Chapter 28: Simple Things.

(Note: This chapter is dedicated to Hunter's dad, the man who gave the eulogy at a former KKK's leader funeral, and who sent to FBI to secure his daughter's diary who absolutely didn't contain incriminating evidence.

Let's go Brandon! )

Occam's razor.

A basic principle in problem-solving, a discipline all sensible minded men should hone. Also called the law of parsimony, it states that the best solution to any given problem is almost always the simplest one.

Magnus was very fond of this principle, and used it in plenty to deal with his similarly plentiful problems.

Problems like imminent death, unplanned transmigration, existential and moral dilemmas, power-hungry noseless self-styled dark lords, snot-nosed racist students, meddling old goats and more recently; a locket containing a soul-shard of the most troublesome wizard Britain produced in recent history.

A Horcrux.

A most unholy piece of magic, only done by the most wicked of wizards. A magic so deep and putrid, loathed by even the most cold-hearted wizards. There was a special kind of disgust for deviations of magic that would corrupt a wizard's very soul, willing breaking it to achieve a state of pseudo-immortality akin to lichdom.

For those who dabbled in it, a single shard was the standard. Two Horcrux could also be made, but the effects would be ever greater. Any more than that would doubtlessly lead to a degeneracy, becoming a spiritually crippled vessel of dark magic and falling in a state of personal death. A lingering body animated by a feeble soul, forever sundered, barely living as a lowly wraith.

Death was preferable to such existence.

Of course, this kind of warnings were always written in the end of the book. And Voldemort apparently thought himself above cautionary advices, or perhaps he didn't care?

Still, Voldysnot's fascination for snakes and the founders led Magnus to his current situation. Finding himself with Slytherin's locket, one of low-cost Orochimaru's uber-special Horcruxes.

He could've destroyed it with Fiendfyre, but Magnus was not foulish enough to attempt such wild and dangerous magic...not yet.

A killing curse was likely to work, but Magnus wouldn't cast this thing if his life depended on it. Why use the obviously evil, potentially soul-damaging magic when he could conjure a fireball, or an icicle, or banish an arrow, or literally anything else that wouldn't see him stuck in prison if he got caught.

He could stab it with a Basilisk fang, but he was no parselmouth. The Room of Requirement couldn't reach into Salazar's chamber, which made one his plans impossible.

He could give it to some dementor, those things would surely enjoy a little Horcrux as a snack before moving to the main dish. Not to mention, Azkaban wasn't really enjoyable this of the year.

So how on earth was Carmen Sandiego...How on earth was Magnus supposed to destroy the cursed phylactery?

On a completely unrelated note, Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore received a very special gift. It was a surprise from an unknown benefactor, but one he was all too happy to receive.

And for once, it wasn't woolen socks.

+E-S+

"Hmm?" Magnus hummed, confused at the expectant look Andromeda was giving him, Ted's uncontrollable chuckling wasn't helping either

'Is there something on my face?' He mused, savoring the sheer deliciousness of his aunt's lasagnas. A quick probe with his magic was enough to check that, which only added to his confusion.

Was using magic for something as simple as looking for a stain on his face too much? Obviously.

Did he care about it? Not at all.

Lasagnas are justice, that's a simple truth Magnus came to understand at this moment, and he would not spoil his degustation by awkwardly cleaning his face.

'Alright, that's creepy.' Thought the actually British golden eyes, though that joke died with Daniel Craig's ascension. 'Is she using some sort of legilimency?'

Andromeda eyes were now positively gleaming, like a puppy expectantly looking at his owner who accidentally used the words 'Walk' or 'Treat'. Ted was starting to turn red, as he tried to repress his laughter.

"Do you like it?" The older witch asked, finally remembering that a man is unlikely to understand the exact thing a woman is thinking about without being expressly told about it.

'Unless it's Dumbledore, but that's another can of worms.' Magnus smiled.

"It's good." He answered, raising an eyebrow at the 'discrete' looks Ted were sending him, before looking at the depressed expression Andromeda tried to hide.

'So that's how it is, huh.' He thought, inwardly smiling 'Time to bring out the big guns.'

"Just good?" The witch spoke, her voice betraying nothing.

"Yes, good." He confirmed "Very good."

"It was delicious, succulent, delectable." Magnus beamed "It was heavenly, mouth-watering. Each bite was an exquisite burst of flavors, perfectly balanced in sublime harmony."

"No, in fact, this dinner goes beyond that." The boy preached with passion. "Beyond the limits of mortal comprehension, beyond the shackles of common language."

"This is dinner…" He paused, taking a deep breath "Was yummy."

"…" The hosts were understandably speechless, before Ted managed to break the spell and shot him a thumbs up.

"Was it good enough?" He asked his amused aunt, who offered him a bright smile for his troubles. "Because I can continue."

"No, silly, it's more than enough enough." She laughed, adjusting his hairs, which he allowed out of cheer love for head-scratches, an effect of his last great magical project. "You sure do love theatrics."

"That I do, it's very good to entertain my friends" He chirped, before adding "Or to terrify my enemies."

If the couple were bothered by the second part, they hid it skillfully. Then again, Andromeda was still relishing in the assault of praise Magnus sent her way. Witch or Muggle, everyone loved sincere compliments, no matter how exaggerated they are.

As for Ted, he was content to see his wife happy. As for his nephew's hobbies, it was of no consequence...He did marry a Black, after all.

"So we qualify as friends, huh?" Andromeda said with a chuckle as the tall, almost gruff looking teddy bear of a man smiled.

"No." Magnus shot them down mercilessly.

"You are family."

'If he keep saying this kind of things…' complained Andromeda, who was having a hard time keeping a straight face. The woman could already feel her face warming, and her eyes heating up. It seemed like the boy...her nephew, was intent on concretizing every silly daydream she had about reuniting with her kins...or at least, the pleasant ones.

Ted, on the other hand, didn't far much better.

"Mr. Tonks?...Ted?" The transmigrator asked, worry in his voice as he looked at the shaking older wizard. "Did I say something wrong?"

"No…" Ted's voice came out as a choke, and Andromeda could already feel where it was going. "Fucking onion Ninjas…"

"Ted!" chastised his wife.

"Language." Said a troubled Magnus, acting on instinct.

"You two are just way too fucking adorable!" He whined, cheeks red and eyes tearing up. "It's almost like a movie!"

"Ted!" shouted his wife, red with embarrassment.

"…Language?" Magnus wanted to dig a hole, and stay there until death or Gehenna.

"Oh, come on you know it's fucking true!" The man had cast away all sense of shame as he bowled his eyes out. "The troubled teenager with a heart of gold found out he was the heir of an old family, and in the face of his loneliness and soul-crushing responsibilities decided to seek out his last remaining family."

"What's happening?" Magnus asked his aunt, finding out the two of them had one more thing in common; their resemblance with a tomato.

"Don't worry, Ted's can be rather...emotional." The crimson faced former-Black answered. "He'll calm down soon, usually."

"Then he find his dear aunt! The disowned witch who escaped her tyrannical family to start a new with her lovely, handsome husband...thank you." He wiped his eyes on the tissue Magnus extended, before giving the soaked mouchoir to it's owner…

"You can keep it." Said Magnus, warily eyeing the dripping tissue.

"You sure?" Ted sniffed "It's some good quality shit."

"Ted!" His wife was outraged, heralding many days he would spend in the couch.

But Ted was prepared to make this sacrifice… all for the Greater Good.

"Language." said Magnus, again. "And yes, I insist."

"Your loss." The older man shrugged, putting the soaked but costly tissue away. "Where was I?"

"The marriage." The boy answered, much to his aunt's dismay.

"Magnus!" She almost sounded betrayed...almost.

"Yes, yes, thank you." Ted coughed, before letting the water works do their due diligence once more "She married her extremely handsome, sexy school sweet-heart."

"Is sexy a bad word?" Magnus asked his aunt.

"It depends on the context." She answered after some thought "When it's a forty years old man saying it about himself, then yes it is a bad word."

"I see." The young wizard nodded, saying the wisdom in her words "Thank you."

"You're welcome, honey." She scratched the crown of his hair, which he enjoyed immensely.

""Language."" Their moment ended, once they remembered the crying middle-aged man-child who used said word.

You can't say that word, unless you're the mighty Cornbringer; Lord of Vodka, Sovereign of Crows, hailed by all as the great Corn-Father.

"And the two kinsmen met, each finding a place in the other's heart." Ted wiped his eyes one more time, ignoring the manners-nazis in his house. "It' so darn beautiful."

"You're done?"Asked his wife, her eyes conveyed the embargo on the conjugal bed she was about to enforce.

"Yes." He sat down obediently.

"Good, we'll have a talk about your behavior in front of our guest." She warned him, grey eyes darkening.

"Mag's not a guest!" he tried to ruffle the put-off boy's hair "He's family, right?"

"Yes." The younger wizard nodded, freeing himself form the offending, tear-stained hand. "As long as you don't touch me with these hands."

"Ted, wash your hands." Commended his wife, a stinging-curse on her lips if he dared trying anything funny. "Now."

"Yes, yes." The wizard has been married long enough to recognize the signs of imminent violence, and he had no wish to be stuck by a Black's spells. "No need to get salty."

"…"

"Was that a pun?" Asked Magnus, as the man cast a cleaning charm on himself.

"Unfortunately." His wife was the one who answered, a helpless smile on her face "Would you like some chicken?"

+E-S+

"Come again?" The flabbergasted voice of a certain feline professor called out

Minerva McGononagall loved Magnus with all her being, she truly did. He was a smart, polite, talented and wonderful albeit scary boy who somehow managed to worm his way past her stern face into her weary heart.

But right now, she needed a drink, and not those their favorite teahouse could provide.

"I am acting Heir to the Ancient and Most Noble House of Black." Repeated Magnus, an amused smile on his face.

"How?" Was all she she could ask.

"I was looking for other avenues to fund my research, which is why I took a blood inheritance test at Gringotts." He didn't elaborate, his mentor was learned enough to know what it entails.

"Sirius…" she whispered, to which he nodded gravely.

He was the son of a convicted murderer, her former student. The traitor who caused James and Lily's death, Sirius Black.

"Oh, my sweet boy." she felt her face paling, such things never stay secret for too long. The thought of what Magnus would have to face, the prejudice that would befall him for no other reason than being born...it filled her with dread.

There was no point in blaming someone for the actions of their father, and she knew Magnus well enough not to fall prey to such things. But would her colleagues show the same sensibility? What about his friends? His classmates?

Magnus was likely to face very dark times in Hogwarts, and there was little she could do to protect him. Of course, she would deal with any offender. But it would do nothing to stop their judgment, the rumors, the isolation he will face.

'So much for being a professor…' She lamented.

And that was only within Hogwarts, where she could watch over him everyday. Being heir to house Black was likely to bring to worst kind of attention, the medias would spin tale after tale on this 'dark wizard in the making.', the politicians would try to use or crush him at their leisure.

'And I know at least one ferret who'd consider making an attempt at his life.' Her face turned grim, Lucius Malfoy was perfectly willing to get his hands dirty if it means securing the Black lordship for his son, of that she had no doubt.

"It will be alright." She said firmly, even as she was shaken to the core "I'm here."

Minerva would be damned if she'd let Magnus deal with this alone. It would be a hard and difficult path, but she will be there to support him every step of the way. As she always did.

"Thank you." He didn't need to say more, she knew him enough to read through him, to see the gratitude in his eyes or the ease in his posture.

"But there is more, I'm afraid." He said, putting down his absolutely not shaking cup "Sirius Black is innocent."

Yes, Minerva deceided, she really needed a drink.

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Hey guys! It's Uncle Sheo!

Here's a nice little chap, filled with fluff, dialogue, fluff, weird things i wrote at 3 AM, more fluff and finally an inkling of plot.

We also saw the way he got rid of the Horcrux; Anonymously sending it to Dumbledore using a public usage owl, multiple proxies and as little magic as possible. The old goat is best equipped to deal with these threats, and it's also the only realistic thing he could do.

Casting Fiendfyre when you're not even thirteen years old is too much, casting the killing curse is out of character for various reasons and giving it to the dementors is likely to end with you turning into a snack for these unholy creatures.

I finally decided what kind of characters the Tonks would be, and the extent of Magnus's involvement with them. We got some McGonagall in the end as you demanded, dear readers.

Next chap will be in three days, at most. Earlier if i'm generous, which i rarely am.

Sur ce...Let's go Brandon.

Wait, i got it wrong, what i meant is more along the line of...

Peace and Cheese!