty happy at where he was at.

I turned around, shaking my head, my hair getting into my eyes. "I'm not allergic to cats."

My mother nodded. She was in her work attire, a bag slung over her shoulder. She checked the time on her watch before pointing towards the dining table. There was a plate there. I seemed to have looked over it, either that, or my mother had prepared it while I was finishing my business.

"Breakfast is ready. I'll be off to work soon, please, get prepared for school. You don't want to miss your first day of school, right?" My mother told me, worried.

I nodded.

"I know it's July, and you'll be an odd one out, but try to make friends." My mother continued.

"I will try," I replied.

She walked over to the door and slipped on her high heels before rushing out without another day. I reached out, but pulled my hand back, whispering to myself, "Have a great day…"

I sighed and sat down at the table. I looked at the simple PB&J sandwich on the plate and picked it up. I had been either living off the drip or eating hospital food for the longest time. Ever since I came back and ate normal food, it felt like Heaven. Meilyn walked up to me. I shooed her away, and she disappeared under the sofa before poking her head out to look at me.

I bit into the sandwich and chewed, staring into blank space.

"Good morning." Came another voice.

It was my father this time, having just woken up. He stretched, not in the slightest prepared for work. I looked at him, still chewing the first bite of the sandwich. The taste was slowly turning odd as I chewed. After just a few chews, it turned bad, very bad. I stood suddenly and ran to the bathroom, bending over at the toilet bowl, my father, concerned, rushed after me.

I vomited out whatever was in my mouth, and anything else inside. I stared at the sandwich, it was chewed up and looked disgusting as it floated in the toilet bowl water. I stared at it, dry vomiting my guts out. I grabbed the side of the toilet bowl as I tried to vomit out my saliva and the digestive acids in my gut.

My father patted my back, a look of concern on his face. "What's wrong?"

I calmed down and looked up at him, tearing up slightly. "I don't think I like PB&J."

My father nodded, not convinced by my light-hearted statement. He patted my shoulder and helped me stand back onto my feet. I leaned against him as I walked towards the living room, taking a seat on the sofa. My father went to the kitchen and brought out a pill, along with a glass of water. I put the medicine in my mouth and drank a mouthful of water to wash it down. My father passed me the bottle of the pills, looking me in the eyes, dead serious.

"Take this every six hours." He told me.

I nodded, and he patted my shoulder before going to the back. I sat there, taking deep breaths before I stood and got ready for school. I did not feel great, but better than I ever did the past year.

I was on the bus, on the way to school, staring out the window. There were other people there that chatted amongst one another, spoke into their phone or had their eyes glued to their phone. I stared out the window, feeling like I had forgotten something, thinking about it, what did I dream about? I do not remember in the slightest.

After being sick that long, I had only gotten back to school just in time to start the second half of the year. I barely managed to get into the second year of highschool, and I had to transfer school to do so. I was not excited in the least, school was just a nesting ground for negativity.

I got off the bus.

I walked into the school, alongside the chattering group of students that walked into the school. They paid me no mind, I was basically no one to them, just another student walking alongside them.

I found my way to the classroom I was supposed to be in.

I stood there, staring at the class sign. Class 2-5, the worst class of our batch, fitting for someone like me. I was supposed to wait for the teacher to call my name for me to enter, I stood there, wearing the school uniform. I took a deep breath to calm myself down before I heard the teacher call, "We have a new student joining us today, you may enter."

I knocked on the classroom door and entered, walking with my head down. I was not used to seeing so many people, and I was understandably nervous about it. I faced the class, they looked back at me. I tried to introduce myself, "Um… I'm… I'm…"

I scratched the back of my head, my palms were sweating. We're palms supposed to sweat? The class looked like they were holding back their laughter as I talked.

"I'm… Rhyar, Rhyar Reinhardt. I… look forward to being with you all." I finally said.

"Rhyar?" One of the students said out loud. "That's a pretty weird name."

I stiffened up, I had not thought that the first thing they asked was about my name. I laughed lightly, playing it off as a joke, "Yeah, I know, right?"

"Rhyar, could you please sit at that open seat over there?" The teacher told me.

I walked past the students, towards the seat. Their stares dug into me, they seemed interested in me for all the wrong reasons. I sat down, looking around warily. In fact, when I sat down, I saw more people staring, rather, glaring at me. I wondered why, so I looked around me. To my left, the left-most corner of the class sat a girl. She looked to the front, obviously bored, her right elbow on the table as her chin rested on her right hand.

I looked at her, perhaps for a little too long. She was pretty, with blonde hair and blue eyes. She wore the uniform, and the sunlight from the window shone through and seemed to surround her with a holy aura.

I looked away before she could notice. She seemed like someone untouchable by someone like me, I was too small, too insignificant to even talk to her.

The school day went by.

Maybe because it was the first day of school for me, but not many people seemed to have wanted to approach me. I did not talk to any of my classmates, instead, they talked to each other. They had their own groups, I was just an outsider no one wanted to be around.

I went home.

Nothing good had happened, and nothing bad had happened either. I was living a normal life, granted, it was lonely and dull, but it was better than being stuck in the hospital, dying from boredom.

At home, I pinched my skin, feeling more bone than fat under it. I looked around the house for something to eat while waiting for my parents. I took small bites of food, chewing it carefully and swallowing it without vomiting. I wanted to at least fatten up, maybe not look anorexic.

Nothing really happened for the rest of the day.

Near night, my parents returned home. They ended work at around the same time and would reach home at around 7 pm. I would have dinner, as much as I could eat anyways. I looked upon the takeaway noodles my mother had gotten for me. Takeaway food, my family did not have the time to cook, it was understandable. I ate it to the best of my ability, only consuming half of it before feeling unbelievably full.

I excused myself and walked away, leaning against a wall near the bathroom. I held my fist over my mouth as I stood there, swallowing my saliva. I stood for a few minutes in complete silence and concentration to keep the food I consumed in me. After around ten minutes, I took a shaky breath and sighed.

I walked away and gave my father, who was waiting, a thumbs up. Afterwards, I went back into my room to start drawing. Drawing kept my mind off things, I would draw many things, though none of them good.

I kept it up for the rest of the night, and before I knew it, it was 10 pm. I stared outside my window, pulling my curtain aside. The city nightlife. Cars, people enjoying themselves. I wished I could be like them, to so casually do whatever they wanted. To have a body that could at least keep up, not my fragile body that broke down from a mere breeze. I drew the curtains and walked to the switch beside my door, flicking it off and going back to the bed. I stared into the darkness, shivering despite not having air conditioning. I pulled my blanket over myself and curled up into a ball where I laid.

A charm I was once taught to escape reality. I looked around, things were pretty normal now. I would say that charm every day in the hospital. It kept my mind busy so that I would not have to continuously think of the pain. However, now that I was back home, I doubted I would ever need that charm ever again.

I blinked a few times, already tired. Without much food intake, my body was always low energy. I closed my eyes, ready to sleep.

Beep… Beep… Beep…

I heard the noise, what was it? I don't remember it from anything in my room, I don't think I ever had something like that. A rhythmic beep, it was actually pleasant. It reminded me of when I was in the hospital, all alone at night, the only company being the beep of the heart rate monitor. It calmed me down, after years of listening to it, my body must have remembered it. The beep was so pleasant, huh, never knew why it would feel so… calming.

I closed my eyes.

Yes, today was a good day, a great day. I hoped in future, everything else would be like today. 1st July, was a really good day for me. I liked it for nothing bad happened, I liked it for nothing good happened. I lived a life, and that I could comfortably say I lived, I existed.

Good night.

Beep… Beep… Beep…