Comments of chapter undefined of The Enigma of the V
The Enigma of the V
Jonkohrr
Chapter comments23
You have a wonderful way of creating imagination in relation to your characters. I can really imagine the ML in that office getting diagnosed and hearing outside voices/thoughts. It's coherent so far in terms of plot and what happens. He likes pigeons and feeds them and one day he transports to a place where Meg his pigeon friend can talk and seems to be the leader of these strangers like the ninja guy Shin. However, your paragraphs are quite clunky and could do with some editing to make it more readable. I was trying really hard to enjoy the time reading and get absorbed in the story but it was hard due to the paragraphing too long/dialogue strung together with other sentences when there should be a line break. In the mid-beginning the descriptions were very "this happened then this and then this and then that" It all began to blur together in a narration style rather than aiding us be there in the moment with the characters. These are just points I'm drawing out as suggestions to improve readability and audience retention! Hope you take it with a grain of salt and ignore whatever you want to. I don't usually read this genre but I really appreciate all the hard work you're putting in to writing this. And seeing from your past comments that people left on this chapter it seems you really found success through this book and gift support, and that's what matters! If people like the story, don't lose your confidence and keep going! We're always improving as authors! <3
