Chapter 87.5: Yuna’s Diary

~This chapter follows the event when Yuna and Kai met at her workplace~

Dear Diary,

Something really strange happened today.

I was at work, and two shady men kept watching me from a distance.

It was like they had some ill intentions, lurking just out of sight but never really leaving.

I tried to ignore their stares, pushing away the growing unease inside me, but every time I turned my eyes away, the feeling of discomfort only got worse.

It was as if I could feel their eyes stripping me bare, leaving me vulnerable.

I can't even describe the awful sensation.

It was as though at any moment they might make a move, grab me, and drag me off somewhere.

The fear gripped me tightly, like a cold hand around my throat.

I was just doing my job.

I was standing outside the little shop, dressed as a maid, handing out flyers to passersby.

I needed the extra money to cover this month's expenses.

But even though I wasn't doing anything wrong, I felt like I was. I felt exposed, dirty even, under those men's eyes.

Why? I've never thought of myself as particularly pretty.

I'm just an ordinary girl, living an ordinary life.

There's nothing about me that stands out, nothing that would make people jealous or give anyone a reason to look at me that way.

And yet, those eyes were always there, watching.

I felt disgusted.

And even worse, I felt like I was doing the wrong thing, like I was being food for their eyes because of my appearance.

But, of course, it's hard to put into words what I was really feeling.

The closest I can get to explaining it is that I was scared, really scared.

Like, at any moment, something bad was going to happen, and I was powerless to stop it.

I guess I've never been very good at standing out.

I've always tried to blend in, just go along with things so I wouldn't have any trouble.

Honestly, people make me anxious.

I've never been good at socializing, which is probably why I don't have many friends.

Sure, I've talked to plenty of people, but in the end, they all just drift away. No one ever sticks around.

But I'm rambling again, aren't I? Let me tell you how the rest of the day went.

I kept working, handing out flyers, and those two men didn't stop watching me. It made my skin crawl, but I did my best to act like I didn't notice them. I was hoping they'd leave.

Then, this old lady came up to me. She smiled and complimented me, telling me how beautiful I looked.

For a brief moment, her words cut through the tension, and I actually felt a little better. It was the nicest thing that happened all day.

But then something weird happened.

As she reached out to touch my shoulder, I flinched instinctively, like I was scared of her.

In my mind, I wasn't thinking of the kind old lady in front of me.

I was thinking of those two men, and how I didn't want anyone touching me, especially not them.

The lady looked shocked, and the moment I realized what I'd done, I felt awful.

I apologized, my face hot with embarrassment. She apologized too, saying she hadn't meant to startle me, and as she walked away, she repeated how cute I was.

For the rest of the day, I felt terrible.

I hadn't meant to react that way, but the fear just got to me.

Maybe those men weren't even looking at me in the first place. Maybe I was just overreacting… I don't know.

After that little incident, I went back to handing out flyers, trying to focus on my work and ignore the men. Then, out of nowhere, someone I never expected to see showed up in front of me.

It was the cherry on top of a strange day.

Kai.

You know Kai, of course. I've mentioned him plenty of times in this diary. The mysterious Kai, the boy who never talks about his family or anything personal.

Kai is… everything and nothing at the same time.

He's always polite, always quiet, always seems so innocent.

He's one of those guys who blends into the background, but once you notice him, you can't stop thinking about him. It's hard to explain, but he's… special.

He's also very cute, which I can't deny.

And he always kept things and secrets to himself, only hanging out with me, Naomi, Yuna, Hiro, Haruto, and Hana.

We were his only friends, really.

I don't even remember how we actually met.

Maybe it was a few years ago... during a school trip? I don't remember too much.

But today, Kai looked different. Happier. Lighter.

And I knew why. I'm sure you've already guessed it, diary.

He's in love.

He has a girlfriend now, and she's gorgeous.

Hina Ishikawa.

The girl with the jet-black hair and stormy gray eyes.

Popular but solitary, mysterious but alluring.

She's like a character from a romance novel, one you can't figure out but want to keep reading about.

She looked so perfect in the eyes of people, that everyone started to spread some strange rumors about her and her past life.

I never understood why even the silent people who do not harm or bother anyone are still in the middle of dark and evil voices around them.

Maybe everything came from the mouth of envious people.

Who knows...

I saw that girl once and it didn't get any single positive vibe from her.

I don't know if i've been influenced by voices or I was simply scared of how beautiful she was.

I've heard all the rumors about her.

Everyone has.

The most unsettling one is about her ex-boyfriend, the popular student who was murdered and found in the abandoned part of the school. People say Hina killed him out of jealousy.

Creepy, right?

Naomi and I warned Kai about her, but he doesn't seem to care. He's completely smitten with her.

Honestly, I couldn't believe it. I'd never imagined that they would end up together.

Even in the wildest love stories, I wouldn't have predicted it.

They looked so happy together, but for some strange reasons , I felt like Kai was trying to avoid us as much as he could.

Seeing them spending so much time alone and thinking about the things that they might have been doing... well... 

A strange but new feeling actually formed into my heart.

It was bitter and frustrating a little.

I guess… I was jealous.

I still am, probably. Even now while writing these words to you.

But it's a strange kind of jealousy.

I don't even know what I'm jealous of.

Am I jealous of Kai? Or by the fact that he has a relationship?

My head actually starts to hurt if I think about all these things together, so all I do in these situations is just turning off my mind with sleeping.

As always, I run away from my problems instead of facing them directly.

Anyway, let's return to the main point of this little story.

When I saw Kai standing there, I didn't know what to do.

I welcomed him like a regular customer, but inside, I was shocked.

My heart raced.

He smiled at me with an embarassed expression, and I felt this weird sense of confusion like I wasn't ready to see him.

And definitely not while I was wearing a maid costume!

I begged him not to tell anyone about my job.

No one else could know: neither our friends nor anyone at school.

The last thing I wanted was to be seen dressed like this.

After our little "secret" conversation, Kai explained why he was there. He was looking for a small gift for Hina. A token of his affection.

Of course, I helped him.

I acted like the professional I was supposed to be, recommending the cutest gift I could find.

It was an adorable charm, something I would've loved to receive myself, and that's why I suggested it to him.

It was the present I would've wanted from someone.

Kai liked it. He smiled and thanked me several times before leaving.

Before he left, I told him to keep in touch, that he didn't bother me. I hope he listens.

As Kai walked away, I realized something strange: the two men who had been watching me were gone. Completely vanished.

But the feeling of being watched, that eerie sensation, hadn't disappeared. It lingered, heavy and unsettling.

When Kai's figure disappeared into the distance, a tiny, hollow sadness crept into my heart. I didn't understand it, but it felt like I'd lost something important.

And even now, as I write this, that feeling hasn't gone away.

It's this empty space inside me that won't heal.

I don't know what to do.

Ever since Kai came to buy that gift for Hina, I've felt this way.

What do you think, diary? What should I do?

Well, I think that we'll see each other very often, I guess.

Oh, and now that I think about it, I also have to see Naomi. 

She said that she has something important to tell to me.

I wonder what it will be.

See you next time, my best friend!!! 

~Yuna-Chan