Chapter 2. How about we start over from the beginning

Ye Xi took possession of the final bouquet from Zhou Yi backstage, a delicate fusion of Australian plum blossoms and pagoda flowers. Its floral language whispered tales of unwavering loyalty, bravery, and resilient strength.

"How did you find your way in?" Ye Xi inquired, a trace of impatience lacing his words.

"Yanzhi ushered me in," Zhou Yi declared, an air of righteousness in his tone. "Swiftly, unravel the bouquet; within lies a revelation."

Ye Xi, caught in the enigma of this unfamiliar Zhou Yi, someone intimately acquainted with Yanzhi, unfurled the bouquet. Nestled within was a card bearing poetic prose: "In days of yore, we dreamt of literature, love, and traversing the realms of the world. Now, as nightfall embraces our libations, the clink of our glasses echoes the shattering of dreams." The poetic resonance struck a chord within him. Flipping the card, he encountered the familiar, artless handwriting: "May we embark on a new beginning?"

In an instant, Ye Xi felt a whirlwind engulfing him, rendering him immobile. His peripheral vision sought solace in the faces around him, akin to a drowning soul yearning for salvation. Yet, he remained submerged, unable to voice his plea. A heartbeat later, dismissing the reactions of onlookers, he gently placed the bouquet and card aside, clutching his phone as he fled to the sanctuary of the bathroom. Sequestering himself within, he gasped for air. His countenance, now pallid, bore the mark of impending demise. Extracting himself from the mire required a Herculean effort, and in this dire moment, he wondered if he must surrender not only his artistic pursuits but also the last vestiges of his very existence.

He whispered, but no sound escaped his lips. Resigned, he loosened his tie, leaning against the partition with a single hand. After breathing deeply for a while, he stepped out of the stall and splashed cold water on his face. His hair and face were drenched, and finally, he regained his composure. He saw Dai Yanzhi standing beside him.

"What's wrong with you? Are you okay? Feeling unwell?" Dai Yanzhi inquired. His thoughts soared back to the past, recalling that year in Australia. Australia held a unique significance for him and Yan Feng—it was their secret, a secret that had been kept for twelve years. Later, during an interview, Yan Feng mentioned having a buddy who had proposed to his 'girlfriend' in July and got rejected. He accidentally let slip that the subject changed from "him" to "me," and his entire being collapsed. After Ye Xi's rejection of the proposal by Yan Feng, he attempted to reconcile, teasing Yan Feng about the incident. Subsequently, Ye Xi wrote a song for Yan Feng, using a pen name instead of his real name as the signature. Ye Xi played the piano accompaniment, but Yan Feng never revealed his identity in return. The lyrics went like this: "When I spoke, you remained silent." In the place where he never received a formal acceptance of the proposal, Ye Xi expressed all the promises in the lyrics, "Home, exists solely by your side." Today, twelve years later, Ye Xi could only muster a bitter smile in his heart. His emotions had burned out completely, leaving nothing behind.

Ye Xi was still in his memory. His thoughts flew back to 12 years ago when Yan Feng finally wrapped up his work-related tasks and informed his assistant to reschedule his commitments for the next week. Glancing at the time, it was already 3 o'clock in the evening. However, the clock on the wall indicated 4 o'clock in the afternoon. He called Ye Xi, saying, 'Xi, I've booked our tickets. We're going to Australia next week, and I've already arranged the hotel.

Ye Xi chuckled, "Why so sudden again?"

"Come on, I checked with Yanzhi. He said you have no work next week," Yan Feng said, a bit smug.

"Alright, alright. You really got me," Ye Xi replied. "I'll have him book my ticket then."

"Work is done for today. I'm going to rest early. Be good," Yan Feng coquettishly pleaded.

"Good. Go to sleep soon. Bye." Ye Xi laughed softly, his words filled with sweetness.

"Oh, making a call to Yan Feng again," Dai Yanzhi teased.

"You eavesdropped again? Hurry up and eat your takeout," Ye Xi retorted playfully.

A week later, they embraced unabashedly at Melbourne Airport, their smiles lighting up each other's eyes like many ordinary lovers. They didn't have much luggage, treating this as a purely relaxing vacation. Unbeknownst to Ye Xi, hidden in one of the two small suitcases was the engagement ring Yan Feng had prepared for him. Wearing sunglasses, fingers tightly interlocked, they hailed a taxi at the airport. Excitement sparkled in their eyes as they behaved like two kids skipping school, relishing the ordinary life as if it were a forbidden honey jar. They greedily savored a moment of freedom.

Upon reaching the hotel, their room overlooked the entire Yarra River. The living room's red velvet sofa was a piece of Victorian-era furniture, exuding an air of old European wealth—a style Ye Xi particularly liked, reminiscent of his days in academia.

"Do you like it?" Yan Feng asked gently.

"It reminds me of the time when I was still in Berlin, and you flew to see me. Of course, the weather wasn't as good as it is now." Ye Xi said, almost speaking to himself. It was winter, and it was the first time Yan Feng had flown to Berlin to visit him. Ye Xi drove to the airport to pick him up. As he opened the car door, the wind swept up the accumulated snow, hitting his face, making him shiver with cold. However, it couldn't cool the fervor within him. Such warmth made his face glow red from the depth of his chest.

Walking from the parking lot to the arrivals hall, he pretended to be indifferent, forcefully controlling his expression until he saw Yan Feng approaching. They were both wearing black coats, black sunglasses, and identical jeans. They had an unspoken understanding, never coordinating their outfits, yet somehow dressing in each other's image every time they met.

Facing Yan Feng, Ye Xi smiled like a child. "You are so beautiful," Yan Feng said very seriously, making Ye Xi burst into laughter. Before he could even blink, a pair of lips was pressed against his.

Thinking of this, Ye Xi chuckled to himself. "What are you thinking?" Yan Feng leaned over and asked Ye Xi from behind. "What do you want to eat later? Lygon Street has some excellent Italian restaurants."

"Sure, you know I love Fettuccine."

"I've got it all planned," Yan Feng said, a secret hidden in his smile.

"You always have that mischievous grin," Ye Xi said. "Why don't you take a nap first? You flew in yesterday morning, and you need to adjust to the time difference."

"It's fine. I can't sleep at this time anyway." Yan Feng leaned closer to Ye Xi and started playing with his hair. "How about we go shopping?"

"Sounds good. Let's go."

In the winter of 2008, Melbourne was adorned with falling leaves as they strolled through the streets and alleys paved with bluestones. Along Smiths Road, they explored vintage vinyl records. Ye Xi pulled out a record, beginning to talk excitedly, "This is Schumann's 'Dichterliebe,' inspired by the lyrical intermezzos from Heinrich Heine's 'Book of Songs.' It tells a sorrowful tale: a taciturn knight who writes poetry at home during the day and only meets his wife, transformed into a fairy, at night. They dance until dawn, and then he returns home to write poetry again. Heine hints that the 65 poems in the lyrical intermezzos are written by the knight. In reality, in 1840, overcoming various obstacles, he finally married his beloved Clara."

"I'm quite similar to that knight, but you're not a fairy, you're an angel," Yan Feng said, looking at Ye Xi. They shared a smile.

"You're being cheeky."

Carrying a dozen records, when they went to pay, the owner said, "Enjoy the rest of your day, sweet lovers. This is something I really like, and I will package it for you guys."

"Is it classic or pop music?" Yan Feng asked.

"It's an album from a synth-pop band. My favorite one is 'Smalltown Boy.'"

"I don't listen to pop music very often," Ye Xi told the owner. "But my partner should love it. Thank you very much!"

"Enjoy your time in Melbourne." The owner smiled as they packaged the records for them.

Yan Feng carried dozens of vinyl records out of the vintage store. A gust of wind blew, causing Yan Feng's scarf to flutter. Ye Xi promptly re-tied it for him, adjusting his collar with care. He enveloped Yan Feng in his coat, leaving only his eyes visible, as sycamore leaves fell on Ye Xi's coat. Yan Feng brushed them away. They embraced each other's waists, content as they hailed a taxi.

"Tonight, it's a twelve-course Italian fusion cuisine with wine pairings from France, Italy, and Australia. You probably haven't tried locally produced Australian wine, have you?" Yan Feng eloquently introduced the dinner plans to Ye Xi, sounding like he was boasting. "Barossa Valley in South Australia is also a globally renowned wine region. Try the famous Australian grape, Shiraz, which pairs perfectly with steak."

"Great!" Ye Xi smiled happily, his two dimples shallowly visible in the soft lighting, making him especially charming.

"This is the appetizer," Yan Feng couldn't resist kissing Ye Xi. Despite not having had any alcohol yet, both of them felt a warmth on their faces. The next course was served.

For the starters, there was wagyu beef and white truffle tartare, truffle butter focaccia, Tasmanian oysters with salmon roe, mud crab jelly with cauliflower puree and apple vinegar foam, pickled sardines on grilled European bread. Following that was the soup, Yarra Valley assorted vegetable soup. For the main course, there was Australian grain-fed M12 wagyu, blue swimmer crab with sturgeon caviar, olive oil pasta, and curry leaf-cooked needlefish fillet. Next was the side dish, Parmesan cheese-baked Italian porcini mushrooms. Dessert comprised Turkish delight, sea salt caramel squares, chocolate almond plum sorbet paired with biscotti.

Satisfied and full, they returned to their hotel room, cuddling on the sofa. Yan Feng used his fingers to gently massage Ye Xi's hair, while the other hand traced the contours of his face.

"I did a good job with dinner, didn't I?" Yan Feng said proudly. "How does it compare to the restaurant we went to in New York last year?"

"It's different. The Australian wagyu is of high quality. The red wine pairing was good too. You know I love red wine," Ye Xi said. "But the last dessert, was it made with almond and plum? It was slightly tart at first, then too sweet when I bit into the crispy crust, and there was a bit of bitterness as I swallowed. I don't like the bitter aftertaste that resembles a bad ending."

"I don't like it either, so I have a request," Yan Feng buried his head, taking out a red box from his pocket.

"Hmm? What request?" Ye Xi asked.

"Let's get married."

This was a very unsuccessful proposal, and the two ended up parting ways, not even able to enjoy their rare trip together. The next day, Ye Xi returned to Germany, leaving Yan Feng wandering aimlessly in Melbourne for a week. He stayed in the hotel by himself, watching films like "A Single Man," "Maurice," "Foucault's Death and Desire," and Bai Xianyong's "Crystal Boys." He desperately hoped to find a beautiful ending in these stories. However, after finishing each story, his pain only deepened. He realized that what he truly wanted wasn't happiness. "Only psychos don't want happiness."

A voice echoed in his mind, "Perhaps it's God who, from the moment of his birth, deprived him of the right to happiness." On the way back to the airport, in the midst of winter, with lush grass in the fields, neatly stacked withered wheat sheaves dotted the hills. The twisted branches of eucalyptus trees reached into the blue sky, resembling a bizarre invasion of darkness against the slowly spreading clouds, covering the remaining sunlight in the sky. His head began to ache, and the sadness disappeared. Yan Feng was never troubled by pain; sorrowful emotions usually dissipated within a week, making him the one always seeking reconciliation.

On the other hand, when pain struck, Ye Xi always chose to distance himself from Yan Feng. However, his emotions tended to linger for much longer. This lingering bitterness often transcended the constraints of time and space, and memories clung to him like ghosts. "Ye Xi, what's wrong? Are you okay?" Dai Yanzhi almost roared. Ye Xi abruptly snapped out of his reverie.