91. Chapter 91

Chapter 91

Alexis caught up with JD at the end of the hall near the elevators. "Do you want somebody to talk to?" she asked. "Can you still stand having me around?"

As they entered the elevator, he answered, "I still love having you around; but I'm not very good company right now."

"Can't be any worse company than I was when I left. Could you use somebody to talk to? Somebody who still cares about you?"

He nodded. "Take a walk with me?" He hesitantly put his arm around her waist, and when she didn't resist, he pulled her a little closer. She wrapped her arm around his waist, too, and they exited the hospital and walked down the sidewalk silently for a while. When they reached a couple of empty benches in a tiny amount of green space next to a children's play area, they sat down; and he finally told Alexis what had happened.

"Sorry again, JD, but I no longer just think I hate your parents. I officially hate your parents. They have somebody as great as you are in their lives and…"

"You sound like you'd fight for me."

"I would," she answered shyly. "I intend to."

"Don't get my hopes up, Alexis," he said sadly, turning away from her slightly and resting his elbows on his knees. His head was bowed and his hands hanging with his fingers loosely entwined. He wasn't touching her at all anymore, seeming to create intentional physical distance between the two of them. "What are we doing, Alexis? I don't think I could take another fear or disappointment right now. Is all this attention you're giving me only because you feel sorry for me…just being a friend? 'Cause it's starting to feel like more; and as much as I want that, I can't let myself hope for it and then have to give it up again."

"I was going to wait and talk to you after your granddad is better, but maybe now is when I need to…"

"Just say it, whatever it is," he pleaded, running the fingers of both hands through his hair and leaving them there as he spoke. "One way or another. I need to know."

"Last night after you and Dad left us in the waiting room, I asked Kate how she knew Dad was the one she should commit to, and what she told me was almost everything I felt when I saw you again…attraction, friendship, concern, respect, trust. She said when he's happy, it lights up her world, and when he hurts, she hurts just as much. A couple of months ago, Dad was playing with Jamie, just being goofy and happy and having such a good time. He caught us watching him and looked at us with a huge, beaming smile, and Kate was giving him the exact same smile right back. She caught me catching her at it and laughed. Then she looked serious, hugged me, and said, 'I'm so glad your dad gave me a second chance to understand how lucky I am that he chose me.' So I'm asking you if I'm lucky enough that you'll give me the same kind of second chance. 'Cause I do know how lucky I am that you chose me. And you look like you could use somebody around to back you up while your granddad gets better. And I'd like that person to be me. Have I ruined everything? Do you think you can trust me again?"

"You're sure? I need you to be sure. I trust you completely; so if you tell me that, I'll believe you."

"When I saw you last night, all I wanted to do was hold you and take care of you, and I was so relieved when you didn't push me away. I want to be around to take care of you for a long time, JD. I'm sure."

"You're sure?" There was a little pause followed by a look showing the joyful recognition of her words. "You're sure!" He stood and wrapped his arms around her waist and shoulders, pulled her up from the bench, and swung her around in a circle. Then he kissed her without letting her feet touch the ground. "I love you so much."

"I love you, too."

"You're sure about that, too, are you?" he asked with a big smile, still holding her off the ground.

"I'm sure," she answered, laughing, and she kissed him back. "Do I get to touch the ground again now?"

"Not quite yet. I'm afraid you'll disappear." He kissed her again, long and tender. "You're not going to run away again, though, are you?" he asked confidently. "I trust you not to do that to me."

She shook her head gently. "Not even thinking about it. I might still be a little nervous about it, but I'm not even thinking about running."

He smiled at her again, a beautiful, vibrant smile.

"See? That look right there?" she said. "It lights up my world."

"Then I guess it's time to put you down so the two of us can start by having both feet firmly planted on solid ground...side by side. We'll work it out together."

"I promise," Alexis answered as her feet touched the ground again. "Together. But first we take care of your grandfather." JD slid his arm around her waist again and she wrapped her arm around him, too.

"My grandfather is going to be so excited to have you back," he said as he led her back to the sidewalk to return to the hospital. "I think he missed you almost as much as I did." There was a short suspension of words before he smiled down at her mischievously. "Actually it was nowhere close, but he did miss you a lot. He likes the rest of your family, too…has a lot of respect for your mom and dad."

"I missed your granddad, too."

"You made him cookies last night, didn't you?"

"You do realize we just got back together again after all these months, and we're already talking about cookies?"

"What can I say? I love the feeling of us, and 'us' frequently involved cookies…and I'm hoping we can turn them into celebration cookies if Granddad hasn't scarfed them all down in frustration before we get back."

Alexis laughed. "You think like my dad sometimes…convoluted logic."

"Worse things could happen." He dropped his arm from around her and took her hand to avoid separating them as they had to move single file around others on the sidewalk.

"If your Granddad ate them all, I'll make more just for you."

"You gonna do that for a long time, too?"

"You gonna keep loving me for a long time?"

"Yeah. Definitely."

"Then consider cookies a part of your future."

"I knew I picked the right one."

"Thanks for the second chance."

"Thanks for wanting it…and for the cookies." He laughed as she swatted his arm playfully.

"You know reality is going to hit us again when we get back, right?"

"Let's ignore it while we walk, though, okay? I want to savor 'us' a little longer. Other than that, this has been a lousy couple of days." He tugged her toward him and planted a kiss on her head.

"If that's what you need right now, we'll talk through reality later," she agreed. "But we shouldn't put it off too long. I'm getting a free pass way too easily."

"That's not how I see it, but please…not now. A few days?" he asked. "I know we need to talk, but there's too much going on right now, and I need a little time to adjust to everything else that's happened. Let me enjoy the one entirely good thing while we walk back."

"Okay. Then we'll talk about cookies again, or whatever else appeals to you." She timed her pause perfectly and asked with an evil smile, "Did you call Aunt Eugenia yet?" And she was rewarded with a full laugh.

JD and Alexis had walked several blocks from the hospital. It was warm and sunny, and they took their time, enjoying their brief respite outside reality for as long as it lasted.

When they were back at the hospital and returning to Mr. Farnsworth's room, John looked up from where two nurses had just helped him into a wheel chair, and he softly exclaimed, "Rick! I think good news may have just walked around the corner."

"Good news?" Castle moved over to his friend and curiously looked to see what he was talking about.

Coming from the elevator at the end of the hall were JD and Alexis, his arm around her shoulders and hers around his waist, both of them smiling and completely oblivious to anyone besides each other. The nurses looked up, too, and smiled.

"Cute couple," the female nurse, Gloria, commented.

"Those yours?" the other nurse, Lamont asked. When John and Castle nodded in pleasant surprise, the male nurse chuckled. "I take it you've been rooting for them."

"I can't speak for him, but I sure have," John answered. "My grandson is back now. How much longer am I going to have to stay here?" he asked, turning to the nurses. "I thought you said I'd be gone this morning, but it's pushing one o'clock."

"The wheels of bureaucracy," Gloria told him. "We're waiting for the last signatures on the paperwork, Mr. Farnsworth. And you said your grandson will be taking you home, so we'll need to go over the post release instructions with him. I take it that's him in the hall?"

"Yep. That's my boy."

"Then you should be out of here soon," Lamont assured him.

JD and Alexis released one another before they entered the room, giving appropriate attention to JD's injured grandfather.

Castle kissed her head and said quietly, "Hi, Pumpkin. The two of you look happy. It's nice to see that again."

Then Lamont said appreciatively, "Wow!. I'd say that's good news for somebody, too."

This time, when he looked up, Castle saw Kate, with Jamie in the baby sling, striding toward John's room, and looking sharp, baby included. "That would be my good news, Lamont," he answered proudly. "John, it looks like you get to meet my boy now."

"Hey," Kate said to her husband as she entered the room, and Castle gave her a kiss before he took the baby carefully from Kate and introduced him formally to John and the others.

"So both of these are yours?" Lamont asked, looking from Alexis to Jamie.

"They are. It took me a while to find the right woman to make me want to be a daddy again."

"Well, I guess you two are pretty proud of yourselves. That's a fine looking young fellow there," John said to the married couple.

Then Castle wandered off, bouncing Jamie gently and saying softly, "Hey, Buddy. Daddy missed you and Mommy." Then he blew a raspberry on Jamie's neck, making him laugh.

Turning to Kate, John asked, "What are you doing here? I thought you were working today."

"I was, but I started back on half days. It was slow at the precinct this morning, so I called to see what happened with the driver who hit you. Thought I might as well let you know; and when I called, JD said you were still here."

"Was the guy drunk?"

She nodded. "They let him sleep it off in holding. I was told that when they brought him in, he was 'drunk as a skunk'. The officer's words, not mine. I never figured out that phrase, myself. It's an odd situation, though. That driver has had a license for forty-four years and doesn't have a single moving violation on his driving record until this one. A couple of parking tickets is it. No criminal record. I checked. Except for yesterday, he's squeaky clean."

"Lucky me," John said sarcastically. The completed paperwork arrived before he could answer her further, and he exclaimed, "Hallelujah! JD, go round us up a cab."

"No need, John. I called the car service and asked for two town cars." Looking at her husband, she said, "I knew you'd be tired, and it gives you room to be comfortable and somebody else to drive. And I thought some extra space and a driver to help John and JD out when they get home wouldn't be a bad idea. And I got my wheelchair out of the storage room for him to use until he has one of his own. Darrell put it in the trunk. Looks like we should let Alexis decide who she rides with."

"I'll go with JD," she told them. "I can help him set things up for Mr. Farnsworth."

"I thought you might," Kate answered with a smile. "You'll be in good hands, gentlemen. These Castles are natural caregivers. It's like it's in their DNA or something."

"Does she always think of everything?" John asked.

"She does that a lot," Castle agreed.

"Well, I appreciate all the help…from all of you. Gloria, Lamont, I wish I could say it was a pleasure. You did a fine job, and I enjoyed your company; but if we meet again, I hope it's under other circumstances. Lamont took the reins for the wheelchair, and John and his entourage left in their town cars.

Kate had spoken to Meagan the night before; and as a result, John Farnsworth went home with the names of several assistant/caregivers to interview who could help him during the interval when he would need it. He insisted that JD had enough on his mind without having to miss classes to take care of a grandfather who could easily afford to pay for assistance.

xxxxx

When Castle and Kate were in the town car on the way home, with Jamie's car seat tucked between them, Castle looked at her and said, "An eventful couple of days."

She leaned across and kissed his cheek where his head laid back on top of the leather seat. "You're a good, generous man, Richard Castle. I could tell JD and John appreciated your being there. Everybody needs some support now and then, and you were there when they needed you."

"They needed a listening ear more than you know." Castle told her about JD's parents, and she reacted with the expected disgust. "They'll get through it, though. John and JD make a good team. And it's looking like Alexis will be around to back them up again. She and JD both looked happy this afternoon. You know anything about that? John said JD blames the whole breakup on himself…thinks he pushed too hard and scared her away."

Kate told her husband about the conversation with Alexis in the waiting room the night before, and his ego was well supported as he listened to what she had told his daughter. "Alexis must have decided what she felt for him checked enough boxes on the list. They'll figure it out. JD and Alexis are a good team, too. Did I give her a dad approved answer?"

"It was an excellent answer. It still awes me sometimes when I hear you say things like that…about me. I love hearing it." She leaned in to kiss him again, and he sighed contentedly. "So I guess we get to see more of JD again. I'd missed him, and I had no idea that John was so attached to Alexis."

Jamie was sound asleep by the time they got home, so Kate put him to bed while Castle showered, and they both slept while their son did.

xxxxx

Before Kate left work the next day, she called again about the man who had hit John Farnsworth. "I appreciate your patience yesterday, and I don't intend to keep bothering you, but I'm curious to know how this happened. A detective thing I guess. Did he have any explanation for it when he sobered up? Did he look like somebody who's been able to hide his drinking and get away with DUI's somehow?"

"Damnedest thing, Lieutenant. I was totally disgusted with him when I left yesterday, but this morning I kinda feel sorry for him. This morning he knows what he did, and it sure looks like real remorse to me. He said his wife died suddenly last week…completely unexpected. They'd been married for thirty-seven years, and it was the first day since then that he was going home to an empty house. He'd just dropped his oldest son off at the airport, and he stopped at a twenty-four/seven bar on his way home. Drank himself well over the limit before lunchtime, walked out on his own, and got behind the wheel. I don't get the feeling any of that's normal for this guy. His younger son was almost back home in Albany when his dad called him, so he's on his way back to help his dad and work out bail. I don't think I ever saw a man look so ashamed as he did when he had to tell his son what happened."

"When did he talk to him?"

"About half an hour ago."

"Thanks, Nardelli. "I promise not to bother you again."

"No problem. Hope your friend is doing okay."

"Yeah, He's going to have some pain and discomfort for a couple of weeks, but none of it is life threatening."

"Hey, boss," Esposito called as he came back from holding. "I got a statement from the guy we picked up last night. He's come down from his high now, and he was a lot more cooperative. He's in the scheme up to his neck, but I think he's telling the truth about not being involved in the murder."

"Did he have anything to say about who did?"

"Sang like a bird as soon as we told him he was going down for accessory to murder. It's all right there, signature and everything," Ryan announced proudly.

"I'll type it up before I leave," Beckett answered. You two go pick up this Raymond Brescher he says killed our victim and bring him in. I'll be gone when you get back, but send a text or call me if you need to. Good job, guys. Hey, where did Sully disappear to?"

"He's checking with Robbery to see if this scheme was already on their radar or not."

"Good call. We needed to do that. Maybe we can help each other out again."

She called her father before she started typing the statement the boys brought her. "Hey, Dad. I've got an odd request for you. It's kind of time sensitive. I know you may not have time, and I'm pretty sure I should leave it alone; but…"

"Another one of those gut feelings?" he asked, picking up on what she was trying to say.

"Something like that." She went on to explain, and he understood.

Then she turned back to her computer, typed the statement, and went home to her family.

xxxxx

Hey, Sweetheart," Castle said, meeting Kate at the door with Jamie.

She kissed her husband and then took Jamie eagerly when the baby leaned toward her.

"Are you glad to see Mommy?" she asked. "Mommy is soooo glad to see you." There was plenty of playing and snuggling after that as Castle plated the lunch he had ready for them.

Right after lunch, Jim called, and Kate listened before smiling and saying, "Thanks, Dad. You got the same feeling from talking to him?" After another moment, she said, "You're the best. And, yeah. I hope so, too."

"Is it okay for me to ask what that was about?"

"I might have stepped out of the department's comfort zone today." She told him about her phone call to the officer she spoke to the day before. "I called Dad to see if he might have time to visit the man before his son bailed him out. "It's one thing to ask Dad to visit him in holding. It's way too far outside policy to give him the man's address and send him to knock on the door. The story sounded way too familiar; and if talking to dad can save another family from going through what we did, it might be worth taking a little heat for it. Hopefully it won't come to that."

"Are you going to tell Gates, or will you just hope she doesn't find out?"

"I haven't decided yet," she said with a mischievous smile.

"So your dad thought it went well?"

"He did. He told him his own story, listened to the other man, Lloyd Hopkins, and told him he'd tell John how sorry Hopkins was about the accident. I think he liked the guy. He left him his card and told him to call if he needed to talk. He also offered to help him find representation more suited to that sort of case than a corporate attorney."

"I hope it helps."

"Me, too."

While they talked, Jamie was making conversational baby sounds and playing with his feet. Kate smiled as she watched. "I love those socks with the paw prints on the bottom." About that time, Jamie surprised himself, pulled one of them off, and waved both hands excitedly, losing his grip and throwing it on the rest of his mother's sandwich in the process.

"Good thing you like them so much," Castle teased as Kate laughed, picked it up, and put it back on his foot. "Well done, Mommy. No drama, just took the sock off your sandwich and put it back on him."

"You'd see more drama if he were old enough he'd been tromping through mud puddles before it landed."

"He'll get there."

"But for today, my sandwich is safe," she answered, taking another bite. "After this I might nibble his toes."

"I'm available for nibbling if the spirit moves you."

This time she was the eyebrow wiggler. "Later. I'll want more time when we start that."

Her husband smiled. "Then do you feel up to a walk? We'll pick a new direction today, and Jamie can kick his paws at the world and make people smile."

"Sure. You get the stroller, and I'll take care of the dishes."

As they walked through the lobby, Eduardo leaned and took Jaime's hand, patted it briefly, and said, "Enjoy your stroll, Master Jamie." Then he smiled and nodded at Kate and Rick and lifted two fingers as if touching a hat brim as he opened the door for them.

"It's fun sometimes that he's so old school about things like that."

"It was always 'Miss Alexis', even when she was a baby, too. And she loved him. She'd run to him with a big grin and a hug when she was little. He always had a smile for her…sometimes even a cookie or a lollipop. Another year and Jamie will probably be doing the same thing."

They took their walk and talked about things randomly, carrying on their conversation around saying a few words directly to Jamie now and then, talking to him about sunshine and birds and cars and walking, and whatever else crossed their minds and their path.

"I like being able to do this…take walks, do things spontaneously. I know you know that. You must be wondering what's wrong with me not to take advantage of being able to stay home when it would be so easy," she said as they stopped in a shady spot for a few minutes. She looked down and leaned her elbows on the stroller handle as she took Jamie's hands and stroked them, engaging him with her facial expressions, which showed him no sign of the weighty content of her words.

"You know you don't have to defend your choice to me, Kate. I'm neither complaining nor judging."

"I know you aren't, but I might be."

"When you judge yourself, you're always harder on yourself than the rest of us are. Are you having second thoughts about going back to work when you did?"

"Not exactly, but not exactly not."

Castle chuckled. "That was cryptic."

Kate chuckled, too. "I guess it was." She sighed and said, "I just feel like I'm letting everybody down one way or another. An equal opportunity disappointer."

"Come over here. We're going to get something to drink, sit down somewhere quiet, take turns holding our baby boy, and see if we can make you feel better. How does a milk shake sound?"

"Sounds great."

Castle ordered, picked up their shakes, and joined Kate and Jamie at one of the outdoor tables. It was an unusually mild, dry late August afternoon, a perfect day for being outside. The outdoor area of the small restaurant wasn't too busy at that time of the day, so it was easy for them to talk.

"Let me start by saying that I love my children, I love spending time with them, and I'm lucky enough that my real job lets me work at home," Castle began. "You love your children…and that was plural because I know you couldn't love Alexis any more if you'd given birth to her…and you love to spend time with them, too; but your job doesn't allow you to work from home. You also love your job, and you do it extraordinarily well, it's important to the city, and you shouldn't give it up unless you're tired of it. We made this choice together, remember?"

"But I don't seem to be able to do enough in either place. Jamie is growing so fast, and I don't want to miss any of it. I know there are women who would do anything to have the options that I do, and would take them in a heartbeat. What's wrong with me that I can't talk myself into doing that?" By then, she was holding Jamie, who was snuggling sweetly and looking a little drowsy, his forehead in the crook of her neck and one hand flexing randomly, grabbing and releasing the fabric of her shirt. The two of them were a picture of contentment.

"Why don't you tell yourself what it really is about your job that makes it so important to you to get back to it now. And tell yourself out loud where I can hear it, too. We talked about it once, but there's more to it than what you said then. You need to figure out what that is before you drive yourself crazy."

"You know you're the only person in the world who can get away with talking to me like that and…"

"Yeah, I do," he answered with one of his crooked, smirky smiles. "Well, maybe Dr. Burke, too, but…"

"And you take terribly unfair advantage of that smirk."

"Yeah, I know that, too," he answered smugly, taking a sip of his shake. "Now think about it and then talk to me."

She nuzzled at Jamie's hair, kissed his head, and hummed to him softly, looking thoughtful. She finally said quietly, "That job was my life for a long time, Castle. The academy and then the job. Through all the trouble with my dad, that was what kept me going. Then when he sobered up, I was nothing but ambition to be a detective. I made it, and moved up by degrees until I had my own team. I worked so hard, gave up so much, to get to where I am. This is my team, Castle. You were part of it almost every day for four years, and you know how much we all put into it. I built that from the beginnings of my partnership with the boys, and I don't want to be gone long enough to lose it."

"Ah. Now we're getting somewhere."

"I've already let them down for too long…

"Wait. How did you let them down? I was there, too, and I don't remember you letting them down. I never heard either of them saying any such thing, either."

"I was on desk duty after I was shot. Then a year later, they were having to make concessions because I was pregnant, then I was on desk duty again from right after Thanksgiving until the middle of January, then on maternity leave. Now I'm on half days. They had to depend on Sully instead for a couple of months." She stopped, looking a bit ashamed, then she added, "And they liked him, worked well with him, defended him to me."

"And how did you fail them there?" Isn't that what you've been working to instill in every team on the homicide floor? Teamwork? Taking what you need to do and figuring out how to make it happen? You're the one who worked out how to use the camera at the crime scene when you couldn't be there. You're the one pushing the idea of playing well with others. They did exactly what their captain has been praising their lieutenant for drilling into them. They rose to take charge when you weren't there, did their jobs well, worked well with Sully, and apparently praised you while you were gone. I think you should be pretty proud of that. Weren't they glad to have you back? Wasn't Sully anxious to work with you? Didn't they fall right back into their habit of seeing you as the team leader? What's so terrible about the way things are now?"

"Well, when you put it that way, it doesn't sound so bad."

"Kate, the precinct has been reaping the rewards of your work, not just the boys. Even when you weren't there, the results of your efforts were. Has anybody been complaining?"

"No, but you haven't, either, and I know you could use a break from taking care of Jamie now and then."

"Let's stick with the job for now. Are you feeling your team slipping away? Is that what this is about?"

"Maybe? My team is kind of like my first baby." She smoothed her hand over the back of Jamie's head and nuzzled his hair again. "It's something special that I was part of creating. I built it from the seeds of cooperation and ability into one of the best teams in the city, and all three of us are proud of that. We started out all young and determined and there to do some good. I'm almost too proud of what we've accomplished."

"And you have every right to be."

"But I think lately I've known it can't last much longer. It's sort of the beginning of the end. I'm already a lieutenant…more responsibility to the homicide division in general…saddled with more paperwork than before. With Esposito about to get married, and getting a six year old stepson in the process, and Ryan and Jenny trying to have a baby, the boys are both going to need to up their pay grades soon. Promotions could take them to other precincts where there are openings, And you were right about my options for promotion…more predictable hours…but with command responsibilities...even more paperwork…more responsibility for even larger parts of the precinct…and playing politics to get things done. Definite pros and cons there. Maybe I'm trying to hold on to the team and the field work as long as I can."

"I think you just answered your question."

"I suppose I did. Thank you. You knew that all along, didn't you?"

"I suspected a lot of it. Does figuring it out ease your conscience at all?"

"Not a lot, but I don't feel quite as guilty about the boys. They did do a fine job without me, which does mean I built a good team. And I guess I have to admit that Sully isn't so bad. He's a good, dependable detective, and we get along okay. I think most of the reason I fought the idea was that it's my team, and Gates forced him on me. There wasn't a discussion. It wasn't a collaborative decision. I had no input. It was just an order."

"Sort of like the mayor insisting I needed to be in her precinct?"

Kate huffed a satisfied little laugh. "Yeah. Kind of like that. Only that was a lot more fun." She hadn't stopped stroking Jamie's back or touching him in some way since she sat down with him. After another moment, she admitted. "And I resented him because he wasn't you. I miss working with you, Castle."

"I miss that, too, but we've managed a few cases actually physically together and collaborated on things you've brought home. And that means Jamie usually has a parent at home with him. Best of both worlds for me. And how many women in your job position could say that? Most of their kids are in day care centers or with neighbors or relatives all day. That's normal for most people. We're good, Kate. You're out saving the world, and I get to help now and then. Jamie is happy and healthy, gets all the attention he needs from us, and it sure looks like he knows his mommy loves him. We're good. Relax. It's all going to work out."

"I love you so much, Ricky Rodgers."

"I know." The smug, teasing smirk was back. "Now let me have my son so you can finish your shake before it turns to strawberry milk. I finished mine while you analyzed your guilt."

"Dr. Burke would be proud," she said with a grin, as she eased their sleepy baby into his father's arms.