Yin

I wake up before my roomates and begin exercising my breathing, still seated in bed, before taking some clothes and slip away to exercise some basic Qigong up a hill and pass to Tai Chi as the sun is rising...

I've been exercising a lot lately and Tai Chi is something new I added to my morning routine... It helps me calm down the mind and start better my day.

-Where have you been last night?-

-Since when you are so dedicated to Qi exercises Shun?- I mock him for following me

-That doesn't matter... Are you ok Lai?-

-Yes don't worry, I just wanted to be alone a bit-

-You know it's prohibited to go around at night... If someone were to caught you...-

-But they didn't nor they will ever-

-I would like to say stop being so sure of yourse but... You are right, they won't.

So what happened yesterday with Dong? I know this is a NO topic but tell me-

-Actually nothing... We just don't like eachother- I say changing position

-You can't go around punching everyone you don't like Lai...-

-I know... But he was provoking me-

-Again? That man really is a masochist...-

-Ha! I guess so

But anyway... He touched a sensible topic, so I couldn't think clearly anymore...

Yes, I know what you are going to say- I stop him as he's opening his mouth to talk

-I don't normally react this fast to provocations... We both know that. But he's different... Something in him always makes me lose control... I cannot bring myself to think straight when he's around, I get so irritated and my fists begin shaking...-

-Do you think he has ulterior motives?-

-I'm not sure... But something is indeed off-

-Mmhn... I understand... Anyway, I would like you to rely on us more Lai, We are supposed to be a team so we must trust eachother...

If sometimes you need to talk we are all there and if you need a fight same!

Just don't risk anything... Nor escaping, nor overdoing on training nor killing anyone... For how much this is an Injustice, being a woman, you are under more strict rules than us...-

-What do you mean?- I ask but he looks away -So...? Let's talk no? You wanted this-

-I... Overhead the instructor... They want to report you.

Seems like your attitude lately is troubling them... The General is trying to hold them back as much as possible, but one more slip and not even he would stop them... If they report you, you are out!

So please... Don let all that much hardwork to go waste-

I look down at my hands

-But I... want more-

...

We begin our training and I am matched again with Hua fortunately.

-You are off today...-

-Oh sorry... By the way, how is it going with my brother?- I ask not quite looking at him

-There hasn't been much improvement yet but... I am thinking of organizing something cute for us... Not sure what tho. I would love to dance for him but where to do it? Uh...

Ehy Lai'Er? Are you listening?-

He follow my eyes leading to Dong Hu

-Him again? Just let it be, he'll get what he deserves-

-What about that pool we found near the abandoned pagoda?- I blurt out

-What?-

-For my brother, I mean-

-Oh...-

-I can help you arrange everything you need and you can pass the evening there, eating something or bathing-

-That would actually be really romantic-

-Yeah...-

As we chat, Dong on the other side of the camp turns to me smirking as if he won something...

"What was there to win in the first place?!"

-Lai'Er Uhm... It hurts a bit-

He managed to dissipate some of the rumors about him and to start new ones about me, but what is that smile?

None of us care about such stupid things anyway, this is between him and I

-Lai'Er...?-

Does he really just enjoy provoking me and getting beated up?

He's an insane masochist who would even jump off a cliff just to feel the thrill

-ChangLai!- Hua yells getting me back to reality

-Oh?!- I look at him before releasing his wrist, I was holding it tight without noticing... He takes it back to his chest massaging it.

It's bruised... I hurt his skin... I hurt Hua, my family and friend...

I stare at my hand with an horrified expression without speaking a word for minutes...

-It's ok, Lai'Er... You just lost control of your strength for s second... It can happens hehehe I'm just too delicate... Ehy? it's ok really-

-I... Am sorry- I distance myself and head to the General for a change of partner.

Lately it's getting difficult to control, it's not the first time I hurt someone but of everyone why it had to be Hua now?!

What if I lose control as yesterday but I'm facing Dong Hu next time?

Whether it's just that I gained muscles or Qi flow, as the general say... I cannot afford it.

This is not the right place for me anymore. I'm getting out of control.

...

On our weapon trining I distance myself from my mates a bit... Today apparently I'm not in my best shape, I wouldn't want to hurt anyone by mistake...

-It's just a target you know? He hasn't done anything to you-

-Oh General...- I greet bending down

-No need to be so formal...- he joins his hands behind his back, looking at my target which is torn apart by a knife I threw too ferociously.

-It is getting too powerful to handle isn't it?-

-What?-

-Your body... You know that I've been keeping an eye on you... It seems like the training has become useless for you, you're too strong but don't know how to control it-

-Then what am I supposed to do?-

-Mmh... I fear Yin energy is prevailing over the rest.

It is time for you to cultivate-

-Sure- I nod and my gaze fall on the other guys sending concerned glaces toward me

-Will it be a problem?-

-As long as you manage to control it and balance your energies, it shouldn't.

Nor Yin nor Yang is safe if alone... One leads to pride and one to darkness... It can take one person to self destruction if not flowing together...-

-Why did this happened to me...? I do not want to hurt anyone... I know how destroying the Yin energy can be-

-Do not fear... You are not yet on the path of no return.

It is normal in life to have such moments where the Yin or the Yang leads our life... For commoners it is just a passive expirince but for those who can feel the Qi it is a weapon in their hands.

So that's why they should learn how to use it-

He scratch his beard leaving as Shun approaches me

"But why do I have this ability to begin with?"

-Is something the matter?-

-Not really... He just wants me to train on something different, how to regulate my strength and so-

-Will you be alright?-

I look at Hua's delicate figure and the tiny body of Wei, clenching my fists to not show my worry

-Yes... But I don't know about them... I almost hurt you each of you in different occasion, then that episode with Dong and now I lost focus for a moment on Hua...-

-But...!-

-If I happen to lose control will you be able to stop me? That's the only thing that could reassure me now-

He looks away.

I know he can't and he knows that too