5 Chapter 5

That was it, my fate to Samuel was sealed and Ben was nowhere to be found. I wrote to him telling him what happened. I didn't know how I would get it to him, I couldn't trust my father, so I tucked the note away in my hope chest along with the box he carved and the note he wrote me. It was a hidden compartment that I had made, a false bottom. No one knew it was there, because it wasn't suppose to be. The next day at lunch, I wore the most awful dress I could find. It was an ugly shade of green and made me look so ill. I didn't put any make up on and left my hair a complete mess. If I had to see Samuel I wasn't going to be the perfect little woman he thought he was getting. My mother gasped when I came down the stairs. "Oh darling," she stuttered. Samuel's eyes were wide with horror as if I was the most grotesque freak at the freak shows. He looked as if I was going to jump off the stairs and scratch his face. It took everything I had to not laugh, "Mr. Terish," I said in a snobby tone holding out my hand. "Miss Lucille," he said with a cringe. "Lucy, what are you," my mother began still in shock of my appearance. My grandmother next to her pinched her hand, when my mother looked at her she winked with a sly grin. "Shall we have lunch?" My mother asked. "Miss Lucille, I was going to ask you to the Christmas ball, but I have somewhere else to be," he stuttered. "Another time, perhaps?" I asked. He nodded and smiled, "Good day," he said and ran out the door. My grandmother and I laughed hysterically, "He's never coming back, after the sight of a horrible you," my grandmother hooted. "That was an awful trick to play on that boy," my mother scolded. "Aw, what's awful is Clarence not letting Lucy see that Allen boy," my grandmother muttered and went to her room. "What did she mean?" I asked my mother. "Nothing dear, go up and change before your father comes home," she hurried me.

When my father came home I was back in a usual dress with my hair normal and my face put on. "I just don't understand why Samuel said he would be with drawling his petition for Lucy's hand," my father went on as I sat down. "Maybe she's just not his cup of tea," my grandmother stated plainly with a small grin tugging at the corner of her mouth. "Did he stay at all for lunch?" My father asked. "No in fact he was quite insulting. He said he was going to ask me to the Christmas ball, but had somewhere else to be," I admitted smugly. My mother sat there watching this conversation, "Maybe he'll give you a second chance to go to the Christmas ball if your father has a talk with him," she suggested. I looked at her in utter disbelief, she had turned on me, how could she do that? "That's just what I'll do, I'll call him after dinner and tell him he should take you to the ball," my father said slapping his knee. I sat there and pouted, "What's the matter Lucy?" My father asked while Cora cleared the dinner plates. "I'm not hungry," I said and sulked up to my room. "She must be nervous for the ball. You should take her shopping tomorrow, darling, for a new dress," my father told my mother. "Sounds wonderful, I'm sure she'll enjoy it," my mother nodded with a smile.

Later that night she came up to my room, "I'll brush your hair dear," she said as I sat down at my vanity. "You're probably wondering why I suggested that you get a second chance with Samuel," she said stroking my hair. I didn't answer her, I couldn't, I couldn't even look at her in the mirror. "I know you may not like him now, but your father approves of him and he seems like a nice boy. I'd like to see you happy and well taken care of," my mother explained but I still couldn't look at her. "You'll understand when you have your first daughter. There are somethings in this life we don't want to do, but they are a must," she said soothingly trying to take the sting out the words. "I'll let you go to bed," she said and kissed my head before leaving. Mother's sure know how to lay a guilt trip on their daughters.

The next day my mother took me shopping, I was looking at all the black plain funeral dresses, while my mother looked at all the frilly satin, silk, and lace red Christmas dresses. My mother asked me to try on a white satin gowned with red trim, in all honesty it was a beautiful dress and had I been going with someone I liked or alone I may have actually, worn it. However, I stood in the dress and had a somber face. "I wish you would try to have fun, you look beautiful," my mother pleaded. "How can I, you betrayed me and now I have to go with that awful creature," I whined. My mother took a deep breath in and let it out, "He's not awful nor a creature, I would have thought I taught you better manners than that," she said defeated. A few girls I knew came into the store with their mothers, probably to do the same thing I was. "Oh Lucy, you look simply breath taking," Rachel Hutchins marveled. I shrugged, "And I heard Samuel Terish, is taking you," Anne Winchester added. I nodded, "What's the matter?" Rachel asked. "I don't want to go with him," I whispered. They gasped, "Why ever not?" Anne asked. "I don't like him," I answered. "But he's so handsome," Anne told me in disbelief. "And he's so rich," Rachel added. "I don't care," I moped. I heard the store bell ring, meaning someone had come in and I quickly went back behind the curtain but I thought I caught a glimpse of Ben, when I went to see if it was him, my mother pushed me back in with a dark blue and silver dress. By the time I changed and came back out, he was gone, if it was him. I opted for the dark blue dress, it was as close to black as I could get. The skirt had lace ruffles, it had a matching hat, stole and muff, which made my mother happy. I was just happy to get out of the store and on to the street to see if I could find Ben. While walking to our buggy, of course we ran into Samuel. "Miss. Lucille, Mrs. Mills, so glad I ran into you," he said. I rolled my eyes, I'm sure he saw since he narrowed his eyes at me. "Looking forward to the Christmas ball tomorrow night?" He asked. I didn't answer, "She is, we just bought her dress, I'm sure she's too speechless to answer," my mother replied. "Why don't I take these back to the carriage and give you two a minute," my mother suggested and took off before I could protest. Samuel waited until my mother walked away and grabbed my wrist, "You had better show me some respect, got it," he whispered through his teeth. "You're hurting me," I protested. "Not as bad as I will if you don't start playing the part of my doting fiancee," he told me with a smile as he tightened his grip. He released me as my mother came back and I grabbed my wrist, "Well, I better get back to the office. I'll see you tomorrow, Miss Lucille, Mrs. Mills," he said tipping his hat. I hated that he called me Lucille but even more I hated that he scared me. "Lucy, you need to start trying with Samuel," my mother said on the ride home. I didn't answer, I sat there sullen the entire way home.

The evening of the Christmas ball, Samuel picked me up at my house, he had flowers for my mother and a velvet box for me. "Lucy, you look beautiful," my father said as I came down the stairs in my navy blue dress trimmed with silver. "You are a vision, Miss Lucille," Samuel agreed as I reached the bottom. "Here," he stammered, "An early Christmas present," he added handing me the black velvet box. I opened it and there was a pearl and diamond choker and pearl earrings, my mouth dropped. "Thank you Samuel, they are truly gorgeous. You shouldn't have," I replied with as much appreciation as I could fit into a sentence. He smiled pleased with himself, "Only the most beautiful things, for my beauty," he prattled on. "You spoil me," I replied. He carefully and gently put the choker on me, he was either please with my praise or he just wanted to be careful with the jewelry. I quickly put on the earrings and we said good bye to my parents and headed out, we didn't talk the whole way to the hall. "Listen Lucille, if you don't act like you're having a good time, I will make sure I make your life miserable," he threatened as we pulled up to the hall. At this point I just didn't care, he could do whatever he wanted to me, I was already miserable. The hall was nicely done up, a large Christmas tree in the corner, there were poinsettias around the dance floor. A table to one end of the room full of food and desserts, a piano player accompanied by a string quartet was playing Christmas songs.We walked in and found our table, "Why don't you go get your dance card, and fill it out. Make sure I have all the dances," he warned. I nodded and walked over to the table, "You look gorgeous," Rachel said finding me, she had chosen the white and red dress I had tried on. "Thank you, so are you," I tried to smile. "Why exactly are you not happy with Samuel?" Rachel asked starring at him while he chatted with her fiancee Arthur. "I don't love him," I whispered. "Well, your sister was going to marry for love and look where that got her," Rachel blurted out. As soon as it had come out of her mouth, she looked at me, I would be lying if I said it didn't sting. "I am so sorry, Lucy. I wasn't thinking," she apologized over and over. "It's fine," I shook it off. "Well, is there someone else?" She asked. I searched her face, with what she had just said I wasn't sure I could trust her, "No," I shook my head. "Well, then give it time," she told me squeezing my hand. "What are the two most beautiful women in the room chatting about?" Samuel asked walking up to us with Arthur. A chill went up my spine, "I was telling Rachel, how lovely her dress is," I replied with a smile as best as I could muster. "Women," Samuel shrugged, he and Arthur laughed. The night went on, I succumbed to being with Samuel and made sure I smiled when everyone was looking, even though he is a horrid dancer, and stepped on my feet every dance, and my heart felt ripped in two. We had just finished a dance when I saw Ben's sister, Suzanna with James Thomas. We smiled and nodded to each other, Samuel looked over and saw us, he grabbed my wrist and took me into the hall where the bathrooms were. "What are you doing?" He asked hushed. "What?" I asked trying to stay calm, but I was shaking. "Suzanna Allen," he told me. "I just," I stammered. "You aren't suppose to be seen being nice to any of the Allen's," he interrupted. I looked out to the party to see if anyone could help, Samuel grabbed my face, "No one is going to help you," he said through gritted teeth. I looked down, "For the last time do what I say," he ordered. I nodded and we walked back out, I didn't know how I was going to paint a smile on my face after that. I didn't have time to figure it out or compose myself before Samuel introduced me to some other friends of his. I played a girl who looked like she had the best life, but I was becoming afraid of what would happen if I didn't do everything right. Samuel began chatting about our wedding, my stomach curled as he joked about me being the little woman, and having his children. "Are you alright?" Rachel asked. I glanced at Samuel, "Just tired, I guess," I replied with a smile. "The party is nearly over, I'll take you home, darling," Samuel said with a fake smile. We said our good byes and walked out to the car, he opened the door and nearly shut my dress in it. I knew he was angry, "I've never been this humiliated, in my life," he bellowed. I closed my eyes as he ranted at me. "Open your eyes, you bitch," he seethed. ���I'm sorry," I whispered. "You should be," he told me. Tears rolled down my cheeks as we pulled up outside my house, I felt relieved, as he got out and came around. He opened the door and instead of helping me out, he yanked me out, I nearly fell into a snowbank. "Clumsy, bitch," he whispered snatching me up straight. He grabbed on to my arm so hard as we walked up to the door, he cut off circulation. When he finally let go my arm tingled, "Good night, thank you for the lovely time," I stammered, tears still streaming down my face. "Don't forget my good night kiss," he ordered. I stomach churned, I leaned over and gave him a peck. He grabbed my face and forced his tongue in my mouth, he continued to kiss me until we heard a noise from the side of the house. "What was that?" He asked. I shook my head, he shrugged, "You'll get better," he said and walked back to his car. I walked into my house and leaned against the door, sobbing as quietly as I could, "Lucy, is that you?" My mother called from upstairs. I took a breath, "Yes mama, I'm going to bed," I said and went to the back staircase so she wouldn't see me. In my room I took off my dress and looked at my arm in the mirror, it was already bruising, in that moment I hated my parents for what they were making me do. I brushed out my hair got into a night gown and went to bed, it was the first time I cried myself to sleep. The next morning I made sure to wear a long sleeve shirt with my blue skirt and headed downstairs. "Did you have a good time?" My father asked. "Yes, the hall was lovely," I replied. Cora brought my breakfast, "It warms my heart to see you spoiled by such a wonderful man," my mother said driving a knife deeper into my heart. My grandmother starred at me, like she knew, I quietly finished my breakfast and excused myself to head to the hospital. "He's changed Lucy," my grandmother told him. "What do you mean changed her?" My father asked. "She's lost her fire, she so melancholy," my grandmother pointed out. My father just frown at her and ignore her.