Reconciliation II

After dinner me, Zhou and Qin Luo remain a bit more time seated down to talk... We only realize the time once He Rang comes to call for us -Ehy! Don't forget we have to train tomorrow!-

Me and Zhou stands up, ready to take our leave but Qin Luo stops me, pulling on my sleeve

-Uhm... Go ahead Zhou'Ge, I'll be coming back later- he stares at both me and the General worried before leaving.

-What is it?-

He stare with serious eyes -Let's talk, in private-

...

Entering his tend he reaches out to the table at the center and pours some wine. The situation is so familiar... A reassuring feeling in all this chaos... With a smile I seat beside him, taking the cup I'm offered.

After a few silent sips, Qin Luo stops -I missed this- he murmurs with half a sigh and half a smile -What if you move to my tend like before? I'm sure it's calmer than where you currently are-

I lower my cup, turning it between my hands... Feeling uneasy, thing that apparently Qin Luo notices right away... With an arm over the table, he reaches for one of my hands holding it inside his -I'm not trying anything, don't worry.. I just miss the company of a trusted person, of a righteous soldier and a friend-

I put away the cup and finally face him -Mhm, I missed that too-

His smile gets brighter, reaching almost his eyes -Good! Good... Ah, I'm so happy to see you again Lai'Er! Your brother wrote me, asking about you, and I can finally reply him something-

-My brother? How overprotective- I chuckle, I can almost see him being all worried as he writes with Hua behind, trying to make him calm down

-But really, I'm happy- he says slightly more serious, trapping my eyes for a few seconds inside his gaze.

I shake my head and get up, looking around -But... Will it really be no problem for you if I stay here?-

-It would be more of a problem if you didn't- His declaration makes me turn around with frowned eyebrows, before shaking my head and facing away

-Lai'Er...- he calls my attention again -Lai'Er, relax- the sound of his cup meeting the table is followed by a couple of steps that stops behind me, his hands come to hold my shoulders and turns me around -If that's what you're wondering, yes I still can't... I cannot forget how I feel about you, but I prefer to be by your side and remember rather than be further away aching in pain and regret-

I try to open my mouth and talk but he stops me -Don't talk anymore, we already said everything that could be said. I'm not asking for anything if not your friendship and to be able to support you-

-Qin Luo... You have my friendship more than anyone, I completely trust you to the point of putting my life in your hands-

-And that's all I need- he smiles dragging me into a hug, my hands too come to grab on him as I finally feel again that reassuring perfume... That warm flowery candle, by your side in a summer night enlightening the room and offering an embrace. I can close my eyes and let all the tension go, just for a bit...

...

-So... How is it going? Be honest Lai'Er- He asks from behind, as he insisted in combing my hair

-It's tough... After the camp got attacked I began to help around the Infirmary... I realized that it is a very difficult task, right after the attack I saw so many men die and suffer. They found hope in me, which really made me question myself... "What I am doing?" or "What more I can actually do for everyone?"... I had a couple of breakdowns after that, but I made it through-

-Lai'Er...- he stops combing my hair and begin massaging my temples. I close my eyes, his hands are somehow still gentle and the movement is quite relaxing, especially after all these months of no self care -Is that really it? You seem to be carrying an even heavier weight than before-

-Mmmh...- opening my eyes I look to the side, avoiding his eyes in the mirror placed right in front of me

-Do I have to always remind you my loyalty? If you don't want to worry your disciple it's fine, but you can tell me without restraints-

-It's... Complicated-

-It always is with you- he smiles with the hands reaching my jaw

-Someone that helped me solve the Crown Prince matter seems to be working for the enemy faction... And he seems to be very powerful-

-That's...-

-I know, he managed to come and go from the Palace till now and is probably still doing it... But that's not all- I gulp down -A weird feeling... Some kind of bloody visions often appear in my mind, causing me to lose my focus if not my own will... I always see myself running to catch a faceless entity, short on breath and unable to think straight. Everything around me turns into living corpses, trees made of bones and mutilated flesh... Rain made of blood, pieces of organs laying around... Always the same vision.

The dead things stop suffocating me only when some small creature made of light appears but then... That entity makes me keel and lose my brain, completely bending down at its desire... I have no idea what all of this means- Closing my eyes again I let my head to fall back on his torso

-I'm sure you are tired Lai'Er... Let's get some sleep first, then we'll think about it together-

-Mhn...-

...

Moving a few things he create space over a small bed in the tend -Thanks- smiling at him I get myself into bed

-Don't mention, ah if only I had prepared some warm tea...- He reaches my side and seat on the bed

-Having a warm bed and a friend to talk with is already more than enough-

-Ah... Stop sweetening the situation Lai'Er, just sleep now will you?- he says as I lower down on the pillow

-Yes yes, if you let me I will sleep-

-I'll let you, don't worry- with a smile be tucks my blanket even more and stands up, heading to his own bed

-Qin Luo...-

He stops midway as he was about to blow on the last enlightened candle

-I really am grateful for everything you do-

With a bittersweet smile he turn off the small light -Goodnight, our Goddess...-