CHAPTER 181

[COLD CHRONICLES VI]

"I guess I'm up then." Though she said it in the most casual tone she could muster, she alone knew how much this would mean to her. 

Honestly, she didn't really care about having powers. She could kill a lot of metas with just simple assassination tactics, but her skills would prove next to useless in the battlefield she would be venturing into if she were to not sit on that chair. 

But did she really have a choice? Ironically, she didn't. 

Sure she had options, but when said options were just two polar opposites of 'do or do not', it wasn't really a choice since she was making the decision based on the choices she was given. 

If she was given a choice, hers would be that they could just go back to kicking some terrorists ass and not trying to one-up the universe. But she was anything if not flexible. 

Regardless of whether it was something she would never have wanted, there was no sign of hesitation as she sat on the chair, choosing family every time over her mental complications. After all, it was just having super sick powers. What could go wrong? 

She tossed her erratic thoughts to the furthest recess of her mind. "Beam me up, Draul."

"Sure thing." Once again, the purple fluorescence washed over her and her worldview changed. 

Before her was a scene that shook her soul; her body laying splat on the hard stone cold ground at the foot of a cliff, giving her the clue that she must have fallen off and died. But what baffled her other than the obviously aged face of her counterpart was her smiling face even in death. 

Someone was at the top of the mountain, hand outstretched, but she was too far away to see who it was. 

She had expected to see different things; from planets being destroyed to her family dying in some sick illusion of the possible future. But she never would have thought that her death would be one that would shake her so. 

What would have happened if it was someone else that died? 

Draul? Bucky? Steve? Ororo? ....Yelena? 

The thought itself made her heartbeat increase, one far more terrifying and heart-wrenching than seeing herself in illusion this was, dead. 

All this showed her was that while she could think of the most scary nightmare her brain could conjure up, she has never been in a position where she could see it. 

She looked around, nothing in sight except the fog at the distance, making it seem as if it was only her and her dead counterpart that were present. Whoever was at the top of the cliff was gone and only the howling cold winds were left. 

Vormir. 

She had been on this planet with Draul when he went to kill Thanos for the Soul Stone. The only Stone which required a price that Thanos had paid with his daughter. 

She didn't know how an older counterpart of her came to Vormir, but the smile on her face as she died told her why. 

The Soul Stone and her family. 

If there was ever a doubt in Natasha's mind about the way moving forward then this scene completely shattered it. Draul had said that it was highly probable that they would die, especially him, on their path moving forward. He made it seem as if that was the only unchangeable outcome of their endeavor. He tried to be prepared for everything, even death, so why shouldn't she do the same? 

Prepare for it so that, if one day the choice was ever presented to her, she would know which one to choose. 

"I definitely should have asked either Bucky or Steve what they did." She muttered as she turned away from her dead counterpart. 

She wouldn't lie and said she enjoyed what she saw, but she was strong enough not to let it get to her after the initial shock. Death was an inevitability. The reason why it's so terrifying is because no one wants or expects its call. But if one prepares for it, it becomes the same as a regular nightmare… It'll pass after a while. 

She mused to herself as she started walking aimlessly. "Maybe I should try the white dye. Or maybe I shouldn't. Don't want anyone to think I'm copying our resident white hair."

She got tired of walking only to turn around an find put that she didn't know where the actual fuck she was. As far as she could tell, she wasn't anywhere near the foot of the cliff she had started at. She couldn't even see a trace of any mountain or rocks when she turns back, instead what she found was a red sun and weird fauna all around her. 

"Shouldn't there be like a guide for these type of things?" She sat on the grass, not minding of what could be inhabiting the weird plants around her. 

All she did was stare at the red sun making her thoughts to run wild – her past, her current life, and what she hoped for the future. 

She was glad she managed to escape the Red Room and was also infinitely grateful to the three men who made it possible. She was over the moon when she managed to find her sister, holding her close like she used to do all those years ago. 

She was happy when she actually made a genuine friend in Draul, one who listened to her and gave her advice on how to move forward from her past and work on her present. He even accepted her selfish request of living with him until she could somehow stabilize her life and take care of Yelena. She never thought she would end up living with him for the past few years. 

And all through everything, not once did she wish things were different. Would things have remained the same if she wished it did? That was a question she would never have the answer to. 

Draul always said that the universe was no partial judge, so even if she did wish for something, who would answer her? 

And besides, this wasn't a fairy tale where the princesses get to make a wish on a star-filled night sky and a fairy or godmother grants it. Wishes were for little girls who didn't know how to get what they want, for someone like her? A bullet to the head or a stab to the jugular and then it's ice-cream the next morning. 

But guns and knives were no longer going to help. She needed to upgrade her guns unless she would be benched by her strict coach Draul. What she needed was a way to get what she wanted. If she wanted someone to die, then so be it. If she wanted someone to live, then so be. If she wanted someone to disappear… then so it shall be. 

Since the universe won't grant her a wish and since she was too proud to ask it for one, she would make her own desires come true. Whether the universe liked it or not. 

She liked her guns, compact and efficient, the same with her knives, and anything she wanted to go for would have to fit the same criteria. Subtlety was the game while deadliness was the aim. 

No flashy attacks or big names like the boys craved. She was an assassin. She was more deadly without anyone knowing who and where she was. 

She didn't know what she would end up getting but if what Draul said had any merit to it, then she shouldn't have to worry about that since her subconscious knew more about what she wanted and it would fill in the gaps. 

She didn't know when it happened but the red sun above her started shining brighter and growing bigger. "That doesn't look dangerous."

"No it doesn't, but the same can't be said about you." Natasha cast a sidelong glance at the origin of the voice and she wasn't even a bit surprised when she saw Draul standing beside her. 

If there was ever a person she was comfortable with being inside her head, then it was the man next to her. She kicked Yelena out the first time she tried it and her little sister never tried it again. She wouldn't even let Bucky or Steve anywhere near her head apart from when they shared thoughts during some missions. All surface stuff. 

But that guard wasn't up when it came to Draul, maybe because she knew he knew everything there was to know about her or it could be because of his lackadaisical attitude to most things. To be honest, the reason didn't matter. All that mattered was that there was someone other than her sister that she could trust 100%.

"I guess this is somewhere like my subconscious." She said as they both stared at the ominously glowing and growing sun. 

Draul shook his head, debunking her conjectures. "This is a domain of my creation. A realm of 'Power' if you may. I did base a part of it from your subconscious, so you are not exactly wrong."

Natasha hummed in understanding at his explanation. That would explain why she suddenly felt peaceful as she laid on the field. "So have any idea what that sun is doing?" His response was only a deadpan look at her question that should have stated the obvious. "Thought so. So we just wait?" She asked. 

"It's not as if you have anything better to do. I'm just here to spectate. That and also wondering what you'll manage to pick up. For your information, I got Steve's on my second guess." Draul said. 

"You know, I never thought that I would have powers one day. Yes I did fantasize about it at one point, thinking of how easier my life would be if I had something like super speed…" Draul snorted at that but Natasha took no offense since she did chuckle at her own words. "Haha, it would have made a lot of my missions way easier. Probably would have made life ten times more easier… But you know the real kicker?"

"You still didn't choose super speed?"

She burst out a full blown laugh, even Draul had to join in at one point. 

"Right. I still didn't choose super speed. It wasn't even something I thought of as important.. Say we die, or we face a foe we can't beat, what will you do?" The laughing mood immediately turned somber as Natasha asked Draul that question. 

Draul didn't even think about it for a moment before he answered her. "If you guys die before me, then I'll just lose it and battle it out to the death. If I die too then I'm afraid that's that, unless of course I somehow manage to cheat death. If it's a scenario where I can only save you guys then I'll just rewrite reality and make you forget I ever existed. Would have to take your powers too to make sure no hiccups happen and you somehow, against all odds, remember what should have been."

If she was shocked or repulsed by what Draul said, she didn't let it show at all in her body language. The two remained in silence before Draul's image fizzled out, leaving her alone to watch the now eerily close red sun. 

"Idiot."

Natasha opened her eyes, her sight first trailing to an oblivious Draul before she focused on the others, most importantly her little sister who was just a breath away from firing her with questions. 

"That… was some experience."

Bucky and Steve nodded at her words as they both agreed wholly with it. "How are you feeling Nat?"

"Besides the disorienting feeling I'm getting? Just fine. You guys might want to keep quiet for a while because by God my head is buzzing." The moment she said that, everywhere became quiet…while Yelena's mouth was still moving. 

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