Chapter six

"Okay, that's it for today's lecture, class dismissed." 

After the lecture, Felix caught himself being very lingering. Jisung, who had long since cleaned up his things, looked at him with boredom.

"Felix...the next lecture is about to begin, come on, maaannn," he said, kind of irritated. 

"Okay, I'm coming." When they were standing just outside the door Felix looked up astonished and sharpened his senses.

"What's up? Heard something? Is it those other supernatural beings..." Felix peered at him for a split second, after which he continued looking around in the hallway. 

"Don't you sense that?"

"Sense what..." 

"Maybe it's because he's new...or because he's made...?" Felix muttered to himself. 

"I can hear you!" 

"I'm sorry...but, but do you really not feel it?" 

"Lix, I really don't know what you mean. And as a matter of fact, I'm not that new, thank you." 

"Come on, Ji, you're just, what? Two weeks old or something." Felix kept wandering around the hallway as if he was looking for something. 

"Two and a half, and you shouldn't talk, it's been just over a week since you're an alpha and-"

"Jisung," Felix interrupted. "Please, be honest," Felix said, now looking at nothing in particular, just peering in front of him "Do you not feel anything? My senses are going wild at the moment. I can barely keep still, my hands are shaking, and my legs are about to shake too. It's not out of anger or fear though. It's...I don't even know what it is...I can barely keep my human form either."

"Wait, what? Is it really that major? I mean, no I don't feel something, but-" 

"BUT WHAT? WHAT?" 

"Bro, calm down...So what I was trying to say is: that I feel exactly the opposite. I have the feeling I'm missing something. Like I missed the whole plot of a book or something... Missing a...feeling?.." 

"You do?" 

"No, I don't, I just made that up to make you feel less crazy." 

"Oh."

"Oh my...of course I mean it, Lix. I don't know, it's probably not even the same thing as you're feeling. It's more like a…a void. Like I need something, but if I am incapable of getting it, or even incapable of taking a step toward it. I don't know, it's weird.."

"Ji, I'm going to say something but don't be mad okay?" 

"Go on."

"So, maybe it does have something to do with you being just 'made'? Like, you haven't even experienced one full moon since you've been bitten. Maybe, this 'missed feeling' that you're talking about, isn't really missed. Maybe you just can't reach it yet since you're still kind of learning how this new body works, how your new senses work.

Maybe, it will all be clearer in a couple of weeks or even a couple of days? Maybe you'll be able to identify this feeling once you're more comfortable with your new body?"

"Perhaps, I don't know, but it's okay. We were talking about you. So, are you okay? Do you still want to follow that 'feeling' of yours?" It was as if Felix had fallen from the sky, even though he had been standing there the whole time and they had been having a conversation together, Felix reacted to these words of Jisung as if he saw water burning.

"To be honest...it's gone..." 

"What?!? What do you mean by 'it's gone'? It can't be gone, you were just going lowkey mad three seconds ago!" 

"I know I...I guess my senses were focused on our conversation and your problems. It's like what happened in class, when I was concentrating on our convo I didn't sense it, but the second we stopped I could feel it running all through my body."

"Are you sad because you lost it? Do you think we can find it?" Jisung proposed, trying to comfort his best friend. "No, I'm okay, it's okay, Ji. Thanks. I'm pretty sure I'll feel it again, it's not like it's the first time I've felt it-"

"What? So you're telling me you've had these feelings before and you're okay with losing them? The ones that make you go crazy? And you haven't told me!?" 

"Just once before, yesterday on the bus. But it didn't feel that powerful then and I didn't feel it this strong either. It's like my longing for the source of this feeling and for the feeling itself grows bigger and bigger every time I feel it again. As if my eyes are finally opened, and even though I don't really know what it is, I can't live without it. Sounds kind of cheesy doesn't it..." Felix laughed it off

"No, it...I understand it, Lix. I don't think I've experienced this feeling that drives you crazy, but I do understand the importance of it. I see what it does to you. I mean...I've not really seen much but in the class it made you collapse and just seconds ago you were trembling from head to toe, so it must really be important for you. What I don't understand is why you're laughing it off though. Now I will say something 'cheesy'; Lix, don't hide your feelings and your thoughts, not for me. And especially when those feelings make you sad or hurt you. I will be there for you just like you were there for me, every single time I needed you. Damn, that made me cringe inside. Anyways, the point is, don't underestimate the importance of your own feelings and problems. You keep on giving your all to us to your pack, you literally did that a minute ago, but you always underestimate the importance of your own problems and mental health. So, please talk with me." 

"I ehm...okay, I will Jisung, don't worry...thanks, but I really am okay dude hahaha" 

"ohw I...I thought you said that so I won't worry about you, lol well that's awkward.."