[9.3] It's All in the Past

(Author's note: This is a memory from FL's past life)

I opened a door and closed it behind me. In front of me was a different room that I had used in my first world. I glanced in the mirror and saw a young girl with short black hair looking back.

She didn't look very happy.

I moved to my small bed and sat down. It creaked under my weight.

I sighed, "They didn't even bother getting me a good bed? What happened to all their money?"

...Well, I suppose I know. It's just not going towards me.

I laid down slowly and looked up at the ceiling. The bed wasn't very comfortable, nor was it very big. Even though I was short, my feet still hung off the bed since it wasn't very long. I lay there for a while never budging from my spot.

I didn't want to move.

I just wanted to lay here for the rest of my life.

...But I was never capable of staying in one spot for very long.

I stood up and walked out of my room. My new house wasn't small, but it wasn't as big as the last one. I walked down the hall feeling the wood floor on the bottom of my feet as my finger brushed against the blank walls beside me. I noticed a light on behind a closed door.

I stood in front of that door debating whether I should knock or not. Eventually, I decided to knock.

I didn't hear a resonspe.

He's definitely in there.

I opened the door hesitantly and saw a middle-aged man at a desk, typing away frantically. He didn't have any expression as he looked at the screen through his square-shaped glasses.

I cleared my throat, "Daddy?"

No response.

I spoke a little louder, "Dad."

"Hm?"

That time he hummed as if he heard me, but I had a feeling he wasn't really paying attention. I stepped closer and glanced at the screen of his laptop to see what he was doing.

He is working again.

I frowned, "Dad. Can we go visit the town? I think there is a park nearby."

He hummed without making any effort to look away from his screen.

I looked down at my feet and continued talking, "Apparently there are wild animals you can feed there. Isn't that cool? It's a city, but there are deer and rabbits. Remember when we fed deer when I was younger? It was really fun. I-I thought we could do it again…"

All I heard was the sound of typing.

I gnashed my teeth together as he continued to ignore me. I growled, "Why aren't you listening to me?!"

No response.

I shouted, "DAD!"

Suddenly, he turned around with a glare on his face. I shrunk back in fear as I saw his vehement look. He spat out angrily, "Reika! I am working right now! I told you not to bother me while I am at work!"

I whimpered, "But I-"

"ENOUGH!" He shouted causing me to flinch. He turned back to his laptop and muttered, "Your brother would never have been so rude."

My body trembled as I clenched my fists. I bit my lip, wanting to shout out and yell.

However, in the end, I could only look at my feet as my lip trembled.

I unclenched my hands and walked to the door. I paused in the doorway and looked back at him. My voice came out weakly, "I… I don't want to go to a new school… Couldn't I just stay with grandmother?"

He clicked his tongue, "We have already discussed this. Your grandmother is too old to bother with you. It's just a new school. Now shut the door and leave me to my work."

I frowned as I whispered out painfully, "Don't you even care?"

He didn't respond.

He didn't have to.

It was obvious what the answer to that question was.

I silently left the room behind me, taking care to shut the door slowly. As I stood in the hallway, a delightful smell reached my nose. I close my eyes and sniffed.

Mother is cooking something.

My stomach grumbled in response. I rubbed it as I followed that smell into the kitchen. There were several plates of sweets and delicious-looking food. My mouth watered when I noticed the lemon tarts on the counter. I reached for one and my hand was instantly smacked. I pulled it back and rubbed it with a frown.

My mother glared at me, "Don't touch. Those are for your brother."

I watched as she picked up the plates and made sure that they looked perfect. I muttered to myself spitefully, "Brother didn't even like lemon tarts. He only asked for them because he knew I loved them."

My mother wasn't paying attention, so she didn't hear my mutterings.

She put the plates on a large tray and walked out the door. I followed after her quickly and hesitated in the doorway. I frowned when I noticed her placing the plates on an altar in front of a portrait.

My eyes widened, "What?! You're giving all of them to him?!"

She sneered at me, "These are your brother's favorites. Who else would I give them to?"

I looked at the plates full of resentment, "Didn't you make anything for me? I'm starving!!"

She waved me off, "Then go look in the cupboard. There are some instant noodles."

"Instant noodles?! You want me to eat instant noodles when you've made all this?!"

She ignored my outburst and smiled at the portrait. She talked to the photo in a sweet voice that she never used on me, "How do you like the new house? Isn't it nice? It's smaller than our last one, but money doesn't go as far in the city as it did in our hometown. At least we still live better than most."

I shouted, "Mom!"

She continued completely ignoring my presence, "I think you would have liked the University here. I went and visited it the other day. I told them my son had been given a full-ride scholarship so I wanted to make sure it was suitable for him. It really is a nice school. You chose very well. Heh… Well, it's not surprising. You always knew what was best after all."

I tightened my fists as I listened to her talk to thin air. Doesn't she see me standing here?! Is she just ignoring me!?

At this thought, I suddenly felt an unquenchable fire erupt in my soul. I was so angry, I reached for the nearest plate and grabbed a lemon tart. I shoved it into my mouth, swallowing without even bothering to chew. I choked on the crumbs but didn't even care how much it burned. My mother turned to me with a glare and grabbed my hands, stopping me from shoving more into my mouth.

She shouted, "Drop it! These are for your brother! Not you!"

My hands wouldn't move. She was a frail woman, but she was still stronger than me. I sneered bitterly, "It's not like he can eat them. He's de-"

*SLAP*

My eyes widened as my cheek throbbed in pain. But I didn't bother touching my swollen cheek.

I didn't want to give her the satisfaction of knowing how much that slap had hurt.

She turned back to the portrait and smiled. She continued to talk about nonsense as if she hadn't just hit me. My eyes slowly moved to the portrait where I looked at it with dull eyes.

I don't want to be here anymore.

My feet moved on their own and before I knew it, I was walking down the road to the park. I sat on a bench and watched expressionlessly as people fed the animals around me. Children giggled as the deer ate from their hands. I stared at the children enviously as their parents watched them with love clearly reflected in their eyes.

My eyes slowly closed…

...When they reopened, the scene in front of me changed.

I was sitting in front of a mirror as someone brushed my hair. My dull eyes stared at the reflection in the mirror. I recognized immediately that the reflection belonged to the owner of the body I had occupied.

The only difference was that she looked much younger than when I first woke up as her.

A melodic voice sang from behind me. I looked in the reflection and noticed a woman with long hair brushing my hair gently. However, I couldn't make out her face. It was as if someone had blurred it out.

Where is this place?

Is it a memory from the girl whose body I stole?

The woman put down the hairbrush. I could hear the smile in her voice, "There. All finished. Isn't my daughter just the prettiest in the world?"

My eyes turned to her without hiding my abhorrence. I scowled at her reflection in the mirror spitefully, "You are not my mother."

Her movements paused.

I spoke even more bitterly, "My mother would never brush my hair. My mother would never sing to me. My real mother hated me."

"My golden Rei of sun..."

Her voice sounded like a soothing whisper as she stroked my hair with a gentle aura. As her fingertips stroked my hair, it felt like my skin was being covered in ice from her touch. However, it didn't feel cold.

It felt comfortable.

Her soft voice echoed in my ears, "Silly girl. You are my lovely daughter. No matter what you say, you will always be her. This mother will sing for you. This mother will brush your hair. This mother will love you, no matter how old you are."

"Hmph." I looked down at my small hands without expression. Deep down inside, my chest felt warm.

She chuckled lightly, "Now… How about we go out for some dessert? Would you like something sweet to eat?"

"...Lemon tarts."

"Hm?"

I pulled away from the mirror to look at her more clearly. I repeated more clearly, "I want to eat a lemon tart."

She seemed helpless under my unwavering gaze. She let out a sigh, "Alright… We will go get another lemon tart… I thought children were supposed to hate that bitter treat."

I flicked my hair over my shoulder as I stood up, "It's not bitter."