[~42~]

Have you ever been afraid of things that haven't happened yet? I'm feeling it .. honestly I have given up, prayed, and I thought I did my best for it. However, it turned out that I was rejected.

3 years of fighting for it with all the fatigue and pressure I experienced. I think I'll reach for it. In fact, I was never as free as the others. I thought that after all that trouble, that busyness, that persistence, that hard work, that pain, all this pain, I thought I would accept it and be happy.

However, what I got were tears flowing down like a waterfall. I'm traumatized by that.

Even so, I still have to get up for the next struggle. I don't want to lose again. I don't want to be rejected again. Still, sometimes the pressure and the trauma come back to destroy my defenses.

I've never been this weak in my life. I can only surrender the results to God. Those who ordered me to list here and there, to be honest I'm depressed. How can I be this pathetic.