Magnetic Deviation

I sighed before gathering my supplies, I hoped Crystal would let this whole thing go. But I knew that was asking her for too much, she was a woman who liked to discuss every small inconvenience so it only made sense that she would want me to let her in on the situation. It was my fault that we failed that mission. I knew she wouldn't want to be dragged down with me. I knew there was more to uncover from my experiences in Bosnia. The PTSD affected me every now and then but this time it was coming back with a vengeance. I closed my eyes just sitting in the cockpit listening to the airplanes that were coming and going from the base. 

"You want me to wait for you?" Crystal asked inquisitively. 

"No, it's alright," I told her, hoping she would give me some space for a while.

"I'll wait, I don't want Maverick to give you shit if he's out there." What she was saying made sense and this is exactly what made her a good friend. She knew when to protect my feelings and when to stop prying. I took my time putting the charts, pens, and other necessities back into my flight bag. But before I did anything else I made sure to cover my eyes with my sunglasses in case I did run into anyone on the tarmac. Chances were that Maverick and Goose were waiting to get yelled at by Jester. Which was a good thing, because I couldn't deal with Maverick right now, and Goose by default. I did have an urge to see him though, to be comforted by someone other than Crystal. 

"Alright let's go," I told her, breaking my thoughts off before I could spiral back. I climbed out of the aircraft and planted my feet on the tarmac. Looking around cautiously, I attempted to act normal. I waited for Crystal to catch up, adjusting my posture to appear confident because these men would never let it go if they saw us show even an ounce of vulnerability. It was better to act as if nothing phased us, compartmentalization had become an impressive skill for both of us. While I was trying to stuff my feelings down into my boots, Crystal was radiating a fierce aura. I always enjoyed seeing this side of her, it was a rare moment. I walked towards the locker room with my chin up. I wanted nothing more than to pull my hair out of the bun it was trapped in.

I pushed the door open to the locker room gravitating to my own locker, putting my flight bag inside along with my helmet. Before I shut my locker, I grabbed some extra underclothes I had to change into after my shower. It was always a good idea to carry extra for changing after a flight if you were needed by command for something else. I closed the locker door and put my T-shirt, underwear, and shorts on the bench. I then sat down pulling off my sunglasses and starting to unravel my hair. I pulled the bobby pins out one at a time and unraveled the braid I had put it in, finally pulling the hair tie out. I let my hair fall around my face and ran my fingers through it scratching my scalp as I did it. I sighed, putting my head in my hands, closing my eyes, and taking some deep regulated breaths. I heard the bench squeak as Crystal sat next to me. 

"Alright, do you want to talk about it? Or do you want to do this later?" She asked me.

"No," I replied hoping the short answer would cover both of her questions. I felt the tears threatening to pour out as I busied myself with trying to take off the Ace bandage that was wrapped around my hand and wrist protecting my knuckle. I sucked the air through my teeth as it started peeling the skin off from around the wound. It easily took off the bandaid that Maverick had patched me up with the night prior. I threw it in the trash reminding myself to grab another later as this one had been soaked with blood. The skin underneath the bandage had become saturated and the Ace bandage had marked up the skin from being too tight, the wound needed to air out. I looked at the deep cut, the skin curling up at the ends, purple bruises encircling it. I wasn't looking forward to the nasty scar it would leave behind. 

"Okay, that's fine." She said as she got back up, interrupting my thoughts. I sat for a second waiting for her to jump in her shower. As I heard the water start running I got up trudging over to a separate shower on the other side of the room and turned it on waiting for it to get hot. I stripped out of my flight uniform and underclothes. As I waited for the water to warm up I distractedly played with the chain around my neck. It held my dog tags, one of Jax's, and another precious object that he had given me. I stepped into the shower as it reached the temperature I had wanted it to get to. I felt the scalding water flow over me, I turned around to get my back, finding the generic soap that was kept in the showers. I grabbed some shampoo, poured a glob of it in my hand, and scrubbed it through my hair massaging my scalp as I did so. The soap stung my hand briefly, but eventually, my body got used to it. I reminded myself that this was good, it was acting as an antiseptic for now. The water felt amazing as I washed the soap out of my hair.

My scar started to throb from the intense amount of heat on it, it was one of the many I had received in Bosnia. However, this was the most influential one I had, the one that made me question why I was still here on this earth. It's why I had tattooed over the monstrosity with angel wings. One of the wings was broken, its wing wilted down my back, it had significantly less feather detail than the other one, it was dying, the quills now visible. The other was full and spanned to the tip of my shoulder, spreading its wing to take off, but it couldn't leave unless the other was full as well. It was centered at the base of my neck, but it was something I had gotten when I came back from the hell I had survived. It was a macabre reminder of my time there and of Jax. In my mind, it signified that he was now my guardian angel watching over me. But the angel idea wasn't entirely original, it had come from my first interaction with the unfamiliar country, that statue was still something that had haunted my dreams.

I had started on the conditioner in the time period that I had been thinking. I didn't want to think anymore, just focus on what I needed to do. Almost right on time was Crystal's water turning off, I could hear her brush tearing through the tangles in her hair. 

"Talk to me," I told her so she could distract me.

"I don't think our flight went that badly." She said to me and continued off into a breakdown of our flight as I washed my body down from the sweat that had accumulated. Once I turned off the water, she stopped. She was primping herself in the mirror trying to get a perfect bun going. I wrapped a towel around my body stepping out of the shower and grabbed the clothes on the way back towards the changing rooms. I dried off more, taking the towel over the spots that had accumulated more water than others. After that, I changed into the clothes that I brought in here with me. Moving the towel I wrapped it around my head, drying my hair. I stepped out of the changing room going back to the mirror to see what I could do with the mess that was my face. I sighed as I stared at the reflection staring back at me, I unwrapped the towel from my hair letting it fall around me as Crystal handed me her brush. I tore through the unruly mess watching my natural curls fall as the brush worked its way through.

"You want some concealer?" Crystal asked me as she noticed me staring at the red puffiness around my eyes.

"Yeah, thanks," I told her, giving her back the brush as she handed me her whole makeup bag. I suddenly had the urge to do a full face of makeup. The last time I did a full makeup look was when Jax proposed. Immediately, his dog tag felt heavier on the chain along with the beloved object, my engagement ring. It was ritualistic for me, something I would never leave the ground without, something I rarely took off. Not many people knew about it as I had hidden them well because people started asking questions I didn't want to answer. I dabbed the concealer over the redness and rubbed it in to hide the fact that I'd been crying.

"Ready for this?" She asked as I crossed the room to grab my flight suit again. I slipped the green canvas over the clothes I had on, quickly doing a messy updo not caring what Jester could possibly berate me with. Crystal looked at me like I had lost my fucking mind. I just sinisterly smiled back at her. I'd hit my breaking point, and I was so done being cautious. I threw my boots on, blousing the pant cuffs the best I could. Everything else on my uniform seemed to be in order.

I started up the stairs, putting my sunglasses on my head. Crystal didn't say a thing even though she knew I was pushing the boundaries on regulations. I got to the top of the stairs and saw Maverick and Goose standing outside an office. This must have been the place, people were bustling around what looked like a communal cubicle area to the left of the office door.

"Ladies," Goose greeted us, throwing me from my thoughts.

"Boys," Crystal replied to him. 

"We heard that you were the next two on Jester's hit list so thought we'd wait for you," Mav said. I noticed his eyes locked on my neck, where my ring and dog tags normally fell. I forgot to tuck it into my white undershirt but fuck it. It was against regulation but we were always supposed to wear our dog tags so why couldn't I make two small additions? Whatever, he would find out what this was about at some point. Crystal rapped on the door before Maverick could get a word in edgewise, I was thankful for that. 

"Come in," Jester said to us, before I knew it, a force pushed me inside. This was the last place I wanted to be. She faced him almost immediately as I took a bit of time to turn. She elbowed me in the ribs, a friendly reminder to get my shit together before I spoke. 

"Sir," I said as I held my hand up to salute him, the wound now freshly reopened. I forgot the Ace bandage downstairs, I made a mental note to retrieve it before I left. 

"Reaper, Doe sit down." He grumbled, watching us take our seats. "Like I said in the plane, I am happily surprised at the amount of skill you two showed." He said to us, watching our reactions. 

"But there needs to be more skill is what you're saying?" I spoke out of turn, much to the Lieutenant Commander's surprise. He blinked, getting himself back on track.

"I think there's something behind your flight today, for instance, Reaper, your hand looks fucked." He said to me, not protecting my feelings anymore. I didn't even flinch, I was accepting of the accusation.

"It is sir, it fucking hurts. But nothing I can't push through." I told him. He nodded in acknowledgment. Crystal looked at me displeased at my lack of respect and the complete change in my outlook on life. 

"You need to get that stitched up if it has any chance of healing. You can get that done in the infirmary when you're done here." He told me. "I assume this may be why your flying was off today. Commander Stinger speaks very highly of you Maeve. I know you'll live up to his expectations." He said, still floating around the topic. 

"Did you read my file?" I asked him point blank. Getting comfortable in the chair I was sitting in, taking on a more relaxed position. 

"I did, I read both of yours, I was curious to know who you were. As you know you are the first females accepted into this program." He said to me, Crystal watched me confused at what compelled me to act this way. 

"And?" I asked him, taking this conversation as a friend talking to a friend. Jester was indulging me. 

"You went through a very difficult time in Bosnia Reaper, I can't imagine what that was like. But you are clearly capable of what this program has in store for you…" I could see the wheels in his head turning as he realized why my flying was off today. "The missile lock.." He trailed off, rubbing his face and clearing his mind. 

"It wasn't something that I was expecting to be thrown by," I explained. 

"It's understandable Reaper, next time though I expect to be blown away even more, these other pilots and I will not go easy on you. With that being said I feel there's room for improvement, but you did discern my motivations quicker than anyone else while in the air. You have fantastic instincts and clear decisions when you are flying. I'd like to see more of your personality in your flying. Based on your file you're brave, you like to take risks and, for lack of a better term, be a maverick. Overall, it was a valiant try. Doe, I have no notes for you, you are a great navigator and you two make quite the team." He continued wrapping up our briefing. 

"Thank you, sir," We said together, standing and saluting him again before we filed out the door. Maverick and Goose were sitting together in a common area waiting for us to get done so we could all drive back to the house together. Upon our exit, they walked up to us. 

"Go well?" Goose asked. 

"Yeah, surprisingly, I'm more surprised that Jester didn't chew Reaper out for her blatant violations and disrespect in there." Crystal hissed, I could almost feel her eyes burning holes into the side of my head as I didn't give her the attention that she wanted.

"What?" I heard Maverick and Goose say in unison, shock displayed across their faces. A hollow laugh escaped my lips as I brushed past them making my way towards the infirmary. 

"You should go with her, I don't think I'll be of much help anymore since I've pissed her off." I heard Crystal sigh out. I heard a scuffle of footsteps follow me. 

"How did I know it was going to be you?" I asked as I pushed open the doors to the small infirmary they had on the base.

"Because who better to sour your mood more than me?" Maverick replied, catching onto my defiance immediately. I smirked at him in response.

"How can I help you, Lieutenant?" A small man wearing glasses asked me at the reception desk. I cleared my throat before I spoke.

"I need a few stitches in my hand. The Lieutenant Commander told me to get it stitched up here." I told him as he led me over to an examination area, closing the curtains leaving Maverick outside. It took him a second but he poked his head in before the receptionist could start talking to me.

"May I?" He asked. I stifled my laugh and waved him inside. The receptionist gave us a strange look, no doubt wondering what two pilots of the opposite sex were doing together here. The wing patches underneath our names gave us away almost immediately along with the fact our squadron patch was visible on the shoulder of our flight suits. I could tell he wanted to say something but held his tongue and spoke quietly, 

"I'll let the nurse know, we should be able to get you patched up and on your way within the hour," he told me, I nodded as he started to leave. Once he did I hopped up on the examination table in the middle of the small blocked-off area. Maverick sighed and sat down in the chair across from me.

"What happened?" He asked, breaking the silence. I was surprised he didn't want to boast about his own flight.

"Nothing." I breathed out not wanting to talk about it, I could feel a headache coming on.

"Maeve," He stated my name like a father trying to get the truth out of his child as I sat there swinging my legs back and forth.

"Pete," I replied with the same tone. 

"Come on, I know there's something that's causing you to lash out like this. It's reminiscent of my own actions, not that I'm proud of it." He started. That stopped me in my tracks. But I reveled in the recognition that he gave it as I chose to ignore the last part of his statement.

"The flight went well actually, everyone is scared to talk to me about what went wrong. So I have to push them to do it." I told him. "I miss pushing the boundaries. It's why I became a pilot in the first place. You know, I used to fly like you. I took risks and I think that's what I need to start feeling like myself again. I've been buttoned up for years, I think it's time to let go of Bosnia–" I blurted out kicking myself as I mentioned the deployment. There was no doubt in my head that everything had clicked for him. His demeanor changed completely.

"So you're the one? Holy shit." He replied stating Charlie's exact words to him earlier that day. He ruffled his hair, his face displaying shock and pity.

"Fuck." I grumbled the word, annoyed with myself as I looked towards the ceiling tiles. 

"No, don't be upset. I'm glad you mentioned it, I just can't believe it, Maeve. You were there for a week. The story itself is legendary." He said breaking me from my thoughts. 

"It didn't feel like it when I was there. It was a hell I never wanted to crawl through. I almost wish–" I stopped myself from speaking. It wasn't the time or place to bring this up.

"It's okay, we don't have to bring it up again." He said as he sat there in awe, he really shouldn't have been though. There was a lot to the story that people didn't understand, they didn't know the reality. I wouldn't wish for them to understand either. It's part of the reason I kept it close to my chest. The details didn't matter to other people when they heard what had happened, just the heroic effort. 

"Can I ask you a personal question? Not related to Bosnia." He asked as he for once diverted the conversation. I debated the answer to his question. I had been dodging his attempts for a while at trying to get the past out of me. I had a feeling what this was related to. 

"Your engagement ring. How was the proposal?" He asked, standing up from his seat across the room, and coming to stand next to me on my left side. An idea popped into my head, I put my hand in his jacket pocket pulling him closer to me and when he got close enough I removed my hand, retrieving what I wanted. I moved the object into my own pocket.

"No," I answered him, a smile forming on my face.

"Come on, I know what I am forbidden from talking about. Why can't we talk about this?" I watched him closely.

"Because I said so, I may tell you eventually but that's only if you'd be planning to propose to me. But I doubt that will ever happen" I replied looking up into his eyes distracting him. I could tell he had more to say but the curtains opened almost on cue, the nurse walked in with the supplies he needed to patch up my hand. 

"Hello, Lieutenant, I'll be stitching you up today." He said, pausing as he looked between Maverick and me. 

"Yes, he is the baby daddy," I told the nurse. As Maverick grinned at me letting a chuckle escape him.

"She's kidding, no babies," Mav told him, making sure the nurse knew it was a joke. The nurse set down the supplies on a table and rolled it towards me, a small smile on his face. Then he grabbed the stool he would sit on to do my stitches, before sitting down he moved the light above my hand so he had a good vantage point of his work. He picked up the syringe and filled it with the liquid that was in a brown vial. 

"This will numb you up before I get started." He said to me as he lifted the needle from the bottle and held it up, flicking it a few times to get any bubbles that may have formed out. "Ready?" The nurse asked me as I nodded, putting my hand on the table that he had moved in front of me. I grabbed Maverick's hand with mine and looked into his eyes. His gaze held surprise that I took his offer to hold his hand. I knew that's why he had walked over here, in case I had a fear of needles. He should've known better though, I had a tattoo to prove that I wasn't terrified of sharp objects. 

The needle went into my hand just below the knuckle as the nurse pushed the liquid into the area. He pulled it out swiftly, placing a cotton ball near it catching any excess liquid. He was silent as he got to work stringing the suture filament to the needle he would be using to sew up the wound. He threw the cotton ball in the trash and got started. I couldn't feel anything but tugging on my skin.

"So Maeve, tell me…" Maverick started a conversation with a mysterious glint in his eyes. 

"You have any fantasies from this book of yours that you'd want to recreate in real life?" He asked me, I could feel the heat rise to my face. The man doing my sutures stopped for a second to make sure he heard him right, he did his best not to make a face but I knew the comment had affected him too.

"Fucking hell Pete, really? Right now? That's what we're going to talk about right now??" I hissed at him, dropping his hand.

"Alright fine. What's your idea of the perfect date?" He continued pushing my buttons embarrassing me further by trying to grab my free hand again as I smacked it away.

"Maverick! For fucks sake." I breathed out rolling my eyes and looking up at the ceiling trying to block him out. 

"Come on humor me. You read all the romance books, I'm curious to see what your idea of an amazing date is." He lured me into the conversation. I smiled thinking about the first date that Jax and I had and how unconventional it was to my opinion of romance.

"Well, I'll tell you about my first date with Jax. It was our first leave of absence from the ship and he took me on a tour of Boston, I do love history but this tour was too long, it wasn't interesting enough. He then took me barhopping where we got very drunk and passed out in a seedy motel where I woke up the next day without him. That is my idea of the worst date ever, but I would've married him. Do you know why?" I asked Maverick looking into his eyes.

"Why?" He asked me, looking for the reason, it baffled him. 

"Because I was young and he made me laugh. He did things that took me out of my comfort zone. He understood me and he never handled me, he simply helped me through whatever I needed." I replied to Maverick and paused then started to answer his question. "I would tell you that candles would be a big part of it. I want to walk into a room with candles everywhere, a warm bath drawn and just our company with each other would be enough to keep us occupied." I smirked, leaning towards him, his eyes flitted to my lips as I smiled at him. He leaned towards me unconsciously. 

"Something like that would be the work of fantasy though," I told him, letting the words fall off my tongue slowly. "I'm a grown woman Maverick I know the difference between real life and fantasy" I looked down at my hand, the nurse was almost done.

"If that's what you wanted you should've voiced it. It's not the work of fantasy Maeve, it's the effort of someone who loves you." He just about whispered out as he snapped back to where we were as the nurse finished up the last stitch tying off the thread. 

 "Alright, you're patched up. I'll send the Doctor in to explain aftercare, and, if I may Lieutenant, he's right, if it were the right person they would do anything in the world to make you happy and do what they could to keep you that way." The nurse said as he packed up his supplies and left through the curtain. I smiled softly at his retreating figure as Maverick moved in front of me. 

"Stop teasing me," He growled out gripping my chin firmly with his right hand, holding me in position as he leaned forward, capturing my lips in his. For once, I didn't hold myself back from him, I kissed him back with fervor, his tongue grazed my bottom lip as he politely asked for permission, I denied it, much to his displeasure. In response, he forced his way through letting his tongue explore my mouth. His grip moved to the back of my head, his fingers pulling the hair tie it had been confined in. He pulled it out, casting it aside, tangling his fingers in my hair, looping the strands around, and pulling it gently. I moaned in response, moving myself closer to him wrapping my legs around his waist. I felt him grow hard against my core. Before we could take it any further I heard the rungs on the curtain start to move and pushed him away from me, not sure who was on the other side, I knew we wouldn't want them to catch us in this position.

"Lieutenant, I recommend that you keep that iced and wrapped until we can take the stitches out, I will warn you though, it'll most likely scar since you didn't come in immediately when it happened." The Doctor told me not looking up from his paperwork. 

"Yes sir, will do sir. Am I good to go?" I asked him. He nodded, looking up at us for the first time, giving us a confused look at our disheveled appearance. He then shrugged and spun around leaving the area. I looked to Maverick who was standing in the corner of the room, facing the wall, bracing himself against it. He turned around and I could see the lust in his eyes, as if he would jump me at any moment. I deviously smiled at him hopping off the table and beckoning him toward me with a simple hand gesture. He followed on my heels as I started walking towards the exit. We walked to the hangar where his bike had been parked, I could tell he wanted to get out of here fast as he searched his pockets frantically. 

"Missing something?" I asked him as I pulled the keys out of my pocket dangling them in front of him. 

"Maeve…" He started again as he reached to grab them from me. I quickly moved them away from his grasp and behind my back. 

"Pete," I smirked as I threw my leg over the Kawasaki Ninja, putting the keys inside the ignition and turning it, quickly feeling the rumble go through the engine.

"You know how to ride?" He asked me, surprise running through his voice. 

"Of course I do," I told him the adrenaline flowing through my veins as I revved it. It'd been a while since I'd ridden but at this moment I had no fear that was holding me back. I pushed us off the ground and slowly approached the gate so the guards could open it before I took us out on the open road. As I merged onto the highway, I forced myself to focus on the road starting to weave between the cars as he held onto my waist keeping me in a position close to him. I could feel his hot breath against my neck as we reached the off-ramp, coming to a light turning red. His lips connected to my neck as I brought the bike to a stop. He started sucking and pulling the skin beneath it, I groaned, not wanting him to stop. The car next to us looked familiar. The girl in the passenger seat looked at me and her jaw dropped. It was Crystal and Goose. They both looked at us dumbfounded that we could be so careless out in the open world where any eyes could see us. The light changed and I kicked Maverick's shin as I brought my leg up off the ground, letting him know that I wouldn't be able to drive if he didn't quit. He stopped, gripping my hips tighter as I turned onto our street pulling into the driveway. 

"You surprise me every day," He breathed out into my ear, moving the hair that had loosened in the wind back behind my shoulder, gaining clear access to my neck again. I moved before he could do anymore, pulling myself from him and the machine beneath me, taking the keys out of the ignition. I threw them to him as I walked up to the front door gaining some space from the man who was slowly stealing my heart.