Self care

Vincent stayed longer than Fil expected him to be. She thought he would bid her goodbye when she told him she had no air freshener available. But he stayed to chat even after she indirectly rejected the invitation to his grandfather's birthday. 

It was strange. Fortunately, he told her he would leave before she could think of any excuse for him to leave.

"Think about it, alright?" Standing outside Fil's apartment, Vincent reminded her. "I understand that you didn't expect this invitation this year, but you must come."

Fil kept the door wide open, nodding and smiling. "I'll see what I can do."

"Fil." Vincent faced her squarely, holding her shoulders and squeezing them mildly. "You know how my grandpa likes you, right? If you come, it's like announcing our engagement."

Which was why she instinctively didn't want to go. 

"This is what we've always wanted," he continued, sporting a solemn look. "So please, make time for me."

"I'll try to finish the project I'm working on as soon as I can," she nodded reassuringly. Fil slowly held the hand on her shoulder, removing it from her. She then held his hand with both her hands. "I can't promise, but I'll do my best. You know me, right?"

"I know." He smiled in satisfaction. "You never disappoint."

"Just like how I made some of your projects a success," she remarked, watching the smile on his face crack. "I'll figure it out."

Vincent tried his best to keep a smile, nodding. "I'll go now."

"Take care." She carefully released his hand, waving and watching him walk away. She didn't get in immediately, just staring at his back. But just as her smile was fading, she quickly put on the mask when he suddenly looked back.

"Bye~" she waved once more, seeing him sport a short smile. 

After a minute, Fil closed the door. As soon as she did, she clung to the knob and almost fell. A deep exhale slipped past her, hearing her heart drum in her chest.

"That was hard…" she whispered, her entire body shaking. "And scary…"

Fil felt her lips turn cold before its corners curled up. Before she knew it, she was giggling and laughing to herself. It was hard acting like everything was fine. She might've been too blinded and foolish in the past, but she was doing it without knowing. 

Being stupid and pretending to be one were two different things. 

Even so, there was a little satisfaction in the end. Fil drew a deep breath, straightening her back, turning on her heel until her back was resting against the door. She closed her eyes, cocking her head back, taking another deep breath. 

"In the past, I won't even dare claim something that I deserve credit for," she whispered, reopening her eyes ever so slowly. "He must be very pissed when I said if not for me, he wouldn't even close those big deals in the past."

Fil snickered, shaking her head as she pushed herself away from the door. Thinking about her decision tonight, things could've been very different. If she completely lost it, she wouldn't be smiling and laughing. Instead, crying in her room. 

As Fil went back, she stopped and glanced at the kitchen. She sniffed hard. 

"It does smell," she murmured, shrugging. 

Not because she didn't have a sensitive nose, doesn't mean Fil didn't care about the stench. She was used to it, but if she got an option, she still liked staying in a place that was organized, clean, and smelled nice. Heading to the kitchen, she went through the lower drawers and took out a bottle of air freshener spray from an entire box filled with it. 

"Hehe," she chuckled as she sprayed it around until her place smelled nice again. 

Fil breathed in deeply and huffed out in satisfaction. "Now it smells nice," she hummed, almost skipping her way to her room.

Just a few hours ago, the pain in her heart was crippling. Fil didn't know how to move forward, nor did she have any idea on how to get even. Visiting her grandfather's graveyard and her parent's home might've helped, but seeing the cause of her pain almost threw her into the abyss. 

But now, she was even humming a tune.

Instead of crying herself to sleep, she played a song and had a very long shower. Before changing, she took the initiative to light up the scented candles, keeping the lights dim to make everything appear cozy. Her place might be small, but she kept it tidy and in order. After changing into a pair of comfortable pajamas, she was ready to jump to bed and chill, only to stop in front of the vanity mirror.

"Did I age?" she wondered, standing in front of the vanity while examining her face. Her brows rose, eyes falling on the unused skincare products on it. Fil just looked at them for a moment, smiling subtly with a tinge of bitterness. 

Ever since getting promoted in her work, she has been busy. It wasn't like her work had turned her into a slave. But with her hectic schedule on top of helping Vincent in his projects, and even doing his friends favors, Fil couldn't remember having time for herself. 

There were even days she would just lie flat on the entrance of her place and fall asleep there. That was how tired she was, helping those who didn't deserve it. 

"I remember buying these because I kept getting comments that I always looked stressed," she murmured, sitting down on the stool in front of the mirror. "Let's see."

Fil clapped and glanced at the products in front of her. But then, a problem arose. 

"Which one should I use first?" she wondered, realizing she bought these without any idea which one should go first. Hence, Fil had to spend a few minutes researching just to learn which product goes first.

"So much for being a senior engineer," she murmured. "I don't even have an idea how to do skincare. I see, so this toner goes first, huh?"

As Fil followed the steps carefully, she couldn't help but smile. This was the first time in a long time she truly had time for herself. 

No wonder people call it self-care. It was therapeutic.

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After the seemingly endless skincare routine, Fil threw herself on the bed. Lying on her back, she stared at the ceiling and spread her arms wide. Just as she thought she was fine, the moment of silence only granted some unwelcome memories to invade her mind.

[I'll be busy, but I'll make time to look for a dress for you. If I can't, I already asked Marianne to help you.]

[Marianne has a great sense of fashion. Also, you're friends. I thought you'd be more comfortable hearing her advice.]

[This is what we've always wanted. So please, make time for me.]

"Shameless," she whispered, shaking her head and then slapping her cheeks. "I shouldn't cry anymore! I did the first step already. You cried enough already, Fil. Get it together!"

Her cheeks instantly turned red, wincing as the pain followed suit. "Ouch," she murmured, massaging her cheek. "I remember those products costing too much. It'll be a waste if I cry and wipe all of them away."

A deep sigh escaped her, rolling to her side and hugging her gigantic piggy squish mallow. She rested her leg over it, feeling her eyes grow heavy.

"It's super late," she murmured and then yawned. "What time did he tell me to get ready again? Did he say ten minutes before eight…? Or was it six in the morning? Six is too early. So, eight, I guess?"

As she wondered about the time she 'agreed' to meet Jackson, Fil slowly succumbed to sleep. She was so distraught in the morning and the entire day that she forgot to set up a timer. She didn't have to 'worry', though. Because only a few hours later, she would find out just how Jackson takes punctuality seriously. 

Too seriously, it was bordering on a crime.