This is an Awesome, Story
It has a good concept (though the concept is nothing new). However, the clunky grammar, bad dialogue, flat characters (this might change in later chapters I'm not sure) really dragged it down for me.
Now, I'd have liked to comment about the story (which is bland for me so far, but that's just my opinion), but I will refrain from doing so until I finish all the available chapters.
===The section below is my personal preferences only. Take it with a grain of salt===
The tense... you use present tense. It's not particularly bad, but it just feels weird, considering that a good chunk of stories here are written in past tense.
The use of the so-called 'sound effects' really breaks immersion.
And the thing where you said about no yuri... yeah no that's a flat-out lie. It's borderline yuri with some of the characters.
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Anyways I made an account just to give this a review. Good luck on your future writing, Author.
