chapter 14

(TRIGGER WARNING: MENTIONS OF ATEMPT OF SUICIDE,SELF HARM,BLOOD)

I walk up to the house and grab the spare key that was under the welcome mat. As I walked in, all the memories of me and Jayden came flooding back all the good ones and the bad,sad,annoying,etc. As I walk up the stairs crying remembering all the memories of when me and my so-called family were an actual family.then i find myself at his bedroom door. I open it slowly and get hit in the face with his cologne. It made me cry even more cuz I didn't even realize how much I missed his scent.

I walk around his room taking it all in and stop at his bed when I see his teddy bear. Yes, I know an eighteen year old with a teddy bear.i grab his bear holding it tight and i lay in his bed sobbing. This feeling of regret and sadness and so much more hits me like a wave of emotions. After laying there emotionless for a while I head to the bathroom and grab a razor. And I say the quote I always say before I mark the lines on my skin.

"This little blade can do so much damage if you let it,dont let it take your life away."

And with that i put the blade to my skin and glide it deep across my wrists and thighs. After making multiple deep wounds I sit on the bathroom floor as a single tear runs down my cheek.

I watch as the blood flows out of my arms and thighs, I don't feel the pain of the cuts anymore, it's being blinded by the pain of losing my brother. Wait my brother is gone, like actually gone i can't deal with this pain it is unbearable i just want it to end. All of it is gone.

I should just jump and then it will all be over all the pain and the sorrow. I wouldn't have to feel it anymore. I walk out to my balcony that was in my old room and use the ladder to climb on the roof like I used to. I sat there talking in the breeze and the last view I'll see of this world. As I sit there I get a call from billie. Billie I'm going to miss her so so so so so much.

V- hello

B- hey where are you i didn't see you in the house

V- oh um i um im at my parents

B- viv is everything okay

V- billie?

B- yes

V- do you ever wonder what the world would be like without you in it?

B- um why are you asking

V- i just wanna see if anything changes

B- viv what do you mean?

V- do you think a person would die from a 40 - 45 ft drop?

*BILLIES POV*

I heard what happened with jaden viv told me she had a twin brother before, she would always say how much she loves him and how goofy he was and so on. When me and finneas went up stairs we saw Claudia crying at the kitchen table. We asked what happened and she told us everything . I began to worry because I didn't know where Viv was no one did. Ive known for a while about her suicide attempts but she seemed like she was getting better. And I have no idea how she will take this. I don't want her doing something she'll regret.

After about 2 hours of calling,texting and looking for her I started to trip balls and I couldn't help but to cry. I am so worried about her. I decided to check her parents even though that's the last place she'd prolly go but it doesn't hurt to look. I tried calling again and she finally answered.

She was being really weird and she seemed off. What scared me the most whas when she said if a person could survive a 40 -45 ft drop. My heart sank to the floor. I know why she asked that. I know cuz I almost did what she's tryna do. I mean i can never forget what happened in berland and i have my mom to thank for me still being here.

B- viv listen to me okay? Don't you dare do what i think your gonna do

V- it sounds so peaceful bil i just want it to be all gone

B- what baby what do you want to go away

V- the pain bil i can't take it its to much

I try to keep her on the phone as I start crying at the thought of losing her. I just- i just can't pull up to the house as she stops talking and runs as fast as i can to the roof. I see her standing there looking at the view and I walk towards her slowly.

B- viv step away from the edge please.

She turns towards me and I can see all the blood and her tear stained cheeks. It broke me seeing her like this. I wish I could take all her pain away and make her happy so she won't have to feel like this is the only option.

V- i can't

She takes a step closer to the edge and I could feel my life slipping away each time she gets closer to falling.

B- VIV I SAID STEP AWAY FROM THE EDGE PLEASE I CAN'T LOSE YOU

V- your not going to bil you can't lose what you don't have

I can see it in her face that there's just no emotion, she's just numb.

B- baby please i can't lose you i wont i love you and i need you to walk towards me

As she hears these words year start pouring out her eyes

V- y- you love me?

B- yes i do i love you so much i wanna marry you and have kids with you you want that right?

*nods head*

B- okay so please take my hand i will be here with you to help you through this i know how much you loved your brother we all do but you need to keep living for him to make him proud okay

V- billie

B- yes my love

V- he- hes gone and i cant say goodbye

I see how much she hurting and i wanna help her through it in a healthy way and i know what life was like without her in it but now i know what it's like with her in it i don't want to go back to what it was like without her

B- he knows how much you loved him. Im positive that he in that moment thought of all the things he wanted to say to you as well now please for god's sake take my hand

She reaches her hand out and hesitates but grabs it. I pull her to me quickly and we both fall to our knees sobbing as we hold each other.

V- i'm sorry i didn't mean to worry you i love you too

B- its okay as long as you're okay thats all that matters i love you so so so much okay please never leave me

V- i'm not

Finneas and Claudia had driven to vivs parents as well when I didn't answer my phone and Finn called the police once he and Claudia saw us on the roof and me tryna get her to take my hand.I brought her down and we all went to the hospital. Me with Viv in the ambulance while Finn and Claudia followed behind us.