-Seek my unholy knowledge-

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It took me a few centuries to feel better again. Centuries where I was free to do what I wished with no summonings from Time Baby. I was grateful there were no jobs. It gave me time to calm down. It gave me time to pull myself together.

I was very upset at myself for losing control like that. I haven't self harmed in so long, I thought for sure I'd gotten over that. Having cracked bricks hurt so damn much. It was awful. Just…sharp and broken. I hate pain. I hate it so much.

So I rested and recovered from my wounds. I started smiling again. Time heals all wounds right?

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I felt a buzzing feeling in my bowtie. Oh! Oh! I'm being summoned! My first summoning that's not from Time Baby! Oh my gosh oh my gosh! I adjusted my hat and bowtie. Need to make a good first impression. Okay Jan, you can do this. Show them that you're not some kind of violent maniac.

I tap into my powers to feel where the summoning was coming from. Dimension PΩK. Alright, I can do this. I teleport there with a burst of sparkles. Sparkles are cute right? Sparkles are harmless and pretty.

"People of PΩK! I bring you good tidings of peanuts and beer!" I say cheerfully as I appear before my summoner. Peanuts rained down upon him as a show of my sincerity.

The alien before me jerked back from the tiny little brown seeds. I eagerly sent a tendril of my mind into his to scan for his language and basic information. Name, Finth, species, Dorion sub-species from the more common Dorioth, semi-aquatic creatures that resembled a mix of frogs and fish. Language, slightly more complicated but I've got a special cheat I learned from old finny himself.

"Hello there. Name's Bill Cipher! Nice to MEET ya!" I 'said' enthusiastically. Being able to just project the 'meaning' of my words is so much easier than having to learn their language. All that same, I like actually knowing how to communicate with their tongue. It would take me a few more minutes to finish scanning the knowledge of his language so until then, cheat it is.

"What are you?!" Finth backs away and stares at me warily. I see my summoning circle crudely drawn in the sand by his fins.

"Well, YOU summoned ME. Shouldn't you have some idea?" I asked as I floated lower, trying my hardest to look non-threatening. I grabbed a few peanuts lying around and threw them in my eye just to have something to do. Ooh crunchy~

"I...I saw in the old texts that the elders keep hidden away about a one eyed beast that could grant your desires..."

"For a PRICE at least. It's like an exchange of SERVICES get me? If you want something from me, you need to DISH out something in return." Man, this echo effect on my voice was obnoxious. Is there anything I can do about it?

Finth blinked his bulbous clear eyelids and glanced back at the circle he drew. "I didn't think the legends were true. Can you...grant ANY request?"

"I make Deals kid. Just tell me what you want and I'll figure out a price."

He looked worried about the price. I quickly reassured him. "I'm not gonna ask for your soul or anything. Don't worry about that. Come on. Just one little Deal? Isn't there anything you want?" I probed deeper into his mind. Ooh. "Like that girl you want to marry but you don't have enough money to impress her father?" I ask slyly.

From what I could see in his head, the two liked each other but he couldn't get her father to allow it unless he had the money to support her. Old fashioned but it was normal in their society. I felt it was unfair and dumb, if they both cared for each other, shouldn't that be enough?

"How did you know about that?!" He gasps at me.

"I know LOTS of things." I replied cheerfully. Aw man, always wanted to say that.

"C-can you grant me wealth?" He asks hopefully. Hm~could I? The monetary system their people use is Pearls. Simple enough. "Sure kid. Wanna try specifying though? I kinda need exact terms laid out." It's how Deals worked. Like making a Genie wish I suppose.

So far the only one I've made Deals with was Time Baby. The terms of our agreement being that 'I receive one Favor for EACH individual job he sends me on', exact words. I've got a couple Favors saved up so far. The wording was incredibly important. It's also why I make the effort to learn their language. The better I know the terms, the better I can find a way to twist them to benefit me.

Time Baby is still upset about those mysterious Favors he owes me. Tough luck kid. I'm a professional Destruction God.

"I...I want to have 500 pearls!" He says, his dorsal fin was wiggling in excitement.

500 pearls, short, sweet and simple terms. That's good actually. The simple terms are the hardest to mess up. Now what can I ask for in return?

Was there anything I wanted right now? Ah- there's one thing.

"No problem kid. That's easy peasy. You want 500 pearls and in exchange...I want you to write down the method for summoning me on 50 pamphlets. You can pass them out, gift them to people, I don't care. Just make 50 of them."

"Why?" He seems surprised at the suspiciously easy price. I laugh. "Making Deals is my job. If my summoning ritual is hidden away in some old dusty texts that no one gets to see then I'd be out of a job right?"

He seems to accept my answer and I hold out my hand, gentle blue fire springing up around it. "Do we have a Deal?" I ask cheerfully. He hesitates before taking my hand and we shake on it. I felt all tingly as a rush of energy travels up my arm and into me. Woo! Power rush!

I let go and just bask in the pleasant sensation of being filled with raw energy. Well, enough of that. I vibrate my bricks and reach to scoop up a handful of sand. Finth watches as I toss the sand into my eye/mouth and hum. Yeck, the taste is fine but the texture feels so gross. I hate eating sand. That grinding feeling on my teeth is just so disgusting.

I toss the grit around my mouth, my tongue licking and rolling it. I know real pearls are formed from larger pieces of stuff (sand particles are too small, it doesn't cause nearly enough irritation to actually make the oyster put in the effort to seal it in nacre when they can just spit it out) but hey, I'm not an oyster.

The gritty texture was already rounding out. I rolled them a few more times before spitting them out onto the ground. "Bleh-how many is that? Do I need to make more?" I count them quickly and grab another handful of sand, probably need to repeat this process a few more times. My hands are small ok?!

While I'm working, Finth kneels down and carefully picks up one of the pearls. "T-this is amazing! I've never seen a pearl grown this quickly."

"Mmhmm~" I hum as I spit the 2nd batch of pearls out. I'm a little over halfway done now. As I grab more sand, Finth begins laughing delightedly. He eagerly scoops up the pearls and washes them in the ocean. Once clean the pearls shone beautifully in the sunlight. Perfectly round and around the size of a fingernail. They had a faint golden tint to their color and an iridescent shine.

Finth snatches the next batch I spit out before they even hit the ground. "Well SOMEONE'S an eager beaver." I giggle at the look on his face. 500 pearls. I'm actually quite proud of them. So pretty. I snatch one of them out of his hands and he cries out in shock as I take the pearl from him. "That's mine!"

"The deal was 500 pearls. This little one here is an extra." I vanish the pearl to my house in the Nightmare Realm.

Finth makes a distressed noise that sounded like a whale sneezing and clutches the remaining pearls close to himself. I snort. "What? A Deal's a Deal kid. Now you better make good on your end of the bargain. I'll be watching you~"

I vanish with another burst of sparkles.

I think that went well. With some luck I'll be able to build a good reputation for myself. Or fix the bad one I currently have at any rate.

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That jerk isn't keeping up his end of the Deal. I seethe as I watch him. Finth completed 12 pamphlets before stopping. At first I thought he was just taking a break, fair enough, I know better than most how tiring it is to copy the same thing over and over. But he...never finished his work.

I watch as he brings home my pearls, watch as he buys a nicer house, nicer clothes, I watch him strut around his village like he owns the place and I frown. I'm fine with him trying to get his affairs in order but THIS?!

I try to remain patient. He's just excited to have so much money. Once the thrill of this new experience wears off he'll go back to work. Days go by as I get increasingly annoyed with him. I thought he would go and ask for that girl's fin in marriage but I watched him splash around with multiple different girls. The one he originally liked kept trying to talk to him but he laughs her off. I watch as she swims off in tears.

"Just how much can someone truly be altered by greed~?" I sang softly. I couldn't take it anymore. This was NOT ok. That night as Finth came home after a late night spent partying with a new set of girls he "Eep!"ed in surprise to see me lounging on one of his lavish sofas.

"Why hello kid. Fancy seeing you again."

"What are you doing in my house?"

"Oh nothing~ just wondering when you were going to finished your end of our Deal like you promised you would." I poked at the seams on the sofa cushion, not even looking at him.

"I never promised I wo-"

"We had a DEAL!" I screech as my bricks swell up and I triple in size, towering over the now frightened Dorion. "WE SHOOK ON IT. DO YOU SERIOUSLY THINK I'M GOING TO LET THIS GO?!" My voice turns into a deep rumbling roar.

I grab the finished pamphlets he's already made and wave them in his face. "I count 12 here. TWELVE! Do you remember what NUMBER you agreed to?"

"F-fifteen?" He blurbles as he tries to back up but finds blue flames blocking his way out the door. Flames underwater.

"FIFTY! YOU AGREED TO 50! WHERE ARE THE OTHER 38 HUH?! OR ARE YOU INCAPABLE OF COUNTING?!"

"I...I'm sorry! I have been...busy! I'll finished them right away!" He cowers before me, green scales turning pale in fear.

"Don't even bother. As you CLEARLY don't intend to keep your end of of the Deal, I have a right to take back MINE." I flick my fingers and my fire spreads to consume the entire house. Finth screeches in terror and runs into the center of the room, as far as he can get from my hungry flames. It consumes his house, burning everything and making the water rise to boiling temperatures.

I watch dispassionately as his belongings burn. Those nice clothes. Nice furniture. Nice house. All bought using MY pearls. Since they were bought using my pearls, I had every right to do with them as I wish along with taking back the remaining 453 pearls.

"No! No! My house!!" Finth screams and cries as he watches everything he owns melt away in the heat. I hear screaming coming from outside as the neighbors noticed the strange sight of a building burning underwater. Finth is begging me to stop. Begging for forgiveness. Promising me anything I could ever want. Anything he could give, just please stop.

I ignore his pleas as the fire finally flickers out leaving just the two of us surrounded by the twisted remains of what was once an opulent display of his newfound wealth. He sobs on his knees before me, I had shrunk back to a default 5 foot size by this point and I floated above him. Watching this pathetic display of grief before me, I couldn't help the smallest twinge of pity.

Finth flinches at the sound of multiple things falling to the ground before him. He opens his eyes to see some pearls.

"You DID finish 12 pamphlets. I'll graciously allow you to keep 12 pearls." I felt disgusted when he lunged for them and curled his body around them, like he was afraid I'd take them back. I was severely tempted to do so.

"You disgust me kid." I finally look away from him to examine the Dorion and Dorioth gathered around us. "You brought this on yourself for not upholding your end of the Deal. Let THAT be a lesson. No one cheats Bill Cipher out of a Deal." I blink away, wanting nothing more than to wash my hands of this incident.

Oh course I should have known this would come back to bite me in the ass.

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