Kill Yourself, Now

Nicholas grabbed a skeleton by the face and shoved his lightsaber through it, watching as the creature fell apart, "Is it just me or are these things getting stronger?"

"They are, senpai. Their skulls are more draconic and their weapons aren't rusty like the usual skeletons. The parameters seem to be much higher too... though I doubt they would be much trouble for Miss Martha or Mordred, or anyone. The Director might have some trouble if left alone with a significant number and... ah, we have to keep an eye out for ma-..." Mash cut herself off and lowered her gaze in shame and embarrassment, "S... Sorry."

Smiling in amusement, Nicholas stuck his lightsaber back onto his belt and cast a glance at his servants.

"You should be more ladylike, dear."

"Fuck you, titty monster! I ain't no lady!"

Martha reeled for a moment, blushing, before she punched Mordred in the back of the head with twitching lips, "Such words don't suit a young woman like yourself!"

"Seems they're getting along." The teenager nodded to himself, the only reason Mordred was so fixated on being a 'dude' because she associated it with the requirements for being a ruler like her 'father' who only hid her gender to avoid scrutiny over it... even though the Fate version of the Round Table and Camelot seemed to be loyal enough they wouldn't give a single fuck.

Because King Arthur was 'male', Mordred felt she had to be one to be able to match and then compete with 'him'.

That was pretty obvious for someone like him, and he definitely didn't know it because some cunt spent an hour dickriding the brat's 'character' in college.

"Heh, daddy issues." Nicholas remarked to himself, ignoring the sudden alarmed look on Mash's face.

Mash looked at her senpai with awe, "You were able to discern her nature so quickly? Incredible. Is that how you make so many fri-..." The lavender haired girl deflated and shuffled away. Nicholas only watched as she paused, tilted her head in some kind of confusion before rushing back to him, "Senpai, are you sure you're feeling well?"

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"There was supposed to be considerable strain on even the greatest magi in having multiple contracts... Are you sure you're feeling alright?"

Noticing the genuine concern in her tone and eyes, Nicholas couldn't help but reaffirm to himself that she did indeed deserve the title of 'Mashmallow', "Oh yeah, tota-... Wait, no, I feel like I got sucker punched." He lied shamelessly.

"W-What? Is there anything I can do to help?!"

"Y...Yeah... ugh." Nicholas took it over the top, "I think I need a... hug."

The way she gave him one with zero hesitation, and the way it looked to be hugged by someone of a much smaller frame made him feel weird. It looked adorable?

But well, Mash had never been outside, never had anyone she could call a friend... Hell the girl thought her name was unimportant when he first met her. She didn't even have that long to live as an artificial lab grown human.

"My God, I'm kind of a dick."

The dumbass didn't realise the comfort and ease he provided to a person like that in messing with her like he would with a friend, nor the way she felt about someone who genuinely wanted HER help, someone who thought she was just as important as everyone else.

"Oi boss lady, I think the lad's becomin' self aware."

Of course Cu Chulainn had to ruin the little moment.

"What were you expecting? The first thing he talked about with me is my thighs and somehow, no one finds that weird at all." Gudako deadpanned, looking at Nicholas like he was scum.

"Haah..." Olga sighed, massaging her temple, "It's fine, let her have it."

"Er... Mash, I hate to be that guy but the FATE system accommodates for most of the strain, the servants store their own magical power. Nicholas can't possibly be feeling tired." Romani spoke over their earpieces, "... Didn't you know that?"

The dastardly culprit who messed with an innocent girl turned his head to the side, "I... I'm not going to say sorry. You people been making me feel like a dick way too much. Why are y'all so innocent in the first place? The only ones that ain't got daddy issu-... I miss Bill."

Nicholas threw a tantrum and then became depressed.

Mash didn't know what to do but she hugged him tighter because of how he looked.

"I-I hope my armour's not bothering you."

...

..

.

Nicholas wanted to cry.

Olga facepalmed so hard, she marked her own face with a red handprint... but it did the job in startling her subordinates back into proper mood, "I'll say it again, why the hell do you people keep forgetting we're facing an existential threat here?! As in, a threat to humanity! HUMANITY! STOP FUCKING AROUND!"

"...Chill bitch."

"Is it that time of the month for her?"

"What crawled up your ass today?"

"There you go again, I expect the leader of an esteemed organisation like Chaldea to have a lot more decorum than this. Disappointing."

Olga hid her face in her hands and whimpered helplessly, "W-Why's there four of them now?"

"Nicholas-senpai, I think you should stop bullying the Director."

"Yeah, she's gonna cry."

"I-I don't care anymore! Do what you want!"

Olga threw up her hands and ran away crying like a little bi-... oops.

-

"Soooo... I wanna say something but I don't know if I should... I don't even want to attack you anymore... But please... Please stop crying about how your subordinates aren't listening to you. It's fucking up my whole pace. I didn't come here to listen to ladies bitch and moan. We're in a war! Is the Rin spreading? I told her her behaviour was contagious."

Olga, who'd been curled up under a tree and hiding her face in her knees, looked up to see a man she didn't recognise at all.

He had colourless hair a shade brighter than Nicholas', dark eyes and was heavily tanned, wearing a sleeveless black top with a red coat tied around his waist and black pants.

Also, he was looking at her like she was a brat.

And... what the hell was he even saying?

The man chuckled to himself, "I guess spending time in this hellscape is getting to me. I'm sorry about the outburst, you remind me of my mas-... former master."

"A rogue servant... Archer?"

Olga recalled how they'd been making their way to the cavern hosting the holy grail, guarded by Berserker (who Nicholas punched) and... Archer... The cause of this deviation from the original timeline being Saber who was, from what she knew, right next to the Grail.

The man shooed her away with his hands, "Correct, very good job, can you go away now? I have to prepare for that punch gu-...!!"

He was interrupted by 'punch guy' throwing a whole fucking tree at him and jumped away, "That could have hit her you know?"

"Nah, it wouldn't. I'm cool like that." Nicholas answered instantly, indiscreetly slapping Cu in the back of the head and gesturing to Olga with his head... multiple times.

Archer seemed to sigh and run a gaze over their group.

A Saber, a Rider, a Caster, a Shielder, a guy who could punch hard enough to change the very landscape.

Olga didn't quite understand what happened next... no, everything happened too quickly and illogically for her logical mind to process.

"W…Wha?"

Nicholas pointed at the rogue servant and shouted, "You should kill yourself now!"

She saw Archer tilt his head, considering his words before shrugging and holding up a hand, "Guess I'll kill myself. Don't stand much of a chance now anyway." A dagger appeared in his hand and he... he slit his own throat without any hesitation, "Be quick with Saber, will you? Think of it as a favour to me."

"Holy fuck it worked."

"What the fuck just happened, Master?!"

"... Just like that." Cu Chulainn's jaw hung in awe and shock.

"That guy's got balls, can we summon him, Mash?"

"Senpai, aren't you using the fate system way too casually?"

-

You know EMIYA would do it.

You know he would.

First Order showed that some of the shadow/corrupted servants still had egos, especially Emiya.

For the hardasses,

Emiya is actually pragmatic enough to slit his own throat in a situation where he has no chance at all for a better situation. The guy's whole wish is to gank himself.

Might not post for the next two days cause I managed to cut not one but both of my hands yesterday and cause I worked out, I was like it doesn't hurt at all but... Eh, I woke up and now it's a pain to move my fingers.

Also cause I got caught up in some stuff and am behind on patreon so I gotta fill it up. 

Lastly, hope you enjoyed the chapter.

-

You can find up to 7 chapters ahead at patre0n.com/Bleap

A bit behind and that's wholly on me.