Save Me

Word Count: 900

Pairings: Lucifer Morningstar x Reader

Warnings: angst, possible trigger, depression, comfort, fluff

A/N: Request from anonymous, depression is a serious illness, and you are not alone, if you need anyone to talk to, message me, I may not answer right away but I will answer.

Summary: You were fine. Of course you were, because the doctor said you were, because your friends didn't know any better, because you had to be. So you lied to yourself, told yourself to fill the emptiness you felt, lied that you were fine.

But you weren't, and you hadn’t been, not for a very long time.

.............................................................

You smiled at something Ella had said, smiled because everyone else did, laughed along with them, the very notion of it left you feeling tired.

How many times had you faked a smile? Forced a laugh?

You wanted to go home, sit alone, but you couldn’t cancel your plans, not again. What excuse could you give?

No, that would just cause concern, would prompt too many questions you didn't have the answers for. At least no one noticed anything amiss, at least no one but Lucifer, who watched you closely. His eyes followed your movements carefully, and he frowned at how quickly your eyes dulled when you thought everyone had looked away.

You spoke when you needed to, talking just enough to look engaged, but you couldn’t mask the far off look in your eyes, not from him. He noticed how you seemed to curl in on yourself and your arms wrapped around yourself in a subtle way. As if you were trying to ground yourself.

"I have an early morning tomorrow, I think I might turn in." You spoke up.

A lie your devilish lover didn't call you out on.

Over lapping voices of protests arose from your friends as you stood. You gave them a smile, such a kind and apologetic smile, but Lucifer noticed, so empty.

"I'll see you guys later, I'll see you when you come to bed."

You bent down giving Lucifer a quick kiss before you walked away. He watched you go, the voices of the others faded away as his eyes followed you until you were in the elevator. You fell back against the wall, grabbing the collar of your shirt as if you couldn't breathe well. The doors slid closed on your pained expression and his heart dropped.

"Excuse me a moment."

They were saying something, but he couldn't hear, too focused on getting to you. He couldn't seem to move fast enough.

~

You kicked your shoes off, walking towards the bed as you fought back tears. This wasn’t unexpected, you'd been pretending you were fine for weeks. It was more surprising you hadn’t broken yet. You collapsed onto the bed, grabbing a pillow to muffle your cries as you tried desperately not to fall into that hopelessness.

It was a battle you never won, one you felt like giving up on every time. If you didn't have your family, your friends, Lucifer, you would have given up so long ago. They kept you here, kept you trying, you couldn’t leave them. However, that didn't mean that every so often, when you were alone and the darkness was drowning you. You fell just a little further, felt just a little emptier inside.

You began to dissociate, your thoughts consuming you, suffocating you. Tears stained your cheeks, burned your eyes, but you could do nothing to stop them. You couldn't do anything but lay there as your chest tightened in such a painful way.

You didn't even jump when you felt arms pulling you to sit up. You just didn't have the energy to react.

"Are you alright love?"

It took you a moment to gather yourself enough to speak and once you did your voice was hoarse.

"No."

Lucifer cupped your face in his hands, his eyes searching your nearly lifeless ones.

"Are you going to be?" His voice was softer now and tears rushed to your eyes once more.

You struggled to speak, choking on the force of the cry you fought back.

"I... I don't know." Your voice cracked and you felt your depression crushing you further.

You grabbed his arms, a broken sob shaking your body.

"I don't know... I can't... it hurts, Lucifer it hurts so much."

He quickly pulled you into his arms, gently rocking you, as you stained his shirt with your tears.

"Why am I like this... why won't it stop..."

He held you a little tighter.

"I don't know darling, but you don't deserve this, and you certainly don't need to be alone for it. Cry if you must, scream if it'll help, I'll be right here, you needn't be alone."

And so you did, you laid in his arms for what seemed like hours, crying until you couldn’t anymore. Until you had grown too tired to shed another tear.

"Lucifer..."

He hummed a little absentmindedly rubbing your back in a soothing fashion.

"I need... I need a few days, just some time away from everyone...not you... but I-"

"Would prefer not to socialize for a bit yes?"

You nodded and he kissed the top of your head.

"Don't fret love, I'll have Maze handle Lux for a bit and the Detective will be just fine without me for a few days. You take all the time you need, hell knows I have plenty of it." He smiled softly down at you.

You managed a faint smile of your own before settling back into his embrace.

"Thank you."

He pulled the blanket around you, smoothing back your hair.

"Sleep now love, I'll make you a wonderful breakfast in the morning, and be sure to sit there until you eat it."

You were already dozing off, but managed to mumble out the words 'I love you'. Hearing him repeat the phrase as you drifted off into a welcome sleep.