478. Gravity Falls Television

"You guys have your own channel networks!?" asked Anne.

"I wanna see!" smiled Sprig.

"Me, too!" smiled King. "You humans are amazing with your visual craft!"

"I could go for some Anime," smiled Amity.

"*GASP!!!* I heard that they have The Good Witch Azura is getting an anime series!" smiled Luz.

"*GASP!!!* Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Let's switch it there!"

"Let's see what's on!" smiled Mabel.

"Prepare to be disappointed..." said Dipper.

Luz, Amity, Mabel, and Anne are on the couch while King and Sprig are on the floor. Dipper is at his desk.

*click! KSSH!!!*

"Catch! With Miguel, Deadpool, and Thor's Hammer That Anyone Can Carry!"

"Hello! It's me! Miguel Ibarra!" smiled Miguel, wearing a sports uniform.

"And uh... Me. Wade Wilson... I mean, Deadpool," said Deadpool, wearing his mask, gloves, and sports uniform.

"You already said your-..."

"(Shush. Shut the fuck up. He'll just cut that out. This is just the prologue.) Now. Welcome to Catch! Featuring Thor's Hammer!" smiled Deadpool.

"It's a TV Show! Where we get to play catch with Stormbreaker! A Hammer which only Thor could lift! That we can also carry for some reason!" smiled Miguel. "See...?" Miguel carries Stormbreaker. "If you don't believe us! Here's Mjolnir!"

Deadpool takes it out.

"(Channel lightning...)" whispered Miguel.

Deadpool raises it up.

*KSSH!!! ZAP!!!*

"FUCK!!!" yelled a guy in the background. "I WAS TAKING A BATH!!! UGH!!! YOU DESTROYED THE FUCKING ELECTRIC POSTS, YA JERKS!!!"

"Cut. CUT!!! Spider-Man, CUT!!!" yelled Miguel.

*BEEP!!!*

Miguel and Deadpool are now next to an annoyed Thor. "Hey!" smiled both.

"I can see that you've been having fun, now, huh?" asked Miguel. "Having both of us play with your giant piece on a stick...?" Miguel gives the microphone near Thor's face.

"I will shove Wade's head into your urethra if you dare to keep embarrassing me like this," said Thor.

"Thor! Chillax! We're not trying to embarrass you! So what if we can carry your hammers and that your character is completely irrelevant now!?" asked Miguel.

"Yeah! The writer is an asshole for hating on our home team," said Deadpool. "He made Batman beat Iron Man to piss off Death Battle. (And they probably don't care.) But still! That's how much he hates us Marvel characters, Thor. You just have to accept it. You're a-... You're a piece of shit, Thor..." Deadpool pats his shoulder. "Piece of shit... And Superman will beat you."

Miguel nods softly, patting Thor's shoulder. "Your... Your mom..."

"My mother's dead..." said Thor.

"So is mine. But at least I beat the shit out of Thanos," said Miguel. 

"Sorry... Miguel's tipsy, today..." said Deadpool.

Miguel taunts Thor. "What'd you do, again...? Oh, right! You didn't go for the-..." 

Thor immediately grabs Miguel's neck.

*BEEP!!!*

"Are you really going to make me watch...?" asked Thor.

"YES!!!" yelled Deadpool and Miguel, with Miguel holding Mjolnir.

"Why are you two doing this...?"

Miguel tosses the hammer into Deadpool's hands. Yes. Both are carrying the weapon with ease. "Because your new movie was shit. It's overrated!" yelled Miguel.

"Yeah!" yelled Deadpool, throwing it back at Miguel. "They should make my movie next! Since everyone in the world is apparently fucking worthy now why isn't Batman worthy!?"

"Oh, I am," said Bruce.

"WHAT!?!?" asked Thor. "No, you're not!"

"Oh, yes I am. Wade! Would you please...?" asked Bruce.

Deadpool tosses the hammer and Bruce grabs a hold of it.

"See...?" asked Bruce. "Anyone can carry your hammer. Hey, Clark."

"Yeah...?" asked Clark, eating a protein bar.

Bruce tosses it and Clark grabs it.

"Huh!" smiled Clark. "Nifty! Hey, Kakarot!"

Clark tosses it to Goku.

"Wow!" Goku sniffs it. "Tastes like jerky!"

"If you lick that, I swear to God, Kakarot. I will punch you so hard, your face will be up your ass and your ass will be in fucking Jupiter," said Miguel.

"Okay, okay!" yelled Goku. "Geez! You're a lot meaner today."

"I'm cosmically menstruating," said Miguel.

"What!? I thought only women do that!" yelled Goku.

"I'm the Chosen One. Technically, I'm all sexes," said Miguel.

"What the fuck does that mean...?" asked Deadpool.

"I have no fucking idea," said Miguel, shaking his head.

"You've licked Stormbreaker already," said Thor, grabbing it back. "I truly am disgusted, Saiyan. Also, why is it sticky!?"

"I ate ribs," said Goku.

"COME ON!!! THIS IS SPACE MAHOGANY!!! I think... Or Yggdrassil."

"Hey!" smiled Diana, grabbing Mjolnir. "Look at the design of that! Asgardian Runes!"

"OH, COME ON!!!" yelled Thor.

"That's the second Israeli actress holding Mjolnir, dipshit," said Deadpool.

"Bahahaha!" smiled Spongebob, grabbing and carrying Mjolnir. "Wow! It's so light!"

"Okay, now that's just embarrassing," said Deadpool.

"WHY IS EVERYONE SO LOUD RIGHT NOW!?!?" asked Miguel. "Sorry! Sorry! Ugh! Belly hurts! UGH!!! It's like the time I gave birth!"

"Gabby has a sibling...?" asked Deadpool.

"Okay, that's it. Give me that camera!" yelled Thor, walking toward the cameraman.

"Whoa, whoa! Back away, Mr. Odinson, sir!" yelled Peter, who is holding the camera.

"Shut it! Give that camera to me! None of you are going to post this blasphemous shit!"

*CLANG!!!*

Thor drops to the ground, knocked out.

Deadpool knocked him out with Mjolnir. "You're welcome, Norway."

"Hey," said Giorno, holding Stormbreaker and entering the scene. "What'd I miss...?"

A frog crawls up into Giorno's pants and transforms into a wallet.

"Did you just steal Thor's wallet...?" asked Miguel. "Lmao."

*click*

*KSSH!!!*

"Yo! Waddup, my wigwams!? It's me! Bodacious T!!! Tonight...? Catch! With Miguel, Deadpool, and Thor's Hammer That Anyone Can Carry!"

*click!*

*KSSH!!!*

"Hi. I'm Gabrielle JoJo," smiled Gabrielle. "And I'm here to talk to you about a serious topic that's very, very serious.And that... is the word 'M-Word.' Not the word, 'M-Word...' The literal M-Word itself. Y'know... Mu-..."

The camera switches to Cyclops.

"It was awful," said Harley. "I was just walkin' around in the grocery store and a couple of kids called me 'M-Word!'"

"Uh... I'm supposed to be the one talking, here," said Scott Summers.

The camera switches to Peter.

"Yeah... A lot of people call me an M-word," said Peter. "Really hurtful, to be honest."

The camera switches to Barry.

"Yeah. Really... Really, racist," said Barry. "Yeah... Just... Really... Really... Really..."

"Are... Are you high...?" asked Gabrielle, in the background. "I smell Marijuana."

"YOU'LL NEVER BRING ME BACK INTO THAT HELL!!!" Barry flashes away at utmost speed.

The camera switches back to Gabrielle.

"What is the M-word? The word is a particularly racist word for Mutants, Mutates, and Inhumans, which are the three classes of the Metahumans.The word...? It's 'Mutie...'What...? What do you mean I shouldn't say the actual word on live TV...? What do you mean I'm immediately being canceled right now...?" Gabrielle asked Victoria, who is filming and facepalming.

*click!  KSSH!!!*

"This just in! Gabrielle Jessica  Z. JoJo is canceled by Twitter for saying the M-Word, regarded now as the most racist woman in history, and will now forever be known as JoJo Racist, which is a pun on the hit film JoJo Rabbit. Heheh..." laughed Shandra Jimenez.

"HaaaAAA~aaah! That's funny, Shandra!" laughed Bodacious T.

*click!  KSSH!!!*

"SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU UNGRATEFUL KEHRSEITE-SCHLICH-KENNEN SONS OF BITCHES!!! STOP CALLING ME THAT!!! I AM NOT JOJO RACIST!!!" yelled Gabrielle.

"I don't think you should focus only on Kehrseites," said Monroe.

"BE QUIET!!!" yelled Gabrielle. "Sorry... BUT BE QUIET!!! I AM NOT-!!!"

*click!*

*KSSH!!!*

"Gabrielle said WHAT!?" asked Deadpool. "Fuckin' racist... I always knew it... She had those eyes... The eyes of a Martin Luther's assassin."

"Wade, you mean Martin Luther King Jr," said Miguel.

"Damn right, he's a king," said Deadpool. "And don't call him Junior. It's demeaning. Please... Jesus... Beginning to see where she gets it from."

"That's his name, dipshit, and you say that word all the time," said Miguel.

"OH!!! You're defending her!? Why don't you just call me a fuckin' Mutie-..."

*BLEEP!!! BLEEP!!!*

"...-ght now...?" asked Deadpool

"Sorry... I bleeped that wrong," said Peter.

"Wait... Are you saying... What the f-...? you haven't bleeped anything else this entire fuckin'-!? WE'VE BEEN SWEARING THE WHOLE TIME, PETER!!!" yelled Wade.

"Yeah... Just realizing it now..." said Peter.

Everyone yells at Peter, cursing (except Goku and Clark).

*BLEEP!!! BLEEP!!! BLEE-BLEEP!!! BLEE-BLEE-BLEE-BLEEP!!! BLEEEEEEEEEE-!!!*

Thor wakes up under all the chaos. He grabs his pockets. "Where... Where is my wallet...? Where...?"

*click!*

*KSSH!!*

"Mister Mystery SAYS SOME WORDS!!!"

"Hello! It's me! Soos! If you accidentally get stuck inside a vending machine... are you pretty sweet because you'd be candy...? Happy birthday, Melody!"

Melody, stuck in a vending machine while Stanley tries to free her, waves back. "Thanks, honey!"

*click! KSSH!!!*

"Now... We return to... The Fable Reporters."

Ducktective appears at a crime scene, with a dead body. "Quack, quack... (I think... THIS WAS MURDER!!! Owl Witch! What do you think!?)"

Owl Witch hoots. "(I think it's a crime. What do you think, my Demon Cat Girlfriend!?)"

Demon Cat Girlfriend licks her crotch. "(I think it's a serial killer. It's probably the Big Bad Wolf!)"

"(I, Krieg the Frog, think that it's Professor Trianglehead! The clue is over there!)" croaked Krieg the Frog, shooting his tongue at a Triangle sticker.

"(Egads! His signature Modus Operandi! Killing people with his triangle LASER BEAM STICKERS!!! Right, Agatha!?)" quacked Ducktective's twin sister.

"(Oh, wow...)" buzzed Agatha the Dragon Fly. "(We must arrest him now! And tell Captain Huntsman about this!)"

Krieg the Frog then eats Agatha the Dragon Fly, and Krieg the Frog is eaten by Demon Cat Girlfriend.

"(*BELCH!!!* We never should've crossed over with each other...)" barked a drunk stray dog.

"(You said it, Dick Chavez,)" said Ducktective.

"(Let's go, Barty)," barked Dick Chavez, biting his chew toy and walking away.

Suddenly, a hand is seen placing a triangle on his chest.

"(Wait a minute!)" croaked Krieg the Frog, now with all the animals back. "(That triangle on your chest. It's so weird. *GASP!!!* You're actually-!)"

*click!*

*KSSH!!!*

"Now... eat this... sucker..." yelled Azura, as the credits roll.

The Good Witch Azura will return... in the next episode...

Back to reality...

"AW, WHAT!?!?" asked Luz and Amity.

"Sorry, guys," said Mabel.

Marcy runs into the living room. "Did I miss the premiere!? DANG, IT!!! And it was supposed to be a direct adaptation, TOO!!!"

"Yeah... sorry," said Dipper. "We just found the right channel right where it ended after watching 20 minutes of random crap from the TV."

"You shouldn't have stopped for that Ducktective episode!" yelled Luz.

"Yeah...? Well, why'd you stop me to see that weird show Miguel was on...?" asked Anne.

"WELL, DUH!!! He's my Master!" yelled Luz. "Dipper shouldn't have stopped to see the News or JoJo's whole commercial!"

The group starts arguing with each other, as the sun begins to set.

Aoha Mhisl Ylwvyalyz lwpzvkl dhz h ivti. P dvukly doha pa hss tlhuz...