An Unknown Cheat or I dunno

This is my ordinary story.

Let me tell something about myself.

Everyday I strive to do my best just to keep living.

I worked under an IT company, a regular with a 10-hour workshit----workshift, not including the break.

The times were mundane, as I speak.

Human population kept increasing.

Jobs were filled faster than ever. Roads filled with lots of vehicles, slowly moving. Smog filled the air, never seeing clear skies without good elevation. People held their smartphones all the time, necks angled acutely downward. Tall buildings stood, each trying to out-height the other.

Same with people.

I was lucky to have been accepted in a company, yet I don't feel happy. I instead feel lacking.

Most of the time, the tasks given to me are a bit above normal complexity. Just because I tried my hardest the very first time I got in and got a good promotion, increasing my salary by thirty percent, I thought I would keep on doing that and there wouldn't be much problems to occur.

Yet we all know that life is all about ups and downs, we cannot predict what could happen. And even if we try to create a contingency plan, it wouldn't last long.

I took pride in myself though, I considered myself if not average, then above average. My looks, my intellect, my general circumstances, I can say that I'm somewhat above other people. But that kind of thinking is conceited so I tried to change my viewpoint.

Compared to the rest of the upper echelons in my company, I'm just two levels above the entry level, there's no point in bragging.

Before I had this kind of thinking, though... I left (got kicked out from) the company.

The first team that I had had a lot of kind people. They helped me including the rest of the new employees. That's probably why I had this thought that I could do if not everything, then most things that would be asked of me---only in work of course. A few of us became quite close to one another, but I didn't like mingling with a lot of people, so I kept my distance but not very unattached to them; in a sense the word acquaintance would do.

A few months pass, I did well and got the said promotion, and was moved to another team. The current people that were here were somewhat dull and unappealing. They already had their inner circle and disregarded any and some of the unwanted newcomers and as time passed, I felt left out from them. In a way, I kept my distance, and I considered them as proper business instead, deattaching any emotions from them. There are a few of them which I confide with, regarding my small struggles, but after a year, becoming a bit close then parting away because of a different assignment location, I had quite the bit of an emotional turmoil.

The two that I became close with became my best friends during the time with that obnoxious team. We were all sent to different locations because of the nature of work, but although we were all separated, we could meet time to time to have a bit of reunion and chat about our various things.

This time, I had entered a trap. The goal that our current team had was a bit in the red, I don't know why this was so though. So the deadlines were coming, and there were more work that was expected, in which I had to make more time, but the effort was the same. I was always on my thinking mode when it regards to work.

I had a few lazy moments though, when something didn't go my way.

After this certain phase was done, I was sent to a different location again. My friends were also sent to different places, it seems that we had to part ways and only converse on chat programs instead. It was no matter, I know that we're all cool with each other anyway.

In a way, I wasn't quite feeling myself anymore. I felt like I was going to and from the office, day by day there was this gray color that surrounded my vision, not including the smog from the vehicle traffic during commuting.

The usual me that was quite optimistic and a bit proactive in taking tasks started to dwindle.

I got tired of working.

This was yet only the second year that I was working in the company.

Everyday felt like waking on bog, walking through bog, travelling through bog, and sleep was the only thing that I felt like home.

Later on my perfomance took its toll, and my progress in the company came crashing down, it felt like an anvil hit my shoulders when I was first reprimanded for doing just a bit of wrong in one of the minor documents I was supposed to make.

I wasn't even on the wrong here. I submitted early, reviewed my material thrice, and even kept a backup.

My supervisor that time kept on saying "wait me finish something and I will go to yours" and hadn't really read my email yet anyway.

Three hours later I found a reply in which the revisions were listed, and a few revisions were even made without my consent. So instead of, let's say, just three revisions, there were hidden ones. I checked my backup and the document that was sent back to me was worse than what I made.

We talked about this on a different time and place and I refrained from submitting the paper yet, so there we were.

I got scolded for a lot of things that, of course, I am well aware as I keep my distance and I really felt my performance dwindling, but not all things that were mentioned were true. I did got to doze off for moments in these days because of the tiring work that I had to do. I even tried to record myself how I was able to unknowingly fall asleep during work, and I could see that my eyes really couldn't open themselves even if I wanted to.

I couldn't call myself 'doing my best' since then.

After that my hair started to fall minutely, and I could see the scalp showing during my recent haircut while checking out my crown from the back to back mirrors. I started to take coffee, more coffee, and became immune to it. My head always hurt during the afternoons. My nose bled time to time when I struggle to stay awake.

I see the other people in that place with mocking smiles and smirks, they hold their phones during working hours and don't even work properly. They suck to the boss just to get a good appraisal, then treat meals later just to show more bootlicking. There are some people that are like me who looked like they aged fifteen years when their age was just a few years older than me. Some of them even warned me to leave instead of being burned here alive.

Sometimes I can't even feel my shoulders anymore.

While walking from the public bus towards the few kilometer-far office I suddenly saw my shoes. They had a few scratches here and there, and the laces were about to be worn out and showed the insides. It was only then I also felt my socks felt loose, and the lowest layer of my shoes were thin enough for me to feel the small sand and rocks on the ground.

That day I just sat at my desk, looked at the screen in front, and pretended to be doing something. I just switched from program to program the whole day and only remembered to eat in the afternoon.

I was contemplating on my life.

Was it really worth it?

Doing all of these?

I lived in an orphanage, I didn't have parents besides the big sister that also left when she got married. The things I mostly do back then was to tend to the household chores as much as possible, and think of a way to repay the orphanage for raising me.

The opportunity the special skills school gave me was that path, and I took it. Finished the required classes for a few years and also filled papers that made my citizenship at least legal. After that then I got accepted in a job and then these all happened.

I nearly forgot that half of the salary I had were sent immediately to that home I came from.

Was it really worth it? Did the orphanage ask me to repay them?

This was my third year.

No one told me that the smallest of pressures in the world of being an employee would be this big that I didn't want to be human anymore and become a polar bear that hunted and hibernated instead.

Was I doing something wrong for all of these moods or energies or all these crappy things happen to me?

One of the people that always stayed last on the room silently walked towards me and greeted me, and just asked me to turn off the lights when I leave. After he left the room I sat and drooped on my desk and stayed for a while more.

So I left.

Those people sure look do happy to me when I sent my resignation, which made me wonder. Looks like there was a plot against me, even when I didn't had any enemies to begin with.

***

Next thing that happened to me: just sitting in front of my computer, playing games all day. Reading comic or novels, indulging myself.

Forget the world. Forget everything. I didn't care anymore.

It wasn't just depression, being in that place called an office made me what I didn't want to be.

It was true that I had been lucky getting in, getting a higher than average salary... But then with that experience, I didn't want to be in that kind of environment anymore.

But then, even when I play the games that I have fun with, I still feel like having a deadline. So I rush everything, complete everything. I didn't enjoy the games that I played, and the new ones that came out either.

There was nothing to do, and when I tried to find another job, just to see if I could try and go out there, I was always rejected in the end.

I'm 23, no one likes me, am jobless, and becoming thin by the minute. At least I didn't have the utility bills keep piling.

From leaving the orphanage, getting certain skills in a special school, and now going broke and starving, I can't return either. This will probably be the end of my life.

Not until I read this book that had a weird cover.

It was an old book I found lying below my desk back then at my second year.

Dust had built up, the contents were undecipherable, I tried looking for old alphabets such as runes and sanskrit, but I hadn't found anything like it.

It definitely isn't Chinese or Japanese though.

I delayed trying to read it or checking up on it before finally opening it again when I came home from buying food at the store.

As bored and, if correct, as depressed as I am, I just flipped the pages, scanning through, back and forth. Trying to fan myself while I was waiting for my game to load.

Some kind of old leaf flew out of the page and fell to the ground with few friction.

That's where things went haywire. The book burned, along with my hand, then crept up to my body.

The sight of the people I've been with for my life suddenly flashed without warning in fast images and my vision was becoming dark blue, and I hear a constant high tone ringing in my ears yet unable to hear my surroundings.

In my panic I stepped over the leaf and slipped as if something out of comedy just happened, then bumped my head on the corner of the bed.

Next thing I knew was that I only felt warm, and my conscience seem to fade back and forth for who knows how much long.

I'm not even sure what happened to my body.

After counting about forty days more or less, if I was correct...I could suddenly see something red, slight orange, and then I felt the urge to cry.

Remembering what happened from the past earlier days and feeling all that relief of being slightly bathed in warm water, I let it all out.

I slightly opened my eyes and saw myself.

Seems I got refreshed into another body?