Ma & Pa

"Guys... This just feels wrong in some way." Kadoc spoke out nervously, scratching the back of his head as he stared at the few members of the A-team, and other staff, Nicholas had managed to scrounge up and gather in the cafeteria.

"What you talking about?" Nicholas glanced at the banner above them with arms crossed and eyes shining, "This is one of the best ideas I've had in my life."

"I'm inclined to agree... Besides the fact that we now need to search for a new Master to take Beryl's place."

He ran his gaze over the table they were sitting at, noting Romani, Hinako (Yu), Kirschtaria who wasn't nearly as much of an upstuck asshole as Nicholas had thought, his assistant, the eye-patch wearing brunette nord Ophelia Phamrsolone, Kadoc of course, and the two empty seats.

Why?

Well, earlier in the day, he'd learnt from Romani that Beryl Gut was officially brain dead as a result of extensive damage to his circulatory system and of course, his brain.

They'd been able to save him last time because the damage was minor, even though they had to scrape him off a metal wall like the cumstain he was.

The second time Nicholas had assaulted him, the damage was too much.

Of course, the obvious thing to do when given the good news was throw a party.

"Nice going, Nicholas!" One of the passing staff shouted, giving the proud young man a thumbs up as he walked away.

Beryl Gut... was not popular in Chaldea.

No shit he wasn't, the guy was a serial killer that tortured the shit out of elderly, children and had tried to have his way with their mascot, breaking her fingers. A guy like that couldn't possibly have a good reputation in an organisation wholly meant to save humanity.

Even his fellow masters and team members disliked him for his lack of care for human life and obsession with torture and death.

Kirschtaria looked at Nicholas with narrowed eyes, "You truly don't regret it, do you?"

"Nope." Nicholas answered with a pop, "I'd do it again if I could."

The leader of the A-Team nodded in satisfaction, accepting the answer, and picked up a cup of what he thought was fruit punch, eyeing a pastry sneakily... well, he thought he was sneaky.

Ophelia picked up on it instantly and to save him supposed embarrassment, picked one up for herself and offered another to him in a plate, "Please try it, it's extremely good."

"...So that's how it is..."

"Ehehehe..."

Romani and Nicholas looked at each other and then at the two magi, a tacit understanding flashing in their eyes.

"Wait..." The doctor suddenly paused and tilted his head in confusion, "So you understand what's going on there but can't see the Dir-...oomph!" He was silenced by a muffin shoved down his throat before he could ask about how the Director kept asking about how Nicholas was doing in secret.

Nicholas ignored the coughing man and turned to look at Yu, who'd surprisingly put down her book, "So what Yu-" He slightly grinned when the girl's ears stood up in alarm, "...Up to Hinako?"

His fellow Master punched Nicholas in the gut for the corny joke, earning a backhand to the head for her actions, "Who... Who hits girls so casually?" She winced, rubbing her head with a downcast gaze.

"Girls? You're a hag."

The immortal broke character and gasped, "I-I am not!"

She lowered her head in shame when everyone turned to look at her in response to her outburst, pouting and visibly flustered.

"I didn't think Miss Hinako could be flustered." Kirschtaria commented, trying to mingle with his fellow Masters as he kept downing cups of, remember, what he THOUGHT was fruit punch, one after the other without pause.

"How you liking that so far, Kirschtaria?"

"It's a bit sweet yet spicy? The conflict is good on my tongue."

"That's true." Kadoc raised a wobbly hand, "I lish it!"

""'..."""

Nicholas just shrugged when all gazes landed on him, he was the one who had arranged for the drink, while another still absent member of A-Team arranged the food, "I guess he had a little too much... What? We're going to war."

"The logic is sound but..." Romani just sighed and poured some for himself, "It doesn't matter I guess."

Kirschtaria raised a brow but was too enthused with his drink to question further, he ignored Ophelia who was constantly shaking her head and mouthing the words, "Stop." Her arms raised in a cross.

"Are you not going to stop them, dear?"

Startled by the sudden punch, Nicholas threw out a jab but was confused when he only hit air.

"My, good punch. You have to show me how to do that... later~."

The teenager recoiled involuntarily in fear when the speaker finally appeared before his eyes.

It was a lesbian twink obsessed with BDSM.

There was no other way to say it.

Wait what?

That made no sense.

Nicholas looked at the new arrival astounded, mostly confused about what the hell he was seeing.

"Scandinavia Peperoncino. A pleasure." The man introduced himself with a small bow, tossing aside a bang of, he wanted to say purplish hair?, before holding out his hand. Peperoncino eyed Hinako who was sitting beside Nicholas and smiled wider, "Please, do call me Pepe. Any friend of Little Hinako's is my friend too."

Nicholas confusedly shook the man's hand, still in the middle of processing.

This didn't happen back where he lived.

"Has my beauty left you astounded, dear?" Pepe giggled at Nicholas' silent frozen stature.

The words worked and the teenager nodded slowly, "I guess you could... say that?"

The man was wearing a shirt that hid absolutely nothing, sticking to his well-built, chiseled figure, with tight white jeans and a choker that went down to his belt like some fucked up piece of bondage wear.

"Well, you're quite pretty too... Especially those gem-like violet eyes. They're just like my hair!"

Nicholas shuddered and admitted defeat.

For the first time in forever, Nicholas Martel didn't know how to respond... at all.

Was it alright to punch him?

Was it even a him?

"What happened? Did my charm remind you of your mother?"

Nicholas didn't know his eyes could widen as much as they did, "The fuck does that mean?"

"No need to be ashamed dear. I don't have any parents eith-"

"That explains a lot more than it should."

Nicholas narrowed his eyes at Romani who was nodding and telling him to go along with it, "Peperoncino! I think it's a touchy subject. Nobody likes to talk about lost family." The doctor hurriedly tried to de-escalate the worsening situation.

"What's Texas like?... Wait, don't answer that... I'm sorry if I was insensitive dear."

Nicholas thought for a few moments, connecting the dots in his own way and smiled slightly, "No, no. It's alright. It's just..."

Other than Kirschtaria and Kadoc who seemed to be having a contest, everyone listened in.

"Pa died in a way that suited him, with bulls." Noticing that he'd managed to draw most in with the statement, confusing Romani, "We were having fun, messing with them but one just... The darned thing just bucked him..."

Pepe pursed his lips, "I'm sor-..."

The collective recoil from everyone listening, even the cafeteria staff, made Nicholas hide his smile under a hand, shaking.

Of course, everyone interpreted that as sorrow with Yu even patting his back, knowing what losing a loved one felt like.

"Onto another one's horn... And Ma... Ma just couldn't handle seeing Pa with a foot long horn up his rear." At this point, even Nicholas was wondering how he could stop himself from bursting out laughing like a maniac, "She had a heart attack and fell in the shit pile."

"Pft..." A seemingly intoxicated Kadoc averted his gaze ashamed.

But that was the last straw.

Nicholas burst out laughing for the first time since coming to Chaldea, managing to even make the stoic and stern Ophelia giggle at the sheer absurdness of his tale.

"You asshole..." Yu punched him lightly, hiding her smile behind the sleeve of her coat.

Pepe became cool in Nicholas' books when the man started cackling like a madman, "You got me."

The laughter was silenced when Kirschtaria unceremoniously crashed into a plateful of cake, completely knocked out.

Ophelia poked him with a finger, confused, "That wasn't fruit pun-..."

"Thanks for the vodka, Bill!"

"Da, it was no problem, comrade."

Bill gave Nicholas a thumbs up from behind the counter, starting another bout of laughter.

-

Some thoughts for this poor man?

Anyone recall the good old days where you could just tag bomb a work you didn't like.

-

You can find up to 7 chapters ahead at patre0n.com/Bleap

3 ahead now, I wanted to write more but passed out midway and now it's too late.