504. Welcome to Hell ~Helly Hell Hell!!!~
The Weather Reporters, with Gabby, but without Luz and Miguel around, listen intently.
"Yes. Aurora has something to do with Black Claw," said Eda.
"How'd you know...?" asked Dipper.
"When I asked about it, she threatened my life," said Eda, filing her claws.
"Oh..." said everyone else.
"Yeah...! That makes sense!" smiled Mabel, nodding.
"Is that normal, here...? Threatening each other's lives?" asked Sprig.
"Yep," said King.
"Wicked," smiled Sprig. "I actually saw this house through a portal once. Really cool."
"So... what other info did you get...?" asked Dipper.
"None..." said Eda.
"WHAT!?" asked everyone else.
"She threatened my life. What did you think!?"
"Can you help us uh... apprehend and interrogate... her...?" asked Anne, smiling awkwardly, as Amity facepalms.
"You...? Interrogating the Queen of Hell?" asked Eda. "The Big Bitch who just loves to try and make her Daddy proud by ruling the Sinners of Hell and plan the rebellion against all of Heaven itself...? You want to interrogate... her...?I've seen The Bad Place Angels do to Humans, Frog Amphibians, and Grimms like you... The only one who has a chance is King."
"No fair! Nepotism!" yelled Sprig.
"Is there any way for us to at least talk to her...!?" asked Gabby. "She wants my little sister...! Our job is to look into her and why she needs my sister for the Black Claw in the first place...!"
"What's there to tell!? She obviously wants your sister because she's the true heir...!" yelled Eda. "Not an Avatar like you and your Dad. A Messiah! She's probably the key to Aurora finally defeating God Himself!"
"But why the Black Claw...? Why is she working with them...!?" asked Amity. "What's their plan with Rafaella? Do they want to take her and give her to Aurora? And... why...? What's their deal...? What do they get from that...?"
"So... you have a hunch that the Black Claw is gonna try and kidnap the Third Chosen One in exchange for Black Claw giving them something evil...?" asked Eda. "Kinda racist, don't you think...?"
"You do realize that Black Claw is an organization full of genocidal Supernatural maniacs?" asked Dipper.
"Eh... Humans probably deserve it..." said Eda.
Everyone frowns.
"I'm kidding!" laughed Eda. "Of course, I'll help! Anything, for Luz! And as long as you have Ibarra with you, Aurora will practically experience the world's most accurate lie detector test! And, there's a law where she can't lie to a Heaven's Official, so...? We're good to go!Where... are Luz and Miguel...?"
Miguel and Luz slam the door open, bloody and beaten.
The limp inside of the house.
"Luz..." frowned Amity.
Miguel waved his hand. The Runes of Kof-Kol begin orbiting around everyone's heads, then disappearing, and, everyone's memories are restored.
"OH, MY GOD!!! I CAN'T BELIEVE I THOUGHT YOU DUMPED ME!!!" yelled a teary-eyed Amity, hugging Luz.
"Ha! Those were my last words when I thought you dumped me. Turns out it was the other way around..." grinned Miguel.
"You were the one crying," said Eda.
Miguel frowns. "I hate you."
The Weather Reporters, along with Eda, the second Chosen One, and the next Avatar, walked around the fires of Hell, fearing no evil.
But evil lurks in its flames. Imps, Succubi, Incubi, Sinners, and Hellborns sneer, staring at the people while they all walked around Hell.
"Frog...! It's so hot down here...!" panted Sprig.
"Really...?" asked Gabby. "It just feels like Manila."
"You guys have Manila on your Earth!?" asked Anne.
"Yeah. On our Earth, it's just called San Diego," said Gabby. "Dummy hot there. Like mah butt!"
"Who names their country after one of their colonizers...? Cringe, dude," laughed Anne.
"You guys were Western Influenced, Sis... You were practically colonized by the west yourselves... Your name's Anne! Girl be basic..."
"Touche, Ibarra..."
"Ah... Hell..." smiled Miguel. "The most efficient prison in the entire Omniverse! Low-key missed this place... So cozy! AND NICE!!!"
"I hope you die, Ibarra!" barked a hellhound.
"I HOPE YOU DIE AND/OR GET EXORCISED AND BE AN OBJECT FOR THE REST OF YOUR AFTERLIFE!!!" Miguel growled. "That was Johnny. Great guy. I used to beat the shit outta him for illegal drugs inter vivos. Killed by Truck-Kun. Instead of being isekai'd, he pretty much died."
"I'LL KILL YA ONE DAY, YA BLOOMIN' FALSE GOD!!!"
"I RULE AND DOMINATE YOUR ASS!!! KNEEL BEFORE ME OR GO BACK TO THE DUMPSTER YOU BELONG TO, SCUM HEATHEN!!!Our talks are nice!"
"Are they...?" asked Amity.
"I was trash-talked by a hundred Gaelic Gladiator Irishmen. I can withstand anything. Harder than Adamantium! Harder than Nokia phones and that lumpy stuff Thor's stuff on a stick is made of!"
"Why do you keep making fun of Thor...?" asked Luz.
"It's the only chance I get to make fun of a jock."
"That's cruel."
"I heard that you guys fought some... cosmic prophet...?" asked Amity.
"Luz did the fighting. I couldn't do anything," smiled Miguel.
Luz smiles.
"Are you okay after all that...?" asked Amity.
"A bit worn out and traumatized for life," said Luz.
"Oh! It's the usual, then," said Amity.
"Yep!" smiled Luz.
"It bothers me that you're smiling so happy right now after you clearly stabbed someone," said King. "Sure, it was self-defense... but... Am I allowed to say, 'Jesus...?'"
"Proceed," said Miguel.
"Jesus, Luz!" yelled King.
"I was stabbed," said Luz.
"YOU WERE 'WHAT!?!?'" asked Amity.
"It's okay!" smiled Luz. "I got way stronger after all the training!"
"Yeah... Because I am a genius..." said Miguel.
Haha! Well... I guess she should've... leaf-t me alone!!!
What...?
Get it!? Like... The word, 'leaf...?' The body organ of a plant that allows for the organism's intake of glucose via sunlight via photosynthesis...?
How in the world would that apply in this context...!?
I told the joke and everyone liked the other guy's joke better.
... What!?
~Plant your jokes better, Author!~
HAHAHAHA!!! Good one, Plot!
AHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! WOO!!! YOU'RE SO COOL!!!
*AH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!*
I hate this job...
Note:No Quotations. Boring Ol' Regular Text=The AuthorBold=The NarratorUnderlined=The One Above All"Quotation."=Character"Quotation and Bold."=Narrating CharacterItalicized=Goddess*Between a pair of asterisks*=The Sound Guy
Note: Funny thing is, the exact same thing happened to the Author earlier. What a loser.
The group reaches the center of Pentagram City the center of the 9 circles of Hell: Aurora's Castle, formerly known as Lucifer's Castle.
"'Porn Studios...?' 'Club Hell 666...?' 'I.M.P. Headquarters...?' What are these ad placements and work titles!?" asked Anne. "It's giving me the creeps...!"
"This is normal for mainland Hell," said Amity. "The lower you go, the worse it gets. There..."
A giant dark castle looms in the center of Hell. It has several towers all over, looming over them.
"There-E-O!!!" smiled Miguel. "That left wing over there is for therapy. There's a hotel nearby where bad souls redeem themselves and go to Heaven. And there is an organization nearby that kills people and brings them to Hell. Immediate Murder Professionals, I believe. *sniff...* Ah... smells like Hell..."
"Why do you like Hell so much...?" asked Gabby.
"Because I like punishment, sweetie. Because... redemption...? I believe anyone can be redeemed. But, there are pieces of shit out there who should die and go to Hell."
"Never believed in that idea, Dad../"
"Just know that we must always try to do things that are doomed to fail! Because if we don't, how do we know if anything fails or not...? And without ever failing, how can we grow...?"
"What are you talking about, now...?" asked Anne.
"Oh... I was talking about Flappy Bird, who's right over here! HEY, FLAPPY!!!"
Flappy Bird bleeps. He then goes on to flap away, evilly.
"Why'd he go to Hell...?" asked Luz.
"Temptation inducement," said Miguel.
"To what...?"
"Unjust anger..."
"That's a sin!? That wasn't in the Bible!" yelled Luz.
"Just because it isn't mentioned in the Bible doesn't make it not a sin," said Miguel.
"Then it's the fault of the book's author!" yelled Luz.
"I believe that God made scribes write enough for us to realize what's right or wrong..." said Miguel. "Homo Sapiens are just stupid. HEY!!! HEY, YOU!!!"
"Waddup, bra?" asked the Imp.
"Let us in! We'd like to talk to Aurora Morningstar!" yelled Miguel.
"Aren't you Aurora's nemesis...?" asked the Imp.
"Aren't you supposed to listen or a war will start!?" asked Miguel. "DO YOU WANNA BE ENLISTED!?!? LAST I HEARD, YOU HAVEN'T BEEN REDEEMED, PAUL!!!"
"Fuck you," said Paul the Imp, as he proceeds to open the gates.
"Just saying... You're pretty terrifying with all that power," said Dipper.
"Yeah! Be glad I don't abuse it unless needed," said Miguel. "I had to move my schedule for you idiots! I'm supposed to have a meeting with the Head of Scientology right now!"
"Wait... what...!? Aren't these guys your enemies...!?"
"We were supposed to settle things about the legality of their existence with a few revisions. Sadly, I pissed him off since I MOVED THE DATE OF OUR MEETING!!! Honestly...! Cancellations are just so rude! Even those considered by others as the worst deserves respect..."
"You do realize that we're crashing the Devil's castle uninvited, right...?" asked Mabel.
"Shut your trap and just do your thing," sighed Miguel.
"You should shut your trap," said Eda.
"Quiet, Birdbrain."
"Shut it, Train Station Hobo."
*knock, knock...*
The door opens and Aurora opens the door, frowning.
"What the fuck do you want, Uncle Miguel...?" she asked in a British voice.
"Haha! Stop... calling me that... you're older than me..." said Miguel.
"I don't care, Uncle. Why'd you bring those Grimms...? Are you here to kill me...? A Nephilim...?" she sneered.
"I can but I won't. I'm here to discuss matters about the Black Claw and interrogate you. I gave 'em authority as part of Heaven's hierarchy!" smiled Miguel.
"Very well... Why won't we bloomin' do this...?" Aurora lets the group enter. "Five questions... Five. Because this isn't your territory. So, I decide how many, except the numbers 'zero' and below."
They all enter the house and sit at the table.
The group sees several objects, such as several shelves with books in them... and... that's it. There are... uh... candles...! And a coffee table at the center of all this! There's a Grimoire under the table. No TV, though. And there are several drawers labeled, "Meds" and "Do Not Touch!!!" there. She goes on to serve them different beverages.
Luz picks up her glass of milk. "I'm lactose intolerant."
"Welcome to Hell, Dominican girl," said Aurora.
Miguel sighs, sipping Apple Blood.
Eda sighs. "Really...?" holding up a Ghoul Aid Drink.
King flinches while holding a cup of Titan Blood.
"Wanna switch...?" asked Sprig, holding a cup of Frog Eggs. "I know that these aren't real frog eggs, but-..."
"It won't work," said Aurora. "Believe me. I tried. The only thing that happens is that you explode repeatedly for a hundred years squeezed in a hundred seconds... Then...? You are forcefully fused back together again in the most painful way possible."
Sprig and King, horrified, chug their drinks.
"Ew!" yelled Anne, holding a cup of Taho. Anne sips the Taho. "Mm!" Since she liked it, the Taho changes into durian juice. "Oof..." She sniffs it. "UGH!!!"
Amity sighs, holding a cup of Human Soda.
Mabel has an entire cup of Smile Dip. "Ugh...! This stuff... This is practically a drug back on Earth-G-137. This stuff's illegal, there!" She darts her eyes left and right, then sips it.
Gabby sighs, holding a cup of Taho.
"Is that Taho...?" asked Miguel.
She nods.
"You hate Taho...?"
She nods, sadly.
"I kinda wanna disown you, now," said Miguel.
"Hey... cousin...!" smiled Gabby.
"Quiet. You have no authority to speak to me," said Aurora. "Well...? Ibarra...?"
Miguel frowns. "Yes, she does." He then gives a happy smile. "HELLO!!! We're just here to ask a few questions about your association with the Black Claw!"
"Hello! Dipper Pines! Mabel, my twin sister-..."
"I know all your names," frowned Aurora.
"Ooh... kay...? What were you doing at the time between 12 AM and 6 AM of January 12, 2015, of Earth-Wesen...?"
"Ruling Hell," she smiled.
"What else...?"
"I was sitting on my throne ruling Hell... I went to the bathroom a couple of times... and I planned setting up Uncle's little crucifixion..."
Miguel grabs Aurora by the collar. "You listen here, you little piece of shit!"
Everyone stands up.
"Whoa... Dad..." said Gabby. "Calm down..."
"I have to hide holes bored into my hands and feet every... fucking... day... They always feel like they're bleeding... I'm always in pain because you COMMANDED MABUS to fucking crucify me in front of everyone and you made them enjoy it! I'm never going to let that go... And I'll kill you when I have the chance," Miguel growled.
Aurora just... smiles. "Aw...! Is Uncie mad at his lil' old niece...? I thought that this was an interrogation."
"M-Miguel... If you can just... sit down...?" asked Dipper.
Miguel punches Aurora in the face.
Aurora sneers. "Oh... You asked for it!" She woges into a demonic form with red skin and horns, proceeding to punch Miguel in the face.
She punches Miguel, but he blocks it and he throws a barrage of punches. But, she blocks over and over, striking with her fingers instead of her fists.
The pair proceeds to attack each other with several repeated hits.
"Uh... Dipper...!?" asked Mabel.
Everyone's eyes widen as they see that they all begin to melt into black goo, slowly melting upward and evaporating.
"Uh...!" yelled King.
"What's happening!?" asked Luz.
"I feel..." Sprig vomits and the vomit evaporates into his face. "AAAAH!!!"
"I read about this...!" yelled Anne. "If the Chosen One were to ever fight the current Devil... The whole dimension they're in will collapse... along with all of its inhabitants...! Doesn't matter if it's big or small... finite or infinite... Everything will be destroyed..."
"Someone stop those two!!!" yelled Amity.
Everywhere in Hell, which is infinite, begins to have shockwaves that begin to vibrate everything. No one is able to do anything.
"Fuck off, Loona!" yelled Blitzo. "I know you ate the fucking last cereal chew toy-...! Huh...?"
The people in I.M.P. Headquarters begin to melt.
Charlie Morningstar looks up, seeing that everyone around her, except her and the Radio Demon, is melting. "Miguel..." she facepalmed. "You idiot... Not again..."
"Hello, everyone! Welcome to 666 News! We're here to talk about how a possible invasion of Heaven is ongoing right now... Whoever is the fucking idiot that's doing this will forever be remembered in history as the greatest genocider of all time. So... Fuck it...! We're all dead!" The News Reporter takes out a champagne bottle and pops it out, proceeding to drink from it bottoms up.
Back in the castle...
"Oh... brother..." said Eda, rolling her eyes, proceeding to drink a mug of Apple Blood she warps from her hands.
Gabby grabs Miguel's shoulder. Miguel was about to sucker punch Aurora, who is laughing elegantly.
Miguel turns to Gabby.
"Dad... Please..."
Miguel powers down. "Sorry... I... was being rude..." Miguel lets go of her and he sits back down.
"You... just almost KILLED US ALL!!!" yelled Luz.
"Yeah... S-Sorry..."
Luz facepalms.
"I can sue you for that," she sneered. "But I won't... because you're just too fun, Uncle Ibarra..."
"What do you want with my daughter...?" frowned Miguel.
"Oh...! The future, Uncle Ibarra! The future!"
"Are you working with the Black Claw...?" asked Dipper.
"Am I...?"
"Aurora... If you lie right now... this could cause your dismissal as overseer of Hell," said Miguel.
"Yes, I am..." said Aurora.
"Why...?" asked Dipper.
"So I get what I deserve..." said Aurora.
"This is going nowhere..." sighed Mabel.
"Who is Dolphus Hister...?" asked Dipper.
"Too late," she sneered. "That was five questions... Now, leave or die."
Later... back in the Owl House...
"Well, that was a pain..." sighed Eda, shutting the door as everyone arrives at the Owl House. "Too bad you guys didn't get anything."
"I wouldn't say that we didn't get anything..." Miguel reveals a Grimoire in his hands.
"That's...!" yelled Amity.
"The Morningstar Grimoire..." said Eda.
"The what...?" asked Anne.
"It holds the secrets of everything in Hell..." said Luz.
"Yeah... And I took it! This didn't feel as good as that asshole kid with glasses that used to bully me! He said that I can't hit a guy with glasses... and I hit his eyes with his glasses! Got really bloody, though... and he's now permanently blind... and... it was a really sad story... and he called me an asshole and blamed me for his depression... and on his almost-suicide-note."
"YOU MADE HIM KILL HIMSELF!?!?" asked Gabby.
"NO!!! I almost did! But he deserved it because he took pictures of my penis while I was peeing in a urinal and he sent the pictures to the whole school. That's why everyone knew about my teenie tiny."
"Jesus Christ, Miguel..." said Dipper.
"Yeah... Had to tie him up in an asylum so he won't do self-harm... But he bullies other blind people in that asylum... so he deserves to go to Hell for a few thousand years! Which I contracted personally upon his death! UP TOP!!!" Miguel offers a high-five. "Ha...!? Yeah...! Retribution, baby! Right...!?"
"You're a horrible person, sometimes, Miguel..." said Amity. "No... Everyone in that story was horrible. Did people really bully you that bad?"
"Yeah. They made me this way! I'm Ibarra, baby!"
"Why do they hate you...?" asked Luz.
Probably because he's designed to be that way... Every mortal feels strong feelings toward him. Whether it be anger, love, kindness, or even hatred...
"(What...!? That's horrible...)" whispered Luz.
"What was that, sweetie...?" smiled Amity.
"N-Nothing! Nothing..." said Luz.
=)