CHAPTER 23

I enter the building of their company.The employee immediately look at me with confusion.Some was whispering something but I didn't glanced at them.I just want to see and talk to Ryder.

"Where's Ryder Smith's office?"I asked the receptionist.She looked at me and then rolled her eyes like she saw someone she hates.

"Kung lalandiin mo siya,may kasama pa siyang iba.Sa ibang araw ka nalang."She nonchalantly said and then turn her attention on the screen of her computer.

"Iam his wife."I just said trying to think positive.Imposible naman na may kasama iyong babae at gumagawa ng kung ano lalo na at alam niyang may anak sila ni Kim at may anak din kami.That's beyond impossible.

Tumingin sa akin ang receptionist before she rolled her eyes again.Halatang hindi pa siya naniniwala pero may isang empleyado na nakakakilala sa akin so she let me know where Ryder's office was.It was on the 15th floor and I just need to talk to his secretary daw muna before I enter.

I used elevator dahil masyadong nakakapagod kung sa hagdanan ako dadaan lalo na ngayo't buntis pa ako.I kept looking at the elevator door because I'm nervous.I calm myself when the elevator door opened before I went out.Dinig na dinig ko ang lakas ng tibok ng puso ko habang palapit ako sa sekretarya niya.

"Ma'am bawal po pumasok.Bilin po iyon ni Sir dahil po may kasama po siya sa loob."His secretary said trying to stopped me from entering but I need to talk to Ryder right now.Hindi ako mapipigilan ng kung sino dahil kailangan talaga namin mag-usap.

The secretary didn't win to stop me from entering so I opened the door but I stiffened when I saw him with a woman.They kissing each other but they stopped when they saw me.Ryder's face became paled bago tumayo at sinubukan akong hawakan.

"Let me explain."He still trying to hold my hand pero iniwas ko iyon.

"I'm pregnant and you make Kim vargaz pregnant?tapos ano?!Gagawa ka ulit ng milagro,huh?!"I shouted.Wala akong pakielam kung andito pa ang babaeng kasama niya o ang sekretarya niya pa.Siya ang dapat na mahiya at hindi ako.

"N-no.I didn't-----"

"Hindi ka parin pala nagbabago"I cut him off.

Sunod sunod na pumatak ang luha ko.Akala ko nagbago na siya dahil nalaman niyang buntis ako pero ganon parin pala..I stare at him and memorizing every part of his face.I want to hate him.I want to take my revenge.I want him to die.But i love him and i can't stop my feelings and i can't stop my heart for choosing him again and again.How should i forget him when my heart still remembering every part of him?

"You still the playboy I know."My tears continue to fall.My heart can't take the pain anymore.And my mind can't function well.

"Scarlett,please..."His voice broke.Sinubukan niyang abutin ang mga kamay ko pero iniwas ko iyon."Please..I'm begging you..D-don't leave me again..I'll do anything!I'll make you a queen!If you want,i'll buy you a mansion or anything!J-just please.."His voice became desperate.Unti unti siyang bumagsak sa sahig.I saw his secretary leave the room for us to talk,privately."J-just please,don't leave me..."

"Sana inisip mo 'yan bago ka lumandi sa iba!I gave you everything!P-pero.."Nabasag ang boses ko bago ko pa man matapos ang sasabihin.Katahimikan ang bumalot sa buong opisina at tanging hikbi at pagluha na lang namin ang maririnig.

"I love you,scarlett.."He whispred between his sobs.

Hindi ko mapigilan ang mga kamay ko.I slapped him as strong as I can.

"That's for the pain you cause to me!"I slapped him again.Hindi man lang siya gumalaw o umangal."that's for the tears I wasted just for you!"

"Slap me.Kick me.Punch me.Stabbed me a knife.You can do anything you want."He held my hand and forced me to slap him.Lalong bumuhos ang luha ko kahit pilitin kong huwag lumuha."Gawin mo lahat!Huwag mo lang akong iiwanan..You're my Everything,scarlett."

I want to forgive him and start a new life with him pero ang sakit na ang mismong pumipigil sa akin.Mahal na mahal ko siya pero hindi naman ako bato para hindi masaktan.Hindi naman lahat ng oras ay mahal ko siya.I also want a break.I also want to rest.

Tinitigan ko ang mukha niya.Sa tingin ko ito na ang huling sulyap ko sa kanya.Wala na.Tapos na kami.

His eyes was teary and his lips was trembling.Basang basa na rin ang pisngi niya dahil sa luhang sa mga mata niya mismo galing.

"Inaasahan ko na magbabago ka!"I shouted at his faced.It hurts but i need to endure it for my own sake."I regreting that i agreed to our marriage."

"P-please,scarlett.Mahal mo ko diba?Mahal mo ako,eh.kaya ka pumayag.M-masaya ka s-sa akin."Pahina ng pahina ang boses niya at unti unting napapalitan iyon ng mga hikbi."H-huwag naman ganto.T-tangina,mahal na mahal na mahal na mahal kita."

I don't want to hear anything from him,anymore.Kaysa piliing makinig sa kanya ay mas pinili kong tumalikod.Mas pinili kong umalis.

Hindi ko inaasahan na gagapang siya at yayakapin ang mga binti ko.Nang subukan kong kumawala,lalo niya lang iyon niyakap ng mahigpit.

"Don't leave me like this.Let's talk about us."He still crying while clinging on my feet.

I don't want to do this but he pushed me to do.I kick him hard,enough to let myself free from him.Hindi ko man naramdaman,alam kong masakit ang ginawa ko.Not physically but also emotionally.Dahil hindi lang ang katawan ko ang pinakawalan ko kundi ang lahat sa amin.

"I regret that i marry a playboy like you."I said before I leave his office crying and aching because of the pain.

Tumakbo ako palabas ng building nila.Wala akong pakielam kung makita man ako ng empleyado nila.Masakit ang makitang ganon siya.Masakit na sa ganon kami magtatapos.Bakit ba kailangan magsimula kung kailangan din magtapos?Bakit ba kailangan kaming magtagpo kung hindi din naman kami sa dulo?

I saw Aiden staring at me with pity.I want to beg that they don't need to pity me but my strength wasn't enough.Walang magagawa ang awa nila para mawala ang sakit na nararamdaman ko.If they only pity me,then leave.I don't need it.

"You deserve better.You know you do."He said when he hugged me.I know I deserve better but I can't help but to come back on Ryder's arm again.Is the pain worth it?

"My heart still beats for him.Even he was hurting me,He still make me fall for him even harder.My heart belongs to him."I cried on his shoulder.I don't care if other people looking at me with confusion.I just want to cry the pain I feel.

"Use your brain to protect your heart from pain.That's the only choice."He whispered while he was caressing my back.It makes me stop crying.

I know he's right.I only used my heart not minding the pain will caused to me.Hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit pa nagawa ang utak kung hindi naman nagagamit pagdating sa pag-ibig.Why we only listen to our heart while the brain was shouting the right thing to do?Maybe it's part of our life.To listen to our heart because we knew,The heart choice was making us happy.

Kung siguro simula palang nakinig ako sa utak ko at hindi sa puso ay baka hindi ako nasasaktan ngayon.Pero kung ganon nga ang nangyari,magiging masaya ba ako?Sa tingin ko ay hindi.Wala akong naging pagsisisi sa mga nagawa ko dahil nagkaroon ako ng anak na siyang magiging rason ko upang ituloy ang buhay.

Aiden guided me to enter his car.Hindi ko alam kung saan kami magpupunta pero wala na akong balak tanungin pa.Kung masaya at tahimik ay hindi ako magrereklamo.I just want to rest for awhile and wake up feel free from pain.

"Pupunta sana kami ni Aeron sa Paris but he declined because he was enjoying his stay here.I saw you so I thiught that it will be great kung sasama ka.Mas mabuting lumayo muna para gumaan ang loob mo."He broke the silence between us.My gazed from the window dropped on him.

Maybe this is the sign.Maybe this was the new beginning.Baka ito na yung pagkakataon na mawala ang sakit at magbagong buhay.Baka ito na yung chance na malimutan ang lahat ng sakit.Baka ito na yung pagkakataon na mamulat ako sa katotohanang lahat ng kaligayahan ay may pait at sakit na kapalit.

Kung makakalimot man ako ay mas gugustuhin ko iyon.Kung magiging masaya ako ay mas gusto ko iyon.I want to be happy even for awhile.I want to take a break from pain that I feel.Gusto kong tumakas sa problema bago harapin ito kapag naging mas matatag na ako.

Kung mananatili pa ako sa pilipinas ay baka lalo lamang akong malunod sa sakit at madamay pa ang bata sa sinapupunan ko.Ayaw ko iyong mangyari dahil ito na nga lang ang ala-ala niya ay mawawala pa.Hindi ko iyon kakayanin.Kahit wala si Ryder na ama ng bata ay ibibigay ko dito ang lahat ng pagmamahal ko.Sisiguraduhin kong hindi na niya kailangang humanap ng ama dahil nandito ako palagi sa tabi niya.I caressed my womb and smiled.

"Gusto kong sumama."