Yui Yuigahama is perpetually glancing around furtively [3]

Making a round trip from the third floor of the special-use building to the

first floor took less than ten minutes. If I took my time strolling along, maybe

the girls would be done with their conversation. No matter what kind of

person she was, she was still our first client. In other words, the competition

the teacher had set for Yukinoshita and I had begun. Well, I doubted I was

going to win, so all I had to worry about was minimizing the amount of damage the whole affair would deal me.

In a suspicious-looking vending machine in front of the school store, there

was a mysterious beverage in a juice box that you never really see at

convenience stores. It tasted quite similar to something else, but it actually

wasn't bad, so I kept an eye out for it. Sportop's candy-like taste in particular

flew in the face of current "no-calorie, no-sugar" trends, and I liked that

rebellious spirit. It tasted all right.

The vending machine rumbled like a sky fortress when I inserted a

hundred-yen coin. Once I'd secured some Sportop and a Vegetable Lifestyle,

I deposited another hundred yen. Just buying drinks for two out of three

would have been kind of awkward, so I decided to pick something up for

Yuigahama, too, pressing the button for Men's Café au Lait. In all, it totaled

three hundred yen. I'd just blown about half my net worth. I was so broke.

The first thing Yukinoshita said when I got back was "You took too long,"

snatching the Vegetable Life out of my hands before jamming in the straw

and taking a sip.

That left me with the Sportop and the Men's Café au Lait. Yuigahama

apparently realized whom the latter was for. "Here," she said, pulling a

hundred yen from a change purse that looked like a pocket.

"Oh, it's okay." Yukinoshita hadn't paid, and I'd bought this extra drink

without asking Yuigahama if she wanted one. Even if there was a reason for

Yukinoshita to pay me, Yuigahama was under no such obligation. So instead

of taking her hundred-yen coin, I put the café au lait in her hands.

"B-but…I can't…" She stubbornly kept trying to hand me the money. Not

wanting to go through that annoying I'll pay! No, it's okay! routine, I just

went over beside Yukinoshita. Yuigahama huffed and reluctantly put the coin

away. "Thanks." She expressed her gratitude quietly and took the café au lait

in both hands with a tee-hee, looking happy and bashful.

I thought that was probably the greatest show of thanks I'd received ever.

That smile might have been too much in exchange for just a hundred yen.

Satisfied, I tried to catch Yukinoshita's interest. "Are you two done

talking?"

"Yes, things went quite smoothly thanks to your absence. Thank you."

And that was the worst show of thanks I'd ever received.

"Well, that's good. So what're we doing?"

"We're going to the home ec room, and you're coming, too."

"Home ec?" That meant…that place. That iron-maiden-like classroom

where you grouped up with friends of your choice and underwent the agony

that was cooking practice. There were knives and gas stoves and stuff in

there! It was dangerous! That stuff should have been restricted, seriously!

Along with gym class and field trips, home ec stood out as one of my top

three trauma-inducing activities, and who'd subject themselves to such an

environment of their own free will? My intrusion on one of those settings—

with all those cliques and their merry chattering—produced an unbearable

silence.

"Cookies… We're baking cookies."

"What? Cookies?" I didn't remotely get what she was talking about, so all

I could say was What?

"Yuigahama wants to make cookies for someone, but she requested our

help because she lacks confidence in the enterprise," Yukinoshita explained

to dispel my confusion.

"Why do you need us for something like that? Just ask your friends."

"Erk…w-well, um…," Yuigahama stammered, her eyes darting

everywhere. "I don't really want people to know, and if my friends found out,

they'd make fun of me… This sort of…serious stuff isn't really like them."

I let out a small sigh.

Frankly speaking, there was nothing I cared less about than peoples' love

lives. My time was far better served remembering one word of English

vocabulary than remembering who liked who. To say nothing of helping her.

That was out of the question. So yeah, those were my feelings on the matter,

so you can tell how scant my interest is in the language of love.

When they said they wanted to talk alone, I figured it was something

really serious. And this was it? Well, I guess it was a relief. Frankly, when

someone asks for romantic advice, all you have to say is Go for it! You can

do it! or whatever. And if things don't go well, you just have to be like, That

guy is such a jerk, huh? "Hmph." A derisive snort slipped out of my nose.

Yuigahama met my gaze. "U-uh…" At a loss for words, she looked down,

clutching the hem of her skirt. Her shoulders shook a bit. "Ah…aha-ha! It'sweird, huh? Someone like me going on about handmade cookies… It's like,

why am I acting like such a kid, huh? Sorry, Yukinoshita. Never mind."

"If you say so. I'm not deeply concerned one way or the other, but… Oh,

don't feel like you have to pay this boy any mind. He has no human rights.

He's compelled to be here."

Apparently, the Japanese constitution doesn't apply to me. What kind of

shady outfit is this?

"No… It's fine, it's fine! It's not really like me. It's weird…and I heard

from Yumiko and Hina and stuff that it's not in right now, anyway,"

Yuigahama said, glancing my way again. She looked wilted and despondent.

Yukinoshita opened her mouth to kick her while she was down. "…

Indeed. It really isn't the kind of thing you'd expect from someone with a

party-girl aesthetic like yours."

"Y-yeah…it'd be weird, huh…?" Yuigahama laughed as if trying to

gauge our opinions of her. Her mostly downcast eyes caught mine. Based on

her behavior, I got the impression that she wanted some kind of reply.

"…No, I'm not trying to say that it's weird, or unlike you, or that it

doesn't suit you, or not something you would do. I honestly just don't care."

"That's even meaner!" Yuigahama smacked the table indignantly.

"You're unbelievable, Hikki! Augh, you're pissing me off. I'm the type of

girl who can do whatever I put my mind to, y'know!"

"That's not the kind of thing you should be saying about yourself. It's

more like something my mom would say to me, her eyes all sincere and

tearful: I thought you were the kind of boy who could do things when he put

his mind to it…"

"Your mom has already given up on you!"

"That's a reasonable assessment."

Yuigahama's eyes welled up, and Yukinoshita said something or other

while nodding vigorously.

Leave me alone.

It's true, though; having someone give up on you is a sad thing. And

Yuigahama was really into this plan, so I felt bad about raining on her parade.

And we did have that competition going on… Reluctantly, I voiced my

cooperation. "Well, I can really only make curry, but I'll help."

"Th-thanks." Yuigahama looked relieved.

"I'm not really expecting you to cook anything. You just have to taste itand tell us what you think."

If I was only there to give my opinion as a guy, as Yukinoshita described,

I should have been capable of that, at least. Lots of guys don't like sweet

stuff, so I could help her learn to cook for a masculine palate. Plus, I was no

picky eater, so most things tasted good to me.

Wait, is that even usefulThe home ec room was filled with the sweet scent of vanilla extract.

Yukinoshita, as comfortable as if it were her own home, opened the

refrigerator and took out some eggs, milk, and other items. She secured a

scale and bowls and such, as well, and started preparing and rattling around

with a ladle and some other mysterious cooking implements I didn't

recognize.

Apparently, this flawless superwoman was also an expert cook.

She quickly finished laying out everything she would need and then put

on an apron as if to say, Now it's time for the real deal.

Yuigahama put one on as well, but she didn't seem used to it, as the way

she tied her string was a mess.

"That's crooked. Can't you even put on an apron right?"

"Sorry, thanks… Huh?! I can put on an apron, at least!"

"Oh? Then put it on right. If you don't even try to do it properly, you'll

end up past the point of no return, just like him."

"Don't use me as your cautionary tale. What am I, a hairy namahage

demon looking for naughty children?"

"You should be glad. This is the first time you've ever been useful to

someone. Oh, though I may be treating you like monster, I wasn't trying to

imply anything about your scalp. Don't worry."

"I wasn't worried. And stop looking at my hair with that patronizing smile

on your face." I swiftly hid my hairline behind my hand in an attempt to

shield it from Yukinoshita's rare smile. I heard a voice giggling at me.

Yuigahama, still in her sloppily tied apron, watched us from the side.

"You still don't have it on? Or is it that you can't put it on after all? …

Ahhh, I'll tie it for you, so come over here." Exasperated, Yukinoshitabeckoned the other girl over with a flick of her hand.

"You don't…mind?" Yuigahama mumbled with the slightest bit of

hesitation. She looked like an anxious child who didn't know where she was

supposed to go.

"Come on." The icy sound of Yukinoshita's voice broke her indecision.

Yukinoshita seemed kind of angry, and it was a little scary.

"S-s-s-sorry!" Yuigahama zipped right over to Yukinoshita. What are you,

a puppy?

The vexed girl moved behind the source of her annoyance and firmly

retied her apron.

"Yukinoshita…you're kind of like a big sister."

"There's no way my little sister could be this incompetent." Yukinoshita

sighed, looking disappointed, but I felt as if Yuigahama's comparison was

surprisingly not far from the mark. Yukinoshita, with her air of maturity, and

Yuigahama, with her baby face—together, the two rather resembled a pair of

sisters.

They really gave off a warm household vibe.

Also, only old men are into that whole girl-wearing-nothing-but-an-apron

thing. Me, I thought the school-uniform-plus-apron-combo was the ultimate.

I felt my heart growing warm and let slip a leer.

"H-hey, Hikki…"

"Wh-what is it?" Whoops. That might have been a creepy smile. My

voice went shrill, too, kicking the creepiness factor up a notch. I'd set off a

chain reaction of creep factor.

"Wh-what do you think of domestic girls?"

"I think they're okay. I think all guys are attracted to them to a degree."

"O-oh…" Hearing that seemed to put her at ease, and she smiled. "Okay,

let's do this!" Rolling up the sleeves of her blouse, she cracked open an egg

and beat it. She added other ingredients like flour and then sugar, butter, and

vanilla extract.

Yuigahama's skills were so far from the norm that even someone like me

who didn't really know a lot about cooking could tell. Maybe this is much

ado about cookies, but I believed that precisely because they're so simple to

make, they clearly display the baker's skill level. You could see a person's

real ability, the kind you couldn't fake.

First of all, the beaten egg: There was shell in it.

Next, the flour: It was all clumped up.

And the butter: It was still hard.

She exchanged sugar for salt like it was the obvious thing to do and

poured in a ton of vanilla extract. The milk sloshed around dangerously

inside the bowl.

When I happened to glance over at Yukinoshita, she was holding her

forehead and looking green. Even I, with my poor cooking skills, felt a chill

run down my spine. Yukinoshita, with her talents, must have been shuddering

in horror.

"Well, then…," Yuigahama said, taking out some instant coffee.

"Coffee, huh? Well, food goes down easier when you have something on

hand to drink. That's thoughtful of you."

"What? That's not what this is for. This is for subtle seasoning. Don't lots

of guys hate sweet stuff?" Yuigahama cocked her head over her shoulder at

me as she worked. I took my eyes off her hands for a moment to consider her

face, and by the time I looked back there was a black mountain inside her

bowl.

"That doesn't look subtle at all!"

"Huh? Oh. Then I'll adjust it by adding more sugar," she said,

constructing a white mountain next to the black. A giant tsunami of beaten

egg engulfed them both, creating a true hell.

Let me get right to the point: Yuigahama lacked cooking skills. It wasn't a

question of those skills being poor or underdeveloped. She had absolutely

none to begin with.

Not only was she clumsy, but she was imprecise, dangerously creative,

and altogether unsuited for cooking. I'd never want to do chemistry

experiments with this girl. She was the type who'd kill you with a mistake.

By the time those things came out of the oven, for some reason, they

looked like coal-black pancakes. Judging by the smell, they were bitter.

"Wh-why?" An expression of shock on her face, Yuigahama gazed at the

mystery substance.

"I can't comprehend it… How can you make so many errors all at once?"

Yukinoshita mumbled. Her voice was quiet, so Yuigahama probably couldn't

hear. But even so, it sounded like something that she couldn't hold in—words

that had just popped out.

Yuigahama put the mystery substance on a plate. "It looks a bit odd, butyou don't know until you taste it, right?!"

"That's true. And we have a taste tester right here."

"Aha-ha-ha! Oh, Yukinoshita. It's so rare that you err in your choice of

vocabulary. The term you're searching for is food taster—someone who tests

for poison."

"What poison?! Oh…poison… Hmm, I guess it is poison after all?" For

someone who'd initially taken such vigorous offense, Yuigahama suddenly

seemed quite unsure, tilting her head to the side and giving me a look that

said, So what do you think?

That didn't even warrant a reply, did it? I shook off Yuigahama's puppy-

dog eyes and tried to get Yukinoshita's attention.

"Hey, am I seriously supposed to eat this? This is like the charcoal they

sell at a hardware store."

"She didn't use any inedible ingredients, so you'll be fine. Probably.

Plus…" Yukinoshita paused and moved to whisper in my ear. "I'll eat some,

too, so it's okay."

"For real? Are you maybe actually a good person? Or do you like me?"

"Actually, you can eat them all and die after all."

"Sorry. I was so shocked, I got a bit kooky."

Because they were cookies, get it? I wasn't sure you could honestly say

the things before us counted as cookies, though.

"Your job was supposed to be taste testing, not refuse disposal. Plus, I'm

the one who took on her request. I'll take responsibility for that," Yukinoshita

said, pulling the plate over to her side.

"I can't properly dispose of them without grasping exactly what the

problem is. And there's no way to avoid exposing myself to danger in order

to find out."

Yukinoshita picked up one of the blackened objects. Had I been told those

things were actually iron ore, I might have believed it. She looked at me, her

eyes tearing up a bit.

"Will this kill me?"

"That's what I'd like to know," I said, glancing at Yuigahama who was

regarding us like she wanted to be one of the gang. Go ahead. You have one,

too. Know our pain.