Nr_Yet1208
Fun chapter. The writing is clearly great and awesome and flows well, that comes with years of practice. Nice that u portrayed the beautiful family life for your mc. Now, critique wise I would not comment on your writing but rather novel writing/narration. 1. There are too many internal monologues, the biggest risk with a first person protagonist. You are telling me as a reader what I should think, instead of allowing me the space to make up my own mind. So, i would like to read more narration than internal monologue. 2. Second, with all your internal monologues and commentary, you are making your MC passive instead of active. e.g. instead of showing us his frustration, u are just telling us he is frustrated. As a reader, it again restrains my own imagination. The only place it works is if u are an unreliable narrator. And if that is the case, then I am cool with your thoughts and monologues. ☺️👍