ALL ALONE

The gushes of wind make me wide awake. The cold breeze hits my skin and I feel fresh like I was born again. I quite enjoyed mornings like this.

On mornings when I would stand at my window with a hot cup of tea as u stared out at the world. It was the only time that it was quiet.

Kids were not running around in the streets nor were the streets filled with people rushing somewhere they had already been late. I found it quite disturbing that people git late to places intentionally.

One would start to get ready ten minutes before the time they were supposed to meet with someone. I was no better than them nonetheless.

Enjoyed the cold breeze as it pushed through my hair and made it look like a mess all over as it covered my face. I make my way to the window as I open it wide and push the curtains to the side and let the fresh air into my room.

As I look out the window there is nothing there all I can see is serenity. It was quite like the grounds of a grave. At that moment I felt like I was the only person who had remained on earth.

As I stared into the dead of the night I found comfort in it and for the first time, I did not feel like I was alone. I did not feel forgotten in the middle of anywhere.

I finally felt like I would fall and disappear and someone would finally care about me. I had never felt this way in a long time.

Even when I was alone all alone in my room I felt like I was home. No matter how many times I fell out of the face of the earth I would be found. I felt a little less alone and there was no greater feeling like that.

I was looking forward to what days had in store for me and the could not wait to live it. The sounds of the birds chirping brought a smile to my face and my day could not start any better.

I was always alone so to have someone else in my life seemed like a eat to a deal to me. Someone I would go to the movies with.

Having someone do who would anything they could to make sure I was okay. I would do everything for someone I loved and I always hoped to have someone who would do the same for me.

Then again the thought of opening up to someone did not sit right with me. I knew how people were like. You would tell them something and they would use it against you.

I just wished that there was one person who wasn't a backstabbing bitch like that. I was afraid if I told anyone anything about me then the whole school would all be in my business.

I wanted a friendship where I was open and hid no secrets from each other. Hiding secrets meant that you did not trust each other and there was no friendship like that.

Friendship was not all about the fun you had together. It was mostly about loyalty and trust. By lying I would have never really achieved anything. I would still be alone in the shadows given the fact that I would not say anything to anyone.

I did not know Cherry that well but all I knew was that she put a smile on my face. I had been spending the last couple of days and they had been the best days of my life.

I did not feel sad all the time and what made me happy was the fact that I had made a friend. I finally had someone I could call whenever I needed someone to talk to.

She was the complete opposite of me and maybe that was a good thing. She was not a people pleaser like me and I wondered how she was just like that. If there was one thing I cared about was how people saw me.

How people saw you defined how people would treat you. I had to be perfect in the eyes of other people. I could not have them think that I was weak?ng now could I.

I was a woman, not a guy he did not have the luxury of making mistakes because people never, forgot. To them, I was supposed to be perfect and no one cared if you were doing okay I just had to have my shit together.

At the end of the day, I was the only person what it was like to be so it did not hurt anyone for pretending. I just had to fake it everyone did that and life was going pretty smoothly for them.

As the sky lit up my people started walking the streets and yet again it was the busy street I knew during the day. It was time for me to get ready and go to school. I had yet another stop to make.

I needed to go to the hospital to pick up my prescription. I knew most of the questions they were going to ask me but yet I was still not ready to go.

"Hey, how are you, have you been doing okay? Been getting any sleep? You know if you need us we are going o be here okay", those were some of the things I knew they were going to say.

I was not okay, should I will be better to just to like I was okay till everything else fell into place. If I was honest with them then I would probably find myself in a psychiatric hospital and I could e that.

I wanted to believe them when they said they would be there when you needed them. The thing is they only realized how much you needed help when it was already too late and nothing could be done