CHAPTER 14

Hindi ko maintindihan ang sarili ko.Oo at pinili ko si Ryder pero parang may nagbago sa nararamdaman ko.Parang may nawala sa puso ko.Nagsimula ito noong hinalikan ako ni Zaire.Lagi ko na siyang hinahanap,lagi ko ng naiisip ang lahat sa kanya.

Parang sa bawat lumipas na oras ay nagbabago ang nararamdaman ko para kay Ryder at para kay Zaire.Pwede bang dalawa ang mahalin ng puso ko?Pwede bang manatili sa gitna kahit gulong gulo na ako?Hindi ko alam.

Ryder was being cold to me.Hindi ko alam kung parte parin ba ng pagprotekta niya iyon sa akin.Hindi ko alam kung biro lang ba ito.Dahil sa bawat araw na malamig siya sa akin,Araw din kung saan unti unti ng nababawasan ang pagmamahal ko.Hindi ko alam kung paano lumaban.Hindi ko alam kung bakit ko siya pinili kahit alam kong sa sarili ko na masasaktan ako.

"Birthday ni Boss bukas,sasama ka ba scarlett?"Sabrina asked.She is also working at CGHM as receptionist.

I questioned my self.Will I come?Bukas ang kaarawan ni Zaire at alam kong engrande iyon.Kabisado ko lahat ng impormasyon tungkol kay zaire pero naisip kong wala pala akong alam tungkol kay Ryder.Maski kaarawan ay hindi ko alam kung kailan.

Tumango nalang ako bilang sagot.Parang may batong biglang bumara sa lalamunan ko.I should asked Ryder about his information but I don't think I can do that.Lalo na ngayo't naging malamig kami sa isa't isa.

Nagtrabaho ako ng lutang ang isip.Masuwerte na nga lang ako at hindi ako nagkamali sa trabaho dahil panigurado,magagalit na naman ang supervisor namin.Hindi ko namalayan na malapit na palang mag-gabi.Umaalis na rin ang ibang staff ng hotel dahil nandito na ang papalit sa duty nila.

Umuulan sa labas at sa kamalas-malasan ay wala man lang akong nadalang payong.Naghintay na lamang ako sa lobby ng hotel na tumila ang ulan.Pinagtitinginan narin ako ng mga tao dahil sa suot kong uniporme na kulay puti.Tuwing umaga lang kasi nagsusuot ng puti at tuwing gabi ay itim ang suot ng bawat staff.

I saw a familiar man outside the hotel.I'm sure it was Ryder.He waved his hands but I just rolled my eyes.Nilibot ko ang paningin at hinanap ang taong gusto kong maghatid sa akin.I saw him staring at me with a smile plastered on his lips.

Nilingon ko si Ryder at nakita ko kung paano napalitan ng pekeng ngiti ang kaninang masaya niyang mukha.Hindi ko alam kung sino ang pipiliin sa kanilang dalawa.Dito pa lamang ay nahihirapan na ako paano pa kaya kung ang puso ko na ang pipili.

Una kong nilapitan si Ryder and his face lift up.I stare at his face but I felt nothing but only guilt.Tama bang magkagusto ako sa iba habang kasal ako sa kanya?Tama bang gusto ko ang ibang lalaki kahit mahal ko din siya?I hugged him very tight.

"I love you but I like him."I whispered and I felt how his body straightened.Tumulo ang luha sa aking mga mata dahil sa panibagong sakit na lumukob sa buo kong puso.Pakiramdam ko ang laki ng pagkakamali na nagawa ko.

"I understand,my love.If you choosing him,I will accept it."His voice broke.Masakit makita ang lalaking mahal mo na nasasaktan dahil sayo. "Kung ayaw mo na,handa akong palayain ka.Handa akong magparaya kasi mahal kita."

Matapos non ay tinalikuran niya ako at walang lingon na pumasok sa kanyang sasakyan.Sinundan ko lamang ng tingin ang kanyang likuran at walang nagawa kundi sisihin ang sarili.I hurt him so bad.I cheated on him.I betrayed him.

I stopped crying when I felt someone hugged me.Inangat ko ang tingin sa pag-aakalang si Ryder iyon but it was Zaire.Nasaktan ako dahil akala ko babalikan ako ni Ryder pero hindi.Madali lang para sa kanya na pakawalan ako.Madali lang para sa kanya na mawala ako sa buhay niya.I love him at walang makakapantay non kahit na ang pagkagusto ko pa kay zaire.

I shooked my head trying to stop my tears but it was painful to think that Ryder was mine but it seems not.Ako na ang unang pumasok sa sasakyan ni Zaire.Hindi ko siya hinintay pa na pagbuksan ako.

He drove the car still quiet.I know he feel that i'm not in the mood to talk.I just looked at the window,thinking about the memories Ryder and I made.Masaya kami noon.Masaya kami at walang Zaire at mga babaeng nagpapagulo.Masaya kami pero hindi ko alam kung anong nangyari ngayon.Bakit ba lahat ng saya ay may kapalit na kalungkutan?

Why we need to be happy if it's just temporary?Why we need to feel happiness if we also need to feel pain?If my life is a book,i'm sure it was now best selling.My life was a roller coaster at hindi ko alam kung may katapusan pa ba ang lahat ng ito.

He stopped infront of our house.I immediately went out and thank him.He stared at my face before he sighed.He gently patted my head before entering his car and drove it.I sighed bago pumasok sa loob ng bahay but I stopped when I saw Ryder talking with a guy wearing all black.

"Your parents asking you if you want to celebrate your birthday tomorrow."The guy said that made me stilled.It was his birthday tomorrow at wala man lang siyang sinasabi.

"I'm fine.Sanay na akong hindi i-celebrate ang birthday ko."His face was serious but when I looked on his eyes,There's so many emotions there.Pain,loneliness, dissappointment. "They will asking me not because they wanted too but because I made their commandments."

The guy just nodded before he stood up at walang pasabing umalis.I'm sure he saw me but he just ignored it.My gazed dropped on Ryder.He was clenching his fist but his grip was loosen when tears streamed down on his face.

Gusto ko siyang mayakap pero alam kong may galit siya sa akin.Alam kong nabawasan ang pagmamahal niya sa akin dahil sa pagkagusto ko sa iba.Pero kahit na ganon,sa dulo siya parin naman.

I pretend I didn't hear anything.I pretend we're cool.I pretend I didn't hear how he declined the guy.I gaze on him before I went upstairs.Hindi ko alam kung anong sasabihin ko matapos lahat ng narinig ko.No ones celebrating his birthday and i'm sure it was painful to him.

Hindi ko alam kung anong gagawin ko bukas para lang mapasaya siya.Naka-oo na ako sa party ni Zaire at alam kong madidisappoint siya kung hindi ako makakapunta pero kailangan ako ni Ryder bukas.And my heart choosing him over anyone.

Dumiretso ako sa guest room bago humilata sa kama.I just stared at the ceiling but something popped on my mind.I should buy him a give!But I thought na lahat ng bagay ay kaya niyang bilhin.

Gusto ko na ang regalong maibibigay ko ay hinding hindi makakalimutan.I want the best but my mind didn't function well.I don't know what I wanted to buy.And an article suddenly popped on my mind!

It was a delicious two layer mocha cake that can cook on home.I'm not sure If I can bake dahil I don't have experience when it comes to baking.I'm good at cooking dishes but I don't know if baking good at me.But I can do impossible things for Ryder and it was just baking him a birthday cake!

I want to surprise him and never forget his birthday.I'm sure it's his 27 birthday tomorrow.I ordered ingredients online and i ordered some balloons and confetti,too.Naghanap ako ng cartolina and I saw one on my cabinet.

Alas-dos pasado na ng natapos ako sa pagsulat at sumasakit narin ang mga kamay ko.Someone opened the door and I panicked when I saw Ryder.He was shocked too.I covered the cartolina with my blanket.His gazed dropped on it before he raised his eyebrow.

Kung malalaman niya ay hindi na surprise ang gagawin ko.But I was thinking why he entered my room but shocked when he saw me?Lagi ba siyang pumapasok sa kuwarto ko tuwing madaling araw?I don't know and I don't want to ask.

"C-can I s-sleep with you?"He stuttered before he looked down and scratch his nape.He was so cute while he was doing that.

"Sure."I answered pero paano ko matatago ang mga cartolina na ginawa ko?I sighed in defeat.Gusto ko siyang katabi. "Pwedeng talikod ka muna?please?"

Nagtataka man ay ginawa niya ang iniuutos ko.I hide the cartolina under my clothes before I locked my cabinet.I sighed in relief.I lay my body on my bed and he lay too.Parehas lang kaming nakatingin sa kisame but he move and before I said anything he encircled his arms around my waist.

He place his face on my neck and I felt he smelling me.I cleaned my self but i'm still concious dahil baka amoy pawis na ako dahil sa paggawa ko ng card.

"I love you."He whispered and by that I melted.I don't care if I smells bad.I don't care if I had a sweat around my body.I just kissed him badly until both of us dropped and sleep peacefully.

**