109 Can't Think of a Title

Columbus, Georgia. April 11th, 16:09.

Sitting on the roof of a carefully chosen building, I try my best to distract myself by playing solitaire, but my mind is just too preoccupied by annoyance to really enjoy the game.

Then I get annoyed about the fact that I'm even feeling annoyed in the first place, leaving me in a generally not amazing mood.

Siberian's test for Queenie finished earlier today, and I was happy to hear that the experiment survived. Now Siberian only has Carrot left to test, which she will start today, allowing the test to be over on the 14th, which is perfect since I said we'd be gone on the 15th, and Jack still needs to give his tests out.

Self centred loser that he is, he insists on being the final test for everyone, his own candidate excluded of course.

Still, that's not really something that would annoy me. If anything, it's just amusing to me, the way he acts. He's like a child with a god complex.

It's really rather funny, and it actually makes me want to follow him around for a bit, instead of just killing him, because I like watching him strut around like he's invincible, even when he is constantly surrounded by eight people that are all far stronger than him.

But no, that's not what has me annoyed.

What's annoying is that Magne is dead.

He was my candidate after all. I expected better from him. Especially after his showing against Crawler.

He genuinely impressed me, something that is getting harder and harder to do the more I experience.

His intelligence, will, power and most importantly, his 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘵𝘳𝘰𝘭, both over his own power and the battlefield itself, were incredibly impressive.

But Bonesaw went to test him, guarded by Crawler and Jack and gave him a similar test to Carrot, in that he was to be killing innocents.

However, unlike Carrot, he refused to do so, sticking to his guns.

Naturally, this lead to punishment, but Magne fought that as well.

Only, this time Crawler knew what to expect and didn't let himself get buried under a building this time, which is good, because it took him nearly a full day to get himself out, and with Jack on the side as well...

I think Magne might be the first hero that I truly really acknowledge as a Hero worthy of respect.

So it's rather typical that he's dead now.

Personally, I think Jack wanted him to die just to spite me, but maybe that's me projecting, since that was why I wanted White King to die in the first place, as he was Jack's candidate.

Ah well. I guess that makes us even then.

...Nah, Magne's life was worth more than White King's.

Whatever, I'll get over it, probably within an hour or two, depending on when my guests arrive.

I have taken it upon myself to volunteer a lucky couple to be my entertainment for the day.

I have no one left to test after all, so really I don't have much to do for the next four days or so.

In other news, Shatterbird tested Carrot, who naturally passed with flying colours. Though, going by the level of smugness coming from Shatterbird, I'd guess that Carrot at least had to struggle through something, else she'd be mad.

Hell, the only reason Shatterbird wasn't mad at me for easily passing her test was because I'm such a good conversationalist to make up for it.

More interesting that that though, is the few phone calls I've been on since I got my bike back.

I decided to give everyone on my contacts list a call, either to let them know I'm still alive or just to see what they've been up to, maybe a bit of both in some cases.

Clara's been promoted for one. Now she basically has a position that puts her in charge of 'foreign affairs'. Basically, when Uppercrust has a guest or wants to build relations with someone, she's the person that gets sent to be the intermediary.

In other words, Uppercrust thought she did such a good job 'befriending me', that he made it her official position.

It took considerable effort to avoid laughing when she said that, but other than that, she's doing well.

James is having so much fun Tinkering and being a Gang Lord that he didn't even realise we hadn't spoken in a month, which I found rather rude, but amusing all the same, so I just wished him well.

Uppercrust was the only one who seems to have actually heard about me joining the Nine, which is to be expected really, as the news won't really spread until we leave.

So I had to assure him that it wasn't a permanent arrangement and that I was just experimenting with new things, while also both assuring him that I'd keep my end of our little deal and ensuring that he'd be keeping his.

Billy Butcher just called me some mean names when I told him who I'm travelling with and hung up on me, which made me curious, and a quick look on the internet showed me that the Teeth were driven out of Brockton Bay back in '98 by the Nine, who killed just about all of them, bar Butcher himself of course.

It's kind of crazy to think that I would have been ten when that happened, yet even a decade later, the Nine are still going strong. Stronger than ever even.

But really, I don't know why I'd be surprised. The Slaughterhouse Nine has been a thing since before I was born after all. The so called 'heroes' clearly aren't going to do anything about it.

Other than them, the rest of the calls were pretty uninteresting.

Yumiko is having fun, now calling her Clown persona Harlequin. She also seems hopeful for a promotion soon, and is apparently going to be setting something up with James' help to get herself some accolades.

Proving herself to be a good hero, as it were.

Lastly, Jinx got me up to date on the goings on of anything important, including filling me in on our newest member.

Apparently he's another Tinker, which actually does make sense, as I figured that for the first few months, maybe even the first year, it will probably be mostly Tinkers that join us, wanting to make use of our resources.

His power is apparently 'one time use items', which has some interesting connotations.

Obviously I can't expect him to be an answer all key, capable of doing literally anything, but I still have no doubt that he'll have a shit tonne of versatility available to him.

It's not like it's an issue though, considering that he named his Clown persona 'Vendor', I think it's clear that he's planning on opening a shop of sorts, and that he just wants to use us to help him get set up.

Which is exactly why I founded the Clowns anyway, so people can have fun doing what they want without worry, so naturally there is no problem with him using us. As long as he understands that this is a two way street, a mutual using.

Jinx also says that he's going to be attempting a recruitment soon, but that the recruit is a surprise.

Again, this is fine. I wouldn't insist on everyone having a Clown persona if I didn't want them to have the option to have their own private lives after all.

Thankfully, my guests finally arrive before I have to suffer through any more monologuing.

Looking across from the building and two my left, I spy a woman and a man walking down the street, or floating, in the woman's case.

Both of them are dressed in elaborate robes, befitting of their rather ostentatious cape names of Devi and Asura, which are basically what female Gods and evil Gods are called in Hindu mythology.

Truthfully, they don't have the power to back up naming themselves after deities. there's a reason it doesn't happen after all. Your name is supposed to represent you, so having a weakling calling themselves a God is kind of dumb.

It reminds me of Ba'al, from back in Columbus. He was even less worthy of his name.

Mythological items and people are fine of course, it's just with Gods that it becomes something of a questionable thing to do, not to mention overly egotistical.

However, in this case, I think they deserve a pass, because I'm pretty sure Asuras are supposed to have six arms, and the little Asura down there is a case 53 who 𝘥𝘰𝘦𝘴 have six arms, three heads and red skin, so it's actually rather fitting.

Devi just went along with the theme since she's his partner. Her power is just a flight plus energy spear combo.

Either way, the two of them together should be able to give me a good fight, not that I really have a good measure of this sort of thing yet, so I'm kind of just hoping really.

Neither of them have noticed me yet, by my design, as I was worried they might just run away.

Sneaking up on them is easy, as my power seems to give me some kind of natural predator instinct, meaning that I can be 𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺 quiet when I want to be. It's part of why I so rarely wear shoes, so I can jump off buildings without making a sound when I land.

Which is exactly what I do here, jumping down to land behind the two heroes and following after them.

I'm even dressed for the occasion, wearing a weird, elephant thing mask that I'm pretty sure holds some kind of relation to Hinduism, unless I'm just being racist, but really, after everything I've done, what's a little racism?

I still have some Clown makeup on underneath, just in case it gets knocked off, and I've impaled a few clown noses on the trunk of the mask too.

After following them for a short while, and pouting slightly at their lacking conversation, we eventually start coming across the civilians they are here to reassure and protect.

Which naturally means that they start waving and greeting the people we walk past, just generally trying to be friendly and lift their innocent spirits up.

The unfortunate thing for the two heroes however, is that unlike themselves, those civilians can very much see me walking behind them, with unnecessarily exaggerated steps.

By now word on the street has spread fast enough that everyone can recognise me on sight, what with my now iconic prisoner's uniform, even the new mask doesn't stop me from being recognisable.

This leads to those very same civilians turning around and legging it as fast as they can as soon as they glance even in the general direction of the two heroes, who still haven't noticed me.

Clearly they don't have any enhanced senses. I'm not exactly trying to be subtle.

"Something's wrong," Asura says, making a truly wonderful observation that surely nobody else could have possibly figured out without him mentioning it.

"Yeah. I'll go high, see if I can see anything. You just keep your guard up." Following her words, Devi does as she said she would, rapidly starting to rise.

Except, almost as soon as she does so, she is capable of seeing me, thanks to the increased field of vision her height gives her.

She pauses as soon as our eyes lock, her earthy brown meeting my own blood red orbs, and I give her a happy wave that snaps her back to attention.

"Behind you!" She yells, wasting now time whatsoever to form a spear of pure energy and throw it at me, while Asura doesn't hesitate to leap forward at her warning, spinning around in time to see me fall backwards, away from the spear, and land on my butt.

"Eep!" I yell out, as if the spear scared me, but it barely even craters the ground where it lands, so I'm not really worried.

As I look up at them, all tense and preparing for combat, from my place on the floor, I allow myself to grin.

It feels like it's been a while since I've been in a proper fight. I just hope they can live up to my expectations.

=================

A/N: He~llo! Dear readers!

Maaan, I want to leave columbus alreadyyy!!

I'll probably only do another chap or two before I'm done here and we can finally start getting to all the shit in my head, which means there will be some time skipping after this.

So since I want to be done in no more than two chapters, it will probably take 4. :<

Also, I just remembered that no one got the reference in my last fic's titles from chap 28-30 :< Or at least, no one spoke up if they got it.

If you wanna take part in the next PHO chap, I'll be starting that tomorrow on my Discord at around 8-ish my time, which is about midday in America.

(5+)Advanced chapters with the links below!

pat/reon.com/user?u=41732867 (get rid of the first slash or check the description)

Also, join the discord with this invite code! Pj3Dttwses