Chapter 8: Not a Dream

Cassie opened her eyes to darkness and glorious silence. It didn't last. The disaster that had become her new normal shattered her cocoon with an invasion of perverse images that couldn't be unseen. The unlikelihood that she would fall back asleep forced her to accept the inevitable. She had to get out of bed and face the world. Grudgingly, she turned her head to glance at the clock by the bed.

"12:15a.m. Great," she whispered, "I've slept an entire day away."

Driven by insatiable hunger, Cassie forced herself out of bed and into her clothes. She trudged down the hall to the already lit kitchen, expecting to find Eryn still awake, but when she entered the kitchen, she came face-to-face with Ben. He stood, leaning against the sink, eating a sandwich, but stopped chewing and shifted awkwardly when their eyes met. She panicked, realizing that she looked like complete shit with the worst kind of bedhead.

Ben's expression changed from surprise to one of pity with a forced smile as he nodded a hello. Her eyes, still locked on his, burned with the threat of tears and she began to tremble.

Her life sucked.

The pain in her heart overwhelmed her to the point of insanity, and she could feel the feeble grip she had over her emotions loosen. She couldn't face it, face him, or anyone. The worst was the pity in his gaze. It was beyond humiliating.

Desperate to escape, her eyes searched for an exit, but before she knew what was happening, Ben was there, taking her into his arms as she broke down, sobbing into his shirt. A minute later, Ben snapped her out of her self-imposed pity party with a light chuckle.

"Um, how about a tissue? You're getting snot all over my favorite shirt," he teased, trying to lighten the mood.

"Fuck," Cassie choked as she pulled from his embrace. "Just fuck! You smell, Ben!" Laughing awkwardly, she gave him a playful shove in a futile attempt to scrape her dignity off the floor.

"Well, thanks. I've been working in a shit-filled barn all day. How am I supposed to smell?" he quipped, trying to sound injured.

"Sorry, it's been a rough day. I'm a mess myself." Truthfully, she loved the smell of barn; It made her feel at home, and she loved Ben. He was a sweetheart. She sniffed, diverting the conversation away from her shitty life with anxious babbling. "When did you get in? Is Kali with you? I haven't seen you two in months."

"I just got in. Drove like a bat out of hell to get here. I need to load the yearlings tomorrow and head back to Calgary for the sale." He paused for a moment and sighed. "Kali's fine, or so I hear. We broke up a few months back after I found out she was tramping around with Kevin Lanoway."

"Bitch!" Cassie spat without thinking. Surprised by her catty response, she shook her head. "I'm sorry Ben. I thought she was nice. Does Eryn know about Kevin?"

Ben nodded with a frown. "She knows, and now she has a serious hate-on for Kali."

Taken aback, Cassie couldn't believe Eryn didn't mention anything about the breakup, or Kali and Kevin. Eryn typically shared everything with Cassie but there were some things that Eryn refused to talk about, and Cassie understood. More than anything, she respected her bestie's boundaries.

Eryn probably didn't say anything because it made her seething mad. Up until two years ago, before Eryn discovered Kevin had been shagging everything with a hole between its legs, she considered him to be the love of her life. When Eryn discovered Kevin's indiscretions, she went ballistic. The truth nearly destroyed her, and she's been single ever since.

The subject of Kevin Lanoway had been off limits for months, which is why Eryn probably didn't mention it. Still, it wasn't right for her to suffer in silence.

Cassie didn't blame Eryn in the least. Especially now that she knew what it felt like to have her heart ripped out. It was truly disgusting that Kevin would go after Ben's woman, though. That was a new low, even for Kevin, but it paled in comparison to having your sister and husband trample your heart.

Poor Eryn.

Poor Ben.

Cassie shook her head, noting the parallels. No one should be betrayed so harshly by the one they loved, yet it seemed to be a growing trend.

"Sounds like we have something in common," Cassie blurted out before she could stop herself. Humiliation burned her cheeks, and she frowned, looking away. She couldn't even try to hide her shame. Why bother?

Ben stepped forward, put his hand to her chin, lifted it towards his gaze, and looked her square in the eye. "Yes, Kali is a bitch, and Greg's a fucking asshole. And your sister, well, that one needs a boot up the ass. Just saying."

"Eryn told you about my recent issues."

Ben nodded, holding Cassie's gaze with an intensity that forced her to break and more tears escaped. "You didn't do anything to deserve this," he said, his tone low and sure.

Cassie didn't share his positivity, but she nodded anyway for effect.

"I mean it. Greg's loss."

Maybe it was the way he said it, or the gentle way he held her chin, or the way his muscular arm flexed as he did so, or maybe it was the fact that he smelled like home. In a flash, she flew at him, crashing her lips to his, kissing him with desperation that was beyond explanation or reason.

Pulling her in, Ben wrapped his arms around her tight, returning her kiss with the same passion. Her hands trailed up and into his sun-kissed, golden brown hair, raking through the soft locks while holding him to her lips and slowly melting in his embrace. Moments later, reality crept in, and she abruptly pulled away. Blinking back more tears, her face flushed crimson with a mixture of desire, confusion, and embarrassment.

She had crossed a line. "Ben, I'm sorry. I'm not myself. You're a great kisser." Ben shrugged casually, and she laughed lightly, shaking her head. "But I'm a mess. I didn't intend to molest you, don't know why I did. I honestly just came out here to get a sandwich. I'm friggin starved!"

"Well, you can have the other half of mine if you like." He handed her the sandwich and grabbed a couple of beers from the fridge. "Come on. You can help me close up."

Cassie inhaled the sandwich while following behind him as they walked in silence to the barns. She shadowed Ben into Barn One, smirking as he meticulously checked the tack rooms and empty stalls. There weren't any horses in Barn One because it was the barn they used for boarding horses. He checked it out of habit, and his OCD made her smile.

Although empty, the barn would soon be full, thanks to the many horsemen needing a place to winter their horses. Eryn's farm, close to Regina and conveniently located in the middle of Canada, was a rest stop for horsemen who followed the racing circuit between British Columbia and Ontario. Barn One also had several dorm rooms, a kitchenette, and a large washroom with showers, for the visiting horsemen.

Ben shut the lights to the barn and closed the doors, and she followed him to Barn Two, where Eryn and Ben housed their horses: nine mares, three studs, and four yearlings. Their twelve racers were in Calgary until November.

The lights in the barn were still on, but the horses were asleep. Cassie walked along the shed row, looking for her boy. Gunner, a playful old stud, always gave the best love. She paused in front of his stall, but he had his nose down in the opposite corner. Her lip curled. When Gunner slept standing up, he was easily started, so she wouldn't wake him. Instead, she watched him, and it warmed her aching heart. Gunner never caused her a moment's pain, only joy, and she adored him because of it.

Ben approached her and whispered, "Don't wake him up, or the horny bugger will never settle."

Cassie knew the feeling. Nodding, she followed Ben to the tack room.