Grandma's Letter

"If you want to, we can tell you when you can visit again."

"I… um… yes. Please."

"Mm. Give me a moment." The doctor went and took a piece so Karni can write his soul communicator number on it.

Meanwhile Karni's head was looping yesterday's visit to the hospital. Trying to remember any sign that she was doing worse than usual.

"What happened? Was there an accident?" Karni finally asked.

The receptionist looked up, a bit sad. "No. She's been getting worse for the past half a year, it's actually a miracle she hasn't entered into a critical state until now."

"I see." Karni went quiet. The timing aligned. She's been getting worse ever since her son's been put into a vegetative state. Looks like yesterday's emotional turmoil influenced her.

"If you'll just write your number here. We can reach you when she's in a good enough state to visit." 

… … …

The last week has been pure hell for Karni. There were so many papers he had to go through about the trial. Paying off his debt, which he did very fast due to the money that the police officers owed him. Signing a ton of statements, providing proof of his identity an n-th number of times to different people.

He also had to go through registration of soul tools. He got them all back, but was put on a watchlist for a year. He was officially promoted to a 4-star Mecha Designer, while Siduo got promoted to a 4-star Mecha Manufacturer. They also got back their wrist watches from the evidence locker.

The worst part of it all was that he had to do all this, knowing that Grandma Ying was going through a critical phase. He had yet to receive any call from the hospital and he still wasn't allowed to visit. He checked every day.

He truly believed that the conversation he had with her prior to everything was the cause of the worsening of her health condition.

Was she even still alive? Why was it taking a whole week? What exactly happened? He had so many questions that he couldn't get the answers to. Whenever he got a call from anyone, he would flinch, thinking it's from the hospital.

But finally, on a monday, about a week and a half later, he got a call. She'll be stable for a while, so he can visit.

"Sisi! I'm going to the hospital, Grandma Ying woke up!"

"Okay. I'll tell Teacher Ye."

"Thanks!" Karni rushed off, leaving Siduo alone.

"I hope she's okay." Siduo muttered while waving him off.

… … …

He stood in front of the room, his heart pounding. The doctors were actually with him right now. He wasn't allowed to visit on his own. That was a first.

He entered with the doctors and immediately sensed the sterile smell of the room. It was completely different than before. It was actually a different room all together. She was moved to a special section of the hospital.

"Little Karni. You came." Her words were very quiet. But her mood clearly brightened when she saw him.

"Grandma Ying. How are you?"

"I'm… I'd like to tell you I'm fine, but I feel like absolute shit."

Karni chuckled a bit, though it felt like a pity chuckle.

"Nurse. Please tell him."

The nurse looked at the old lady as if asking if she's sure, and Shi Ying nodded.

A sigh escaped the nurse. "Shi Ying doesn't have long to live." 

She looked at the lady again silently asking if she should continue.

"At most 3 months, until winter."

Karni's body shook. He had so little time left with her. He didn't even know her for a full year, but right now, he couldn't imagine a life in which he doesn't visit the hospital regularly.

"Is there really nothing we could do? Some expensive treatment? We have the money!"

The nurse just shook her head. "Unfortunately, the body is too injured. Has been injured for too long, without any proper medicine applied for a long period of time. I'm sorry."

"Nurse, can you give us some alone time?" Shi Ying asked with a weak voice.

The nurse nodded. "If she seems to be in too much pain, press this button." The nurse showed it to the 10 year old.

"Thanks." The old lady thanked the nurse.

Two people, old and young, were left in the room, alone.

"It was only a matter of time, Karni. I was holding on only due to your help."

He wanted to refute that. Everything pointed to it being the very opposite, but he couldn't say it out loud. Not that it would matter at this point.

"I still wanted to become strong enough someday. To heal you."

"Oh child. That was a dream anyway. I knew from even before I met you, that my time was only being extended."

Karni was quiet about this. He understood it. His rational part understanded it clearly, but he didn't want to accept it. Just when he told her the truth, when the two finally told each other everything…

Well. He didn't tell her everything.

"Grandma Ying, I have to tell you something about me."

"There's still things you haven't told me?"

Karn chuckled a bit. "I know. A lot of secrets huh."

"Well what is it you have to tell me?"

"I'm older than I look." Karni made a wry smile.

"Oh? How much? Twelve? Thirteen? Do you have problems with your growth?"

"No. Nothing like that. I mean mentally. I have… memories. If that's what you want to call them. But…" He took a big breath, organising his thoughts.

"Remember when I told you about my mother, how she's very far away?"

"Yes. What does that have to do with anything?"

"Well, she isn't just far away. She is in an entirely different world altogether."

"What? What do you mean?"

"I have memories of a previous life. A different world, a family, a mother, and they are all from another world."

Shi Ying chuckled for a bit, but stopped when she noticed his honest and serious look.

"In my previous life, I was a 20 year old young adult. Going through life, studying to become a member of the society. It was… well it was peaceful, routine and perfect. I had everything. A loving family, good friends, I was well on my way to get the job I wanted as well... But then I woke up here. Somehow. Even to this day, I still question sometimes if everything that is here is just a figment of my imagination."

He took a pause, while Shi Ying's eyes kept on growing larger and larger.

"In my world, there was no such thing as magic or martial souls. Magical powers of any sort were just a myth. Stories. Then I woke up here." He looked around a bit absentminded. "A completely different world, with different rules. Strong ruled the world along with the wealthy. And my biggest wish is to become strong enough to some day return home. Though…" He chuckled. "I'm not sure I even want that anymore. I met so many people here. New friends. New family. Someone precious to my heart. You. I want to return, but I also don't want to leave this all behind."

Shi Ying's question for all of this was quite simple. "You… You're not ten?"

Karni chuckled. "That's all you got from that? Well yeah. I guess so. I woke up in the body of a six year old, a body that looked like a carbon copy of myself when I was six years old in my previous world. I guess I would be 25 now. But honestly, if anything, my maturity has lessened due to me being in a child's body. I feel more like a young teen that hasn't gone through puberty yet. Honestly, I'm really not looking forward to going through another puberty."

The old lady just layed there, stunned. "This explains so much of your behaviour. But then, why did you panic so much with my son?"

"It was the first time I was ever in danger. My old world, or at least the country I lived in, it's very peaceful. I got scared for Sisi's life. She was the only person that knew about me, the only true friend I had here. I was very inexperienced. It's not an excuse, I know, but…"

"I understand. I'd be scared too. All alone in a foreign world and your only semblance of normality dying? I don't even know how I'd react, but most likely not any better than you."

"So did you have a girlfriend in your previous life?"

Karni was taken aback.

"What? Is a lady not allowed to be curious?"

"I… yeah, sure, I just didn't expect that of all things."

"So did you?"

"I… yes I did, though not when I came here. I've been single for a while, and never had any actual serious relationship."

"Mm . I get it." Then she suddenly got sharp eyes, realising something.

"You better wait till that lady is 18!" She was talking about Siduo.

"Ew." Karni said. "I never thought of her that way, even if she is… Right. I didn't tell you. She's probably older than me, mentally, she's like me."

Grandma Ying slapped her forehead. Though it wasn't really a slap due to her poor health. "I guess it doesn't matter then."

"Oh yes it does." Karni corrected. "Can you fall in love with someone who looks like a child, even if you knew they were 50 years old?"

Shi Ying pictured it in her head, before making a disgusted expression. "Ew."

"See? So don't even suggest it."

"Now I really wish I could wait till you guys are 18, I wonder how you guys will think of each other then."

"Can we please change the topic?" Karrni begged. He didn't even dare to think about anything. Every suggestion screamed red flags to him in some way or another. Why is this the conversation they're having anyway?

"Fine , fine. Then tell me about this world of yours."

The two continued the conversation for about an hour more, before the nurse came to check in on them.

Karni went home for the night. The next day, he visited again and the next day again, he continued this every day. The two talked more about Karni's previous life, Shi Ying's past, what they hoped for the future, the worries they had, and yes, even fear of what was waiting for Shi Ying. With new topics to discuss, time really flew by fast.

"I'd be lying if I told you I'm not afraid." Shi Ying said in a barely audible voice. Two months have passed. Unfortunately, it could be seen on Shi Ying's body. Karni wasn't sure she'd make it to three months.

"In my world there was a religion." Karni said. "It most likely isn't true, but… they believed that there is heaven, a single god that accompanied the dead souls to their place of rest, a paradise."

"It sounds quite a… far-fetched idea. Considering the… Well… Gods of our world… But it also sounds… peaceful."

"Mm." Karni simply nodded.

"It's a shame that we have records of people like Tang San. Theories of a higher realm. Unless that heaven is even higher. But… it seems that here… we can only become immortal, but there is no such place as heaven." Shi Ying wondered, her eyes unfocused.

"Well, maybe you'll be reincarnated. Just look at me." Karni smiled.

"Yes. Maybe." The old lady held Karni's hand, she seemed to be struggling with breathing.

"I'll go get the doctor." Karni said.

"Wait, wait, I… I have a request."

Karni stopped for a moment and listened.

"I want to hear the music of your martial soul, one more time. I want to have it accompany me… in my final moments."

"What are you-"

"Karni please. I want to end it on my own accord. With… my grandson by my side."

"I… I don't think I can-"

"Karni. I'm sorry I'm asking this of you, I know it must be… a lot. Please."

Karni clenched the hand softly, tears falling onto it. Grandma Ying simply enjoyed the warm feeling, a content smile on her face.

After a good five minutes, Karni finally nodded. Accepting that this must happen.

He went to get the nurses. Slowly. He told them about her wishes.

The nurses entered and said that they needed to talk with her privately first. About half an hour later, they came out with grave expressions. 

"We'll proceed as she wishes. She's of a clear mind in her decision. All that matters is that you agree as well. You can refuse if you want."

Karni shook his head. "I can't refuse this. I refuse to refuse this."

The nurse sighed. "I understand."

She commented to herself after she went away. "To put a child through so much."

She didn't know that Karni heard her. His hearing was excellent these days. Especially after he understood the Element's Heart of Sound.

He laughed a bit in a self mocking manner. He wasn't a child at all. Though he did act like one.

… … …

Two days later. Everything was in order for Shi Ying to pass on peacefully.

"Karni, there's one more thing I want to tell you." She spoke weakly.

Karni nodded, showing that he was listening.

"I left a letter for you. In the drawer. I'm sorry I can't tell you everything in person. I… it was easier for me to write it down with concise thoughts. I'm sorry."

"I… I understand." He couldn't really focus on that right now. He was more focused on what followed after this.

"That is all then. Doctor, Little Karni. If you will please."

Both of them nodded. The doctor readied an injection and a different soul master prepared her own martial soul. It was so she would pass away without pain.

Karni's first, second and third soul rings shone brightly, some of the doctors were taken aback when they saw their purple colour, but they had to stay focused on Grandma Ying right now.

The extra soul master activated the ability that prevented pain.

Shi Ying released a soft, relaxing sigh. The music that Karni showed her. It was truly something special. Mysterious, as deep as an ocean and so calming. So spacious, so wide… and it was spreading endlessly.

She just looked at him, smiling. Meanwhile a syringe was put into her. She didn't feel it.

The music amplified. She could feel Karni's sadness through the song, his own emotions were clearly told through the song.

She held his hand. Now tighter than ever, and simply smiled. A smile that wasn't quite a smile. A content look with clear eyes, like she was leaving for something greater, something that will finally enable her to leave her regret behind, to be in peace.

And then her eyes slowly unfocused, the smile still plastered on her face, and the strong hand, let go of him lightly. Karni's tears began to fall. His soul ring stopped shining, for it had no one to give its ability to anymore.

She was gone. She has passed.

… … …

Karni was walking in the streets. Alone. Every now and then he glanced at the papers in his hands. There were two letters. One was addressed to him, while the other was clearly more official, with a note that said to open after reading the first letter.

Karni didn't want to open that letter. When he would, he felt like he would have nothing more left of Shi Ying. To lose the last thing that kept memories of her. There were still words that she had to say in that letter, and until he opened it, those words of hers wouldn't be spoken yet. Her words were still alive.

After this, there would be no more words, no more thoughts. It would be the very last thing that she wrote. Her literal last words.

He didn't know for how long he was walking, but he knew he had to do it today. She asked him to read it and there was a second letter connected to it. Because of the second letter's official nature, he couldn't prolong this.

Subconsciously he went to the river, a bridge that divided the old and the new part of Star Luo City. He stopped here. It was a bridge that was very touristy as well, but was currently calm at this time of year. Snow was already in the city at this time.

Karni sat in one of the round parts of the bridge alone, still staring at the letter. He figured this was a nice enough place to open up the letter, to show it some respect.

There was no paper torn. Karni opened up the latter softly and smoothly. He carefully put the envelope inside his storage ring and opened up the folded paper.

The letter read:

Dear Karni.

I know it must be hard for you to read this and I'm sorry I told you to do this, but it was easier this way. I know, selfish, but I wanted my last words to be heard by only you.

You were a child that showed up out of nowhere, and if I had a choice, or the ability to do it, I would've adopted you as my grandson a long time ago. The sweet, 'old' boy. You captured my heart when I was truly alone, and I will be forever thankful that you came into my life.

To this day, I still can't forgive you for what you did to my son, but I don't love you any less for it. I hope that, since I can't forgive you, that someday, you can forgive yourself. I know that you beat yourself up over it in a way that I can never imagine.

Cherish the girl that you found, Wu Siduo. She seems wild, but she cares for you and I hope the two of you take care of each other now that I'm gone. 

I hope you build many more connections in the future. There are all kinds of people in this world. Good, bad, something in between. I hope you choose your friends carefully, but knowing you, I don't need to worry about that.

You know what it means to kill, and what it means if you're killed. Take care of your life. Cherish it, do not put yourself in danger needlessly, and know to kill only when you have to. When those people threaten those you love.

I know how that sounds. Their loved ones may never forgive you, but you protected that which mattered to you the most. I can't forgive you, but I think that in the moment, you did the right thing. You protected your loved one.

You once asked me what a selfish wish of mine would be and I think I found it. I wish I could've walked again. Run again. I could visit wondrous places, see the legendary locations of the stories. It is unfortunate that I started to fight for this dream once it was already too late.

Karni, you made me fight for this dream and it is because of you that I managed to last this long. You gave me love when I had none, even if it was out of guilt. You may not know, but before you came, my son didn't give me much love anymore. He only took care of the bills, but the few times he visited, I could see some anger in his eyes.

There is but one more thing I have to ask you to do. One very hard thing and for that, I am sorry. I wish for you to finish what you started, the thing you started so long ago. I wish you to be free of it. I want you to put my son to sleep. Permanently. Do not let him suffer any more in this state. I did that already. I'm sorry, but I want it to be you.

I know this is a lot to ask, so I wish to return to you the love you gave to me. I wish that you use it on someone else. Take it, and deal it to those you truly love. Those that had nothing accompanying that love, nothing but love itself.

Thank you for filling my world with colours again.

With love, Grandma.

Karni had to close the letter. Tears were starting to fall, and he didn't want to ruin the precious memory left by Shi Ying.

… … …

He was inside of a specialised hospital facility. Waiting for the person in front to finish reading the official document. The document that came with the second letter.

It was the official will left behind by Shi Ying. The will for her son to be put to sleep and taken off life support.

The clerk nodded without any emotion. It seemed she was used to situations like this. She took Karni with her. He was the only witness they could have and it was also requested in the letter.

Karni watched silently from a window outside the room as the monitor showing the beating heart slowly showed a single line.

With this, he has 'killed' for the first time. No. Perhaps it was the second. Shi Ying's son was the person who brought him to witness all of the deaths in the first place. He was the beginning, and he was the end. The life of Shi Qiang ended, after being in a vegetative state for almost a year.

Karni stared for a while at the man's barely recognisable face. Those injuries. Even though the man stopped moving, Karni could remember now. That blank space, that he always repressed. It was the man's face. Frightened. Trying to say something. The railgun. He put it down himself, his face bleeding.

Yet Karni could remember his emotions at the time. He thought Siduo was dead. Life in this world almost lost its meaning. So he hit. Out of fear. Out of anger. Again and again. And when Siduo stopped him, his mind forgot it.

It was amazing, what the human mind was capable of, to protect itself. People would sometimes forget their trauma, trying to rationalise it to themselves in other ways. No wonder he forgot. 

He… He did kill him. Even though he was angry, he was aware. And now… he had to live with this. Siduo was right to some degree, or perhaps correct. Karni too, at that moment, thought the guy deserved to die.

He wanted to laugh at himself, but he didn't. He was still watching the lifeless body. "I hope you find yourself a better world to live in. And I… I'll learn to live with myself as well. I have good company to keep me going. Hopefully you find that kind of company as well."

One of the doctors glanced at Karni, but they weren't sure what to make of his mumbling. Karni bowed slightly at the doctors, and left. Breathing in the young winter air, his mind was blank. He started walking. He swore to himself. This was a feeling that he'll refuse to get used to. A feeling that he'll have to be ready to face without fear, but something he must never accept as normal. For his own sake. Otherwise, he feared, he might just go mad.

… … …

Karn was walking aimlessly. Again. He had nothing left to do. Yet he felt like he wanted to do something. Something! Something to take his mind off things, something to keep his mind focused on today.

His heart couldn't decide. Just what did he want to do?

Without knowing where to go, he simply walked straight. From the city to the suburbs, from the suburbs, to the forest outside. And there he sat. Alone, in the cold, white, yet beautiful snow.

… … …

"He still isn't back?" Siduo was panicking a little.

The people of the academy shook their heads.

She took a look at her watch. He was outside the range, but she could see his last available position, and the direction he went towards.

"I'm going out." Her ears perked up and her eyes changed, as if she was going out to hunt.

… … …

"You found me." Karni said, his eyes unfocused, his cheeks red. It could be from the cold, it could be from crying as well. Only he knew the answer.

"Don't scare me like that again."

"I'm sorry."

She sighed. It was already night. She looked for him for a whole hour, but she managed to find him in the end.

She simply sat down next to him and put her head on his shoulder. Then she pulled out a blanket and put it over them.

Karni just looked at her. Something in his heart snapped at that moment. He told himself he'll live with himself. He did, yet…

"Sisi. Please don't ever leave me. I don't think I'll be able to live if you do." He stared at her blankly. She was all he had left. He… He didn't want to leave her either. Not now… not ever.

She hugged him. It was a warm, tight hug.

"I promise. I'll always be there for you, no matter what."

Karni just put his head onto hers, the sides touching. He didn't cry right now. No. He felt… at peace. The two just leaned on each other. Staying like this in silence. Promises were told in silence. Promises that would never be broken.

Karni enjoyed this feeling, but he sighed a bit. "He was dead already wasn't he?"

"Huh?" Siduo looked at him.

"The white dragon guy."

"Oh." Siduo looked away in guilt, before affirming his suspicions with a single small nod.

"Thanks." He said, and she showed a hidden, nostalgic smile. His innocence, or what was left of it, was broken. Never to return again.

And so time passed, the freezing cold of the night was biting at them, but they didn't care.

The cold blue night slowly gained a bit of light. Orange mixed with icy blue. Sun began to reflect off the snow and Karni saw it as he looked at the mixture of purple and orange in the sky.

The horizon expanded like the endless sea. The reflection of the snow, every particle of it was there. And his mind, despite being sad, felt like an endless ocean that mirrored the infinite horizon above.

His eyes, gained a clear purple and gold lustre, forever changed.

… … …

"What! My son… He's what! Repeat that again!"

A scared officer in the room became scared and even pissed himself.

"Elite Squad Leader Tan Bai, is dead."

The woman screamed. Six soul rings appeared on her. Two yellow, three purple, and a single black one.

She was unsuccessful in her endeavour. Not only was she unsuccessful, it was an utter waste of a trip, a complete disaster. To think she extended her attempts until spring! For nothing! Her only son! Dead!

The room became thicker, the officer reporting quickly escaped it.

The table couldn't stand it any longer. It was obliterated under pressure. Then the windows exploded. And the whole room seemed to deform. Pure, bloody anger could be felt from inside it.

And inside the person clad in blood red scales, had bloodshot eyes. A 7th ring was forming. A new soul ring was forming. And its colour seemed as black as the heart of the creature who possessed it. She will get her revenge, even if she had to wait years to get it.