1 From Where It Begins (November 27)

Yes, I want to forget her. I want to forget her badly. Is there any possible way to forget her? I cannot! But I can never do that! I need some fresh air. I have to open my window. Opening the window proved to be one of my terrible mistakes.  Why are they yelling at her? Is she crying? Should I close the window? I cannot bear it anymore. Today, the street is looking dead as ever. It seems as if it will pour soon. "Should I look, what is happening there? I am confused." 

"Was it all, my mistake? Why am I not able to repent for the past? Then why?!"

Someone yelled from next door, "Are you out of your mind?!"    

  Yes, I am out of my mind. I don't know what is happening to me? (Again) "Was it all, my mistake? If it's a mistake, why am I not ashamed of committing it?"  

My parents have convinced themselves that he does not love me. He has just used me like some nerd young rebellious playboy to satisfy his hunger. Is it true? What have I done??!

   Yeah, yeah! She and her parents must be thinking that I don't love her. Yes, this is my mistake! I can never make them understand my feelings. I love her. I love her with my all! 

  No, he does not love me. He has never loved me; he has just used me as like some other slut. I am not a slut! I don't love him! Yes, I am feeling guilty about it. But what if he truly loves me? What if my parents are wrong? Would I be able to forgive myself for breaking someone's heart?

  I can never forgive her for this. She ruined everything. She has ruined every part of my happiness. I had told her everything. Everything about me. Then also! Why? Why didn't she trust me? Why??! What was wrong with me? What was wrong with my love for her? 

  Yes, I know, I have made a mistake. I have told my mom everything. But I was right. Maybe, I ruined everything but for our good. There is nothing good between us. There's no match. I don't believe in love (not that I don't feel for him. But I am not emotionally satisfied and this can be due to the previous heartbreak.)

For me, it was all limited to physical (Though I am feeling guilty about it, I do not want to think about it. And, both of us know the reason behind this.)

She does not believe in love; no matter what, I love her. I loved her from the very beginning. It was always that one-sided. I preferred it to be one-sided until we had created the confusion. The misleading confusion helped me present my heart to her.

    I am like this. I will always be like this. But, the real fact is I don't want to hurt anyone, anymore.