I've read through it, and I'm still a but confused in the story that is trying to be told here. There's nothing much wrong with the grammar and such, the story is just unclear to me.
The very best and interesting story👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍 👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍
