8
Chapter 8: Part VIII
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Disclaimer: I own nothing, just borrowing for a while.
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"Varys was oft heard to say, with a mix of smugness and respect for a worthy foe, that Littlefinger was the second most devious man in the Seven Kingdoms. It turned out that both Baelish and Varys himself ranked one place lower on the list than he thought."
Tyrion Lannister, Hand of the King - 305 AL
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Kings Landing – 298 AL
Petyr Baelish never saw things more clearly than when he was at a brothel, which was fortunate because he owned several, including the most opulent ones that catered for the wealthiest and select of clientele. At present he was lounging in his chamber at one of the finest of his houses and pondering the current situation.
In terms of land his holdings were small, his House being minor and owing its fealty to House Arryn of the Vale, so it was to his credit and testimony to his hard work and intelligence that he had risen to become one of the most powerful men in the land. Unfortunately mere talent and ability could only get you so far within the feudal system and true power would never be his unless he changed the rules of the game. If an outright lunatic like Aerys Targaryen or a downright moron like Robert Baratheon could sit on the Iron Throne then the rules were surely made to be broken anyway surely?
Sipping fine Dornish wine from a silver cup Baelish idly watched one of his courtesans practice her dancing, her wispy outfit of silk imported all the way from Qarth leaving very little to the imagination. "More hip movement, less sticking your arse out" he instructed her before taking another sip of wine.
The letter he had bade Lysa Arryn write her sister Catelyn accusing the Lannisters of murdering her husband had led Ned Stark to investigate the claim, albeit with his usual lack of subtlety and discretion so both Baelish himself and Varys had little trouble in keeping an eye on how Stark was progressing in his quest. Unfortunately while the bloody fool had followed the trail of breadcrumbs left for him, obtaining the book Jon Arryn had been reading before his 'unfortunate' demise, visiting the known bastard offspring of King Robert and likely being told point-blank by Varys that Arryn had probably been murdered by an assassin using the expensive and traceless poison Tears of Lys, Stark had still not joined the dots.
While to others chaos was a pit that none should wish the kingdoms to fall into, to Baelish it meant opportunity. It was a ladder he could climb, first perhaps to the Eyrie and marriage to Lysa and then to the even greater heights, metaphorically at least, of the Iron Throne. The last thing he needed was stability, or even just the current semblance of it, so it might be necessary to nudge things along a little more, perhaps by filling in a little more of the picture for the hapless Eddard Stark.
"I did tell him not to trust me" Baelish remarked quietly to himself with amusement as the girl finished her dance. "Much better Bethany" he told her, "now show me how flexible you are" he instructed. "The contortions girl!" he explained, rolling his eyes at her blank expression.
"Oh yes. Let's see those" the voice of another man interjected in a rather enthusiastic tone. "They let me straight in at the door, hope you don't mind the intrusion?" it added.
Baelish put on a welcoming smile. "Of course not, the Queen's younger brother is always welcome at any of my humble places of business" he replied as the dwarf Tyrion entered the room.
"Not quite so humble Lord Baelish" Tyrion replied wryly, noting the quality of the furniture and decoration as he looked around. "And as the man that has probably put more coin in your pocket than any other over the last few years I expect the welcome is as much to do with that as it is my family name."
"It is true that your contribution to the nest-egg I'm putting aside for my eventual retirement back to the Fingers has been quite considerable" Baelish confirmed. "If you live to be your father's age, and your enthusiasm for female company doesn't wane over the years, I should have enough money to replace the old tower there as family seat with a castle the size of the Red Keep" he joked.
"Somehow I can't see you ever retiring from the position of Master of Coin" Tyrion replied, slumping into a nearby seat and helping himself to some wine. For one thing he suspected Baelish was making more money through that potentially lucrative position than he was from his legal, though some might say equally immoral, business interests.
"We all see one too many winters in the end not to yearn for an easier life" Baelish replied. "I assume you're just now returned from the North?" he asked, knowing full well he was thanks to his network of informers correctly predicting the dwarfs arrival back in the city.
Tyrion nodded. "If I ever express a desire to travel any further up the King's Road than The Neck again do me a favour and suggest a nice vacation to the Summer Isles instead" he responded. "I can still feel the cold that seeped into my bones up there" he complained. "No wonder northerners are all so bloody grim" he added before raising his cup to his lips.
"I hear you went to see the wall?" Baelish asked, again knowing for certain he had.
"Yes and a very impressive sight it is too" Tyrion confirmed, "Although I doubt the people stuck on the other side of the thing appreciate it as much" he said. "Anyway, down to business" he continued, putting down his now drained cup of wine. "Since I desperately need warming up, travelling back here with a member of the Night's Watch put a slight cramp on my usual travel itinerary, and because I can't face the Red Keep yet I thought I'd put some more coin in your pocket first" he told Baelish brightly.
"A cramp on your usual travel itinerary?" Baelish queried, Tyrion looking for a girl or two was itself hardly unexpected of course.
"I just couldn't bring myself to torture a man sworn to celibacy by stopping off at every brothel on the way" Tyrion explained. Yoren had been good company on the trip, the man had a decent, if coarse and unsophisticated, sense of humour, but with the Night's Watch recruiter off to complete his own mission, scouring the dungeons of King's Landing for 'motivated volunteers' Tyrion was now free to undertake his own vital mission and indulge the pleasures of the flesh.
Baelish chuckled. "Been a while by your standards I take it?" he surmised.
"Another day and my virginity would have come back" Tyrion joked. "Any recommendations?" he asked. "The contortionist here perhaps?" he suggested, indicating the girl who was still waiting there for instructions.
"Bethany, go prepare a room for Lord Tyrion" Baelish ordered, "and you'd better fetch Fern too" he added. "They're both very sweet girls" he told the dwarf.
Tyrion laughed. "I'll make sure to confirm the taste myself" he replied as the girl dashed off. "So has anything interesting been happening here while I've been away?" he asked.
"Interesting?" Baelish repeated, looking thoughtful. "Well people are still talking about the Tournament that was held to celebrate the appointment of the new Hand-of-the King" he said. "I lost a hundred Gold Dragons to Lord Renly by betting on The Mountain against Loras Tyrell but Clegane's horse lost rather more" he continued, "extremely sore-loser The Mountain, he chopped its head off."
The dwarf rolled his eyes. "The man always was a maniac" he replied. "I'm only surprised he didn't chop off Tyrell's head."
"Oh he tried" Baelish responded, "The Hound had to draw his sword to save The Knight of Flowers from his deranged brother, if it wasn't for the King ordering them to stop I expect the world would be short one Clegane, not that either of them are exactly short" he said.
Tyrion smiled. "I imagine standing next to The Mountain is the only time the rest of you get the opportunity to see things from my perspective" he suggested. "Looking a man squarely eye-to-navel rather than eye-to eye" he continued. "Well there never was much love lost between those two" he observed, "makes my relations with my own siblings look positively warm and friendly" Tyrion joked, causing Baelish to chuckle as the hatred between Cersei and her youngest brother was well known. "Anything else of note happening?" Tyrion inquired. "How is Ned Stark handling his new duties?" he asked.
The Master of coin sighed. "I'm afraid to say that the man is not happy in his work, although he is still wearing the brooch of office thus far" he replied. "It's not for me to say why but I'm sure you'll find out yourself in due course."
Intriguing, Tyrion thought to himself, I must investigate. "No more gossip?" he checked.
"I suppose the other news of interest news is that your nephew has been attending the Small Council" Baelish told him. "A very astute young man, I can't say I've noticed that in him before."
Tyrion raised his eyebrows. "The Small Council you say?"
"Yes, not that we're still seeing King Robert there very much" Baelish replied. "Prince Joffrey appears to have a very clever head on his shoulders, always asking intelligent questions when he's not making equally intelligent observations."
Thank the Gods, I might have finally got through to him, Tyrion thought to himself happily. "Well, what else can you expect from a boy with Lannister blood running through his veins?" he asked rhetorically. "Ignoring the occasional vacant-eyed idiot like my cousin Lancel of course."
"What else indeed?" Baelish responded, smiling. So much Lannister blood in one boy, what would the King's Hand do when he found out just how much, and what would the Queen do in response? he wondered, his smile starting to resemble a smirk.
Notes:
Note from the author:
Without the assassination attempt on Bran taking place (that was Joffrey's doing so with Octavian driving it didn't happen) Tyrion, along with travelling companion Yoren, have returned to King's Landing from the Wall without incident.
In other butterflies, without the attempt on her son's life taking place Catelyn Stark has not traveled to King's landing in secret. Instead of hating Tyrion she actually thinks rather positively of him because he gave her a design for a saddle that meant Bran could still ride a horse despite being paralyzed from the waist down.
With Tyrion not a prisoner of Catelyn there is no move by the Lannisters against the Starks and their allies. Beric Dondarrion isn't sent to stop the now non-existent Lannister marauders in the Riverlands led by Gregor Clegane and the Red Priest Thoros of Myr is still in King's Landing too (he was a favoured drinking companion of King Robert as well as Dondarrion's friend incidentally).