Chapter Sixteen - Being The Adult (Part 2)

Chapter Song Suggestion - "Alone in this world by Young K ft Song Heejin"

I sit on the swing, waiting for Dae to show up. It's a chilly night, meaning winter's just around the corner. Honestly, I don't know what I'm going to say. I am mad at him, but mostly I'm furious with myself. It's not entirely his fault. We're consenting adults who wanted to have fun, and now I'm the one who got burn. I'm naïve to think I could walk out of this relationship unscathed.

"Aera!" Dae appears before me, panting wildly like he had run for blocks. He looks surprisingly normal tonight, sans the fancy outfit. His hair is mussed, and he's wearing simple brown pants and a button up shirt. Had he rushed over?

I don't get up, not wanting him to touch me. If he does, I'll break. I just want this night to be over and done with. "You came."

"Aera, I'm so glad to see you." He moves forward to embrace me, but I ward him off with my hands. "Don't come closer."

He flinches, pain mirrors in his midnight eyes. I draw in a bolstering breath. "Just listen to what I have to say, alright?"

He nods once. His fingers flex helplessly at his sides — a sign of his anxiety.

"First, I want to apologize for not returning your calls or messages. You must have been confused by my actions. Though you probably deserve it." I swallowed hard, feeling like rocks are sitting in my stomach. "I talked a big game about wanting to be mature about our contract and I don't blame you mostly. I agreed to it after all." A shaky breath escapes my lungs. "I won't lie. It hurts. I-it hurts…a lot. When I saw you at the party...when I saw your wife…it felt like you stabbed me with a knife." I look skyward, frantically blinking away hot tears. "It was then, I realized I broke the contract. I guess I couldn't help myself and I wasn't worldly enough to keep my heart out of the game. I like you. A lot." My eyes drop to meet his gaze squarely. "And that's why, this has to end right now."

His usual aplomb is nowhere to be found. Flustered, he shakes his head. "Aera…,"

"I'm not finished!" I shut him up, hopping to my feet. The emotions I've been bottling up are bursting forth. "I can't even blame you for not telling me that you're married! I should have asked. I shouldn't have tried to play it cool. Now I feel like a fool. I'm not a homewrecker!" Wrapping my arms around myself, I sob. "I'm not. And I refuse to be one!"

"But I don't love her!" He insists, his tone cutting. "She's a means to an end."

"It doesn't matter!" I snap back, appalled by his callousness. "And that's even worse! I don't know what you think marriage is, but it's a sacred sanctity that should be respected!" I take one step forward, demanding fiercely. "What else haven't you told me that I should have known about?"

Hesitation scribbles over his face, lips thinning. "I have a son."

Salt on my wound. Closing my eyes, I ask numbly. "How old?"

"Six."

And that's the cherry on top. "I have nothing else to say to you. You can say your piece, and when you're done," I gesture at the space between us. My resolve is firm. "We are done."

"I never meant for this to happen. I'm sorry." The tendrils of his anguish and sorrow attempt to wrap around my heart. "I know you're different and I knew deep down, that I was going to hurt you. But I couldn't help myself...I'm a selfish bastard. I won't even ask for your forgiveness. If I get to leave my mark on you so that you'll never forget us? I'd rather you hate me." He shuffles closer. Though there are faint shadows beneath his eyes, they don't impair his good looks. "But I told you before, I always get what I want. When you give a sinner a taste of heaven, he's bound to crave more because it's in his nature. I can't let you go, Aera." His mouth firms. It seems he already made up his mind. "I need you beside me. I'm not going to give up on us."

"We are impossible, Dae!" I cry out in mounting frustration. The negativity and tension between us swirl like a force to be reckon. We're being stretched thin. "As long as you're married, we can never be together! If I must choose honor over love, then I'll do it in a heartbeat. You said you'll choose to be the bad guy in any situation, well I'm choosing to do the right thing if it helps me sleep at night." My voice echoes the strength of my resolve. "Forget about me. Forget about us. Go back to your world, and I'll go back to mine. Treat your family right. That's the reason why I wanted to see you. The contract ends tonight, and this will be the last time we'll ever meet again." I start to walk by him, keeping a straight face. "Goodbye, Dae."

He blocks me immediately. A fierce expression grips his features. "You can't leave!"

"Why not?" I demand, chin jutting up. "Are you finally going to tell me what you said in Gwangju? Because it's too late. Nothing will change. In fact, nothing would have changed even if I knew your feelings then."

"I'll say it a million times if it gets you to stay." He yanks me into his arms and buries his face into my neck, his taller frame engulfing mine. "I love you, Aera. I love you. Do you hear me? I love you!"

I sob in earnest, shoulders wrecking violently. I keep my hands plastered to my sides.

"I love you, so please don't leave me." His plea turns tortured, those arms tightening like bands.

This man lied to me. He hurt me. And now, he's telling me to stay because he loves me. Then where does that leave me and my dignity? It's not so much my pride, but his status and identity standing in our way. He's not an ordinary man.

What will I tell my parents? That I'm seeing a married man? One who has a young son. There are too many reasons why we shouldn't be together. It includes risks that will hurt a lot of people. If I were a selfish person, I'd happily be with him, regardless of the odds. But I'm not.

On the other hand, there are reasons why I want to be with him. I feel cherished and safe, he makes me happy and when it's just us, the feeling is mutual. No judgements or reservations. But is love enough? Even if we're in love, how well do we truly know each other?

We're not the only ones affected by our decisions – our family, our friends, and our social circle. For Dae, the whole nation's watching him. His young son will bear the brunt of consequences. I can never hurt a little boy or change the course of his life. Stories never tell how being the good guy means making personal sacrifices with you getting the short end of the stick.

You then ask yourself, is my sacrifice worth renouncing my own happiness?

My heart is at war with my head.

"Love isn't enough, Dae." I remain unmoved. I can't give him an inch, or he'll take it all. "There will be too many casualties, and then there's your background…it's hard for me. People say you'll know if someone's the right partner when you can see the end of the road with them. For us, all I see are obstacles and high walls that I can't scale, even with a helping hand." A soft, unfeeling laugh shakes my shoulders. "It's funny how I always believed I'm a romantic but, I guess I'm a realist. Tonight, I learn what it means to be an adult. Call me stupid, call me a coward…either way, I'm not going to stay." I let him hold me a little longer before forcibly peeling his arms off. I'm sure Nari will be proud of me for taking the high road this time.

Wiping away the tears, I get my head out of the clouds. "I'm sorry, Dae. I love you too but, I just can't." Heartbreak comes in many forms, and mine is the shape of an impossible love. "Our love stands a fifty-fifty chance of breaking up or lasting forever. If you were an ordinary man, I'll stay in a heartbeat. But you're not. I don't see a future between us and I'm not confident in overcoming the obstacles we will face. We can force this relationship but at the end of the day, I'll never feel right. I'll feel like I snatched a woman's husband and deprived a son of his father. Even if you don't love her, I think you owe her the respect a wife deserves from a husband. I don't know why you married her if not for love, and I don't want to." I inhale sharply. "I deserve more. And that's not what you can give me. You're a businessman, you know how it works. There's nothing else to say, Dae. Please, don't call me, don't text me and don't check up on me. We. Are. Over."

This time, he doesn't stop me from leaving. And I know he'll listen because that's the kind of man he is.