8

" Wish I could pull off that look,"Tsitsi says from behind me as I finish up dressing for school. It’s Friday-moot court day- and I am trying to get myself in the mood of watching my classmates being typical law students. I am beginning to think I'm there by mistake, I mean even when I join in the debates my voice is always low and I lack the amount of self-confidence most of my classmates possess if not all. They move with their shoulders squared, chin up high in a way that gives an image of the head being apart from the body. The head is all you see, and it is what you are supposed to see. They make me feel small. They make me want to disappear never to be seen again.

Mai Tsitsi left this morning. I can't thank her enough for helping me get rid of my mother last night.

"Hey Qhawe, what's with the face? My mother doesn't suspect anything, you know," I look at her through the mirror. For a second there I had forgotten she is here. I smile.

I wish I could pull off that look. She is wearing slacks and a shirt with the top buttons undone. Boy, does she look edible! I wonder if all the girls are going to be drooling over her all day. She has a massive sunny energy to boot.

Anyone could be drawn to that.

"Umm, no that's not it," I assure her.

When her mother asked what is going on between us we both thought between us as in between us. But she was just asking if we were up to something, like maybe I was pregnant and I was trying to hide it from my mother? Relieved, we assured her it isn't like that. Because for real it isn't.

It is much bigger than that.

Tsitsi is convinced the woman is oblivious. I am not. We could have all brushed the homosexuality allegations as Masimba being petty but I don't think she does.

Today I am in a flowing yellow dress. It covers my whole body except my hands but I feel as free as the color. I know I look good, and I feel good. Never mind it does very little to hide me, considering most of the class is going to be dressed in black and white. I cover my head in a white head wrap and grab my handbag. A satchel doesn't go well with a dress.

"Well, let's go. I have to suffer through a curious girl from our class complimenting everything about me, I am sure she will tell me my footprints are cute at some point," she laughs, that beautiful free sound and I can't help join in. But still it makes me wonder where I fall in all this.

Do I fall among the curious girls who throw compliments around until the other is bold enough to admit what is really going on?

"Must be fun,"I say, because I am not sure what to say. She shakes her head and hooks her arm around mine.

"So sneak out of your last lecture around half eleven so that we can go to the cafe before they run out of burgers,"she tells me. Is she asking me to lunch? Well, if I was her I would've asked but I am still that scared girl who is very confused about herself. So I just nod.

The bus is pulling away when we get to the bus stop. Tsitsi and I share a panicked look.

The next bus will take thirty minutes and in this country thirty minutes could mean an hour. And we have lectures!Just imagine walking into a sea of black and white with yellow swallowing you! I cannot be late!. What to do? Tsitsi seems to have made a decision faster than me.

"Run!,"she orders me. Run? Like after the bus? Is she crazy, I am wearing a long...a gown to be precise. I cannot run in this. I can't run to save my life and I am very lazy when it comes to that. I am still thinking of how that would torture my lungs when she grabs my arm and pulls me as she starts running. I have no option but to run too.

"Come on, lazy bones. You can do this!,"she encourages me as she flails her arms in the air to make the driver of passengers notice us. I start running, the wind blows against my cold face. I don't think we can catch up but I find myself picking up speed, the folds if my skirts floating around me. And I find myself laughing and I am in stiches by the time we jumb on the bus that finally waited for us.

I am laughing and panting as we clamber up the stairs into the bus and find our seats. Wow! I should run everyday.

"That was nice, wasn't it,"Tsitsi shrieks and I laugh looking at her. Her eyes have that glint in them and she is smiling broadly. If I have to run in my dresses to make her smile like that I am going to do it everyday.

********

Sneaking out of class turns out to be harder than I had thought. Everyone knows me, because I dress differently of course. And I am wearing yellow! And if there's one thing that color isn't is conspicuous. I can feel eyes on me as I leave the lecture room. At least the lecturer doesn't embarrass me by asking me where I am going –adult education. I sigh heavily when I am outside and hurry down the sidewalk , past the admin to the diamond cafe. It is rumoured to be the best on campus and their burgers are said to be the best.

What do I know I just got here and I have a whole lot of stuff to find out. My phone pings and I stop for a second to fish it out of my bag. I want to ignore it but my heart is racing already.

It is from my mother :Shalom sister, can we meet for lunch tomorrow? Place of your choice. Chosen mother

Is she aware I have her number in my phone and I always know when she is the one texting me? Well, chosen she was but not by me. I put the phone back, not sure how to respond. Should I ask Tsitsi? I don't know I don't want her to think our family is loco. From what I hear my parents used to be normal before. They used to say things like they were not reading them from a script and they used to talk whenever they felt like not whenever necessary.

From what I heard the servants gossiping among themselves, my mother used to have a demon that wanted to kill me that used to possess her. The same demon that killed my twin sister when we were nine , this is where they lose me. Because I know exactly how my sister died and she sure as hell was not eaten by a demon. Father would grab me and run away with me in his arms whenever she got possessed. The church saved her.

And me in the process.

But they became too devoted after that. My parents live for the church and nothing else. Half of our riches are given to the pastor, Masimba so that we can be blessed even more. I see Tsitsi standing a distance away, with another girl who is laughing at something she just said.

The girl is wearing a flared short skirt over a backout bodytop. Her outfit leaves little to imagination. What if that is the kind of stuff Tsitsi likes. I mean she is always talking about how she likes the way I dress but you never know. I am suddenly glum, what with my mother asking to see me tomorrow and now this.

I approach them.

"Hey, Summer. Meet my roomy, Qhawe,"Tsitsi says, snaking her arm around my shoulder and I find myself snuggling closer. Summer? Is that her name?

Summer literally brightens up and a beautiful smile spreads over her face. If summer is her name then she really became what her parents named her.

"Hey, Qhawe! Tsitsi told me a little about you, and my name is Nobuhle, but she says it feels like summer when I am with her so you can call me that too," she says, in a very sunny like voice. She is a whole vibe I have to admit, she and Tsitsi can easily vibe. But Tsitsi says Qhawe better, like she has her own meaning to it. I smile at Summer and extend my hand for her to shake.

"Nice to meet you, "I manage to say.

"Me too Qhawe, let me go get the burgers before students flood the place. You two can find a table for us,"she says and sashays away.

And it's just the two of us, finally. Wouldn't it have been nice if Tsitsi had made it clear that this isn't a date but she's actually bringing a friend? I spent all morning anticipating this , waiting for lunch to come around only for her to bring a plus one. It is difficult to not like Summer but still I am a little mad.

I have to chill. Tsitsi isn't mine.

At least not yet.

"You okay, Qhawe?," She asks, leading me to a small round table. She pulls a chair from another table to make them three. I force a smile. I don't want to sound dramatic or stupid.

"I am fine,"I mumble.

"Well I think you aren't but you'll tell me when you want. And I asked Summer to join us because well, I wanted you to feel comfortable. I know it sounds silly since we actually live together but I don't want you to feel pressured into anything,"she sits next to me.

Her explanation pulls at my heartstrings and I inwardly kick myself for being too fast in concluding that she has been callous in bringing a friend. I wonder if I should tell her about my mother then I decide against it. I don't want to spoil things.

"I like Summer, actually,"I tell her, in my hesitant voice. She smiles, a half smile that melts my insides. Damn, sis is fine.

"Everyone does," with that she takes my left hand in hers and rests them on her thigh. Summer comes back with soda and our burgers. She smiles as she sits down.

"You should have called, I would have helped,"Tsitsi tells her, as she takes her burger and I have to take mine with one hand. How to eat a burger with one hand? I will definitely find out today because I don't want to pull my hand out of Tsitsi's.

"So that I will have to help you when we have lunch together again? No,"Summer shakes her head, her ombre pink braids shining from the sunlight. "So, Qhawe, how is it living with this sucker?,"she asks, turning her attention to me. I feel my face becoming hot. I hate it when I am in the spotlight.

"Great, she is a good cook," I say and smile.

"That she is ,"Summer smiles and the way she looks at Tsitsi when she says that tells me there is more. Tsitsi pointedly pays attention to her burger, trying to ignore Summer. What is going on here? Did Tsitsi omit to tell me something about her friend? Or I am being rash as always. " How did you, like, find her?,"

"Umm, online. Needed a roommate so bad I posted it on Facebook,"I look at Tsitsi for her to support me and she raises her head to nod. There is something off since I mentioned Tsitsi's cooking skills and I cannot tell what it is. I hate this.

"Tsitsi and I went to the same high school, she used to get into all kinds of trouble,"

"Don't you dare mention any of them or I will tell her the bus incident!" Tsitsi threatens in a playful time and Summer throws her head back and starts laughing. My eyes are glued to her tongue bar that is showing in full. It looks beautiful, I would love to have it too but I know my mother would murder me.

"Don't remind me of that," Summer chuckles. Looks like the weirdness is gone but still I feel like they should balance me on something. I concentrate on my food. I will ask Tsitsi later if they are just friend or maybe best friends. Or if when she said girls kiss all the time she meant she and her friends kiss all the time. Why am I always worried these days?